xp_logs | Nathan and Manuel, Tuesday morning

Nathan goes to Manuel to try and work out some sort of alternative training with the Askani empaths for him. Manuel doesn't like the idea of putting himself further in debt. The Askani empaths don't like how the whole thing has turned out. Comparative ideas of honor and obligation are discussed. Sort of.

Manuel sat in the Library, relishing the peace, quiet, and lack of extremely distracting wytches. He had a stack of books around him, most of them dealing with either International Affairs or macroeconomics. He also had his laptop set up, and was typing away furiously at it. Oddly enough, on his face was the faded and streaked remains of something-or-another over his eyes and on his cheeks.

When he tracked Manuel down and found him hard at work, Nathan seriously considering leaving him to it, turning right around and heading back out of the library. But the whispering in his mind was quite insistent, and had developed something of an edge since he'd come back from California. He wouldn't put it past them to start getting out-and-out snarky if he put this off too much longer.

"Morning, Manuel," he said, coming over to the table.

Manuel didn't look up, but the furious pace of his typing slowed down to almost nothing. "Good morning, Nathan." he said. "You'll have that essay on the role of multinational corporations when it is due. Do you want anything else from me? I'm rather busy."

Nathan smiled humorlessly. "I'm not after the essay, Manuel. I have someone - well, two someones who want to talk to you." Without waiting to be asked, he sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the table and let Galin and Lusanya manifest.

"Manuel," Galin said dryly.

"Bright the morning, little brother," Lusanya said, sounding much more happy than her father.

_THAT_ got Manuel's attention. He looked up at the two Askani, and managed a blatantly false yet appearing to be sincere smile. "Well, hello there." he told them. "Something on your mind?"

"One thing, only," Galin said, just as wryly. "Working out an alternative to our previous arrangment."

"I don't see how that is going to work. Nathan's not tutoring me anymore." he said, not even trying to conceal the bitterness and showing a fine disregard of Nathan's actual presence. "So unless you've discovered a way to manifest where he doesn't need to be present, I think that's a dead end."

"There are two alternatives, that we can see," Lusanya said, her tone uncertain again and her gaze troubled as it lingered on him. "To recreate our sessions on a dreamscape - it can be done, and we can even give you the facsimile of practice. Or to... carry on our lessons, without Nathan's participation."

Nathan picked up one of Manuel's stack of books and started to leaf through it, as if there wasn't a conversation going on around him.

"Dreams - that may work." Manuel mused. "And I'm under the impression that the latter is quite impossible. I can't access the Astral, you can't reach the Real World without him. And have you considered how to _practice_ without a target?"

"Practice would be problematic, yes," Galin said. "We could give you the theory only in most cases, when it comes to the active techniques."

"Or we could combine the two," Lusanya suggested. "Theory in the real world, a simulacrum of practice on the dreamscape..."

"Theory is nice." Manuel said drily. "Theory doesn't help me. Theory doesn't reduce the fear levels. Theory is, in a word, useless." he said. "I appreciate the thought, I really do. But it's _over_. I don't see a way that we can continue. Nathan made sure of that." he said, stabbing a finger at the mercenary. "Well, OK, I made sure of that by making sure he couldn't handle me any longer."

Nathan, who had stiffened in his chair, his shoulders hunched, as Manuel had made the comment about him, looked up at the addendum, his eyes widening a little, shocked yet wary. Galin merely gave a bark of laughter.

"See, little brother?" he directed at Nathan. "Your lack of fortitude does not completely condemn you."

"Father!" Lusanya snapped, looking honestly aggravated.

Manuel shrugged. "The point is that it's _done_." he snapped peevishly. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do, but I can shield now. As long as I stay away from hostile telepaths I'll be fine. The chances of me slipping and pushing myself onto others is much less now. I should thank you for that. Both of you and Loki, but he's not here and you are."

"We are telling you that it is possible to learn more," Galin said firmly. "To continue. If you wish. A way can be made."

"You need not take us up on the offer right now, if you wish to wait," Lusanya offered, her expression troubled again. "Much has happened. If you needed the time to consider what you do want, we would understand."

"I know it's possible to learn more. Much, much more - all of which require projecting, and I'm trying very hard to not do that anymore. It only causes pain and gets me into trouble." With one major exception that he was going to leave unspoken. "The logic is simple and effective. If I don't project, no one else gets hurt."

The two dead-yet-unborn empaths looked at each other, almost as if silent communication was happening between the two of them. "You don't know what you want," Galin finally said, with a sigh. "You can't be bitter that the lessons have stopped and yet not want anything to do with what further lessons would contain."

"And emotions must be consistent?" Lusanya said sharply. Her father gave her a bland look, and she scowled at him. "We cannot push."

"No," Nathan murmured from where he was still leafing through the book. "No pushing. Definitely."

Manuel sighed. Deeply. "You're right. I don't know what I want. Using my power is bad. Not using it is bad. It's OK to let people get hurt, except for when it isn't. I can help one person with my power, but every time I try to help someone else, it gets all fucked up. I was going to get rid of it, but I made a promise that I wouldn't. Not without talking about it. No one living can help me learn. You two can, but there's no way to practice without a living, feeling target. So what the hell am I supposed to think?"

Galin didn't answer Manuel. He looked back at Nathan, his expression bleak, almost stony, and Nathan was out of his chair so fast that it toppled over backwards. "No!" he snapped. "Don't even start with me, damn it!"

"Nathan, calmly," Lusanya said almost beseechingly. "You agreed to discuss this."

"Alternatives! I agreed to discuss alternatives!" If Galin didn't stop looking at him like that... Nathan gritted his teeth, glaring back at the old empath, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

Manuel looked at Nathan, then at Galin. "He said no. How am I supposed to learn by using him as a target when he's swimming in terror just at the _thought_, let alone the actual deed? I do not think you want to explain it to Amanda why I'm suddenly a Spaniard made of glass." he spit out. "Forget it. Just - forget it. He's not an option."

"You dishonor yourself," Galin told Nathan curtly, then turned his attention to Manuel. "Would you try the dreamscape? Once? To see whether or not it can be effective?"

Manuel shrugged. "I will try it." he agreed. "It really can't hurt, and I can go for a few days without sleep."

"But you would sleep," Lusanya said almost hopefully. "You would dream for longer than usual, that's all... and additional sleep of that sort won't harm you."

"The Lady would have to facilitate," Galin said dryly. "Oh, she would not be there, but she would have to maintain our link."

Manuel rolled his eyes. "This just gets better and better all the time." he muttered. "I am surprised, though. After Nathan walked away, I thought all of you went with him. Espcially Her."

"I told you they were trying to come up with alternatives," Nathan muttered, walking over to the nearest bookshelves and pretending to study the titles there. "Whether or not you chose to believe me..."

"We wouldn't abandon you, little brother," Lusanya said, a hesitant smile tugging at her lips.

Manuel smiled his honest smile at Lusanya. "You might not have much of a choice." he told her with real sadness in his voice. "The decision is not yours. It's his - and he's already made it once to abandon me. He'll make it again if you push."

"It is a compromise," she said firmly. "The dreamscape. His power, still, but he will not have to participate, or be aware of it. And if that works..." She looked at Nathan, a mixture of compassion and hopefulness on her face. "Perhaps we may then speak of theory on the physical plane. He need not participate in the discussion to facilitate it."

"'He' is standing right here," Nathan pointed out heavily.

Manuel looked at Nathan. "And _he_ made it very clear that _he_ did not want to further his educational efforts in this venue." he said, acid dripping from his voice. "This is foolish."

"He can flonqing well manage to sit in the room while we teach you," Galin snapped, nettled. "What is the saying you have in this time? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak? He's merely the flesh, Manuel."

Manuel looked at Galin. "I want to master this thing I have just as much as you want to see me master it." he said hastily. "But I am _not_ going to put myself in a position of weakness to him so that he can lord my life! I have better things to do with my time."

Oh, the logic. Or the total lack of it. Pressing the heels of his hand against his forehead, stifling the growl that really wanted to slip out, Nathan wrestled his emotions back under some semblance of control. "Then use the dreamscape," he said roughly. "So long as I'm not waking up exhausted from the drain on my energy, I have no problem with the three of you... four of you, whatever, doing that."

Manuel shook his head. "I will _not_ be indebted to you! Not in this, not in anything else. It's fairly clear, I think." To the Askani, he shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I don't see any other way. I won't give him another lever against me, he will not continue the training voluntarily, and while you can exist on the Astral Plane for a few days before needing to return, I cannot get there. If you can think of a better way that doesn't involve me indebting myself, I'd love to hear it."

Galin sputtered. It was Lusanya that answered, a perplexed look in her blue eyes. "I don't understand... do you consider yourself indebted to him for the training you already received?"

Manuel nodded. "Quite." he said. "Even though he broke things off, just like people always do, I still owe him and you for the training I received this summer."

"Bear with me," Lusanya said, making a small, aimless gesture. "Your ideas of honor are confusing... I am trying to understand." She took a few steps away, tilting her head. "What is a debt unclaimed?" she asked finally.

Manuel looked at Lusanya like she was insane. "He has gone to great lengths to train my ability so that I am no danger to anyone. I have not done anything to compensate him for his time and efforts on my behalf. That is a debt unclaimed. By any rights, he has the ability to ask me for just about anything at all, and I am honor-bound to obey the request. Don't you Askani have honor of your own? Don't you understand obligation, and a desire to remain free of it?"

She made a frustrated noise. "Not what I meant. This language..." She shook her head. "Did he ask for compensation? Did we, when we began this?"

Manuel made a dismissive gesture. "Of course not!" he said, sounding scandalized. "He's a mercenary, but he's not _that_ rude. The debt is well-understood to exist without compensation being mentioned directly."

"Lusanya, leave it alone," Nathan said wearily. She looked at him, and he shook his head. "You're not going to convince him otherwise. If he wants to regard this as some sort of transaction where the price is too high, that's what he's going to do. And I am quite comprehensively done with trying to be the supplicant here." He gave Manuel a stony look.

Manuel returned the stony look with an icy one of his own. "That's almost exactly it. I don't know how high the price already is, but I can guarantee you that it's too high for my tastes. I pay my debts, though, sooner or later. I will find a way to repay this one."

"Here's the thing, though, Manuel," Nathan snapped. "We came back. Made the offer. You refused to take it. So the next time you want to claim that we abandoned you, I'd rethink that wording."

Manuel shook his head. "Nice try." he said with a chuckle. "Of course you came back - the more training you give, the more time and effort you spend, the higher the cost in the end. The further into debt I go. I already can't pay back the debt I have - why should I add more on top of it?"

"I don't want anything from you," Nathan said, and gave up. He wasn't listening. As per usual. The only truth was his truth, and the fact that Nathan didn't want the damned debt didn't matter a bit. "The offer's there," he said curtly. "Take it or don't. I am rapidly ceasing to care one way or the other. But it's your choice. You're the one running away."

"I'm running away? You're the one who crawled away waving the white flag, let's remember. Although I should have expected it - you're no different from anyone else." he said glumly. "And what good is this gift of training that you're giving me if the gift is ultimately poisoned? What do I do if, say, I accept this offer and then three months down the road you insist I learn Askani? Or insist that you should pick my classes? Or if you order me to terminate my relationship with Amanda? What then? I would be in no place to say no to anything you might want to do - because you will have all the control and all the power, and I will have none. I would be your vassal."

"Vassal?" Lusanya said, looking perplexed again. "What is..."

"Enough," Nathan growled, and reeled them both back in like fish on a line, ignoring Galin's curse and Lusanya's half-stifled protest as they vanished. "If you think I would ever try and control you like that," he said to Manuel, "you've just proven that you have no grasp on people and only marginally more on reality." He shook his head, turning to go. "The offer still stands," he snapped over his shoulder, hating himself for persisting. He ought to just wash his hands of the whole thing, but he couldn't. "If at any point you want to remember that this is the twenty-first century, not the twelfth, let me know."

"Oh, come on! Everyone plays the game, in one form or another. If you refuse to admit it, that's your business. But don't deny it." Manuel said. leaning back to stretch out a bit. "I do pay attention in class, you know. There's nothing wrong with seeking to remain as an independent state in the face of a larger, strong neighbor who has what you need."

"So long as you admit that you're making that choice," Nathan growled. "And don't give anyone any crap about how your larger, stronger neighbor is leaving you in the lurch."

"I am making that choice. While I do want the training, the potential cost is too high relative to the benefit obtained. I also pay attention in economics." he said with a grin. "And the larger, stronger neighbor did leave the smaller, weaker nation in the lurch. They invaded, took advantage of internal chaos and power struggles, reformed and imposed order, then withdrew before the job was complete when faced with flagging support back home for the expedition. Now, when they ask to reinvade, is it any wonder why the smaller nation declines? Even though they fully expect to have their wishes overridden?"

Nathan stared at him. The Askani were hissing and complaining in the back of his mind, but he shook his head, shutting them out. There were all kinds of things he could have said to that particularly inane metaphor, but... no. "I made the offer," he said curtly. "You bitch about my failure, or your abandonment, anyplace where I can see, hear, or sense it, and we'll see whether or not you got over your sensitivity when it comes to public ridicule."

"Why, does the truth sting quite that badly?" Manuel asked sweetly. "A pity."

"At one point you will realize that you can't have things six different ways," Nathan snapped, turning away. "I pity you for the shock to your worldview when that happens."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Manuel said cloyingly. "Did I stand up for myself? Was it too difficult to deal with the fear of an empath who thinks for himself once in a while? You got what you wanted - I am my own person now, unaffected by the riptides of sensation around me. Don't complain."

"Unaffected by sensation, and totally unreachable by anything resembling rational logic," Nathan muttered, stalking away. "I'm not sure it's an improvement."

"I love you too, sweetheart!" he called after Nathan as he stomped out of the library. "Damn." he said to himself, looking at the books and the laptop. "I've completely not only lost my will to work, but my train of thought. Fucker."