xp_logs | Doug and Scott

Sunday morning, Scott is the first one to come in and inform Doug of just how stupid he was. Scott barely manages to keep himself from yelling at Doug, especially considering what happened the _last_ time someone decided they needed to sacrifice themselves to save everyone else, and makes the decision that this idiotic hero complex needs to be trained out of Doug.

The quiet beep of monitors was the only sound in the room Doug had been ensconced in. His hands were neatly folded over his lap as he lay propped up slightly against a pile of pillows, staring at the far wall. Waking up had been a bit of a shock, honestly, as he hadn't been sure after the mule-like kick of the bullet hitting him whether the blackness he had fallen into was unconsciousness or death. Now that he had determined he was alive, he determined that even with Kevlar, taking a bullet really sucked. _Everything_ hurt. Breathing, crying, moving...even his _hair_ hurt right now. He sighed shallowly.

Scott opened the door and came in, closing it quietly behind him. He stood there for a moment, staring at the young man in the bed, at a complete loss for what to say. Yelling was out - damn it. Because yelling would have gone over really well right now. Scott shoved his hands in his pockets, to cover the fact that they were still unsteady.

The soft click of the door echoed in the room, and Doug looked up, biting his lower lip at the sight of Scott. All the things that Scott was trying to hide behind the facade of Cyclops screamed through at Doug. "Mr. Summers, I..." Doug stammered out on a sob, then hissed as a spasm of pain flashed through his chest.

"Don't," Scott said a bit hoarsely. "Just... don't, Doug." He took precisely two steps farther into the room, hands still in his pockets, fighting to keep his expression level. "I'm not going to shout at you," he went on as steadily as he could. "Not going to tell you all the ways this could have gone even more wrong than it did." No, Doug, once he was out of the medlab, would be making that list for himself. "I even understand a little about why you did what you did. I was in love with someone who wound up feeling like she had no options. Like there was only one thing to do and she couldn't ask for help."

Doug winced at the reference to Jean Grey. He remembered Em telling him about the redheaded doctor, and her sacrifice at the Alkali Lake complex. He bit his lip, realizing just what this must be doing to Scott. He'd been prepared to snap angrily at Scott, remembering the shouting match with Jubilee when he'd talked about taking a bullet for any of the students, but the tired, slightly scared look on the face of the X-Men's field leader looked too close to what was probably on his own face for comfort. "Mr. Summers...Scott...I'm so sorry..." he said, tears running down his face. "I didn't know what else to do..."

"I know you had this all very carefully planned," Scott said, his voice still low, rough with emotion. "She didn't. But you both put yourself in a corner. Both of you... a fucking appalling lack of imagination. And trust."

Looking back, Doug realized how badly planned the whole thing really had been. He'd been relying an awful lot on luck, that because he'd known what was going to happen, he could therefore change it. "I...if I hadn't gone, Rahne would have died," he said, repeating the reasoning he'd put in the time-delayed emails to everyone...his eyes widened as he realized. "Oh god," he muttered. "The emails."

"I know your reasons. I saw my email." Scott swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I cannot believe you could be this stupid. You're not a precog, Douglas. You don't understand how it works, whether something's inevitable, or avoidable... Angie and Nathan can't answer those questions, what makes you think you could?" He choked back the words that wanted to come out, took a deep, shaky breath. "It was stupid. Worse, it was arrogant."

Doug closed his eyes sadly. "I didn't know whether I could avoid it," he admitted candidly. "But if I hadn't gone, and Rahne had died...I don't know that I could have lived with myself, knowing there was something I could have done to prevent it."

"And that's the only thing you could have done to stop her from dying?" Scott's voice cracked. "Doug, for God's sake... what the HELL? Angie can't interpret her own dreams most of the time... how do you know this was the only alternative?"

Doug's eyes stayed closed. "You think I didn't ask myself that same question for a month? What if, what if, what if. What if I told someone about it? What if I tried to keep Rahne from going? I didn't know. I _couldn't_ know if something even worse might happen if I changed things too much." His voice quavered, as he was well aware at how lucky he had been, and how easily he could have died trying to save Rahne's life.

Scott's jaw clenched. He wanted to scream, throw something, shake Doug to within an inch of his life. He wasn't going to do any of the above. "You're not listening," he said hoarsely. "You're not listening, you're not hearing..." He shook his head, turning away. "You will," he said bleakly, looking back at Doug. "Get out of here soon, Douglas, because when you do, you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together. You don't get the option of endangering yourself or anyone else because you decide to be an idiot. Not again. Not on my watch."

Doug swallowed heavily. That didn't sound good. It sounded like a lot of grueling workouts with Scott in his future, and he doubted they were going to be at all fun. "Yes, sir," he replied quietly and contritely.