xp_logs | Nathan and Manuel, Monday morning

Nathan stops by to see Manuel and talk about what he's proposing to do with Dani. Old issues come out and parade themselves around, accompanied on the piano by Irony. Nathan winds up more or less washing his hands of the matter.

It struck him, as he knocked on Manuel's door, that there was no actual need to have his emotions this tightly coiled into the defensive pattern Askani had shown him all those months ago. Manuel didn't have his powers, after all. But habit, old or otherwise, died hard.

Manuel opened the door prompty, and then grinned when he saw who it was. "Nathan. Come in." he said, stepping back to allow the bigger man entry. He'd cleaned his room since the last time Nathan saw it - everything was rigidly ordered now, put into its proper place and organized.

"Well," Nathan said with a brief smile, taking in the change. "This is an improvement. You've put some serious work in, here..."

Manuel nodded. "I remembered the mind rules that I've been taught." he said with a smile. "Exterior reflects interior, and interior influences exterior. So if I get my place neat, my mind will be a little neater. Ever notice how, for example, Charles is meticulously tidy? Reflects how his mind is." he said with a happy little babble. "Did you stop my to discuss Danielle's training?" he asked, gesturing to his chair so that Nathan could sit down if so inclined.

Nathan sat down. "I'd hate to see what Charles thinks of my office, then," he said with a chuckle. "But yes, I did. Sort of." He regarded Manuel steadily. "Before we get onto that subject, I'm wondering just how much of yours you remember. Because what you were passing on to her - the focusing on someone else? - caused problems for you that took a lot of pain and effort to overcome."

Manuel nodded. "I know." he said. "But at that time it was all I could remember. I remember more now. Not all of it - I'm not sure I'll ever get all of it back - but I remember most. Some lessons I am extremely unlikely to ever forget." Especially those learned in pain and blood. "And one of the things I do remember is how to build walls, how to build that fence that keeps me separate from them. I've got no use for it, I have no power anymore, but if I can pass it along to her, then it's all worthwhile!"

"What?" Nathan asked levelly. "What's all worthwhile?"

Manuel grinned at Nathan. "Asgard." he said with a very level look. "Summer classes. All of the difficulties I had back then."

Nathan stared at him for a very long moment. "This is really very ironic," he said, and didn't smile. "You're looking for validation."

Manuel grinned again. "I thought the irony was so thick that we both would choke on it. I remember telling you not to look for validation in me, and now here I am looking for validation in Danielle. It is very, very funny." he said with a helpless laugh.

"That's one word for it." Nathan regarded him pensively. "It's not a good reason to do this."

"We'll leave aside the notion that she's suffering and that I can help her. We'll also leave aside my duty as an empath to help another empath in trouble, the way Charles looked after me. The way your own empaths looked after me, despite how much I struggled against it." Manuel said. "Give me a little bit of credit here. Empathy, to be truly controlled, requires a lot of knowledge about yourself and how you feel. What drives you, what your passions are - both good and bad. Since my little run-in with Selene, I've been giving small frivolous topics like that a great deal of thought."

"The fact remains, you're not the only one who can help her," Nathan said steadily. "Charles is already working with her. So am I... and before you say it, Manuel, you really don't have any idea how much more fully I've absorbed the Askani psionic arts since we worked together in the summer. I'm not just the channel for their knowledge anymore." He shook his head. "I'm not telling you that you shouldn't help her. If you are very clear on the fact that what you were doing with her at first was entirely the wrong approach, and are willing to run what you are doing past Charles to make sure that what you're passing on is good for her, I for one would be thrilled to see you keep supporting her. It's what you didn't have while you were learning." He sighed. "But she cannot be your student, and you cannot take on the responsibility for solving her problems."

Manuel nodded. "Si, that makes sense. I'll work with just about anyone so long as we make some progress. I've already talked to Charles and Leonard about this - Leonard doesn't like the idea, but thinks it may be good for me. Charles is, well, he is Charles. He prefers a let's-see-what-happens approach to such things sometimes. And the quick-and-dirty shield was always intended to be a placeholder, not a permanent solution. When you're going mad, you'll grasp any reed you can to keep from falling over the edge. I was that reed for her, and now that she's got a better grip, we can show her the techniques that work, the ones that will not drive her and others mad."

Oh, he was so very much not comfortable with this. The defensive pattern held firm, though, keeping his emotions nicely in check, and Nathan was able to meet Manuel's all-too-earnest gaze coolly. "And is it going to be enough for you to see her well and whole?" he asked, the Askani accent edging his voice lightly.

"Why would it not be?" he asked confusedly. "What, do you think I'm trying for something else, that my motives are not pure?" he said angrily. "Why would you think that? What have I _done_ that would give you that impression?!" he shouted.

"You're looking for validation. You confessed that quite openly." Nathan met his angry look without batting an eye. "Are you prepared for what happens if she picks that up? If she takes it wrongly? If, once you've done everything you can to help her, she throws it in your face that you were acting at least partially out of selfishness, or tells you that you never really cared about her?"

Manuel grinned. "We're empaths. It is something that she'll feel over and over again in her life." he said, his temper cooling down as fast as it got hot. "But if she is uncomfortable with that, if she cannot accept that I am deriving a certain emotional satisfaction from helping her, then she will at least have others who can fill the gap, who can continue her training."

And the defensive pattern in his mind fractured and fell apart, Nathan's expression turning to stone. "You didn't answer my question."

Manuel hrmmed. "I thought I did. If she demands that I leave, that I never cared about her, then I will do as she wishes."

All the furniture in the room rattled, and Nathan gritted his teeth. "How much," he said, and his voice came out entirely too tight, "do you want your validation, Manuel? Are you going to be able to handle not getting it, or getting a slap in the face instead? Because as well as you're doing, you're recovering from a fairly substantial trauma yourself. Certainly more than Danielle herself is dealing with."

Manuel hrmmed. "Believe it or not, I've thought of this too. You can probably see it in my mind if you tried. If I don't get it, I don't get it. In my heart, I'll know that I did the right thing for the right reasons. It will be enough."

"I'll hold you to that. Just don't care too much, Manuel. It'll come back to bite you in the ass if you do," Nathan said, his voice wintry again as he got up. "Personally, I intend to approach this with as little emotion as humanly possible. Works much better that way."

"I couldn't do it if I didn't feel anything." he confessed. "It's the nature of who and what I am."

If this ended well, he'd be surprised. Pleasantly surprised, but still shocked as hell. "You'll want to talk to Charles about what you're doing with Danielle," he reminded Manuel. "Let him be your sounding board. I don't think it's going to do anyone any good to have you and I trying to cooperate on this."

"The techniques and the knowledge will likely come from others. I am there as an example, that someone has been where she is and come out more-or-less intact." he said with a laugh. "Or something like that. A shoulder to cry on, a crutch to lean on, that sort of a thing. It was be the most intimate thing I have ever done, beyond even my bonding to Amanda."

Right. Like I really needed to hear that. Nathan shrugged, turning for the door. "Stick to the shoulder," he advised. "Not the crutch."

"It's not for me to say. It depends on what she needs." he said, rising as well to graciously show his guest out. "I know that we have little love for one another, but I am asking you to trust me on this one. I have nothing but her well-being in my heart." he pleaded.

Nathan stopped and looked down at him, measuringly. "It's not for me to trust you or not to trust you," he said neutrally. "Talk to Charles. Make sure you pay attention to the effects on you of whatever you wind up doing for, or with her."

Manuel nodded. "I will." he said with a massive sense of relief. That would bear some further reflection and follow-up time to be sure. "Are you departing? Thank you for stopping by and raising your concerns. I hope I have addressed them to your satisfaction..."

He would never get used to the politeness, Nathan reflected with a very tiny smile. "Yes, and it's given me some food for thought. I hope..." He stopped, then shook his head. "I hope you find what you're looking for." The irony still stung, but this wasn't about him. And there was no going back, in any case.

Manuel nodded. "Me too, for what it's worth. I think it will be good for me, and it just feels _right_." he said blithely. "Good day, Nathan. I'll be in your Machaivelli for Dummies class later today. With all my homework done." he grinned.

"Well, I'll hope you're not alone in that again today," Nathan said dryly, heading out the door. "I'll see you later."

"Good day." Manuel said, and then closed the door once Nathan had left.