xp_logs | Oh, the angst...

It may be mini!angst, but Kitty's still not doing so hot... Piotr tries to help.

Kitty is sitting in a chair near one of the windows, her chin resting in her left hand, her arm propped against the table. She gazes out the window into the dark night, completely ignoring the text book lying open next to her, and utterly oblivious to anyone.

Piotr has come to the library to return a book, but when he spots Kitty he makes his way silently towards her corner. Reaching out he suddenly taps her on the shoulder, hopping to surprise the girl.

The reaction is better than he'd expected, as Kitty starts and spins around in her chair, her eyes wide. "Oh... hi Piotr. You startled me."

The boy grins, pleased with himself. "Hi Katya. I tried to. what are you reading?"

Kitty glances at the book, almost as though she had forgotten it was there. She scans the page then looks back up at Piotr. "It's just my physics book," she says.

Piotr looks out the window, into the darkness Kitty had been contemplating. "Seems like you are not really in the mood to read... " he notes.

"No, not really," Kitty admits. "I was just thinking..."

Settling on the edge of the table and smiling gently Piotr asks her, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kitty answers his smile with one of her own. "I guess... Today, when we went to pick up Rahne she was startled when she saw Kurt without his image inducer. She screamed, and I phased... It was the first time I'd done it when I was _awake_ and it kind of upset me."

"What do you mean? You phased but did not want to?" The idea seems to confuse Piotr.

Kitty nods, trying to explain. "Yeah. I've been phasing automatically whenever I hear someone scream ever since... ever since the attack."

At this Piotr frowns, worried. "Have you told Xavier?" he asks.

Kitty avoids his eyes. "No. I talked to Ms. Braddock afterwards, and she's going to try and help me... I was hoping it would just stop, but it hasn't."

He looks thoughtful as he considers this, then suggests, "Maybe there is some way to practice... I could scream at you and you could try to not phase..."

The image of Piotr trying to scare her, or scream like the girls in her dorm wins a faint smile from Kitty, and she replies, "I think that would get us some very strange looks."

But Piotr has had an idea, and continues. "We could go in the danger room. I could go behind things hiding and jump at you and scream."

"You know," Kitty says thoughtfully, "that might work. It's a strange idea, but it might work."

" Good… we can go tomorrow? It is late right now." He smiles, glad to have come up with something that might help her, and she nods, agreeing with him.

"That sounds like a good idea. Tomorrow after West Wing? Around 10 o'clock?"

"Sure. What is West Wing?" Piotr asks.

She smiles at this and explains. "It's a TV show I really like. It's about being the President of the United States and working in the White House."

"I have never watched that show... maybe I will come watch it tomorrow. Do you think I will be able to understand it?"

"Well, you're certainly welcome. It's kind of complicated, but I can try to explain as we go along," Kitty smiles, happy to help, but unsure if he'd like the show which is very American and might confuse him.

" Maybe I will just watch cartoons… they do not usually need to be explained." He smiles back at Kitty, and she nods, thinking it might be a good idea, given how much back story the series has accumulated.

"Ok. Have you been watching Cartoon Network?"

"Yes..." he admits bashfully. "I like the wolf with the bombs and the big running bird. And the flying girls with big eyes."

Kitty's brows furrow as she puzzles this out. "The wolf with the bombs...? Oh! Wily E. Coyote and the Road Runner." She grins. "I love them."

"Yes!" His grin answers hers. "He is always trying to catch that bird. I think he probably wants to eat him?"

She nods enthusiastically. "Yes, exactly. But he never manages because... well, just because. I always feel kind of bad for him," she admits.

"But what if he ate the bird?" Piotr asks.

"Well, he wouldn't be hungry anymore, but the show would end."

"It is a good show. Do you like the Johnny Bravo show?" He grins and says "Woooah mama!" in a fairly good Johnny impression, then runs a hand through his hair saying, "Man I'm pretty."

Kitty laughs at this, and blushes a little, privately agreeing with his last statement. "Johnny's not bad. I'm more of a Dexter fan, but Johnny's not bad, especially when I'm just looking to veg out."

Dropping the impression Piotr says, "I like Dexter, but I do not think I can talk like him. He has a funny voice."

"Yes, he does," she agrees. "But a little shrimp of a scientist... I think I identify with him a bit."

Piotr cocks his head at her, asking, "Do you want to be a scientist?"

"Yeah, a little bit." Kitty gestures to the textbook she's still ignoring. "I really like physics, and computer science."

"You are really smart, I think you would be a good scientist."

She smiles at his praise. "Thank you. What do you want to be after school?"

It's really a sort of idle question, but Piotr frowns as he considers it. "I... I do not know…" he says. "I thought maybe I would be an X-Men..."

Kitty hadn't expected him to answer so seriously, but she accepts it. She should know better than to speak idly with Piotr since his English still isn't very good. "Well," she says, "I want to be an X-Man too, but that doesn't mean you can't be other things as well. Dr. McCoy is a scientist, and Dr. Grey was a doctor..." She trails off, but soon continues, determinedly putting all sad thoughts out of her mind, "…and they all teach."

"Oh.. you are right..." Piotr looks around the room at nothing in particular, as if an idea will suddenly pop out at him. "I guess..." he says at last, "I do not know what I could do. Unless I moved to a farm." The he grins at Kitty, saying, "Maybe I could be a scientist assistant?"

Kitty leans forward, resting her elbow on the table. "Well, I'd take you for an assistant any day," she says, smiling brightly. "Or we could probably start an X-farm these days, with you and Jamie and Sam..."

He laughs at this. "An X-farm? What would we grow? Mutant carrots?"

His laughter is infectious, and the idea is ludicrous, and Kitty joins in his laughter. "Or normal carrots to feed mutants," she offers.

Taking the idea and running with it, Piotr suggests, "And Jamie could bring his bees."

Kitty nods. "Sam would take care of the horses and cattle, with Terry to help."

"I would help grow the food," he adds, "and you could make sure it is okay."

With a rueful look Kitty says, "Well, bio's not my normal thing, but I could definitely cook, and maybe repair the machinery."

This distracts him, and the memory of the pancakes she made him an Illyana last week prompt him to ask her, "What is your favorite to cook?"

The question throws her for a second, but she answers with a shrug. "Well, I'm pretty good at all sorts of things."

He's got an idea, and asks quickly, "Cakes?"

Kitty nods. "Yeah, I've made cake before. Usually just from a mix though."

Piotr doesn't understand what she means. He's never run into cake that wasn't made from scratch and asks, "Mix?" seeking clarification.

"Cake mix," Kitty explains. "You can buy a cake in a box that you just have to add eggs and oil to and mix up and bake."

"Oh... hmm..."

Piotr looks as though he's not sure about the idea of a cake out of a box, so Kitty offers, "I can pick one up for the BBQ this weekend and show you what it's like."

The two continue to chat about small inconsequential things until Piotr realizes how late it is getting and leaves Kitty so she can actually do her homework, which she finally sets to, her mind at rest now that there is at least a plan to work on her problem.

***

Kitty goes looking for Piotr after West Wing. She looks tired, but determined. She finally runs into him in one of the hallways. He spots her and grins.

"Hello, Katya..."

Kitty smiles back "Hey. Ready to scare me?"

He nods. "Oh, yes! I will try... are you sure you want to? You look tired." A worried look crosses his face as he looks down at her, but she brushes his concern away.

"It's been a long day," she answers. "But yes, I'm sure. I've exorcised enough demons today, one more won't be so bad."

Piotr blinks, not recognizing this word. "Excercizing demons? What?"

"Oh, sorry. Not excercizing, exorcising." Kitty carefully emphasizes the different pronunciations, then explains. "It is what a priest does when a person is possessed by a demon, and has come to mean, well, getting bad thoughts and feelings out. Making yourself feel better about your troubles."

"Oh! I understand... did you talk to someone?" Piotr rests his hand on her back, rubbing softly for a moment and Kitty arches into the hand like the kitten she is called.

"Yeah. I spent some time talking to Rogue, and then went and spoke with the Professor."

Piotr can tell she's in need of affection, and so puts an arm around her in a light hug. "I am glad you have friends to talk to… we all need them. Do you feel better?"

A small nod answers this. "A little, yes. Thank you."

Reassured, Piotr smiles, and starts heading back down the hallway with her. "Good. Did they have any good ideas for the phasing?"

She glances at the ground, not meeting his eyes. "Well... I kind of didn't mention it to the professor. Rogue told me I should, but I think between you and Ms. Braddock maybe I don't need to."

"It is your choice... I just want you to be okay again." The concern in his voice causes her to look up again, and she tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Thanks. I will be... sonner or later."

"Sooner!" he says, and playfully ruffles her hair, causing her to duck away from him and winning a smile.

"Alright then, to the Danger Room." Kitty follows Piotr down the hall, waiting while he passes them through the locked doors into the lower portion of the building and then guides her to the Danger Room control room.

Moving to the controls he says, "I will make it so nothing will turn on, unless you want obstacles?"

Kitty shakes her head emphatically. "No, I think just getting control of it will be enough. Although we'll need things for you to hide behind..." She stares down into the large, empty room below her, looking thoughtful.

"That would be good," Piotr agrees, and with a grin he starts flipping some switches, causing several unmoving obstacles to rise up out of the floor. "How does that look?" he asks.

She nods. "That ought to be ok. Especially if we lower the lights."

"Okay..." Piotr agrees, and she continues to stare into the room as he tones down the lighting. "All ready. I will go down first and hide. And you come down after a minute. Okay?" He glances at her, but she doesn't turn from the window, only nods.

"Ok," she says quietly, biting the inside of her lip.

Piotr senses her worry and tries to reassure her. "It will be okay… It is just me..." And she turns to see him smile reassuringly, and head downstairs.

Kitty carefully keeps her eyes averted from the viewing window so she won't see him hiding. Instead she slowly paces the room, counting the seconds and her own breaths.

Soon her promised minute has passed, and she follows him down the stairs and to the entrance of the room. The door opens at her approach and she peers into the large room. It's not so dark she can't see where she's going, but she knows she'll not be able to spot him. Taking a deep breath she carefully enters the room, thinking to herself, 'it's just Piotr. He won't hurt me. It's just Piotr.'

She makers her way around the cavernous room, staring about and occasionally starting at half imagined sounds. Maybe it's just her desire to have this work that has her so on edge, but for all that she doesn't hear him quietly sneak out from behind the block she just passed.

He slips behind her and suddenly gives a growling scream.

Startled, Kitty spins around, gasping, her eyes open wide. And, without meaning to, she phases. "Oh!" she cries out, breathing heavily from the adrenaline rush. "I know it was the idea, but you scared me..."

Piotr frowns and reaches out to touch her arm. "I am sorry…" he says. "Are you sure you want to do this?" And his hand passes through her arm.

Kitty looks down at the arm, blinking. She hadn't even realized she'd phased. How was she going to be able to control it if she didn't even know it had happened? "Oh, damn it," she mutters. "Yes, I'm sure." She looks up to meet his gaze, her jaw set and her eyes flashing with determination.

Piotr smiles at this, and moves his hand so she can phase back in again. "Okay, then do not look at me and I will hide again."

Nodding, she closes her eyes, focusing and unphasing. Kitty carefully keeps her eyes closed for almost a minute, half straining her ears to try and find him, still a little nervous. Eventually she says, "I'm going to open my eyes now..." but gets no response. Her eyes snap open and she looks around, failing to spot him. Choosing a direction at random she starts to walk again, keeping her eyes peeled.

But once more it does her no good. Piotr creeps out from behind a small pillar in front of and to her left, and jumps out with another deep-sounding scream, causing her to flinch away from him. As soon as he can he reaches out for her arm feel if she's phased.

And his hand swipes through her arm. Taking a step back, Piotr looks at her a little worried. "Maybe I am being too scary?" he asks.

Kitty sighs and closes her eyes to concentrate herself back into solidity. "No," she says when she opens them again and tests herself against the pillar. "If I'm not scared I won't phase. I have to learn to control my automatic reaction even when I am." She sounds tired and frustrated, which he picks up on.

"Okay…" he agrees, "but if we do not get it tonight, do not be sad..." Piotr pats her shoulder reassuringly. "I will go hide again?"

She nods her agreement. "Yeah, ok. And I won't be... " It's probably not true, but they both feel better for her having said it.

Kitty closes her eyes while he hurries off to hide. Counting in her head she waits until enough time has passed, then opens them again. This time she spins around until she is almost dizzy, and sets off in the direction she stops at. Peering into the gloom she tries to see him, tries to steel herself to the inevitable.

Piotr senses her walk by him and jumps out, yelling like before. Again he reaches out to grab at her, but he doesn't get the chance as she spins around, reacting to the noise, and loses her balance. Stumbling over she falls through one of the barriers, proving that she has phased yet again.

"Oh hell!" She sounds frustrated and tired, and as though she may cry.

Piotr frowns, and leans over to help her up "Katya... I think this is too much right now...."

Kitty phases back in and takes his hand, letting him pull her up. "I just... I just want to be able to control it again," she says with a sniffle.

"Shhh… it is okay..." Piotr rubs her arm and smiles reassuringly. "It does not all have to happen right away."

"I'm so tired of not being in control..." Kitty trails off, leaning into his hand. She drops her head, staring at the ground, and whispers, "Damn it..."

She sounds so upset Piotr steps forward and hugs her. "You will get it back, Katya. Come on… Let's go get some apple cider, okay? I saw some in the fridge today."

Kitty presses into the hug, needing to know that she's solid, if only for a little bit. "Yeah, ok..." she says into his shoulder, and he rubs her back and hugs her quietly for a long moment, before guiding her towards the door.

"And maybe we can play Checkers," he suggests. "I need to get more good so you will not win so many times." Piotr smiles down at her, trying to cheer her up.

"That sounds nice." Kitty lets herself be guided to the door. "Maybe just a few games though. I need to go to bed soon..."