Paige and Angelo, Paige and Madelyn - Sometimes, you just fall down

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Because clearly there haven't been enough loud noises tonight... Angelo comes over to ask Paige a question. Paige freaks out. Five Kleenex warning, don't say I didn't tell you.


His decision made and all the preparations in place, Angelo shut the puppy securely in his room, made sure the... object... was safe in his pocket, and headed over to Paige's room. He was almost sure she'd be there, and was sincerely hoping Jubilee wasn't. Arriving, he knocked on her door in the familiar pattern, if a little more quietly than usual.

The knock was a blurred whisper in the back of Paige’s mind; everything was, really. The only real sensation she could get a solid grip on was the fact that the bridge of her nose hurt something awful, and even that didn’t seem quite real. Perhaps this was shock, she thought idly to herself, still staring up at the ceiling and the small, hairline fracture that ran through it. Maybe that was just a hair on her eye. She blinked, as a second knock appeared, this one a little louder than the first, and rolled off her bed. Jubilee had been kind enough to occupy herself elsewhere, although, Paige didn’t really remember why.

“Angelo. Hi,” she said fondly as she opened the door. A smile passed through her features and somehow managed to hold there. Leaning over, she kissed his cheek and pulled back, allowing him to follow her into the room.

He did so, reaching for her hand automatically and holding onto it as they sat down on the bed. Perhaps he was trying to give her something real to cling to, perhaps he just wanted to. "How... how're you?" he asked tentatively.

Giving his hand a little squeeze, Paige shrugged, still smiling. “I’m all right. I have a Chemistry final that I really should be studying for, but I’ve been putting it off. Alison and all,” she replied serenely. Alison was fine now, but she hadn’t been able to draw herself away from that place all week. There were things she could be doing there, she was sure of it.

Angelo nodded automatically, but his eyes were dark and worried as he looked at her. "...Okay. That's good."

“Let’s just hope I don’t have to pull an all nighter,” she continued breezily, hardly noticing his tone she was so caught up in her little nest of denial. “And how are you? Don’t you have midterms coming up soon? Or are those in January at the school, I already forget.”

He shook his head. "Not just yet, no." Hesitating, while he tried to screw up his courage, he said hesitantly, "Listen... Paige..." She tipped her head at him inquiringly, and he swallowed. Now, you have to do it *now*. "I've been thinkin', since... it happened... an' I... made a decision." He stuck his hand in his pocket, and slid off the bed to go down on one knee, still clinging to her hand. "I borrowed this from Mom", producing the jewellery box he'd been hiding, "an' I need to ask you... Paige, will you marry me?"

Paige stared at his mouth for drawn out seconds, the only noise in the room being the sound of Angelo’s too fast beating heart and the blood in her ears. She didn’t think she was breathing. Slowly, painfully so, she raised her eyes up to his and asked, her tone solid, “What?”

He flinched visibly at her tone, but forced himself to meet her eyes, repeating quietly, "Will you marry me?"

“What are you talking about?” she asked again, her voice raising, words coming faster and faster from a mind that couldn’t comprehend how this was happening. “How can you ask that? Now? Why?”

He let go of her hands, stood and backed away, horrified pain starting to appear in his eyes. He swallowed and stammered, "To - to show you I'm still here. That you still... have... me..."

Paige could feel something now, something where her ribs joined that hurt so much it felt like there was someone trying to rip her apart; she could feel herself trembling just from trying to keep it in. “Like some kind of replacement? You think you can just give me a ring and you’ll replace him? Now that he’s gone everything changes and we go get a white picket fence?”

He stared at her, the pain and horror much more obvious now. It hadn't been meant to go like this... "Not replace him. To replace him, I'd've had to not be here all along!" He forced himself back to some level of calmness, slipping the ring into his pocket. He wouldn’t need it now. "That's... that's not what I meant."

“Oh, so you’re trying to show me what we can have now that he’s not here. We already have the dog together, maybe we can get a little house up in New York with your mother?” Paige’s voice had risen close to hysteria now, standing up to mimic that. “I know you’ve always been threatened by him, but this is just sick! Where the hell do you get off?”

His own voice started to rise again, sharp and hurt in the small room. "Well, obviously, I get off bein' stupid enough to believe you when you said I wasn't your second choice! All I'm tryin' to show you here is how much I fuckin' love you, Paige!" He turned away, breathing hard, and his voice suddenly became very, very quiet. "I'd do anythin' for you. Just tryin' to do the best I can - if you wanted to stay here, I'd go with whatever you wanted... but you obviously don't want anythin' I've got to offer."

“And I fucking love you too, you self righteous ignorant bastard! If you had half a mind you would see that! And not out of pity or wanting more or waiting for something better; it’s because I love you! But I love Jono too, a hell of a lot, and now he’s some fucking ball of light and how the hell am I supposed to love that and here you come offering me this perfect life as if he’d never been here, as if he meant nothing, as if I have two boyfriends just in one of them offs himself!” she shrieked at him, coming close enough so that he could see the tears running down pale cheeks and the wild, terrified look in her eyes. “You are no better than him, no better, even with all your kind words and glares whenever he disbelieves because obviously you think exactly the same thing! You doubt me just like he did.” Her finger jabbed into his chest accusingly, until her fingers curled in and she found herself hitting him with the side of her fist. “I am incomplete! I am missing half of myself, I am bleeding all over this goddamned floor, and you’re asking me to marry you?! Well fuck you. Just fuck you!”

He stared down at her desperately, desolately, letting her hit him, just for a while, fighting the urge to turn and run and maybe never come back. "I never claimed to be perfect", he said finally, hoarsely. "Never said anythin' I could give you was perfect or anywhere close. But he may never come back the way we knew him, an' I thought... maybe... I could do somethin' to make it at least a little bit better. I can see now I was wrong."

“Don’t you say that!” Paige was past hysterical now, unhearing except what she wanted to hear and tears making it impossible for her to see. She continued to hit him, blindly, as if somehow he was the reason that she couldn’t breathe; so angry, but so tired, and the punches had nothing behind them. “Don’t you dare say that and make it true! Just shut up, shut up, shut up!”

"I said 'may'", he pointed out simply, voice muted and very, very tired, as he wrapped his arms around her just to stop her hitting him. He'd never seen her so scared...

Paige screamed unintelligibly as she fought against him, trying to break free, but Angelo’s grip on her would not be moved, offering only strange, foreign words in her ear. Finally, exhausted, she slumped against him, sobbing pitifully on his shoulder as he moved a hand up to stroke her hair. Vague ‘Oh god’s were muffled by his shirt, repeated over and over until it seemed the phrase had no meaning anymore, and still they stood there, clutching at each other. A few exhausted tears, much to his chagrin, fell onto Paige’s shirt. There was nothing else they could do.

Paige, having had the shock driven out of her, makes her way down to the medlabs, probably not for the reason you'd expect. Maddie is there to greet her.


Her heart was pounding, breath coming in short gasps that tore from her lungs, literally clawing their way out. It made everything a slightly odd blue colour, blue and white, and Paige vaguely wondered if this was what being on drugs felt like. She’d told Angelo she was going for a drink of water. Or had she told him she was going to bed? Maybe she’d told him that she was getting a pair of socks, she didn’t know, Paige just assumed she’d lied to him and he hadn’t believed her but had been too afraid to say otherwise. It was possible that he’d walked out on her, needed to think, in fact, he had, but she didn’t want to believe it. She’d told him to leave, she must have, no one else had left her.

So this was a panic attack.

The shock that had driven her into a calm sort of serenity, a place where she hadn’t felt anything, had been scared away by her screaming, by her fists. It was like someone had turned on the lights after years in total darkness; suddenly everything was so sharp and focused it burned itself out. A grain of salt turned into a miniature castle, complete with drawbridge.

Paige needed focus. The medlab. She was heading for the medlab. No, she was at the meblab, in the hallway, and trying not to look down at that damned linoleum flooring. Squinting her eyes shut, Paige blindly tried to find a wall to hold her up, calling into the silence, “Anyone? Is... I need some help. Is anyone here?”

'Help' was the magic word, it seemed. Madelyn appeared seemingly out of nowhere, slipping her arm around Paige's waist. "I'm here, honey," she murmured, directing the girl into her office and sitting her on the couch - it was closest. "Right here. Just focus on your breathing, okay? In and out, nice and slow."

“I can’t,” she said shakily, trying for more words that only came out a whimper. Everything was so sensitized; even Madelyn’s arm felt like it was cutting through her. She tried again, voice small and making fists in the cushions she was sitting on, “Everything got so bright and I can’t and it hurts make it stop, please? I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll sleep, I promise...”

"Hush, Paige, it's all right..." Madelyn caught the way Paige was cringing away from her arm, and moved it. "I'll give you something to make you sleep, okay? Just sit tight for just a minute..." Murmuring soothing, meaningless words, Madelyn unlocked the cabinet she kept the emergency drugs in, taking out a sedative and a syringe before coming back to the couch. "You don't have a hard husk on under there, do you hon? Because I'm going to have to give you a shot, and I don't want to hurt you."

Paige shook her head no, releasing her hold on the couch with one arm to offer it to the doctor. Her fingers slowly uncurled, leaving her fingers to tremble on their own without any palm to anchor them, but a very distant part of her brain, screaming at the top of it’s lungs, was reminding her that the vein would be easier to find this way. “Please... please don’t make a fuss. I’ll be better when I wake up.”

"No fuss," Madelyn promised, slipping the tourniquet around Paige's upper arm once she had the hypodermic filled and lying on the coffee table, ready. "Squeeze your hand into a fist a few times for me... that's it. Good girl." Madelyn slid the needle carefully into the raised vein, injected the sedative, then quickly taped a swab over the wound. "It should start working in a couple of minutes. Are you all right on my couch, or do you want to try and make it to a medlab bed?"

“You need the couch for you,” Paige somehow managed to joke, staring at the cotton that covered the tiny hole in her arm with great fixation. She tried to stand, a sudden jab in the ribs almost forcing her back, but she resisted. “Thank you.”

"As people keep pointing out to me, I have a bed," Madelyn said, moving to take Paige's elbow again. "But let's get you tucked up somewhere out of the way where you can get some rest in peace, and sneak out in the morning, okay?"

“Yes,” she answered simply, not moving her head for fear she might not be able to straighten it again. Everything was going delightfully fuzzy; it was a good thing the beds were so near by and already made. Paige climbed on top of one, her limbs seeming to move on their own, and clutched a pillow to her chest. There was a blanket at the foot of the bed that she attempted to will to her with her mind, but no such luck. “Tell me everything will be all right?” she asked quietly, looking up at Madelyn with eyes already gone slightly grey from the drugs. “Someday?”

"It will, hon." Madelyn pulled the blanket up over Paige, before stroking her hair gently. "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will. Now, you just sleep. We'll take care of things for you."

With a little nod, Paige let her eyes fall closed.