xp_logs | [Thursday Night- Shiro and Alex]

Alex finally asks Shiro if it would be alright if he moved in with Lorna. Shiro pretends to take it well and somehow they move onto other uncomfortable subjects, such as the kiss. This doesn't turn out as easy as Alex had thought. This is also the THIRD log to be interuppted by a fire drill after midnight on my end.

Alex stood outside the door of the room he shared with Shiro, for once feeling nervous about going. so nervous in fact that he knocked on the door before sticking his head in. "Hey Shiro...you busy?" He moved just inside the door, ready to either close it or leave, depending on the answer.

Shiro was sitting at his desk, flipping through his math textbook. He'd finished his homework and was now just browsing through it. Not that he was a math genius, but it never hurt to be prepared for the next couple of classes ahead of time. "You do not need to ask to come in, Alex," Shiro replied without turning around.

Laughing nervously, Alex shut the door and moved over to his bed. "Yeah well, I have someone thing really important to ask you and I wan't to make sure I was interuptting anything." He wrapped his arms around himself as he sat down. I just hope you don't kill me afterwards...

Shutting his book, Shiro turned to face Alex, curious. "Is anything the matter?" he asked, cocking his head to one side curiously.

"Well not really." Alex looked at his feet, which he swung from side to side as they hung over the bed. "I don't want you to think this is anything against you or anything, because you will always be my best friend." He took a deep breath. Well it was a start...

The high from regaining his powers had begun wearing off a day or two ago, Shiro had noticed, and Alex's preamble to his declaration was not helping the matter. "Alex, what?" he asked curtly.

Alex couldn't help but wince at Shiro's curt reply and forced the rest of it out. "I've been thinking seriously about moving in with Lorna now that she lives by herself, but I didn't want to do anything before asking you first."

Only years of training how to school his reactions kept Shiro from lashing out. "I do not see why I have input in this decision," he said slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"Maybe because your my best friend and I care about what you think about this? I wouldn't dare go through with this if it meant jepordizing our friendship and Lorna knows that too." Alex hadn't looked up from his feet and he couldn't fight the panic in his voice. Slowly, he looked up to meet Shiro's eyes, wondering what he was going to see.

There was nothing to see. Shiro sat, legs crossed, looking as stoic as ever. But inside, he was hurt. He couldn't believe that Alex of all people wanted to leave him. Especially since he was planning on going to Hawaii the next autumn for school. "Alex, I - I would not be a very good friend if I stopped talking to you because you wanted to move in with the woman with whom you are in love." He shrugged.

Alex let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "And I just don't want you to feel like I'm leaving you. Because that's the last thing I want, honestly. And if you don't won't me too, I won't." Now his voice was firm to show he was telling the truth. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Shiro.

"I know that the last thing you would do is go out of your way to hurt me," Shiro said reassuringly, letting emotion into his voice for the first time. "But I am not going to tell you what you should or should not do."

"But I don't want to hurt you at all, even accidentally." He sighed heavily. Then he gave Shiro a thoughtful look. "You would tell me right? If something I did, like this, if it hurt you? I still want my best friend through all this, selfish I know." Alex bit his lip, hoping.

Shiro looked down for a moment, giving himself time to gather his thoughts and phrase this as eloquently and calmly as possible. "If you want the truth, Alex . . . I would like to continue living with you. But I understand your motivation for moving. And it's not as if we will never see each other. Moving down the hall is not like moving out of the mansion."

Alex licked his lips and nodded. "Thank you Shiro, for being honest with me. And like I said, this has nothing to do with you or living with you. I just think...I need this. To get on with my healing, you know?"

Shiro nodded. "I know. It is important for you." He paused, biting his lip as he considered his next question, and looked at Alex nervously. "This does not have anything to do with . . . when you and Lorna were not together, what happened . . ." He couldn't even find the words.

Eyes wide, Alex couldn't help the shocked look that came over his features before he smiled. "Of course not Shiro!" He shook his head. "Haven't I already told you, I don't care about that beyond you just trying to cheer me up? That wasn't even part of my thought process when I made this decision."

"I know, but . . ." Shiro shrugged uncomfortably. "It was - I do not even know why I did it I do not know what came over me, and I'm . . ." Shiro took a deep breath and look directly at Alex. "Ashamed," he admitted.

Alex quickly jumped to his feet and went over to kneel before where Shiro was sitting so he could look the other boy in the eye. "Don't you ever feel ashamed for what you did. I won't let you. You were being what I needed, which was my best friend. I can't thank you enough for what you did." He took one of Shiro's hand in his. "You shouldn't be ashamed for showing how much you care."

Part of Shiro wanted to say something very mushy and sappy. But the other part was feeling awkward, not just because of the topic of conversation but because Alex was kneeling in front of him and holding his hand. Giving Alex's hand a quick squeeze, Shiro took his back and stood up to go sit down on his bed. "I could have at least chosen a less gay way to do it."

Alex just turned where he sat, comfortable on the floor. He was still grinning as he leaned back against Shiro's chair. "And what would you have done instead that meant as much?" He raised an eyebrow clearly curious.

"I could have written you a card," Shiro replied with a snort. "'Dear Alex, you're my best friend. Love, Shiro. P.S. Women are overrated anyway.'"

He couldn't help it, Alex laughed. "I was sitting there in practically tears and you would have handed me a card? That's just..." He shook his head, unable to think of the right word. "Honestly Shiro, if you had to do it over again, would you?"
"If you put on some lip balm so you were not all chapped," Shiro teased. "Honestly, Alex? I do not know. Even though it was not that long ago, I am at a different point in my life now. I do not think I can react the same way now as I did then."

Alex rolled his eyes playfully at the first but took a moment to think about the second, before nodding. "Yeah I can understand that. Getting your powers back was a big thing dude! I still can't believe it." He shook his head. "Do they have any idea how it happened?"

Shiro was thankful for the sudden change in topic, but didn't show it. "Theories and speculations. I suppose that I did not do as much damage to myself in August as I thought I had, so my body just had to recover. Why now and why did I get sick? I cannot say that I care."

Something bugged Alex in that back of his mind, but he ignored it. "I'm just glad you got them back. You weren't yourself without them, your more confident now, defiantly happier." He grinned. "I haven't seen you that happy, ever!"

"It was such an amazing feeling," Shiro recalled, smiling. "Like I had just recovered something significant that I had lost. Which, well, I guess is the case. Everything feels brighter and warmer now."

"Good, I'm glad. Now maybe you can help me with mine. I could use the extra practice." Alex grinned, as he realized it would be at least another way to keep Shiro in his life. "Heck, I need all the help I can get."

"Has Dr. MacTaggart offered you any insights?" Shiro asked, getting up from his bed to get bedclothes from his dresser. "As soon as I manage to juggle school work, college stuff, and these Krav Maga lessons with Mr. al Rashid, I am going to speak with her myself."

"Well she gave me enough to at least help figure it for now, with the whole instinct thing. But I still need to go talk to her again, especially after last Sunday. I'm defiantly going to go speak to her again, after I move and Lorna doesn't need me so much." Alex bit the inside of his cheek as he brought up the move again.

Shiro was thankful that his back was to Alex, otherwise he would have seen his face fall. "Yeah. How are your ears doing, by the way? Back to normal, or are you still hearing a ringing sound?"

Alex stood up to change into his own pajamas before he headed back over to Lorna's room. "They're pretty much back to normal, though the ringing comes up occasionally when things get really loud." Pulling on a pair of sweats quickly, he turned to Shiro. "You sure you okay with this Shiro? Really?" He had to be sure, completely sure.

Folding up his jeans and shirt, Shiro resisted the urge to shrug. "Alex, stop worrying. I am fine with this arrangement." It was a lie, but a convincing one. "I will miss you, but at least I have a whole room to myself now."

Crossing the distance between them, Alex put a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. "Like you said, I'm right down the hall. And I can still come in here and bug you." Taking a deep breath, he gave Shiro a quick, and sincere, hug.

: "And this will also have Leyu-chan here less often, since she will go to your room to annoy you," Shiro replied, returning the hug just as quickly.

"See? I'm doing you a favor." Alex sighed as it suddenly for kind of uncomfortable. "Well, I guess I'm off to bed. G'night Shiro." He gave his friend a small wave before opening the door.

"Sleep well, Alex," Shiro called back. When he left the room and closed the door, Shiro sat down at the foot of his bed and looked down at his hands. Small tendrils of flame were wrapping around his fingers. "Damn it."

Alex leaned against the door after he closed it, closing his eyes with a loud sigh. That had been the hardest thing he had ever done in his life...and he wasn't sure exactly how it had gone. He took a deep breath and pushed off the door. Why when it came to Lorna, this made him happy beyond reasoning, but when it came to Shiro, Alex felt his heart getting ripped out? Well, I did it...now I have to live with it... He thought gloomily to himself as he walked down the hall.