xp_logs | Amanda, Lorna

The Queen of Denial and the girl with the big mouth. Lorna comes to Amanda's aid in the kitchen, and gets a bit more than she expected.

The soup can was thwarting her. There it was, taunting her with soupy goodness on the inside, and she couldn't hold the can opener well enough to open it, and of course she could find something else, but she really wanted soup and she couldn't get the bloody can open... Amanda growled in frustration, her mental cursing bringing death and destruction on a wide range of targets, starting with the Hellfire Club and working her way up to the manufacturers of can openers, the soup company, and the whole quirk of Fate that meant she couldn't just magic it open since it was metal...
"
"Did it insult your mother?" Lorna asked, giving Amanda a quizzical glance before proceeding past her to get a cup of coffee. She mixed in cream and sugar just because she was in that kind of mood and sipped it experimentally before slouching against the counter and looking back at the girl. "Or is this just a pre-meal ritual?" She gave Amanda a closer look and quickly realized why she was having trouble. She almost offered to help then decided against it. Amanda was perfectly capable of asking if she needed help and Lorna didn't feel like being shot down.

Amanda sighed. "No. Can't get the bloody thing open, can I?" she said, waving the bruised hand at Lorna. It was looking rather impressive by now - black and blue all over. "An' 's not like I can actually chew on anythin' much, so soup was lookin' really good." Okay, time to swallow her pride - such as it was after being caught glaring at a soup can - and ask Lorna for help. Lorna who tended to avoid her whenever possible and who stuck strictly to general topics when it wasn't. "Help?"

Lorna blinked, sort of surprised that Amanda actually had asked. "Yeah, sure." She stepped forward and took the can away and bent to pull out a saucepan. She looked at the label on the soup and shook her head, "I know I didn't buy this one. It's more salt than food. Can I talk you into something with nutritional value instead?"

"I wouldn't say no t' that," Amanda admitted, taking a slow and careful seat on one of the kitchen stools. Fuck, she was tired of hurting, but at least it was nowhere near what Alison was going through. "Sorry t' be a pain - Angie was keepin' an eye on me before... well, before whatever the hell happened with her powers, an' Manuel's still rememberin' where things are, let alone how t' actually cook. Ange's been good, but I told him t' go an' sleep a bit." She realised how she was sounding and pulled a face. "Gah, I'm startin' t' whine worse 'n Lee."

Lorna flinched when Amanda mentioned Manuel and the can in her hand crumpled a little. She turned away and busied herself in the cabinet for a moment until she was sure her expression was clear. She turned back with a different soup can in her hand, "No trouble. I'm actually cheating a little bit but don't tell anyone or I'll never live it down." She ran her finger along the edge and lifted the lid away from the can, dumping the contents into the saucepan.

The flinch wasn't hard to miss along with the sound of crumpling metal, and Amanda's first instinct was to apologise for bringing up the Dread Name when usually she was pretty good about it. But then she remembered the conversation with him, how it had been like walking a tightrope, not knowing where she stood, and the hollow empty feeling at the other end of the link, and she felt the frustrated, helpless anger again. "I won't tell," she said, voice tight.

Lorna just nodded and went to the refrigerator, pulling out several ingredients. "This is a good base, really. It just needs a little kick." Lorna doubted that Amanda cared but playing like there was nothing weird about this was much easier than confronting the weird. "You said you were having trouble chewing? This soup will work after it's been through a blender."

"Jaw still hurts - I think someone punched me, only I don't remember." Amanda's voice still had that tight, strangled tone, and she breathed hard down her noise trying to hold the tears at bay. Only she was tired and sore and hungry and Manuel wasn't there any more, and Lorna was still acting like he was a monster, when all that had been burned away, the good and the bad. "Theme for the whole night, it seems, not rememberin'. 'Course, I just lost a few hours, Manuel lost his whole fuckin' life," she grated, with a sound that was more sob than growl, and around her various objects rattled slightly, the light seeming to dim a little around her. "Seems we've got somethin' in common now, tho'. That bitch Selene fuckin' with the people we love."

Lorna dropped the knife she was holding. She stood stock still for a long, tense moment, willing herself not to scream or move so much as an eyelash. EM fields hummed over her skin and it was an effort not to touch them either. Finally she took a deep breath and swept the vegetables she'd been chopping into the warming soup. "Yes. Lots in common," she said tersely. Please, let that be the end of it.

It didn't matter to her. None of it mattered - Lorna would never see things any other way, couldn't. Manuel de la Rocha was dead for all intents and purposes, and still he was Lorna's monster under the bed, and the sob did escaped properly this time. What did she expect? For a moment she remembered the grip of Lorna's power on her piercings, heard the fear and fury in the other woman's voice as she'd told her to finish the job of self-destruction... "'M sorry," she choked, crumpling. "I'm sorry for what he did an' I'm sorry for not tellin' anyone an' 'm sorry for goin' back, but you don't understand, he was tryin' t' be a better person, he was tryin' so hard, givin' it all up an' now he's not there any more..." Wrapping her arms around herself, she dropped her head, hair hiding the livid bruises on her face and the tears that she couldn't hold in any more.

Oh, Christ, this couldn't really be happening. No, no, no, no, she was not going to be the one to make Amanda feel better right now. This was just too unfair. "Fuck." Lorna said with feeling and stepped closer, reaching out hesitantly to touch Amanda's arm. Touch normally came very easily to her - not now, though. Not when her own hands were shaking with a tremor she could feel in her shoulders. "It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I can't change what happened. I'm sorry that Selene hurt someone else. I wish… I'm sorry I pushed him in the first place - always have been. I just… Christ, I don't even know what to say…" Don't cry! she begged mentally.

"'M sorry, it's just... He remembers me, remembers we were together, but 's not the same, he's not the same, 's like he's another person altogether. Which ain't a bad thing, but fuckitall, I loved him. The first person I ever loved an' now 's like we're havin' t' start all over again. I can't even call him by his nickname..." It all came out in a rush, Amanda forgetting who she was talking to as everything just became too much, too overwhelming. Blindly she reached out and grabbed Lorna's hand, needing to know there was someone there. Eventually she realised what she was doing, who she was talking to, and took a few deep, gulping breaths, fighting to bring herself back under control. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Lorna, I didn't mean t' dump all this on you."

Lorna was practically sheet-white but she forced a fairly calm if somewhat thready voice out somehow. "I just...I’m not really the right person, I think." No, definitely not the right person to be telling about missing the old Manuel but sure she got points for not running screaming. She’d have to check with Samson. "But I know that when they brought Alex home, it was like...like the world was never going to get better. Both of us just," she paused, searching for the right words, "we weren’t anything like ourselves and there were times when I thought it would kill me, seeing what she’d done to him. I didn’t even know the half of it at the time and still.... It was the worst time in my life."

"I know. I'm just so tired of bein' strong, of pretendin' everythin's fine... guess it kind of exploded." 'Yay, way to traumatise someone, moron,' she berated herself, letting go of Lorna's hand and reaching for the roll of kitchen towel to wipe her face. "Worst time of yer life... yeah, that's about it." Wincing as she forgot the bruising and wiped her face a little too hard, she looked up at Lorna, eyes dark and somehow lost. "How'd you get through it?"

Lorna dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling, a helpless, hopeless chuckle escaping. "Well, first I tried starving myself to death but I don't recommend it." She looked down at Amanda again. "After that? One day at a time when I could. One hour at a time when days were too much. Spent as much time as I could with him and a hell of a lot more by myself when I couldn't handle being with anyone else. I wish I'd been there for him more, looking back but," she shook her head and sighed. "I should have been there for him."

"You are now," Amanda pointed out, crumpling the used kitchen towel in her hand. "That's gotta be worth somethin'." 'One day at a time,' she thought to herself, trying not to think of the empty room awaiting her when she eventually needed to sleep. 'One hour...'

"Not enough." Lorna murmured, swamped with memories and fresh guilt. "If I hadn't broken myself…" She cut herself off and shrugged. "Yeah, I'm here now," she said more audibly, "and I have no intention of letting him go, no matter what happens."

"He's lucky t' have you," the girl said, looking down at the bench top. "Yer lucky t' have each other." There was a sizzle as the soup on the stove started boiling over, interrupting her.

"Eek, food!" Lorna shoved the pan off the heat and clicked the flame off while still scrambling in the direction of the stove. Sometimes her mutation came in really handy. She stared at the soup on the stovetop, already drying to a burned mess. "Now you really can't tell anyone about this."

"Not a word, I promise," Amanda said with a wan smile, and if this particular promise of silence reminded her of another, well, she wasn't about to go and say anything, was she?