A Brief Interlude

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Haroun knelt in his room, facing towards Mecca as was right and proper, trying to open his mind to God and beg for forgiveness.

But every time the words began to come, he looked at his hands and the words died away.

The blood was still on his hands, he thought fuzzily. Even though he'd removed the physical evidence, the psychic stain, the _guilt_, remained.

~Oh, shut up.~ a part of him thought snarkily. ~This is what you do. You go out there and bend maniacs into pretzels so that the innocents can live their lives.~

~I was prepared to kill a man.~ thought a different part of him.

~Yes, you were.~ thought that first part with a mental smug grin. ~He dies so that the students could live. Pretty simple equation.~

~I am a man, not God.~ thought the second part. ~It is not mine to take Divine vengeance into my own hands. Not during Ramadan, not any other time.~

~Should have thought of that before you went off and did it.~ said that first part. ~If Kurt hadn't stopped us, we would have gladly killed him.~

~I know. I am ashamed~ said the second part. ~Especially now of all times. Ramadan is a holy month, a time for reflection, for growing closer to God. How can I dare get closer to God when I was prepared to _kill_?~

~You can't.~ said that first part. ~Accept it. You want too much. You think you're a normal person? Some regular Abdul? Got news for you. You're a killer. A terrorist. You go out there and put the hurting on the Bad Men so your people can live. That means that people will get hurt. Maybe even your precious little songbird.~

~Don't even _start_ to drag her into this.~ snarled that second part. ~Alison has nothing...~

~I disagree.~ said the first part. ~She has everything to do with this? See all this guilt? It's not because you were going to beat a man to death. It's because _SHE_ was there. And that man was going to kill her.~

~We got _lucky_~ thought Haroun, overriding both internal voices. ~One shooter. Not well-trained. No backup. Standard rounds, not milspec. Fumbled the reload. Could have been much worse. And given everything that went down, I think that I am going to thank Allah every night for making it so.~

The other internal voices were silent, and then finally, the knot in his tongue loosened. He could pray, and mean it with every shred of his soul. He knew that he had to do something to show his devotion and his repentance before God. An apology, of sorts, for his actions on that rooftop. But at the same time, he knew that he had done the Right Thing. God knew it, he knew it. And now he knew what Allah expected of him to demonstrate it in this world.