xp_logs | Nathan and Alison, Tuesday morning

After this email, Alison finds Nathan attempting to meditate in the greenhouse. Calming down is required, but not quite of the sort she expected.

The greenhouse had always been one of his preferred places to come when he needed some time to think and quiet in which to do it. It was usually a soothing place to be, his early adventures with dead Askani children up here notwithstanding. Today, though, it wasn't working its usual magic.

Magic. 'Seething' would be a weak word for the reaction the thought provoked. Sitting crosslegged on the floor between two rows of plants, Nathan wrestled with his telekinesis, trying to keep it contained. The rustle of leaves and creaking of the flower-boxes suggested he wasn't quite managing it.

"If you make Ororo's plants fuss, she'll probably do something nasty to you involving a lightning bolt," Alison commented softly from the trap door in the floor, only the top of her head and bright blue eyes visible to him, the sound dampener at her wrist clearly active. The glow was still there though, a dead giveaway of course. She'd been looking for him specifically, although she was a bit surprised to see him here - then again, she couldn't be the only one who took refuge here sometimes. Wanda did too, she knew for a fact. As did Kurt. And if he was trying not to go boom over what had happened to Amanda, this was as good a place as any. Good thing she'd made sure not to be in a rage herself before coming out to find him.

"I'm trying to meditate," Nathan said tightly. "It's not taking, today. Funny." She just gazed back at him, and he sighed. "Well, are you coming up, or are you just going to stand there and watch me to see if I blow anything up?"

"You're not blowing anything up." Alison finished climbing up gingerly, then walked to the edge of the row of plants he was currently occupying, and paused. There were a lot of leaves in the way and she was definitely not supposed to be out of her room, never mind waltzing through the greenhouse. She gave Nathan a faintly pleading look.

Taking a firm grip on his telekinesis, Nathan shifted them aside for her. "If you'd been up here fifteen minutes ago, you would have found me pacing."

"The plants don't like pacing," Alison stated solemnly, carefully making her way towards him without even glancing at the leaves once. She sat down slowly, facing him, legs tucked to the side. She'd have to keep an eye on the plants - she wasn't radiating enormous amounts of heat, but they still might take it badly if exposed for too long. Ororo knew she'd been coming up and would check the earth's humidity on her own, she figured.

"The plants can bite me." Nathan stopped, bit his lip, then gave her as much of an apologetic look as he could muster. "Sorry. I shouldn't be snapping at you."

"S'ok," she replied serenely, glancing at the sound dampener on her wrist - it was an acquired habit now, to make sure the thing was all right. She wasn't exactly making use of it as Forge had intended, after all, using it to go out of her room longer than she should, instead of as an emergency measure. "You're upset."

"I'm furious." The words came out much more calmly than he might have expected. "I want to head to New York and kill every member of the Hellfire Club's Inner Circle. Including Emma Frost."

Alison had never really liked Emma Frost. She'd merely kept her contacts with the woman as polite and professional as possible and left it at that though. Haroun feeling so indebted to her left Alison feeling more than a little worried at times. "It's hard to believe something like that could happen without Emma knowing about it. Then again, she's been blindsided before. And Selene is a bitch." It was uncharacteristic of Alison, perhaps - but she was angry as well. She was just keeping it well under the surface, while she was talking to Nathan. Very deeply buried under the surface.

"They shouldn't have been anywhere near that damned place. Either of them. Fostering any kind of a connection with those ven'hyrhaia was asking for trouble, right from the start." Nathan managed to keep his voice low, but it shook as he spoke, the words coming out with more venom that he'd allowed himself since it had happened. "~Destroyers, and even those who are not are corrupt to the core.~"

"I know." There were many reasons why they'd been there of course - Alison just happened to agree with Nathan. They shouldn't have been there. Most particularly not under Emma's care. She reached out between them, trailing a pattern in light on the floor, the afterimage shimmering for a while before fading. One Audrai had shown her when Alison had asked her about them, during a dreamwalking session.

It was as good as a suggestion. "~Channel my wrath, then?~" Nathan gave her a bitter, icy smile. "~Is that you giving me permission to make that trip into the city, war leader?~"

"~No. It's suggesting you look into what you can do which doesn't involve melting that place into a smear. That can't be done yet. The balance would be too far upset.~" She gave him a mildly reproachful look. "~And I'm not a War Leader. Not in Askani terms anyway. You know that.~" It was surprisingly easy to not take what he was saying personally - his anger was entirely directed at what had happened, as well as himself for somehow not stopping it all, she knew.

"~They bring things more out of balance with every day they draw breath,~" Nathan hissed, his vision washed in blue-silver light suddenly. "~They warp everything they touch!~"

"~Everyone does, be it for good or ill. And for each action they take, we have our own influences." Alison looked at him intently. "~She came back here, Nathan. It wasn't even calculated. Her first thought for safety was here. They haven't touched her homing instinct, clansib.~#

"~And how far out of her path have they taken her?~" Nathan growled, patterns spinning in his head, out into infinity. "~That waste of flesh Alphonso, that obscenity Selene...~"

"~Choice.~" Alison reached out and lightly placed her fingertips on his arm. Something was off, though she wasn't sure what. "~Her path is her own to choose. It always will be. We can shine as brightly as we can, a beacon for her to follow home every time, but where she goes is her own choice. There will always be someone to try and lead her elsewhere.~# And they couldn't go out and destroy them all. "~And both Selene and Alphonso miscalculated. Badly.~"

"~This is not an obstacle in her path. This is a black rock in the river of time--~" He was raving. He was honest-to-God raving. Nathan took a shuddering breath, trying to push the patterns out of his mind.

Ah. The river of time comment put things into perspective. And then some. "~You're Seeing.~" The Askani had a specific word for this, which related only to precognition and nothing else. She lifted her hand, placing it palm upward in front of him, within more than easy reach. "~If you need a focus for Now...~"

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. "~I'll hurt you,~" he muttered, wrestling with the patterns. "~It will pass. Never lasts long. Long enough to tell me anything useful, that is...~" He smiled a bit wanly. "Being burnt-out sucks."

"You won't hurt me if you don't squeeze my hand - palm to palm. Is all." Alison pointed that out matter of fact, palm still upwards. "And it won't make that much of a difference to me otherwise and being able to help is always nice." The last she didn't comment on. They both knew, right now and he'd certainly not meant anything else by it, nor was she about to start being fussy about the most innocuous of comments regarding power use around her.

Nathan cracked an eye open. The patterns were still spinning on the inside of his other eylid, and hell, now they were overlaying the real world, too. Swell. After a moment, he raised a shaking hand and laid it flat against Alison's.

It was like an electrical shock had hit him and he jerked backwards, a strangled gasp wrenching itself out from behind his gritted teeth. The patterns winked out, in the space between two heartbeats. "Oh," he said, breathing heavily. "How did--how did you know that would work? Audrai--?"

Alison blinked, staring for a second, then smiled. "She mentioned something about it and then clammed up when I asked for details." Although the old and somewhat crotchety Askani woman had looked rather pleased with herself for a moment there. "I didn't think it would be that effective, but she said the way I am right now probably would make it even easier to jar you out of it..." Considering Alison had to very much deal with something that was ever-present, it had made sense to her that her condition meant she was even more rooted into Now than usual.

Nathan drew his hand back almost reluctantly, but the patterns didn't return. He folded his trembling hands together in his lap, trying to slow his breathing down. "It's coming back," he said abruptly. "I... I really can't ignore that anymore."

"You're not alone." Calmly, Alison let her hand slowly move down, resting it on her knee lightly. "And it's coming back gradually, right? You've got everything you need here to get a handle on it. Not ignoring it is going to help." Her lips quirked, but she figured being matter of fact about it all, even the obvious, couldn't be all bad.

"Flickers, flashes... I've had those for a while now, but it's like the patterns are starting to channel it." He took a deep, ragged breath. "It scares the hell out of me," he said, almost inaudibly. "I was... I was almost glad it was gone, after everything that happened..."

"Aaaah. And the Askani knew, since they've started showing them to you and Audrai took the time to mention that I could help when I asked about them." It had been a nice, subtle way to make sure there was a fallback plan - Alison approved, in a way. While having no doubt Audrai expected her to demand a lot more information the next time she came to dreamwalk in Alison's sleep. "I'd be scared witless myself. Something taking over without warning is scary." Alison glanced at the plants, but they seemed to be doing fine. "Though if the patterns trigger them - maybe that's a control method. Tie the visions in to the patterns, force them into something you know?"

Nathan blinked, his expression tightening suddenly. "I've been wondering why they've been so pleased with themselves lately," he muttered. "She wanted this, you know. That was one of her miscalculations, that she burned out my precog when she came back."

"Nathan? For all that she's Clan Leader and gets stuck into forgetting about the rest sometimes..." Alison trailed off a bit, although it didn't feel like she was off on that one. "Well. She probably still feels massively guilty for everything she's put you through, you know? Maybe she's just knew it would come back no matter what, once you mind started healing. And was just ready for it when the time came. Could be they're just happy to be doing things right by you, this time."

"I--" Would rather be paranoid and suspicious, damn it! But that wasn't productive, was it? Nathan sighed, rubbing at his temples for a moment. "I don't know what it'll be like," he said, sounding a bit lost. "They're here with me, now, so I doubt I'd be seeing them in the future anymore. No more connection."

"No one knows exactly what someone else's power is really like. But this time the important thing is, you're not alone." Alison gave him a stern look. "No hiding, no trying to deny it - means those who care about you can help you. Ground you, remember?" Alison moved her hand, palm upwards for a heartbeat. "On the important things, when I've asked Audrai, she always answered. Maybe you should have a talk with Askani soon? She might not have the answers at all, but at least you'll know and not wonder about her then."

"Talking," Nathan muttered in a half-hearted attempt at a joke. "What a concept. You're probably right, though... you know, I hadn't even mentioned it to Charles yet? Not that I'd make bets that he doesn't know, anyway..."

She was the first to know? Alison blinked at that, a bit stunned. "Oh. Well. He might at that." The Professor had perfected the 'I know all see all sense all' look decades ago, she was sure. "Have you and the Askani ever really had a talk that wasn't about a crisis of some sort?" Alison blinked, curious. "Or about teaching or learning. Just... talking?"

"We... do. Sometimes. She likes what I read. Quotes Shakespeare at me sometimes." Now he was sounding defensive. Why was he sounding defensive? "Actually, more than sometimes. Although she's more for the editorial comments than the long, involved conversations."

"Teach her poker." Alison grinned. "They have a version of that too. Audrai keeps going on about how simple chess is compared to their closest approximation of chess too. Ask her if she'd like to meet Miles too, one day? He might as well know why I'm talking in the 'funny singsong language' sometimes. He likes the lullabies."

"Social stuff with the ghosts in my head," Nathan murmured, taking another deep breath and then letting it out slowly. "Why do you have to be so logical all the time?" he complained mildly. "Can't even let a guy stew without throwing logic at him..." He smiled a bit wearily at her.

"Cause I don't like seeing you all mopey and unhappy." She beamed at him, rather pleased with her success at drawing him out of his doldrums, even just a bit. "And it's fun when logic works on you. The whole dawning realization look suits you well." Alison smiled innocently. "I guess being all about the planning and stuff has to have some uses."

Nathan gave her a thoughtful look. "~Not a war leader. A speaker.~"

She stared at him for a moment, and then wrinkled her nose. She would bet anything Audrai was laughing quietly to herself just now. So instead of protesting that one, Alison just grumbled a bit, making a face at him. And wasn't that eloquent, too.

Nathan chuckled, then shook his head, astonished at himself. Nothing like going from murderous rage to making jokes at the expense of your clansib. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face for a moment. "I'm really tired, Alison," he said heavily. "Feel a little foolish, complaining, especially to you, but..."

"What, people around me aren't allowed to be tired?" She shook her head at him, just a bit. "World keeps turning. That's how it goes. And you have every reason to be tired. Everything keeps piling up." Tired was to be expected, now that he wasn't angry anymore. Alison always tended to crash rather badly herself, after moments like those.

"It's not done yet, either," he murmured, just a glimmer in his mind of a web of light in the distance. "We'll get a break soon, though..." He paused, then looked up at her. "You know, this might not be half-bad?" he offered lightly.

"~There's a balance to be kept.~" Alison shrugged a bit, then smiled. She was due a break, she decided - one of the non-bone breaking variety she specified, just in case Fate was lending an ear to her thoughts.

He nodded, his head bowed for a moment as he tried to collect himself. "I should go and see Amanda again," he said. "I've been hovering shamelessly at every opportunity. I just wanted to pull myself together a little first."

"All right." She looked sideways again, checking on the greenery around them. "Probably should go too. Ororo'll be coming after me if everything starts to wilt from over-exposure."

Nathan gave her his best gallant look. "Flowers wilting upon comparison to you. Most women would be flattered."

Alison laughed at that, entirely pleased with the compliment. "Up until Ororo caught up with them if they were responsible for it," she added, winking cheerfully, while slowly getting up to her feet, careful of the leaves around her though she had no doubt Nathan would move them aside as needed. "I'll walk you part of the way."