xp_logs | Angelo, Nathan and Paige

After the two posts to Angelo's journal, Nathan goes to check on him and finds him... not doing well. He makes a start on looking after him, then Paige shows up and Nathan leaves Angelo in her care.

The only reason he wasn't taking the stairs two at a time was that he knew damned well he needed to give himself time to get himself under control before he got up to Angelo's room. Going in there seething at whoever the hell had done this wasn't going to help the situation. He could go beat the shit out of the punching bag later. Right now, though...

He lowered his shields, already frayed by his anger, as he approached Angelo's door. The mental state of the young man inside was painfully evident, and Nathan gritted his teeth, raising his hand to knock on the door. "Angelo?" he called. No answer, and he tried the door. Locked. His eyes narrowed as he reached out with his telekinesis and unlocked it from the inside.

Angelo was in the bathroom, as Nathan became aware as soon as he entered the room. Crouched by the toilet, he looked utterly wretched and was obviously between bouts of throwing up. He barely reacted to Nathan's entrance, raising his head just slightly to see who it was, then letting it fall again.

Nathan took a deep, slightly unsteady breath, kneeling down beside him. Anger was abruptly the very last thing on his mind. "Last thing you need," he said very softly, projecting near-wordless thoughts full of reassurance and compassion, "is someone else invading your privacy, I know. But I think you're just going to have to forgive me." He weighed the risk for a moment, then reached out and laid a hand on Angelo's shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

Angelo forced down the urge to flinch away. This was Nathan, and he was there to help. "Is it?" he asked dully. "They all know... they weren't supposed to..."

"I know." Okay, so maybe the anger was still there after all. "I don't know what happened, who did this, but it's done, Angelo. And you're going to have a whole line-up of people, on the journals and outside your door, prepared to tell you that it doesn't matter one bit to them. Look at me," he said fiercely. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Angelo looked up slowly, nodding an acknowledgment. "You never have", he answered quietly, before falling silent again.

Nathan rubbed his back gently, hoping the physical contact was at least a little reassuring. He suspected Angelo needed it, to know that people wouldn't shy away from him as if the revelation made him somehow unclean. "Still feeling sick?" he asked, his voice very low, soothing. "One of those breathing exercises I showed you might help."

Angelo nodded, glancing at the toilet then away again. He closed his eyes for no particular reason and began trying to breathe as Nathan had taught him, hoping it would work.

"Good. Just like that," Nathan murmured, waiting until Angelo was breathing steadily and deeply before urging him to his feet, letting the young man lean as heavily on him as he needed. "Glass of water?" he suggested.

Angelo stood up shakily, finding he needed Nathan's physical support more than he'd have admitted at another time. "Yes. Please", he answered, letting Nathan steer him towards the sink.

It was a good thing his TK was back. Meant he could get Angelo's glass of water without having to let go of him. Which was a good thing, because he strongly suspected that Angelo would have wound up on the floor again if he'd had to stand on his own. The glass floated under the tap, which turned itself on. Once it was full, the glass floated itself over to Angelo.

Angelo took it out of the air and took a careful drink - not too fast, he knew better than that. "Thanks", he muttered, voice just a little stronger than it had been when Nathan came in.

After a moment's thought, Nathan floated a cloth beneath the water for a moment before he turned the tap back off. "Hold onto the glass," he said quietly, leading Angelo out into the other room and levitating the damp cloth along behind them. "I think there are better places for you than the bathroom floor, no? Couch or bed?"

"Couch", Angelo answered quietly. "'Least for now. It's nearer."

"You and your practical thinking," Nathan said with a gentle laugh, taking him over to the couch and easing him down, catching the glass when Angelo would have dropped it. "Whoops," he said lightly, and folded the cloth, laying it on Angelo's forehead as he slumped back against the cushions. Angelo peered up at him, looking miserable and upset and all of about twelve years old, and Nathan felt a stab of pain in his chest.

Angelo reached for the glass again, taking it out of the air where Nathan was keeping it from falling, and taking another drink. He apparently wasn't much in a speaking mood, as he just half-sat half-lay quietly on the couch, shifting his feet so there'd be room for Nathan if he wanted to sit down.

Nathan was perfectly happy to stay crouched beside the couch, right where he was. He didn't know quite what to say. More reassurances? He sensed that Angelo was calmer, but it was a dispirited calm, the calm of exhaustion. He reached out and laid a hand on Angelo's arm again, squeezing gently. "I knew it wasn't you," he said very softly. "Before that second post. I know how hard it was for you to tell me about that in the first place."

Angelo looked up at him and nodded, managing to find his voice again. "Yeah. There's all of about... six people who know about it. Knew about it." His face twisted as a horrible thought came to him. "...Which kinda means it was either one of them, or one of them told..."

"There are more possibilities than that," Nathan said, still softly but more firmly. "Someone else could have overheard you telling one of those people, for one." He didn't remove his hand from Angelo's arm.

Angelo clearly wanted to believe it - the alternative being so much worse - and seized on the explanation with relief. "Maybe so. Hope so..."

"I'm sorry," Nathan murmured after a moment. "I know that knowing this isn't going to matter to the people you care about, but I'm still sorry you've got to deal with it coming out like this. I know you didn't want it to be common knowledge."

Angelo nodded, looking sick again. "I just hope... it's like you said, an' people don't care..."

"Listen to me," Nathan said more forcefully, laying his hand over Angelo's. "It will. Not. Matter. Not to anyone who cares about you. Not even to the people who might not know you as well, because anyone with an ounce of intelligence and compassion is going to understand that when you come from a hard place, this is the sort of baggage you're left with." He took a shaky breath, trying to keep his voice level, soothing as he went on. "This is not going to change anything. I would tell you that it's nothing you need to be ashamed of, but you already know that's how I feel and I know how hard it is for you to accept that."

"Most of the people who matter most already knew", Angelo confirmed quietly. "An' Marie told me, a long time ago, it just meant I'd survived an' that could only be a good thing. But it's still not somethin'... what if they want me to talk to them about it, now they know? Even if they only mean to help?"

"If you don't want to talk? Tell them no, thank you," Nathan said, gently but still firmly. "I'm guessing this is something you've been dealing with, talking to Leonard. You don't need well-meaning amateurs sticking their noses in, even if it's with the best of intentions." He shook his head slowly. "You didn't choose to make this common knowledge, Angelo. You don't have to be drawn any further into this situation. Most people will understand. If anyone doesn't, tell me, or one of the other staff members, and we'll talk to them."

Angelo nodded, at least somewhat reassured, and took another gulp of water. "Okay. Thank you."

"It's going to be okay," Nathan said, absolute conviction in his voice. "It really is."

A door slamming open and Paige entering the room interrupted the setting in calm. "Angelo? Angelo, I just read, I'm sorry, I'll kill the-" Paige started, drawn to a sharp halt at the sight of Nathan crouched by the sofa with her boyfriend's drawn out form on it. "Oh," she said quietly, swallowing her words as she realized just exactly what she'd been about to say. "You've got it covered. Thank you."

Nathan looked over his shoulder at her, smiling, and then back at Angelo. "What did I tell you?" he asked softly. "She probably trampled half a dozen other people on her way up here, too."

Angelo looked up at her, doing his best to smile. "I knew you'd come", he said quietly. "You an' a few others, I never worried about."

"I'll have you know I merely pushed. Daintily," Paige replied with a little bit of a sniff, light humour to choke out the burning death lust in her eyes. Crossing the room she came over to brush his hair back, uncaring if Nathan saw her kiss the corner of his mouth right now. "Of course you knew."

Smiling, Nathan rose, letting her take the spot where he'd been. He wasn't at all fooled by the sniff. #Pardon the telepathy, Paige,# he projected very softly. #He was throwing up - I think he's settled down a bit now, but you might want to encourage him to drink some more water.# He tilted his head, regarding the two of them, and came to a decision. "Remember what I said, Angelo," he said softly. "It's going to be okay, and it doesn't matter. Not for a moment." The smile grew a little. "I should leave the two of you alone for a bit, I think. But if you need me, just call, okay?"

Angelo nodded, reaching instinctively for Paige and the comfort she represented. "I'll... try to remember", he answered. "Paige'll help."

Paige nodded serenely, turning her head so Angelo might not see the hard look on her features at the moment as her thumb ran along the knuckles of his hand. #Not sure if you can hear this, but you find a way to get this fixed, I don't care how you do it, or I'm not sure you're going to be entirely pleased with my actions. Sir,# Paige sent back to Nathan, trying to remember what talking to Jono had been like and adapting it.

#Someone thought they were being clever, obviously,# Nathan sent back calmly, hearing her loud and clear. #We'll have to see just how clever they really were. As for fixing it... # He couldn't quite keep the sadness or the anger out of his mental 'voice', then, especially as he watched the way Angelo was clinging to Paige's hands. #I don't think this is something you fix.# He took a deep breath, managing a somewhat forced smile for the two of them. "Anything," he reminded them both. "Call me, beep Moira - I'll keep an 'ear' out tonight."

Meeting Nathan's eyes with a hard, uncompromising gaze they came to a sort of understanding. She gave him the slightest of nods, more a dip of the eyes, as a signal of her approval before washing away every trace of hurt and anger for a smoother, gentler look, turning back to Angelo. The transformation would have been frightening in just about any other circumstance. "I'll take care of him," Paige replied, although, to what exactly was uncertain.

"I know you will." Nathan paused for a moment, his attention on Angelo now. "Whoever did this," he said slowly, "is despicable. Whatever they thought they would accomplish, the only thing they've succeeded in doing is illustrating how strong a person you really are." Nathan managed one last, faint smile. "I'll come by in the morning," he said, turning towards the door. "Try and sleep, okay?"

Angelo nodded, curling into himself around his and Paige's hands, necessarily drawing her closer. "I'll try. Paige... can you stay?"

"Not going anywhere, puppy," she said to him gently, managing a soft look. Paige didn't turn to face him, but her next words were obviously to Nathan with a slight flicker of her eyes in his direction. "He'll sleep. Lock the door on the way out for me, please?"

"Will do. Good night," Nathan said quietly, and went out, closing and locking the door carefully behind him. Mentally crossing one thing off the to-do list, he went in search of a computer to do the other. The anger was coming back just fine.

When Nathan was gone, Angelo gave all his attention to Paige, needing her near more than ever. Releasing his grip on one hand, he asked quietly, "Come up here an' sit with me?"

Paige nodded, settling on the couch and shifting around until he was curled up around her, cheek resting on her chest. Gender reversal roles were more than acceptable in her mind, especially in times like this. She could feel his erratic pulse as her hand reached up to tuck his hair behind an ear and brushed his temple. "Love you."

Angelo nodded slightly, leaning into her arms with a kind of exhausted desperation. "Love you too. Glad you were the first here after Nathan."

"Yes, me too." Paige didn't really want to think about if anyone but Nathan had been here; at least she knew he understood. "Try to rest, love," she said quietly in his ear. "Just try. I'm right here."

With a sigh, he gave in and did his best to comply, almost all done with words - except a sudden thought. "You okay here? We could move..."

"Angelo," she said firmly, before he could continue his worrying. "I'm fine. Rest."

That was all he'd wanted to hear and he drew his legs in to curl up, closing his eyes and resting against her as she tried to soothe him to sleep.