(no subject)

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

Alison, finally having had a clue as to where Jamie was thanks to Kitty, climbs up the ladder to the tree house, pausing right before the entrance to take a deep breath before climbing a few steps more to stick her head through the already open trap door and looking inside.

It's a single room, plywood and two-by-fours, with cutout windows in the three walls that don't face the trunk of the old tree. Jamie's huddled on a pile of old cushions in one of the tree-side corners, and--in this place, with neither the need nor the energy to put up a facade--he looks like hell. The dark circles under his eyes have dark circles, and he's boasting an industrial-strength thousand-yard stare; he's too worn out even to fidget. If he notices Alison at all, he doesn't show it.

Repressing a sigh, Alison finishes clambering into fully into the tree house, pausing a moment and then leaving the door open still. She takes her time, finding a stop to sit down cross legged, and giving the small cabin a good once over before turning to look at Jamie, hiding a pained look at what she's seeing.

Jamie's eyes flicker when she sits down, and he makes a visible effort to pull himself together before just as visibly giving up, eyes closing and head tilting back into the wall. "House calls in the new job description?"

"Naw, I figured I'd make an exception for you," she replies calmly, taking a moment to consider the gloom outside and lack of lighting in the cabin. She lights up, a very low warm glow that fills the cabin ever so slowly, spreading into every corner.

Jamie blinks in the light. "Kitty or Rahne?"

Her lips quirk and she dims the glow slightly - it was already low, but his reaction shows he's been here for quite some time in the dark. "Kitty," she nods once, worry for the girl flickering through her gaze for a moment. "Took me a while to find you anyway," she admits easily.

"Not much use in a secret tree house that's easy to find. Looks like you found me, though."

"I'm stubborn like that," she says peaceably, shifting through the light spectrum briefly to counteract the chill of the cabin.

"What do you want, then?"

Nodding to herself quietly, Alison tilts her head, keeping a calm expression on her face. "Wanted to talk to you. I'd say see if you all right, but I didn't think it'd be that simple, really."

Jamie smiles bitterly. "Oh, I'm doing all right compared to everybody else who's died, I'd say."

Alison stops breathing for a moment, as the impact of his words sets in, and then lets out her breath carefully. We never did explore how your power works all that much, did we? "I'm sorry," she offers simply, hoping to get a reaction, any really.

Jamie shrugs. "Nothing anybody could've done about it."

"Maybe," she replies carefully, "maybe not." You were my responsibility. She edges closer, until she's within touching distance, and looks at him somberly. "You haven't spoken to anyone about what happened, have you?" she murmurs.

Jamie snorts. "And say what? 'Hey, look at this neat party trick I can do where I take a blank anatomical diagram and show you exactly where all my ribs went?'"

"Mmm. How about 'Hey, I'm having nightmares and I can't sleep and I don't know what to do?" she replies with equanimity, seemingly unfazed by what he's just said.

Jamie shudders and stares out the window. "Thought they'd go away."

"Things rarely just go away," she replies sympathetically. "Would you let me try something?"

"Depends on what it is."

Taking a deep breath, Alison explains. "A while ago, well - not that long ago but... there's a different way I can use my power." She looks at her hands, thinking. "Might be able to help you sleep. For tonight. But you'll have to talk about this sooner rather than later. It's eating away at you..."

"I know. I just . . . how do you talk about something like this? I mean, I'm pretty sure nobody's ever, before."

"So? This isn't about everyone else kiddo. It's about you. Talk, scream, cry... just - do what you have to."

Jamie sighs and leans his head back into the wall. "I wasn't kidding about the party trick. I felt . . . it wasn't even really like how you'd think--I was, I didn't get to blur out the details from the pain, I had five other brains in perfect working order. Everything up until I took the dupes back . . . it got blurrier after that, but still . . . and then I felt myself die. But not. And when I got there, I couldn't take the dupe back, it was just . . . dead. It was me, and I was dead. Figure that's when I passed out, I don't remember anything after that except waking up back here." He takes a deep, shuddering breath. "And every time I close my eyes--and sometimes it's worse."

Without a word she shifts her weight, and sits next to him, slipping an arm around his shoulders carefully - not bumping or jarring him in any way that might cause a dupe to come about. Post traumatic stress disorder. God, listen to me. I swallowed that book on psych. "I'd like you to come with me to see the Professor, tomorrow. Nothing psychic," she says quickly. "Just to consider maybe talking with someone. Moira, or the Professor, or off campus if you'd rather someone else... on a regular basis."

"Yeah, okay." Jamie cracks an eye open when she touches him, and a sniffle breaks through before he can stop it. "Y-you don't have to worry about bumping me," he adds, voice breaking, and slams his free hand, fist clenched, into the wall with enough force to shake loose a few flakes of sawdust from the ceiling. "Doesn't work anymore."

Alison blinks once, still keeping her arm around his shoulder. Unconscious self control, power block induced by trauma, leave the damn book alone for now Alison. She smiles at him reassuringly, and shifts the light patterns a bit, soothingly. "We'll talk about it with the Professor tomorrow, kiddo, and sort it out."

"Wish that made me feel better. Last night--" Jamie shivers again, and swallows convulsively. "Last night I dreamed I counted wrong, and that's why I can't dupe--because it was the real me, under the rocks, and I'm just waiting around to find out what happens to a leftover dupe."

Letting him talk it out, Alison nodded, listening to him attentively. Light shifting ever so slowly, gradually through spectrums that only she could detect on some levels - radiating a steady calm, reassurance and safety on every level.

"I just didn't want anybody to worry, I thought--there's so much other bad stuff going on, I had to keep it together. Quis clowniet ipsos clown, you know? But I couldn't."

Alison nods quietly, still keeping the light going, slowly but gradually. "Just because we're the well adjusted ones, or so they say, doesn't mean we're not allowed to need to break down a little too, sometimes, hon."

"Picked a crap time to do it, though. Kitty--that stuff with her parents, that's not gonna get better in a hurry. I'm no good to her like this."

"We never pick those times, hon," she chuckles, patting his shoulder lightly. "And what's important is that both of you can be there for each other - not at the expense of one of you. You need a balance in those things - and letting Kitty help you might just be what she needs to help herself, too, y'know."

"I don't want to be a stressy part of her life." Jamie sighs. "So much for what I want, huh? You sure the Professor can help? I mean, I know I haven't taken any psych but somehow I don't think this one gets into too many textbooks."

"I think he can," she nods firmly, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "And I think that as long as you're willing to let someone help, things can be worked out."

"Okay. I'll give it a shot . . . " Jamie rubs his eyes. "D'you say something about helping me sleep before?" He manages a weak smile. "No dreams? I dunno if I can take another one like last night."

"Yep," she nods firmly, smiling back at him. "Hope you don't mind a lullaby to go with it?"

"Silly question. 'Sides, the way I feel I wouldn't complain if you told me I had to go kiss Jono."

Alison grins at him wickedly, getting to her feet and holding out her hand to help him up. "I may remind you of that statement some day."

Jamie levers himself up, bracing himself on the wall. "Oh, hell. And I just got Lorna to back off about the dress."

She winks at him impishly, and holds up her hand. "I promise not to remind her."

"I'll claim psychological trauma again. 'Least this time I know what it really feels like."

Alison reaches over and pulls him in a brief, fierce hug. "Come on," she says, releasing him. "Want to pick a lullaby, or are you giving me free choice?"

"Your pick. I never could decide on a favorite." Jamie leans into the wall to catch his balance after the hug. "I--thanks. I couldn't figure out how to ask."

Alison nods, already knowing more than one will be needed especially since she intends to try the hypnotic light effect as slowly as possible. "You're welcome, kiddo." She smiles at him warmly.

He manages a shaky return smile. "Ladies first, then. God, if this works, I can't even--I've been feeling like Rhoop all week, you know? From Dawn Treader? Trapped on the island where dreams come true."

"Aie," she shakes her head, taking the ladder slowly and emitting enough light so Jamie can see his way down once she's reached the ground. Well, hopefully this will work and allow you to sleep peacefully tonight. "Guess we better get you back in the mansion asap and find out then, mmm?"

Jamie slides down the ladder with careless ease, far too used to making the climb in pitch darkness. "Can't wait."