xp_logs | Maddie and Betsy -- Backdated. Early Sunday Morning

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Backdated: Betsy goes to visit Madelyn in medlab, but is reluctant to talk, at first. Alison is in the background, unconscious and causing trouble.

This log covers a lot of backstory, so if anyone wants a recap....

Betsy didn't have to look up to know that she was already at the door.One thing she had learned after spending hours, walking around the Manor blind was how many steps it was from her room to medlab. Taking a moment to collect herself, Betsy reluctantly brought her hand to the door and knocked lightly.

"Come in." Madelyn's tone was tired-sounding, and Betsy got the sense of a mind trying very hard to stay calm and focussed despite way too much to think about. She wasn't at her desk when Betsy opened the door, instead curled up on the battered, cushion-strewn sofa in the corner of her office, reading what looked to be a detective novel. "Betsy? Um, hi. Did you need something? 'Cause I'm not exactly on duty right now, just keeping an eye on Illyana whilst Moira runs an errand or two."

"Oh, I know you're not working." Betsy paused, taking in Maddie's appearance. " I only wanted to pop in and see how you were faring, is all. Though, I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"The fact I'm shooting people with tranq darts give me away? "Madelyn asked with a slightly embarrassed look. "I'm fine, just tired after way too many night shifts. I'll be glad when Hank gets back, I can tell you." She shrugged, and changed the subject. "Want something? Coffee? Tea? I think Moira left some of her teabags down here..."

"No thanks," Betsy said, politely. Besides, who knows if the woman had drugged the products in this room for that very reason. "If I have another cup of tea, I think I'll burst." Betsy came to sit next to Maddie, trying to find the words. "Look, Madelyn. I wanted to say..." She took a deep breath, collecting herself. "...that I haven't been fair to you, at all."

Madelyn blinked. "I think I must have brain damage from Remy's farewell," she said faintly. "Because I swear I just heard you apologise." As Betsy stiffened, she gently took the other woman's arm to stop her from leaving. "Actually, you beat me to it. I wanted to say sorry for being such a pushy bitch. I flunked bedside manner again, didn't I?"

"It would be rude of me to agree, but you had your moments." Betsy tiredly wiped her hand across her face, hoping to wipe away the weariness with it. She let her elbows rest on her knees, her head dipped low, her face out of sight. "I would hope that I haven't come off that stubborn, but no, you are not brain damaged. Even though, sending Scott after me was truly a low blow for you. I do owe you an apology."

"Takes one to know one, and my mother would tell you that I'm one stubborn bitch. Emphasis on the bitch." Madelyn chuckled a little, then sobered. "I was worried, to put it bluntly. Sometimes I tend to see things in terms of what I can do, and don't take much into account that someone else might have another perspective on it. Case in point the other night - if I hadn't been so focussed on Remy as a patient, instead of a possible security risk, maybe he'd still be in that bed, instead of Christ-knows-where."

"You shouldn't have bothered yourself with it, really. I'm sure I'll get sorted sooner or later. Preferably sooner, but beggars can't be picky about that sort of thing." Betsy peered over her shoulder at Maddie, a sheepish look on her face. "Besides, I've developed a rather nasty aversion to doctors. I shouldn't have clumped you in with the rest of those bastards, but I did."

"You and the rest of this place. If I wasn't so incredibly self-confident, I'd start taking it personally." Madelyn smiled a little ironically. "Nice to know I'm not part of the problem."

"No," Betsy replied, her voice subdued. "It was two years of doctors telling me I shouldn't expect to survive past this month, or this year, and then being told I would be blind for the rest of my natural born life. And then finding someone who actually brought hope when everything seemed so bleak. Only to have him destroy me in the process. No, Maddie, I can say wholeheartedly that you were never the problem."

Madelyn went quiet, knowing Betsy was telling her something she in all likelihood hadn't said to anyone else. "Essex?" she asked gently, not wanting to push.

Betsy nodded her head slowly and let out a strangled laugh. "You know, the only other time I mentioned him since I woke up last March was to Scott…" And that did not go well at all. Betsy stood up quickly, hastily wiping her eyes. "Right, I think I should go now."

Madelyn reached out, gently caught the other woman's wrist. "Thank you," she said, looking up at Betsy. "For trusting me with that. If you need to talk... well, sometimes it's easier when the person's not someone you know so well. And I'm good at listening, when I'm not being a pain in the ass."

Betsy took pause at the woman's sincerity. She felt something within her crack a little more, as she sensed Maddie's overt concern. Bowing her head, Betsy felt her shoulders slump. "It's funny. I use to smile and feel it. Once you could even call me a social butterfly. Maddie, I don't know how to be normal any more."

"Normal's over-rated," Madelyn told her, squeezing her wrist slightly before letting go and standing up - she was getting a crick in her neck. "Especially in a place like this. How about you stop trying so hard to be 'normal' and just figure out what being ou is about? You've been through so much - you can't expect to come out of it unchanged."

"I know," she whispered. Betsy let herself move away from Madelyn, giving herself some distance. She did not leave the room. Instead, Betsy tried to let herself relax, by going over to the kitchenette and retrieving Moira's stash of tea. "Even in Xavier's, I'm considered abnormal. You don't understand what he did, what she did."

"Then how about you tell me so I can?" Madelyn tilted her head at Betsy enquiringly. "Some things shouldn't be left to fester - they just go gangrenous and then there's the amputation and the physical therapy and I think I'll just stop that anology there, shall I?"

"Please," Betsy said over her shoulder. She braced her hands against the counter, her head hanging low. "I approached him first, you know. Through some research on my own, I had discovered that Nathaniel had some prior success in complex surgery." Betsy turned around, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. "And no one doubted that he was the best in his field. Back then, I thought I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this."

"A perfectly normal perspective," Madelyn said evenly. "People... they have a remarkable capacity to take risks. To gamble everything for the chance to achieve or gain something. In your case, that was your sight. I don't see it as that ill-conceived a plan, really. You said it yourself, Essex is the best in his field. Whatever else he might be."

Betsy slammed her hand down. "He's a fucking letch!" Gripping the edge of the countertop, she tried to keep herself from shaking. "What I did opened up Pandora's box. I lost four months to coma and another three more months to being trapped within my own mind too weak to fight back. And every time, I'd get close to getting free...." Betsy shuddered at the memory. "She would use Manny. So much fear and pain, I thought I'd suffocate."

She scoffed. "Not one of my most pleasant experiences, I can assure you."

"No-one's saying it was. But you can't have known what would happen. Blame him all you like, blame Kwannon... but don't blame yourself. Honestly, who could have foreseen this sort of thing?" Madelyn was about to say more, when Betsy's head jerked up slightly, and she looked in the direction of the room Alison had been stashed in. At the same time, the alarm on the monitor went off, signalling some agitation. Madelyn had promised Alison no nightmares, and she'd keep that promise. With a hurried, "Excuse me," she headed for the room, not noticing whether Betsy followed or not.

The telepath moved into the doorway behind Madelyn, watching as she reviewed Alison's vitals. Her hands still shaking, Betsy quickly hid them behind her back. Calm, calm. Find your calm, Bets. Pull back, dammit. On the outside, Betsy wore a face of deep concentration as she attempted to control her breathing. Slowly, Alison's vitals returned to normal.

Betsy pulled her hands from around her back and saw that they were no longer shaking. She looked back at the two at the far side of the room, only to see Madelyn's knowing expression. "Ali alright, then?"

"Strangely enough, she calmed down at the same time you did." Madelyn looked down at Alison's now-peacefully sleeping face and tugged the blanket up a little higher. "I promised her no nightmares," she said, with a shrug. "I don't like to break promises. Come on, let's go back to my office."

Back in Madelyn's office, the docotr popped herself against her desk, looking at the telepath. "So, the link's still there." It was a statement, not a question.

"Pardon?"

"Link. You know, back way back when, you and Ali had the brain sharing thing for a while?" Madelyn couldn't help grinning a little. "Trust me, I've seen enough of that sort of thing with Moira and Nathan. It's hysterical when they start humming the same tune at exactly the same time. I just would like to know, in case it comes up as a medical thing later. You know, one of you is seriously injured, the other feels it and keels over, that sort of thing. Handy to know."

"Alright." Betsy said, a resigned look on her face. Hesitantly, she took her seat in front of Madelyn. "Please get that smug look off your face, Maddie. It's just not something I like to publicize...those I connect with."

Betsy placed a closed fist right over her mouth, trying to figure out the best way to begin. "When I'd first met Alison, it had been only seven months since the attack which cost me my sight. Back then, I was told by the best doctors money could buy, that I had substantial brain damage around my telepathic center. No one knew for sure if I'd be able to come back from all the trauma. Everything was a bit touch and go in the beginning."

"But for the moment, I still had full control of my abilities. And as time went on, I made my place here. I had started teaching Intro to Psionics and soon Alison had approached me; she'd wanted some help to develop her defenses. We use to hold three sessions a week and for once, I was excited about something. The link grew from a learning tool to something much more substantial. Alison became a lifeline when I didn't even know I was drowning."

Betsy paused, unsure of how to continue. "After Kwannon, I'm not sure if I kept the link because I felt cut off from everyone, or because I was afraid of the dark." A choked laugh escaped her lips. Betsy looked over to the open doorway where Alison slept. "Of course, the old excuse of being unable to let go wasn't up to snuff anymore, but Alison didn't seem to mind...."

Madelyn nodded. "You know, it's probably a good thing you didn't let it go. I mean, I wish you'd told one of us about it, just for safety's sake, but I think you needed it. Still need it, in fact." There was an odd expression on her face as she went on. "No-one likes to be alone. I think you reached out the only way you could let yourself."

"Am I that horribly obvious?" Betsy chided. "Elisabeth Braddock the telepath with dependency issues. Just lovely." She leaned her head back, trying to ease the tension in her neck.

"You keep doing that," Madelyn observed. "Putting yourself down for showing what you see to be weakness." She thought again of Shiro - Betsy wasn't the only one with that habit. "God, if I'd been through even a fraction of what some of the people here have been through, you'd have to surgically detach me from the nearest comforting person." She smiled wryly, thinking of what a difference having Cecilia around had made. "And I would have thought telepaths would have it harder - you're alone, but not. All those voices in your head, and they're not aimed directly at you. Having to shield yourself from others to avoid going insane... It's an incredibly isolating way to live."

"I'm being a pragmatist," Betsy corrected. "I do have some major issues to deal with, but I'm managing quite now. It'll be alright in the end, I'm sure. Just going through a rough patch right now."

She tried to keep herself from wincing at the headache she felt forming. "In regards to my telepathy, besides feeling like I'm going to crack up. I have been having the oddest sensations." Betsy added, slightly unsure. "I'm almost sure it's a side effect from the surgeries."

"For fear of having something thrown at me... can I suggest maybe some tests?" Madelyn offered, hesitant to upset the feldging trust Betsy had shown her, but not wanting to neglect someone's health either. "Even if it's just an MRI, to make sure there's no residual scarring, that sort of thing. I'd understand if you told me to 'sod off', I believe Amanda's expression is," she added, with another touch of humour. It was the thing keeping her on her feet and functioning these days, being able to laugh at things, especially herself. Once Hank was back, she was due a vacation. A nice long one, possibly somewhere warm, with cabana boys.

This time Betsy did wince. Go on, tell the doc your arm gets all tingly. I'm sure she'd like to hear all about it. "Some tests....." Betsy hesitated. Was that bile she tasted in the back of her throat? "Um, sure. Alright. Only let me know when....would be good for you."

It wasn't difficult to see Betsy's discomfort at the idea, although Madelyn had no idea how far it went beyond mere 'discomfort'. "Next week? Illyana should be stablised enough by then, and hopefully there won't be any more stubborn staff members needing help with sleeping." Madelyn rolled her eyes slightly. "'I don't need as much sleep as normal people'... Yeah, right." Reminding herself Betsy tended to be slippery with vague arrangements, she added. "I'll make appointment for you."

"It isn't absolutely necessary," Betsy added lamely. "If you're tired, I can wait until you've at least gotten some rest." Pitiful try, really. The woman is bright enough to see right through you. The thought of actually committing to something as substantial as scan left much to be desired. Though the glare she received from Madelyn was almost as intimidating.

"The day I'm too tired to do my job, well, that's the day I hang up my stethoscope," Madelyn said. She picked up her diary from her desk. "So, how does tomorrow sound?"

"Fine," Betsy acquiecsed. Standing up, she looked about her surroundings one last time and headed for the door. "I'll be down after classes let out."