![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsScene the First: Amanda gets an attack of the doubts once she's actually there, which isn't helped by the fact she's remembering in vivid detail what happened that day. Angelo is her anchor.
Amanda had been fairly good on the trip over, chatting brightly, although obviously nervously, with the rest of the students in the van, but as they pulled into the designated parking lot (obviously not the one involved in the attack), she grew quiet, almost withdrawn. Her muted demeanour deepened as they walked through the grounds to the site of the memorial - true she'd done the trip countless times since, but today the memories were especially vivid. Reaching the edge of the parking lot and surrounding lawns, she stopped suddenly, face pale and visibly shaking.
Angelo glanced back when he realized she was no longer with the group, and frowned. With a quick word to the others to go on ahead and that he and Amanda would catch up since she had stage fright, he backtracked to join her, giving her a sideways hug. "Hey. You okay?"
"I... I dunno." There was quite the crowd assembled on the lawn, but Amanda wasn't seeing them. "I dunno if I can do this, Ange. All those people... I keep seein' them, hearin' 'em. An' it's their families an' friends who are out there an' I'm plannin' t' use this as some sort of political stunt!" She turned large, worried eyes on the boy standing next to her. "I can't do this."
He squeezed her hand, as reassuringly as he could. "It's not a stunt - it would only be that if someone who didn't know what you do was doing this. It's what needs to be done. And you can do it."
"I'm scared, Ange. Fuck, I'm almost as scared as I was that day." She clung to his hand, knowing he could feel the tremble. "An' what if Nate's right? What if me bein' here, gettin' up an' talking... what if that brings those bastards down on us? People'd get hurt, killed, an' I wouldn't be able t' stop it. I couldn't last time."
He didn't relax his grip on her hand, knowing she needed to feel it there. "Listen. What good would it possibly do them to do that? Nate's out of their reach now, with the conditionin' broken, an' you've got half the cops in New York State here, not to mention a lot of very powerful people. I don't think they'd risk it, somehow."
She gave him a shaky laugh. "I told all this to Nate. An' it's true. Only I didn't think, didn't know when I got here, it'd be like seein' it all over again, seein' it an' smellin' it..." Over there a girl in a halter top walking her dog had been combusted, the dog too... "Seems like it's still happenin', almost."
He looked at her sadly and nodded. "Things like this... they bring stuff back up. But that's the point of this day. To help people get past it."
"I hope it works." Amanda took a breath, still gripping his hand. "I never really got the chance t' get it out of my system. A week after all this, we get kidnapped t' bloody Asgard an' I got me memory wiped. I never got the chance t' work out how t' react t' all this..." She looked around, seeing the grief on the faces of some of the people passing them. "It wasn't right, what happened. It's not right that all those people died, it's not right that Nate blames himself for it, an' it's not right those bastards're still bloody doin' the same fuckin' thing t' other kids. Kids like Kyle."
"No, it wasn't. It isn't, any of it. But they will get theirs, an' there will be a stop to it, someday. Maybe even soon."
"An' in the meantime, kids're still bein' taken an' turned into killers." Amanda took her eyes off the parking lot and the assembling crowd, glancing at Angelo. "As long as people see us as less than
human, it's gunna keep happenin'." Something seemed to resolve in her and she nodded. "Okay, I can do this."
He nodded back, smiling slightly. "That's my little sis. You ready to head up there now?"
"Better be - they'll send out a search party in a second..." she joked, lamely, giving his hand a grateful squeeze. "All right, I've been buildin' up t' this all week. Time t' do it."
Immediately before the speech, Manuel is being Supportive Boyfriend Guy, although he's dealing with memories of his own.
It seemed that today was going to be one of those waiting days, punctuated by small bursts of distraction before she had to wait again and deal with the mounting borderline panic. Case in point - they'd arrived and met up with Strange, who looked disturbingly pale and tired today, the HeliX people had found a spot to assemble in front of the makeshift stage (and suitably far enough away from the FoH contingent to avoid being accused of causing trouble), and she'd been introduced to the dean and the people involved in running this show. None of the names had stuck, and now she was standing off to the side, waiting her turn. Strange and McCoy were nearby, not close enough to crowd her but near enough to remind her they were there to protect her if need be, and Manuel was with her, although a little quiet and withdrawn himself. Amanda bit down on her thumbnail again, tasting blood, and realised she'd chewed it down to the quick.
Manuel wrung his hands for the fifty-fourth time since he'd arrived on campus. For some reason, they _hurt_, and he couldn't quite understand why. Amanda was a gigantic exposed bundle of nerves next to him, and he spent much of his time projecting reassurance down the link at her. His skill with it was improving - she'd told him that his impromptu efforts at practice one morning made her Maths class _very_ difficult to sit through, and if he was going to do that to her she was going to make his Economics class a living hell.
He was doing that thing with his hands again... Reaching over, glad for the distraction, she lay her hand gently on his forearm. "Hands botherin' you?" she asked, voice still a bit shaky despite her best efforts at calming down.
Manuel nodded. "Yeah, and I can't figure out _why_. They felt _fine_ this morning. Do you think I'm allergic to something out here?" he said with a worried look. "And I think I'm coming down with a cold. My throat feels like _crap_. So far, I can talk OK, but that may change..."
Hands, throat... "How 'bout here?" she asked, laying her hand over his chest. "Any pain here, like an ache?" It was hard not to flinch as a memory flashed before her eyes, as so many had done already today - the Chinese woman, face an emotionless mask as she pulled the trigger of the shotgun pointed at Amanda's chest.
Manuel hrmmed as he thought about it. "Not really, no. My knees hurt, though, now that you mention it. In the same way that my hands do. It's really odd." he said, more than a little concerned. "Do you think it's serious?"
She shook her head. "No," she replied. "Least, not in the way you mean. It's... it's a memory. From that day. I was here, but it was you that stopped it." She couldn't help glancing over at the parking lot, and rubbed her forearms a little. The grazes were long-gone, faded to nothing in Asgard, and the memories were vague and confused, but there'd been a fall... "I got shot, close-range with rubber bullets. T' stop me tryin' t' stop it, t' use me 'gainst Nathan... While I was out you..." Frowning, Amanda looked up at him. "I'm not sure I should say. You took it badly back then, thought yer'd hurt me."
Manuel, predictably, scowled at that. "Did I?" he demanded of her. He really didn't like that thought. Not one bit. It was bad enough having to be the Supportive Boyfriend Guy while she painted a gigantic target on her chest in public, but to know that this had been a _habit_? That didn't bear contemplating. "Hey, you'll do fine." he said, unconsciously rubbing his hands and trying to change the topic.
"Yeah, you did." She'd been about to add 'the same way I saved you from Selene' but this wasn't the time or place for that conversation. She was pretty sure there would be dramatics involved with that one. "An' I'll be fine, love, really. Strange won't let anythin' happen, an' I ain't exactly helpless any more. Besides, first sign of trouble, Clarice can 'port me out of here an' back t' the school, quick as a blink." It was odd how she'd become the reassuring one, rather than the reassured, but telling him this was a good reminder to her. "You do understand why I'm doin' this, yeah? It’s not just t’ make trouble for meself or anyone else."
Manuel shrugged. "I'm afraid that I'm a little too cynical to see this as anything other than a Bad Idea. Yes, grand gestures are good, and yes, it might even do some good. But you're putting your pretty little ass on the line here, and I can't help you if somebody or something wants to take a swing."
"After Selene, I think I can handle a few bigots. An' look at this place, it's crawlin' with cops -- they'd have t' be insane t' try anythin'." Amanda shook her head - no-one seemed to understand why she had to do this, at least not the people she needed most to. "I don't expect t' change anyone's mind, but if I can at least get them thinkin' 'bout it... 'Sides, it's the only thing I can think of that'll help stop the bad dreams. Closure, Samson calls it. I need t' be able t' do somethin' t' put it behind me, or I'm gunna wind up like Nate, scared of 'em for the rest of me life."
Manuel rubbed at his hands and sighed. "Couldn't even protect you during the party." he muttered. "But whatever you choose to do, I'll back you 100%." he said firmly. "Don't need to worry about that. I think I'm gonna go mingle for a bit. Since I was apparently involved in this whole thing, maybe something will spark my memory."
"I think they're callin' me up in a minute, any way..." Amanda swallowed nervously missing in her stage fright the reference to something he hadn't remembered before. Giving him an uncharacteristically beseeching look, she added: "Do I get a good luck hug?"
Manuel stepped up to fold her up in a tight hug. "We don't have time for the good-luck orgasm, unfortunately." he said mournfully into her ear as he hugged her. "But assuming that you survive this little speech of yours, maybe we'll see about the victory orgasm?" he grinned.
That achieved what nothing else had - she laughed, forgetting for the moment what she was about to do. "You can count on it," she told him, hugging him back just as tightly. "You ain't gunna be able t' walk when I'm done with you." To punctuate her point, she stretched up on tip-toe to kiss his ear, giving his lobe a gentle bite as she did.
Manuel grinned. "What, you think it's me who is not going to be able to walk?" he countered with an evil grin. "You are going to be _bowlegged_ when I get done with you. And you know I'll do it - don't you remember Spain?" he asked with an evil leer. "Knock 'em dead, 'Manda. You'll do fine."
"Sounds like a challenge t' me," she said, reaching up to kiss him soundly. There was a slightly embarrassed sounding cough in the middle of it, and when she broke it off to look around, Dr Strange was standing there, looking rather flustered. "It's time?" she asked, and he nodded.
"They're waiting for you," he affirmed, still very red around the ears.
"Looks like this is it, then," Amanda told Manuel, holding on for one more hug. "Take care when yer doin' yer wander? Don't go too close to those FoH bastards? You might not have powers now, but they'll have noticed who you turned up with."
Manuel nodded. "I'll be careful." he said, hopping down off the platform to wander in amongst the people. He wondered for a brief moment why it felt naughty, like it was something he shouldn't be doing, but he ignored that and concentrated on watching all of the people.
Amanda had been fairly good on the trip over, chatting brightly, although obviously nervously, with the rest of the students in the van, but as they pulled into the designated parking lot (obviously not the one involved in the attack), she grew quiet, almost withdrawn. Her muted demeanour deepened as they walked through the grounds to the site of the memorial - true she'd done the trip countless times since, but today the memories were especially vivid. Reaching the edge of the parking lot and surrounding lawns, she stopped suddenly, face pale and visibly shaking.
Angelo glanced back when he realized she was no longer with the group, and frowned. With a quick word to the others to go on ahead and that he and Amanda would catch up since she had stage fright, he backtracked to join her, giving her a sideways hug. "Hey. You okay?"
"I... I dunno." There was quite the crowd assembled on the lawn, but Amanda wasn't seeing them. "I dunno if I can do this, Ange. All those people... I keep seein' them, hearin' 'em. An' it's their families an' friends who are out there an' I'm plannin' t' use this as some sort of political stunt!" She turned large, worried eyes on the boy standing next to her. "I can't do this."
He squeezed her hand, as reassuringly as he could. "It's not a stunt - it would only be that if someone who didn't know what you do was doing this. It's what needs to be done. And you can do it."
"I'm scared, Ange. Fuck, I'm almost as scared as I was that day." She clung to his hand, knowing he could feel the tremble. "An' what if Nate's right? What if me bein' here, gettin' up an' talking... what if that brings those bastards down on us? People'd get hurt, killed, an' I wouldn't be able t' stop it. I couldn't last time."
He didn't relax his grip on her hand, knowing she needed to feel it there. "Listen. What good would it possibly do them to do that? Nate's out of their reach now, with the conditionin' broken, an' you've got half the cops in New York State here, not to mention a lot of very powerful people. I don't think they'd risk it, somehow."
She gave him a shaky laugh. "I told all this to Nate. An' it's true. Only I didn't think, didn't know when I got here, it'd be like seein' it all over again, seein' it an' smellin' it..." Over there a girl in a halter top walking her dog had been combusted, the dog too... "Seems like it's still happenin', almost."
He looked at her sadly and nodded. "Things like this... they bring stuff back up. But that's the point of this day. To help people get past it."
"I hope it works." Amanda took a breath, still gripping his hand. "I never really got the chance t' get it out of my system. A week after all this, we get kidnapped t' bloody Asgard an' I got me memory wiped. I never got the chance t' work out how t' react t' all this..." She looked around, seeing the grief on the faces of some of the people passing them. "It wasn't right, what happened. It's not right that all those people died, it's not right that Nate blames himself for it, an' it's not right those bastards're still bloody doin' the same fuckin' thing t' other kids. Kids like Kyle."
"No, it wasn't. It isn't, any of it. But they will get theirs, an' there will be a stop to it, someday. Maybe even soon."
"An' in the meantime, kids're still bein' taken an' turned into killers." Amanda took her eyes off the parking lot and the assembling crowd, glancing at Angelo. "As long as people see us as less than
human, it's gunna keep happenin'." Something seemed to resolve in her and she nodded. "Okay, I can do this."
He nodded back, smiling slightly. "That's my little sis. You ready to head up there now?"
"Better be - they'll send out a search party in a second..." she joked, lamely, giving his hand a grateful squeeze. "All right, I've been buildin' up t' this all week. Time t' do it."
Immediately before the speech, Manuel is being Supportive Boyfriend Guy, although he's dealing with memories of his own.
It seemed that today was going to be one of those waiting days, punctuated by small bursts of distraction before she had to wait again and deal with the mounting borderline panic. Case in point - they'd arrived and met up with Strange, who looked disturbingly pale and tired today, the HeliX people had found a spot to assemble in front of the makeshift stage (and suitably far enough away from the FoH contingent to avoid being accused of causing trouble), and she'd been introduced to the dean and the people involved in running this show. None of the names had stuck, and now she was standing off to the side, waiting her turn. Strange and McCoy were nearby, not close enough to crowd her but near enough to remind her they were there to protect her if need be, and Manuel was with her, although a little quiet and withdrawn himself. Amanda bit down on her thumbnail again, tasting blood, and realised she'd chewed it down to the quick.
Manuel wrung his hands for the fifty-fourth time since he'd arrived on campus. For some reason, they _hurt_, and he couldn't quite understand why. Amanda was a gigantic exposed bundle of nerves next to him, and he spent much of his time projecting reassurance down the link at her. His skill with it was improving - she'd told him that his impromptu efforts at practice one morning made her Maths class _very_ difficult to sit through, and if he was going to do that to her she was going to make his Economics class a living hell.
He was doing that thing with his hands again... Reaching over, glad for the distraction, she lay her hand gently on his forearm. "Hands botherin' you?" she asked, voice still a bit shaky despite her best efforts at calming down.
Manuel nodded. "Yeah, and I can't figure out _why_. They felt _fine_ this morning. Do you think I'm allergic to something out here?" he said with a worried look. "And I think I'm coming down with a cold. My throat feels like _crap_. So far, I can talk OK, but that may change..."
Hands, throat... "How 'bout here?" she asked, laying her hand over his chest. "Any pain here, like an ache?" It was hard not to flinch as a memory flashed before her eyes, as so many had done already today - the Chinese woman, face an emotionless mask as she pulled the trigger of the shotgun pointed at Amanda's chest.
Manuel hrmmed as he thought about it. "Not really, no. My knees hurt, though, now that you mention it. In the same way that my hands do. It's really odd." he said, more than a little concerned. "Do you think it's serious?"
She shook her head. "No," she replied. "Least, not in the way you mean. It's... it's a memory. From that day. I was here, but it was you that stopped it." She couldn't help glancing over at the parking lot, and rubbed her forearms a little. The grazes were long-gone, faded to nothing in Asgard, and the memories were vague and confused, but there'd been a fall... "I got shot, close-range with rubber bullets. T' stop me tryin' t' stop it, t' use me 'gainst Nathan... While I was out you..." Frowning, Amanda looked up at him. "I'm not sure I should say. You took it badly back then, thought yer'd hurt me."
Manuel, predictably, scowled at that. "Did I?" he demanded of her. He really didn't like that thought. Not one bit. It was bad enough having to be the Supportive Boyfriend Guy while she painted a gigantic target on her chest in public, but to know that this had been a _habit_? That didn't bear contemplating. "Hey, you'll do fine." he said, unconsciously rubbing his hands and trying to change the topic.
"Yeah, you did." She'd been about to add 'the same way I saved you from Selene' but this wasn't the time or place for that conversation. She was pretty sure there would be dramatics involved with that one. "An' I'll be fine, love, really. Strange won't let anythin' happen, an' I ain't exactly helpless any more. Besides, first sign of trouble, Clarice can 'port me out of here an' back t' the school, quick as a blink." It was odd how she'd become the reassuring one, rather than the reassured, but telling him this was a good reminder to her. "You do understand why I'm doin' this, yeah? It’s not just t’ make trouble for meself or anyone else."
Manuel shrugged. "I'm afraid that I'm a little too cynical to see this as anything other than a Bad Idea. Yes, grand gestures are good, and yes, it might even do some good. But you're putting your pretty little ass on the line here, and I can't help you if somebody or something wants to take a swing."
"After Selene, I think I can handle a few bigots. An' look at this place, it's crawlin' with cops -- they'd have t' be insane t' try anythin'." Amanda shook her head - no-one seemed to understand why she had to do this, at least not the people she needed most to. "I don't expect t' change anyone's mind, but if I can at least get them thinkin' 'bout it... 'Sides, it's the only thing I can think of that'll help stop the bad dreams. Closure, Samson calls it. I need t' be able t' do somethin' t' put it behind me, or I'm gunna wind up like Nate, scared of 'em for the rest of me life."
Manuel rubbed at his hands and sighed. "Couldn't even protect you during the party." he muttered. "But whatever you choose to do, I'll back you 100%." he said firmly. "Don't need to worry about that. I think I'm gonna go mingle for a bit. Since I was apparently involved in this whole thing, maybe something will spark my memory."
"I think they're callin' me up in a minute, any way..." Amanda swallowed nervously missing in her stage fright the reference to something he hadn't remembered before. Giving him an uncharacteristically beseeching look, she added: "Do I get a good luck hug?"
Manuel stepped up to fold her up in a tight hug. "We don't have time for the good-luck orgasm, unfortunately." he said mournfully into her ear as he hugged her. "But assuming that you survive this little speech of yours, maybe we'll see about the victory orgasm?" he grinned.
That achieved what nothing else had - she laughed, forgetting for the moment what she was about to do. "You can count on it," she told him, hugging him back just as tightly. "You ain't gunna be able t' walk when I'm done with you." To punctuate her point, she stretched up on tip-toe to kiss his ear, giving his lobe a gentle bite as she did.
Manuel grinned. "What, you think it's me who is not going to be able to walk?" he countered with an evil grin. "You are going to be _bowlegged_ when I get done with you. And you know I'll do it - don't you remember Spain?" he asked with an evil leer. "Knock 'em dead, 'Manda. You'll do fine."
"Sounds like a challenge t' me," she said, reaching up to kiss him soundly. There was a slightly embarrassed sounding cough in the middle of it, and when she broke it off to look around, Dr Strange was standing there, looking rather flustered. "It's time?" she asked, and he nodded.
"They're waiting for you," he affirmed, still very red around the ears.
"Looks like this is it, then," Amanda told Manuel, holding on for one more hug. "Take care when yer doin' yer wander? Don't go too close to those FoH bastards? You might not have powers now, but they'll have noticed who you turned up with."
Manuel nodded. "I'll be careful." he said, hopping down off the platform to wander in amongst the people. He wondered for a brief moment why it felt naughty, like it was something he shouldn't be doing, but he ignored that and concentrated on watching all of the people.
