Kitty and Illyana, early Sunday morning

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Illyana and Kitty talk briefly at around 3AM Sunday morning. They make up for Lockheed. Illyana is very, very drugged.



It was nearing midnight when the doctors finally went to bed. Illyana was still unconscious, they had told her, and waiting outside in the waiting room wasn't going to actually _help_ her, but it was a fine old Mansion tradition, and at least they had redesigned the waiting area so that there were couches. Around one am Jamie had fallen asleep, and by two Kitty was pacing. Back and forth, back and forth... Lockheed had watched her for ten minutes, but he was still young and sleep called to him.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Well, what was the point of being able to walk through walls if you didn't abuse it now and then?

This time, Kitty let her back and forth steps carry her through the wall and into Illyana's room. She stopped there at the wall and stared, then sniffled.

Oh God, she thought, and then, collapsing against the wall, said, "Oh God, please be ok, Illyana. Please... I don't want to lose you again. I can't lose you again."

Illyana wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. She'd been fading in and out of sleep for an hour or so, and seeing Kitty made her more resolved to stay awake. Oh, good, the defeating S'ym part of her memory hadn't been but a dream -- Kitty was alive.

"Sadly," she said drily, voice hoarse from the day's events, "the miracle of modern medicine has stuck you with me for the time being. If -- " she paused to cough -- "if you're willing to be stuck with me, anyway."

Kitty's eyes jerked open. "You're awake! Oh, thank God, Illyana. I was so worried!" In half a second she was next to the bed, kneeling down so she could see her better.

"Awake, and apparently alive," Illyana agreed, stumbling over the words -- her tongue felt like it was made out of wool. She swallowed. "Is everyone else -- alive?" And when are they going to kick me out of here?

"Everyone's ok, Illyana. You're ok." Kitty reached up a hand to brush Illyana's hair away from her face. She had to keep saying that to herself... Illyana was ok.

"Yeah," Illyana said, bringing her good arm up (was the other arm hanging from something? Bloody medlab) to cover Kitty's hand with her own. She winced -- the movement seemed to jar the rest of her injuries. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You have no idea how _worried_ I was. God, Illyana... they... they tried to take you back, didn't they?" Kitty didn't really understand Limbo, but she knew something had come from there and tried to hurt her 'Yana, and she couldn't do anything.

Illyana had to laugh -- breathlessly, and it hurt to even breathe, let alone laugh, but there was something so absurd about the whole situation. She felt tears in her eyes, and couldn't dredge up the effort to care about it. "No," she said, when she could speak. "They were trying to kill me. And everyone else."

Kitty's eyes widened. "Oh my God," she whispered. "They... Oh Illyana." She rested her head against the frame of the bed, tears slipping out again. "Will they come back?" I can't lose you...

Illyana shook her head slightly -- couldn't manage much more without being swept up by nausea. She swallowed and lay as still as she could. "No, they won't come back," she said quietly. "They can't."

"So you'll be safe?" It was a quiet whisper.

She couldn't help the tears, and she hated that. "Yeah," she said softly, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice, "I'll be safe." Too bad for the rest of you.

"Thank God." The bitterness was apparent, but Kitty didn't understand it. "Illyana, what's wrong?" she asked. "You're safe now. You're back."

Illyana wished she could sit up -- or pull away -- but she barely had the energy to talk. And now Kitty had asked, and she didn't have the heart (such as it was) to lie to her. "He wanted to kill me because he wanted Limbo, Kitty," she said, wishing she could control her voice -- but she couldn't, and it shook just a little bit. "He'd have had to kill me, to control it."

Kitty's hand stirred again, petting over Illyana's hair, worried by the distress in her voice. "I don't understand."

Illyana took a deep, shaky breath. "When I beat Belasco -- when I -- before I came back, I -- " She paused, looking for the words that would make this not terrible. There weren't any. "When I beat him, I stripped him of his power, Kitty," she said quietly, tiredly, looking at the wall because she couldn't look Kitty in the eye and tell her all of this -- the lies, the secrecy, the sheer magnitude of it. "His magical power, and his power over Limbo. I . . . inherited it, I suppose you could say. S'ym, the, the big demon, he wanted control over it. So he wanted to kill me."

Kitty considered this. "And he didn't...?" she said slowly, still thinking. "Well, good, then. If he was the big demon back in Limbo and he couldn't kill you, then you're probably safe."

"No, he couldn't." Illyana's mouth was stuffed with cotton balls -- nothing was coming out right. Not that it could. "Kitty, I should have told you before. I just -- I couldn't. I couldn't." She took another deep breath, thinking that they must have given her something because she felt oddly light-headed. "When I was in Limbo, Kitty, he -- the -- he did things to me, I mean, to my soul. Polluted it, I guess. Kind of destroyed parts of it. Blood rituals." She was babbling, and slowed down, tried to just breathe.

She found herself trying not to laugh again; it might look a little crazy if she were crying and laughing at the same time. "S'ym's not the big demon in Limbo -- he's number two. I am, Kitty. That's what he did to me. I'm the ruler of Limbo because he made me like him."

Kitty frowned, still thinking. On one hand, there was Amanda's assurance that You Do Not Want To Be Involved With Demons. On the other hand, this was Illyana. Illyana who she failed, and who went through all of this simply because Kitty hadn't been strong enough. Illlyana, who at her heart was still a little girl, fighting and frightened, and who'd lost her chance at a normal life before she'd even had it. "Ok," she finally said. After all, she should at least acknowledge that she'd just been told her best friend was Queen of Limbo. "I'm sorry," she added, although it was inadequate. "I'm sorry I could protect you."

That was too much, that Kitty was apologising to her like she even deserved to know Kitty, let alone have her apologise for something that wasn't her fault. Tears stung her eyes and slid down her bruised cheeks. "Don't apologise," Illyana said fiercely, though her voice failed her halfway through. "Don't. You did. You did."

"I didn't," Kitty said, crying again. "I couldn't hold on, and you were lost, and it's my fault all of this happened to you. I'm so sorry."

Illyana felt calm slide over her -- cool, blissful calm that she could dry her eyes with. She reached up with her unhurt hand and touched Kitty's face, brushing away some of the tears. "You did," she said quietly, thinking of Cat and all the ways Cat had saved her. "If you -- I'd be dead right now without you, Kitty. We'd all be dead right now. Believe that. I do."

"I just... I want everything to be ok. I want _you_ to be ok. And I just keep messing up." And that was as much about Lockheed as anything, because things had been ok for a while...

Illyana tried to smile. "I can't be okay," she said after a long, long moment where she wrestled with the truth, but still strangely calm. "I just can't, Kitty. I don't know if it's in me. I don't think it is. But it's not you who keeps messing up. It's just me. I'm just -- " She paused, looking at Kitty's face, remembering it covered with black-blue fur and wide cat-eyes -- trying not to remember it dead and cold and her fault. "I'm sorry," she whispered finally, wishing that she hadn't come back. "I'm sorry, Kit. I wish I could be a better friend."

"You're my best friend, and don't you forget it," Kitty whispered harshly. "Don't ever think you're not. It's none of it your fault, 'Yana. Life sucks, and it royally screwed you over, but. It's. Not. Your. Fault." If she weren't being a hypocrite Kitty would admit that losing Illyana to Limob also hadn't been her fault either, but she wasn't up to that just now.

"If it's not mine, then it's not yours either," Illyana said, with a slight, almost imperceptible smile. She didn't have the sheer determination to argue with Kitty about it tonight, but it wasn't Kitty's fault. Quite the opposite... "So is everyone mad?" she asked, mostly to change the subject.

There were worlds of difference, Kitty felt, between being captured to a demon dimension against your will and letting go of a six year old girl, dooming her to ten years in Limbo, but she wasn't going to argue. At least not now. Kitty simply nodded, then shook her head. "Not everyone. Not even anyone who really matters. And I fully intend to smack anyone who gives you shit until they shut up."

Illyana laughed, and then started to cough; it took a few seconds for her lungs to stop protesting the overuse. "My hero," she said, the words coming with more difficulty now that the immediate stress of the situation had passed. Or maybe she was just out of adrenaline for the moment. "Just -- you know, be careful. You don't want everyone who hates me hating you. Gets -- " she coughed again -- "annoying."

Kitty was immediately there trying to help as Illyana started coughing. "Shh. I shouldn't be here... You should still be asleep. And don't worry about me. I'm good at getting people not to hate me."