xp_logs | Amanda and Kitty

After finding this poorly labled gift, Kitty goes to talk to Amanda. They wander pretty darn far off course.

When Kitty had gone down to visit `Yana today she`d found the little bells and the note from Amanda. The note made her think it was for her, but it had been hanging on Illyana`s door... It was confusing, Kitty decided, and it would probably be a bad idea to deliver an apology to Illyana if Amanda hadn`t meant it. On the whole, she figured, it would be best to talk to Amanda.

And so she went looking. It actually didn`t take her that long to find the girl - really, how shocking was it that someone would actually be in their own room? Kitty knocked and called out, "Hey, Amanda, you in there?"

"Door's open," came the reply. Amanda was at her desk, which was a clutter of books and CDs and occult objects as usual. She was obviously studying - one of the large leather-bound magic texts was open on the desk next to her computer, and she was making notes on a pad. Frank, perched on the monitor, hissed inquiringly as Kitty came in, and Amanda looked up, startled. "Oh, 's you."

There was something singularly unwelcoming about the phrase 'Oh, it's you', Kitty thought. "I'm sorry, are you busy? I can come back later..."

"No, 's fine..." Hastily closing the book and shoving her pad under some other papers, Amanda spun the chair around so she could face the other girl better. "Just didn't expect t' see you any time soon, is all. Surprised me, you did. What can I do you for?"

Kitty grinned and held out the anklet. "I was just wondering if it was for me or for 'Yana," she said.

"Oh, should've said, shouldn't I? You. Figured yer'd find it down there - just wasn't thinkin' enough t' actually stick yer name on it." She blushed a little. "Saw it in Istanbul, figured cats an' bells..." Looking down, she realised she was twisting her shirt nervously between her fingers, and made herself stop, tucking her hands under her legs. "An' I wanted t' say... well, you know. Sorry. For bein' an insenstive bitch. Shouldn't have flown off the handle like that, not when she was still hurt an' all."

Well, it had been kind of a long shot that Amanda would want to apologize to Illyana, really. "Mmmm, cats and bells, and dancers too," Kitty said with a little smile. "I probably should have thought of that. Thank you. For the present, and the apology. It's ok. I was pretty out of line a couple of times, too."

"Not sleepin' tends t' do that to a person. An' I've been told t' fuck off by the best of 'em," Amanda said, with a wry grin. The smiled vansihed, however, when she spoke next. "I meant what I said, 'bout takin' it up with her when she's up for it. 'S too important t' leave alone. 'S not just her business, not now. Not when there's demons involved."

"That's ok, I'm not trying to say anybody can't or shouldn't talk to her when she's up and ready to take on the world through sarcasm again. I just think she ought to be able to fight for herself before people start throwing around lines like 'Demon Queen' or whatever. Not," she added, looking serious, "that I think she owes the school at large an explanation." Remy's full disclosure on the journal a few days ago was still on her mind. "But she definitely needs to talk to the Professor or someone who can use the information."

"No offence t' the Prof, but this ain't exactly his territory," Amanda said with a shrug. "An' you have t' admit, his track record ain't so good when it comes t' lettin' people stay here an' makin' sure none of their shite gets people hurt." Remy was on her mind as well. "I've been havin' nightmares again since I heard Le Beau was back, an' I _know_ Pete an' Nate will be keepin' an eye on him. Magic, demons... I'm pretty much the only one here who knows anythin' 'bout it. If the Prof wants t' call Strange in, get him t' talk t' her, then I'll back off. But until that happens - an' I ain't convinced it will - I'll be keepin' the wards up." She nodded at the occult symbols chalked above the door and windows. Cain was going to kill her, but at this point it was preferable to anything else. Like demon invasion.

"Yeah, but the Prof is good at knowing what he does and doesn't know, and asking for help when he needs it. As for his track record... Well, what can I say. I'm a fan of his whole 'let's give people a second chance' policy." Her look was serious - she knew they had both benifited from that policy. "It actually hasn't bit him, or us, on the ass yet." Kitty turned to look where Amanda was nodding, and caught sight of the chalk drawings. "Wards?" she asked, unsure if they were to keep Remy or 'Yana out.

"Protection charms. Designed t' keep out specific people or things, or general badness," Amanda explained. "Those ones are the general badness sort - I don't have the power t' keep specific wards up an' goin' all the time. That was one of the reasons I was so bloody balmy before Pete kidnapped me - hadn't slept for a couple of days, keepin' specific wards up. These ones'll let me know if anyone's tryin' t' come in here with harmful intentions." She shrugged. "'S a bit vague for my likin', but it's the best I can manage with the power I'm allowed." The reference to the addiciton, however oblique, showed she knew she owed the Professor and his second chance policy.

"Well then it's doubly good you did get kidnapped, then" Kitty said. "How do they work?" She was easily distracted by academic questions of any sort. "I mean, does it only stop someone coming through the windows and doors or into the room?" A valid question given she walked through walls, although if she'd thought about it she probably wouldn't have asked. She didn't want to give Amanda more to worry about.

"'S a bit like a circuit," Amanda said, glad to steer the conversation away from the difficult stuff to something she was comfortable with. Well, mostly. Some of the private study she'd been doing lately was definitely not comfortable. "'Cause the nasties ain't always solid, you have t' cover the whole room, walls included. So yeah, you an' all." She grinned briefly and got up to point out a particular symbol drawn on either side of the doorway. "These ones, an' the same ones on the windows, are the anchor points. You need t' put them over entrance ways 'cause that's where the most traffic is, an' the biggest wear an' tear on the spell. The rest are the actual spell itself." As she ran her fingers over the symbols, they glowed briefly silver, and the walls seemed to shimmer briefly. "I have t' keep rechargin' it every day, but it's better than nothin'."

Kitty grinned back at Amanda. "I'll keep that in mind, then. It's got to be tiring, though, to recharge it all the time, right? I mean, I don't really know how magic works, but if it were easy..."

"If it were easy, Harry Potter'd be President," Amanda said with an roll of her eyes. "It's tirin', yeah, but at least this way I stand a chance of sleepin'." And of getting a heads up before the next demon attack, or whatever the hell it was.

Kitty wasn't sure if Amanda meant she could sleep cause she wasn't keepign up the more specific wards or because it helped keep the nightmares at bay, but either way she wasn't going to push it. "Somehow," she said, "I can't really say that an angry fifteen year old Brittish boy wizard would actually be an improvement over the current regime. I mean, he's a politician, so he's scum in some ways, but at least he hasn't gone charging off into the middle of some battle using false information as his justification and getting people killed."

"Power corrupts, isn't that what they say?" Amanda meant it as a joke, but it came out a little more seriously than she meant. "Any way, 'm glad you ain't out for me blood any more. You like yer present, now you know it's yers?"

Kitty nodded. "Yes, I do, thank you. May have to use this as an excuse to get Al to give me belly dancing lessons, if she knows how."

"Knowin' the Devil Woman, she'd jump at the chance." Amanda snickered a little. "I'd say talk the Pixie into it as well - she got the full outfit - but I ain't sure if you or her would want t' be in the same room together for a while..."

Kitty shrugged. "Really kind of depends, I guess." After all, the reason she had to be upset with Clarice was the same as the one she'd had to be upset with Amanda, but Amanda had appologized.

"She might come 'round, eventually. Depends what comes of all this," said the witch with a helpless gesture. She liked Kitty, she honestly did, for many of the same reasons she liked Angie - there was more to both girls than the nice exterior, something Amanda could relate to and admire. And it was good to be loyal to your friends. She just didn't think Kitty could fully understand the seriousness, the danger involved. That the girl she thought of as her best friend might be nothing more than a pretty shell for something worse underneath. There was no telling her that, tho'. "She's upset," she added lamely.

"Mmm, yes. She is." And Clarice, of course, wasn't the only one. "But anyway, we'll all just have to wait and see, I guess. At least for a little bit."

"How's she doin'? Doc Bartlett won't let me near her, after the stuff on the journals." Amanda asked, not so much because she was concerned for Illyana's health, but more because she was worried for Kitty. And waiting was not her favourite thing to do.

Kitty utterly failed to be surprised that Dr. Bartlett was keeping Amanda out of the medical wing. "She's doing alright, I supose. Healing, sleeping, snarking at the medical staff. She's still only allowed visitors who won't upset her, though. Neither screaming nor laughing is really good for recovering from near-disembowlment."

Amanda winced slightly. "Yeah. I'd offer t' help, but there's the whole 'don't cross the streams' thing Strange told me. No mixin' the magicks. An' besides, I doubt she'd let me. She's never been shy 'bout what she thinks of me." She shrugged a little, half-turning the chair and fiddling with the pen she'd been using. "I would, tho', if I could."

She wasn't quite sure what Amanda meant by 'crossing the streams' thing but Kitty suspected that it had to do with what Illyana had told her. She smiled at Amanda, though, and said, "I know you would. I appreciate it, really. It's good of you to want to - a lot of people wouldn't, I think, given the way you feel about her."

"'S all I ever wanted t' do, help her. When she got taken, I tried so hard..." Amanda looked away, biting her lip. "Didn't amount t' anythin' in the long run."

Well that cut close to home. The unexpectedness of it drew a quiet gasp from Kitty as she paled visibly, eyes shifting away from Amanda out the window. She managed not to sniffle, or to let the tears that had suddenly sprung up fall, but it was a weak victory. "I know what you mean," Kitty said, softly.

"Oh fuck, 'm sorry Kitty, I didn't mean..." It took Amanda all of a second to get up and enfold Kitty in an awkward hug. "You did all you could, no-one could fault that. But you were out of yer league. Demons, magic... that's _my_ thing, an' if anyone should have
been able t' do somethin', it would have been me. I screwed it up, 'm so sorry." Amanda wasn't clear on who was getting comfort here - the words kept spilling out, the frustration, the guilt, the feeling that perhaps the reason why Illyana hated her so much was because of that failure. In the end, she was clinging to Kitty as much as the other way 'round.

Kitty was more used to physical comfort like this, so her arms slid around Amanda quite naturally. "You were as out of your league as any of us were," Kitty whispered. "It wasn't your fault." For all that she didn't believe that about herself, she certainly seemed to say it a lot to other people.

"I didn't want t' let it happen t' someone else, the same way Rom stopped it happenin' t' me..." Amanda said, somewhat muffled by the fact she was talking into Kitty's shoulder. The she realised what she'd said, and pushed herself away a little, unsure of the reaction she would get. The last time she'd mentioned it, Aurora had given her a serve on the journals.

Kitty couldn't fault anyone for wanting to help Illyana for any reason. She let Amanda pull away, glad the other girl didn't go far. "She says... she says I helped her, but I don't see how." Kitty was as much talking to herself as to Amanda. "I let her go..." And this time a single tear did slip down the girl's cheek.

There wasn't anything Amanda could say. So she didn't. She just wrapped Kitty in the hug again, this time much less awkwardly. "You didn't," she said at last. "You always held onto her, when she needed you to. Why else would she have come back here?"

Kitty dropped her head onto Amanda's shoulder, trying not to really start crying. "I'm just... I'm not strong enough, Amanda. I'm never strong enough to help, to protect... anyone."

"Not strong enough? Fuck, yer one of the strongest people I've ever bloody met," Amanda said seriously, hazarding a brief pat to Kitty's back. She was still learning this comforting stuff, and Kitty wasn't one of her usual people. "All the shite that goes on here, the stuff yer've had t' deal with, an' you still go on believin' in the good in people, standin' up for yer friends when you think they deserve the chance. An' that's more important than bein' able t' toss cars around one-handed, or ridin' in like the knight with the sword an' all. You give people a reason t' go on tryin, even when they fuck up, an' that's more important than anythin'."

Honestly, given the number of people who told her that, you think Kitty would have started listening to them by now. However, it seemed unlikely that she'd start just now. Instead she sighed, pulling back and brushing the last of her tears away. "Thank you, Amanda. I'm sorry. I really didn't come here to do this to you."

Amanda shrugged and handed her a tissue from the box on her desk. "'S not a problem," she said. "Sorta karmic, in a way. I stress you out, you vent at me. 'S all good." It didn't change what she thought of Illyana, but it did change how she was going to go about the finding out of things once the other girl was stable enough. No more pronouncements on the journals, for one thing.

"Nah, if I were being karmic I'd be venting at you over what you did, rather than what's nothing to do with you. But..." She shrugged. She didn't really know where she was going with that thought, so she figured not finishing it would be best.

"But indeed, "Amanda agreed. "For what it's worth, I hope yer right, 'bout Illyana. Wouldn't mind bein' proved wrong at all." Echoing Kitty's gesture, she shrugged herself. It was one of those conversations. "But I s'pose we'll just have t' wait an' see."

Kitty nodded slightly. The fact that she knew that both of them were right - Illyana was invovled with demons, but Kitty knew to the bottom of her soul that she wasn't dangerous - didn't give her a lot of hope that it would all end happily, but she wasn't going to mention it. "I suppose you're right," she said, lifting a hand to brush the hair out of her eyes. The sound of the bells gripped in her hand startled her slightly, and she glanced down at them. "Heh," she snorted. "Got a bit off track, didn't we. Um, thank you, again. I should probably go and do some work, though, and let you get back to yours."

"Yeah, I should," Amanda said, glancing back at the book lying closed on her desk. "An' Kit... any time you need someone t' help out, look after Lockheed for you or help you sleep or somethin'... well, I don't mind."

Kitty smiled slightly. "Thank you," she said simply before heading out.