xp_logs | Dani & Dr. McCoy & Dani & Manuel

Before Tai Chi, Dani goes back down to the medlab to see Dr. McCoy about the weekend. He is stern, but she is coherant and understands. Which is an improvement.

The doctors had been kind enough to let her go back to her room and shower before demanding she return to he medlab. She was not looking forward to that, even if she had spent part of the morning dreaming about her toothbrush and soap. For a moment she had even wished she had some of that sweet-smelling body whatevers that most girls had seemed so fond of.

Heading back down however, she came prepared. A sopapilla in a bowl in one hand and a large salad for herself in the other. She had a feeling Dr. McCoy would like her thank you attempt. Hank looked up, and smiled when he saw her peeking around the door, a bowl in each hand. "Welcome back," he said, careful to only project calm and cheerful concern. Years of practice with Jean, both when she herself was distraught and when the two of them were working with other psis, had taught him a lot about controlling what emotions got projected and what didn't. "Feeling better now, I hope."

She nodded, eyes firmly planted on the floor. Mutely, she held his bowl out to him. "Some," she replied, sitting down in an office chair. Changing her clothes had helped too.

He accepted the bowl, making a delighted noise when he saw the tasty treat. "Mmm, sugar! My favourite." He'd already had quite a bit today, of course, but he'd worn most of that off running around with the kids whooping and throwing snow and so on. "Thank you." He set it aside for now, though, resting his elbows on the desk and looking at her. "We do need to talk," he said gently. "About your powers, and about your control of your temper."

She nodded, knowing what was coming. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'll stop."

He got up, moving over to sit on the edge of the desk and resting a hand on her shoulder. "I know how very hard this must be for you," he said, taking care not to sound angry or reproachful, because he was rather afraid that she'd burst into tears if he did. "But this is important." He took a deep breath. "Danielle, do you want to have this baby?"

"What?" she looked up at him, startled. She had never even considered not having her baby at any point, "Yes! I mean, it's my baby, how could I not have it?"

"You could have killed the baby, yourself, or both, falling down the stairs like that," he pointed out. "If I hadn't been there to catch you... and if you keep getting so worked up, that could happen again. And that's not the only danger." He kept his hand on her shoulder and his voice calm, but he gave her a serious look. "Your baby, especially as its brain develops further, is completely without shields. Some psis automatically shield their child from their own abilities, others will form an automatic connection, and since you cannot shield much yourself as yet, the latter... the second... is more likely with you."

"I didn't fall on purpose," she started, knowing that he knew that. That wasn't the point. And she knew she needed shields, that's why she was at Xavier's after all, but this didn't make it easier. "So I can't feel then? I mean, if what I feel is negative...then I hurt the baby."

"Feeling... and feeling a range of emotions.... is fine. The baby won't always like the negative ones, but he or she will find out about them sooner or later. What you need to guard against is the violent extremes, such as your recent bout of hysteria." Hank sighed. "When you lash out with books it's one thing, but you may, at some point, inadvertently lash out with your powers as well... and your baby has no shielding at all. At best, you might leave lingering trauma. At worst..." She had to know, although he tried to stay calm and not frighten her too much. "Psi powers can cause physical brain damage, if wielded with enough force," he said softly. "Or even death."

She knew he was going to say that. He had the 'caring doctor about to tell you something bad' tone and mannerisms down pat. He was acting the same way the doctors did when they told her that her grandfather was dead. Sincerely apologetic, but slightly detatched. "No. No more death. I'm tired of everyone dying."

"Good." He reached out gently to tilt her chin up, getting her to meet his eyes. "There are plenty of things you can do to try to make sure that doesn't happen," he said gently. "And I'll help... so will Charles and the other teachers. We all want you and the baby to be okay."

She nodded. The teachers, everyone really, had already demonstrated that. "I want to get control. I do. I don't want to hurt my baby."

"Good. The herbs I prescribed will help, and so will the Tai Chi. Meditating and training with the other psis will also help. I'd suggest keeping an inhibitor handy for a while, in case you have another bad spell, but mostly, you're doing fairly well already." He patted her shoulder gently. "And another major factor is reducing your stress levels as much as possible. I know you're stressed by the problems with Sheldon and your lack of control.... is there anything else that's really upsetting you just now?"

Danielle shook her head, forcing herself to take a bite of her forgotton salad. "College?" she asked, not entirely certain. She wasn't worried about getting in, she was actually fairly sure she wouldn't, but everyone was pushing it.

"What about it?" he asked. "Are you worried about money, or whether or not you get in... or whether you want to go yet?"

"Yes," she answered simply, "All of it. I ain't known anyone who went to college. We had a career day thing, with one college. Ain't no one going there. And then I come here, everyone says I can. There's money. I'm smart. I ain't stupid sometimes, but I ain't like Forge."

Hank nodded. "Would it make you feel better about any or all of this if you had a paying job?" he asked. The idea hadn't been enough to calm her down before, but now that she was calm...Nodding slowly, she agreed, "Cooking is good. Helps pay my tuition, but that's not the same as having money. But I don't have time," that was one thing no one seemed to have at Xavier's and still always have it too. Everyone kept very busy.

"Time could be arranged, if necessary." Hank smiled. "I've noticed your typing skills are coming along nicely, since you got here... would you object to, say, secretarial work? You could do that sitting down, not putting too much strain on your back."

"Secretarial work? Like writing down what you say?" she wasn't very familiar with computers overall, but she could type relatively well. At least, better than she could. And she was learning how to use her computer for more than just writing papers and checking the journals too.

"Like transcribing handwritten notes onto the computer." Hank held up his hands and smiled ruefully. "Even with a special keyboard, my hands tend to cramp up if I type too much. I take most of my notes and so on on paper, and I loathe having to type it up. There's paperwork involved in running the medlab, too, which we'd certainly appreciate help with... the less sensitive parts, anyway." He gave her a hopeful look. "You'd be able to work around classes and helping in the kitchen, since there are no real office hours or anything involved. How does twenty dollars an hour sound?"

"Twenty - but," she babbled, disbelieving, "You can't pay that much! I mean, ain't no one paid that much!" Twenty dollars, especially an hour, was a lot of money!

"My dear, a real confidential secretary would be paid much more than that," Hank said cheerfully. "Especially for casual and unpredictable hours in a remote location. You'll have to sign a confidentiality agreement and so forth, of course. But I'm sure I can trust you, and since outsiders aren't really allowed, and there's nobody else who wants to do this, this is something of a buyer's market. I'll even throw in dental."

"Dental?" she asked, confused. This was too much too soon. Sniffling, she tried not to cry, "I don't know, I guess so. Okay. I'm sorry about throwing stuff at you."

"Oh, now, don't cry..." He gave her a gentle hug, patting her back reassuringly. "Having employment and an income will, I hope, make you feel calmer and more secure, and it will save me a great deal of time and annoyance, so there's something in it for everyone. And, of course, as your employer, I shall be obliged to provide you with proper insurance and so on." She already had all the medical coverage she could want at the mansion, of course, but they didn't have a staff dentist... and besides, not having to worry about those things would help her a lot. The dentist was only a place you went if your mouth hurt, and the idea of having one like she had a doctor didn't quite make sense, but she figured it made Dr. McCoy happy.

"I'm not crying," she said continuing to sniffle, "Really. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled at her. "Now. Tomorrow we'll set you up with a computer in the lab, and a comfortable chair that will support your back, and if you can come down and do an hour or two of work whenever you have time, that will do admirably."

"So if I throw books at you again, I'll get a weekend in the box and baby clothes?" Dani asked, grinning feebly. Once again, things were beginning to improve. It seemed to be the way things worked around Xavier's.

"If you throw books at me again, I'll take them away from you and not give them back," he said firmly. "And no throwing anything in the lab... there are fragile items and dangerous chemicals in there."

"And explain to Mr. Summers why I couldn't do my work?" she asked hopefully, gathering her still mostly untouched salad and standing up, "I need to get ready for Tai Chi."

"You can explain to Mr Summers that you damaged the books, and that's why they were confiscated," he said firmly. "And have fun at Tai Chi... I'm sure it will help." He smiled at her. "And don't worry too much about the child support," he said gently. "If you don't get it, then something else can be worked out. And with Moira's baby on the way as well, I'm sure we can work out an arrangement where both of you have someone else to look after the babies when you need it."

Nodding, she headed out of the office, feeling something close to happy. And she didn't think it was from anyone else but herself.

After Tai Chi, Manuel tries to help Manuel with her powers. It doesn't quite work, but nothing is thrown and they don't fight. Again, an improvement.

Manuel knocked on Dani's door. He stood a fairly good chance of finding her there, and he wanted to get a jump on working on her control. He took the time after he knocked to compose himself, make himself as calm as he could. She should appreciate that, he thought with a mental smile.

"Hold on!" Danielle called, shutting the shower off and scrambling to the door, trying not to trip over her books and things, "Yeah?" she asked, opening the door wearing only a towel.

Manuel smiled. "Have I come at a bad time?" he said, indicating her current choice of attire. "I was wondering if you wanted another empathy lesson. One a little more suited for long-term stability. But if you're busy, I could come back later..." he grinned. "No big deal."

"Oh, sure!" she grinned, opening the door wider to let him in, "I've been having a passionate love affair with my toothbrush. Gimme a sec," leaving the door open for Manuel she turned, rummaging around in the dresser for some clean clothing. Turning her back to him, she dropped the towel and dressed quickly in pajamas. She briefly remember what Mr. Dayspring had said about Manuel and training her, but as long as he didn't try the same thing as last time, she wasn't against trying something new, "Okay?"

Manuel couldn't help but quirk his lips into a grin when Danielle dropped her towel. "Perfectly acceptable, so long as you're comfortable." Manuel, however, had not entered her room. "May I come in?" he inquired pleasantly.

"Oh yeah," that explained the door still being wide open, "Of course. My room is yours and all," anything for people really. Even if she couldn't always feel them, she felt like she needed to be around them. Her room was too big and lonely.

Manuel stepped into her room and closed the door behind him. "Thank you." he said, keeping things polite. He looked around for a chair to sit on, finally appropriating her desk chair to perch upon. "Ready to work?" he asked pleasantly. "Because if you can get the hang of this technique I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a wall between You and Us." he said.

"You make it sound easy."

Manuel shook his head at that. "Nothing worth doing well ever is, in my experience." he said. "So, tell me how you feel. I take it that your now-ex husband has made you very angry?"

Nodding, she agreed, "Angry. Frustrated. Hurt. Happy? But that might be Clarice and Shiro. Scared," she listed the emotions ticking them off on her fingers, "I had time to list them. I feel better now though, a bit."

Manuel nodded. "Here's what we're going to do. I want you to bring that anger back into your mind. Remember how it felt, let it burn through you. Embrace it."

She looked at him doubtfully, "I threw books at Dr. McCoy and tried to destroy the box because I was angry. I don't want to do that again," she thought back to her 'discussion' with Dr. McCoy. If she did anything like that again they'd have to take action to protect her baby from her.

"OK, then let me explain. I wanted you to bring up that anger because it is strong. Then, once you had it, I wanted you to build a wall in your mind with it. Make each brick out of anger, build it up as high as your anger will permit. Then, when the wall is built, you'll notice that you're not feeling anything through it at all. You can do it with other emotions as well, but given what had just happened to you I thought anger would be the easiest for you to feel quickly and easily." he explained. "Do you understand?"

Biting her lip, she tried. The anger was easy enough to find, her time in the box and tai chi had only surpressed it as opposed to erasing it. It took energy to sustain anger. It welled up, causing her to tense and try to block it. Slowly she tried to visualize a brick. Gasping, she blinked, body sagging.

"Don't tense up. Relax your body." he said, grasping her hands in his own. "Remember how he made you feel. Remember how angry it made you. How much you wanted to scream." he urged. "I know you can do this. I did it, so you can do it too."

"I'd rather scream!" she yelled at him, jerking her hands away and jumping up. She couldn't be properly angry sitting down. Screaming made more sense right now than his brick laying idea.

Manuel also got to his feet. "Take that anger. Use it for something productive! Concentrate! Do you want the feelings to stop? Do you want to stop being at the mercy of anybody in a bad mood? Or anyone in a good mood? Do you _ever_ want to get control? If you do, then you need to _concentrate_! I know it's hard! I know! But you have to do it!"

"There's too much!" she held her head with her hands, trying harder, "I can't concentrate!"

"Yes, you can. I know you can." he said, grabbing her hands with his own. "Look at me. _Look_ at me. If I can do this, you can do this. When I first came here, I was in far worse shape than you ever were. I felt everything, all the time. Didn't matter if it contradicted, or what I wanted. I just felt it anyway. I will _NOT_ have that happen to you!"

"I want it to go away!" she cried, letting him pull her hands from her head, "Go away!"

Manuel stayed with her. "You can make it go away! You! Just concentrate! Make bricks, and stack them up in your mind. You want it to go away? That's how."

Taking some deep breaths Dani closed her eyes, trying to block Manuel out, "No." she opened her eyes again, still breathing deeply but much more calm, "I was doing much better before you came in. Now I feel like I want to break things again. That is not helping."

"Then pick a different emotion, and try that. Maybe anger's too much - you don't seem to be able to stay on top of it." he suggested.

Sitting back down on her unmade, more of a boneless methosian sprawl than actually sitting, Dani looked up at him wearily, "Not now?" she asked, tired. Anger was hard to maintain and forcing it back was even harder. "But another time?" she wasn't ready to give up forever.

Manuel nodded. "Sure. Think about what I said. Practice when you get some moments. You'll get it, I'm sure of it." he said, trying to be supportive. "Look at me, you'll see what I mean."

"You lost your powers," she reminded him, not feeling very nice, "You don't have anything to control. But I'll try. Sure."

"Yeah, but I did. And the power will come back." he said, with more confidance than he actually felt. "And this will work. You don't want to take my word for it, that's fine. Ask Charles. Ask Nathan. They'll tell you the same thing."

"Fine," she made a mental note to ask Mr. Dayspring the next time she saw him. Groaning, she sat up, "Are you sleeping here or are you going to leave?"

Manuel blinked and then grinned. "Well, I was planning on the pleasures of my own bed tonight. Are you asking me to stay?" he asked with a grin.

She shrugged not really caring either way, if he didn't she'd just wander down to Forge's room like she normally did. After all, the boys had had two full nights without her, which was too long.

Manuel quirked an eyebrow. "Would you like for me to stay?" he asked, turning her question back on her.

"Turn off the light then," she instructed, answering indirectly, "I'm going to bed now."

Manuel grinned at that. "You'd better not hog the covers, as I don't see any couches or anything else to sleep on."