xp_logs | More logs with Jay!

At some point after Terry, Jay leaves his room for another flight to clear his head. He finds Amanda up on the platform, and the two talk about the kerfluffle they caused. Amanda even comes up with a way for Jay to repay her for the spell.

Jay was tired. Not physically, of course, as he found that he couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried to relax. He was worked up and antsy and really needed to get out. And without Kitty around, he'd have to brave the way from his suite to the flyer's platform. He managed to get there without incident (only a handful of people gave him the evil eye). "Amanda?" he said, spotting a familiar figure on the platform.

"Only if you're not hear t' tell me how much I fucked up," Amanda replied sourly, not turning around and thus not realising who it was. Not one of her familiar people, at least. Then she looked up, and saw it was Jay. "Oh, sorry, 's you." She looked down at the cigarette burning between her fingers and made a vague gesture. "Needed some peace an' quiet, an' no-one bothers me up here. Well, 'cept Ange, an' that's all right. I can so, if you want."

Jay shook his head and sat down next to her. "Actually, it's a good thing you're here. Ah'm sorry iffn Ah gotcha inta any trouble." He glanced at the cancer-stick in her fingers, but didn't make a face or anything about it. He figured that second-hand smoke wouldn't affect him anyway.

"Wasn't yer fault. Contrary t' popular opinion, I am capable of makin' a decision. McCoy was out of line, an' he knows it." Amanda's voice was flat. "'Sides, 's been a while since the last bollockin', so I guessed I was due." She looked over at him, expression fleetingly concerned. "How're you doin'?"

"Fucker shouted his face off at me this mornin'. Thought Ah was tryin' ta kill ya. Because, y'know, Ah hate your guts and all and want ta see ya six feet under." Shivering, Jay brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them. "Ah don't know how ta say this, but Ah really appreciate whatcha did for me. Ah know it couldn't've been easy for ya, but it meant a lot."

"Had me own yellin' match with him today - don't be too hard on the poor bastard, he really thought he was doin' the best thing for me. An' I guess I should've warned you 'bout the whole overdoin' it thing. But really, I've been gettin' headaches an' nosebleeds ever since I was a nipper, ain't like it's anythin' new. Not t' say it was easy - if I hadn't thought you were gunna try an' top yerself, I wouldn't have done it." Amanda took a long drag on her cigarette, blowing the smoke away from him - it wasn't hard to miss the distasteful looks. "I figured it was important tho', for you t' get that worked up over it."

Jay looked down at his knees, growing a wee bit uncomfortable. He was ashamed that he'd overreacted when she'd said "no" the first dozen times. "Ah still feel like an ass. Ah gotcha inta this mess, even if they ain't got no right to make a mess in the first place."

"You needed help, I could give it. Sure there was probably other ways of makin' you feel better 'bout all this..." Amanda remembered Angelo's words in the kitchen with a slight grimace. "But in the end, the decision's mine. As is the flack - don't worry 'bout me, I can handle it. An' at least it's not the whole school out t' get me this time - you ever hear 'bout the love potion?"

Jay nodded. "Ah heard about it, and read about it on the few journals Ah checked back. Ya sure seem ta know how ta get in on the shit."

"Got a knack for it all right," She snorted. "Don't call me Trouble for nothin'." Falling silent for a moment, she went on, voice losing the bitter edge. "He seemed like a nice bloke, your Kev. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did."

Jay nodded again, and spoke past the sudden lump in his throat. "The best. Ya couldn't ask for a better fella. Wish he coulda met all y'all. Ah think he'd've liked you. He always had a thing for the witches in Macbeth."

"Never had a groupie before," Amanda said with a small grin. "Well, apart from Beth..." She had to swallow her own throat lump at the name, but went on. "He was right, what he said 'bout goin' on without him. It's hard, people you love leavin', but it's not the end of the world, not unless you want it t' be." She hesitated a moment, and then said: "Last year, nearly exactly a year ago now, I came up here meanin' t' throw meself off."

Now that he didn't know. "Why? And what stopped ya?"

"I'm a junkie." She said the word matter-of-factly. "Me mutation... I'm hooked on it. Got exposed t' a power source too strong for me, an' couldn't stop needin' it. Then the source got blocked an' I crashed, big time. Did some pretty shitty things t' the people I care about - the potion happened 'round that time. I was high an' thought I was helpin' Doug fix his love life. Then one night, I had it pointed out t' me that I was doin' nothin' but usin' people, hurtin' them, an' I couldn't handle it any more. Just wanted all of it t' stop." Her fingers were shaking a little at the memory as she took another drag on her cigarette. "Angelo stopped me. Told me that if I did it, I'd only be provin' I was nothin' better than a junkie. He was right, an' every day since, I've been tryin' t' prove otherwise."

Jay couldn't even formulate a response to that. He'd heard that Amanda had had problems with her powers, but he couldn't imagine that they were any worse than anybody else's control issues. "Oh," he said at last. "Well, if it means anythin', Ah think ya made the right choice. You're a good person, Amanda, and Ah know we don't know each other well or nuthin', so iffn ya don't mind me sayin', Ah think of ya as a friend."

She gave him a brief smile. "Thanks," she said. "I didn't tell you that 'cause I wanted you t' feel sorry for me, or t' get you t' say nice things... I just wanted you t' know, I know what it's like, t' be so desperate, t' think there's nothin' else in life for you. An' if I can help you see otherwise, same way Ange helped me, then it's all worth it, the headaches an' the nosebleeds an' the passin' out an' the bollockin'. 'Cause some good came out of it. Out of me."

Jay returned the smile. "Talkin' ta him, for even five minutes, has given me a lot ta think about. Ah don't know iffn Ah can fall in love with anyone else, or even if Ah wanna, but at least Ah can stop bein' so hung up about 'im, y'know?"

"Whether you ever love anyone else again... well, that's up t' you. People heal different, even with the magical help." She chuckled a little wryly. "But good. That it helped. Like I said, makes it worth it." Finishing the cigarette, she stubbed it out on the brickwork and gave him an almost shy smile. "You carried me back in, didn't you? Last night?"

"Of course," Jay replied. "Ah couldn't just leave ya out there, could Ah? Some thanks that woulda been. Ah checked on ya this mornin' too, before ya woke up, ta make sure you were doin' alright. That's the very least Ah could do, really."

"I was gunna ask a favour, actually," she said, blushing a little and ducking her head. "Next time it's nice out... take me flying? I love it, an' I can't have the power for that spell any more. 'S too much for me t' handle still."

"Flyin'?" Jay almost laughed until he realized how important this was to here. "Of course," he said, offering a smile. "Ah haven't practiced much with another person, so Ah don't think Ah can go high or fast, but sure, if that's whatcha want."

Her answering smile was far more honest and open than Jay had ever seen from her. "It is. Ever since I was little, I wanted t' be able t' fly. Sometimes I wish that had been my mutation, instead of the mystic energy thing. Would've made life a lot different. An' probably a bit less time spent in bed 'cause I've over done things."

"Well, Ah came out here to fly around for a bit. Ah could take ya up now, if ya want. S'cold out here, but if you've got some kinda warmin' spell . . . Well, if they won't beat'cha up for usin' a little bit of magic like that."

It was tempting. Very tempting. But Amanda felt the twinge of the headache, and shook her head. "They might not beat me up, but my body will. 'S too soon, after a major spell like that. It'd kick my arse but good." She reached over and patted his hand awkwardly. "But I'll hold you to it, yeah? Payment for services rendered, an' all that."

"Ah'm thinkin' we can arrange that." Jay shivered again and got back to his feet. "And before Ah turn mahself into an icicle out here, Ah'm gonna get the blood movin' and all that." He spread his wings and lifted himself up from the platform. "Y'all better go in before you catch a cold, too."

"Well, I'm done killin' me lungs for the night, so yeah, I will." She didn't mention she had a boyfriend waiting to warm her up - that was just insensitive. "Have a good flight, Jay." It was probably the first time she'd used his actual name while talking to him.

And much later that night, Paige finally gathers the nerve to talk to her brother. They beat around the bush at first, but eventually hit the issues at hand. If you're in the search for a feel-good log, here it is :)

Paige checked her watch again; she'd lost track of the number of times she'd done so today. It was finally late enough that the angry mob of people who were bound to have been hunting down her brother to of ebbed. She'd be pacing through the hallway and around the common room for what seemed like ages now, and so it took her little time at all to find herself at his door. Paige didn't bother with more than a quick knock before entering; if anyone was in his room, they were leaving now and whatever state of dress he was in she'd already seen. "Hey, sugar."

Jay was alone, dressed in the same jeans and t-shirt he'd been wearing all day, and was sitting on his bed with his guitar, as if he hadn't moved all day. "I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known . . ." he was singing. While Green Day wasn't exactly his prefered style of music, they did have a handful of songs that Jay would consider to be brilliant.

"Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone," Paige answered back quietly, not perfectly in pitch, but not half bad either, considering she had no singing experience to speak of. He wasn't getting away with the distracted angsty musician thing; she already had plenty of practice dealing with it from Jono. Pushing away a twinge of hurt at that thought, she sat beside him, pulling her legs up comfortably. "They have good lyrics. Easy to identify with."

Jay continued playing the song, but wasn't singing anymore. He was expecting Paige to come up at some point, but he couldn't say if he was pleased or not at that. But she was here now, and there was no way to ignore her. "Just feel lucky that Ah haven't gone so bad that Ah'm singing Avril's 'Nobody's Home'."

Paige smiled a little, curling up further with her cheek on her knees. Almost as if to make herself as small as possible next to her brother; a soothing thought. "That'd just be messy. What with the me having to send notice to disown you and all." She hadn't made any master plans for what to say to Jay, but she did remember that he would talk to her when he wanted to and she could wait for that.

"She's got a bad rep, y'know," he said, still strumming away. "Yeah, her first CD sucked, but what Ah've heard of this new one really ain't so bad. Angsty enough ta make any of us cry, but she has talent. And if she can get herself a record deal, then Ah can too."

"Chickpea, the rule of thumb is, if Ashley Simpson can get a record deal, anyone can. You're a shoe-in, if you so decide to head that way," Paige observed casually, not bringing up the way Avril's music tended to make her eyes bleed. And what the hell had that girl done with her hair? It looked, well, yellow. Like that kid in the Harry Potter movies.

"That bitch is ridin' on her sister's fame," Jay spat. Oh how he hated that whole genre of pseudo-music. "Jessica can at least sing even if she's a total whore. And she's got herself one helluva brother-in-law. He's starring Rent, y'know, the little Lachey. Ah'd go see it just for the eye candy, but that musical is gayer than Ah could ever be."

Paige laughed, almost coyly. This was going all right, even well. It felt normal, even if it was a little two normal; just two siblings chattering away. "Too bad. I hear the music is amazing," she replied. "Or at least the newspaper reviews I've read said so, and they're generally a reliable source."

Jay shrugged and finished up the rest of "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," but kept his guitar on his lap. A security-blanket of sorts. "Ah read whatcha said to the Doc today."

"Uh huh?" Paige asked quietly, raising her eyes to his. There was a part of her that was pleased, that he was willing to quit with the forced conversation and say what they were both thinking, but it was pushed aside by the rushing knowledge that this was her little brother and she hardly knew him anymore; how hard it had been to get here. "I meant it."

"Ah know ya did." If Jay was going to admit the truth, he'd admit that he had been entirely unfair to his sister. His behavior to Sam was justified, of course, but not to much to Paige. "Thanks. How much do people know?"

Shrugging in response, Paige straightened and tried to smile a little. "Only that Amanda did some magic for you and as much as you've told them. I'm only guessing myself, but I know that you're not stupid, nor would you ask for magic unless it was really important, and since you're no prettier today than you were yesterday, and your vanity is the only thing that even comes close, then I assume it's to do with... well."

Jay snorted and nodded. Trying to hide anything from Paige would be as difficult as convincing Terry that he was prettier. "How much did Mama tell you 'bout us?" he asked softly. He reckoned that she'd have given Sam and Paige the abridged version, leaving it up to Jay to fill in the details as he saw fit, because that's the kind of woman Lucinda Guthrie is.

"Not... not much." It took her a moment to pull herself together, swallowing hard. She was a romantic at heart, secretly, and this had been hard to hear. "She told us the next day I think," Paige continued after a long while. "After he died. That you'd been secretly been together. That he had drowned and his family blamed it on you. I just didn't know what to say, what to ask, and I was reeling from my own melodrama... I'm sorry. I haven't been a very good sister to you for a while."

"Ah shoulda told Mama. She'd've liked 'im, even if she hates his family. She wouldn't've pulled a Montague and Capulet on us. Maybe then it would've been different." Jay paused and wiped at his eyes. "We coulda done a thousand things different so we'd still be together. Ah sometimes wonder, iffn Ah'd fallen for his sister Julia, if Mr. Cabot would've reacted the same way."

"Oh, honey..." Paige drawled quietly, shifting around to snuggle up to him, her hand reaching up to stroke gently at his hair. "Don't do the should've, could'ves. I know it's hard, I know, but maybe... maybe this is the way it was meant to be, as difficult as that is to accept. Maybe he's supposed to be your muse."

Jay found himself laying his head on his sister's shoulder before he knew what he was doing. "Ah wanna kill whatever fucker came up with that idea. He was inspirin' me just fine when he was alive."

Paige laughed a little, more of a dry sob and tucked him close enough to her that she could feel his pulse beneath his skin. A steady heartbeat. "It sounded brilliant at the time, I swear. But I hear that you've come up with this beautiful song about him."

Blushing, Jay nodded, snuggling ever so slightly closer to his sister, like he was a little boy again. "It ain't done, and Ah don't think it'll ever be. But Ah played it for 'im back in November when we won't home for Thanksgiving. Wish Ah had time ta play it for him last night, though."

"He heard," Paige replied solidly, as if in a world where she only knew one fact and this was it. "He heard." Tilting her head, Paige rested it in his hair, finding a little bit of peace for herself in his embrace.

"How do ya do it?" he asked softly. "With Jono, Ah mean. How are ya not freakin' out and bustin' down walls and stuff?"

"Oh, I am. Cain and I just happen to secretly be very good friends. He got me some connections," Paige joked weakly as she sought an answer. "I think... I figured I had to be all right. No one else was kicking up a fuss, they seemed to be so concerned about pointing fingers and accusing a fucking ball of light of almost killing Alison, that they just sort of, well, forgot. Everyone was so busy reassuring everyone else that everything was fine and they all seemed to believe it, so I pretended. And I guess I pretended so well I fooled myself too, for the most part. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Yeah, it is," Jay nodded in agreement. "But he's still alive and could have a body again, yeah? If Forge and the docs find a way, which Ah think they will. And ya still can talk ta him, right?"

Paige nodded back, trying very hard not to cry. She couldn't talk about this with anyone - how could you bring that up in every day conversation - and no one had asked... "He could, will and I can. But it hurts. Going down to see him. He doesn't even know if it's been a day or a year since we last talked, and I only remind him of everything he wants and doesn't have. It only causes him pain." Paige tried a shaky laugh, blinking furiously. "But how did we get on this topic, huh? This is supposed to be about you."

He'd managed to make two people cry tonight. He got up so he could reach over to his nightstand and get a tissue for Paige. Frowning, he handed it to her. "Ah been just as bad. Ah haven't tried ta talk to ya none. When you went through something so hard, Ah wasn't there, and Ah should've been."

"We suck," Paige said gravely, giggling a little at her own odd sense of humour as she took the Kleenex and dabbed at her eyes. Making a little whimpering sound, she curled back up with him, unwilling to let go of the connection they had just made, as if afraid that being too far away might pull it apart. "How about I forgive you and you forgive me?"

Jay was obviously struggling with that. Being angry and stand-offish with Paige was one of the few things that seemed normal to him, and he needed normalcy. But it wasn't fair, and they owed each other more than continued pseudo-enmity. "You're right. Enough feudin'."

Paige smiled at that, stretching up to kiss his cheek. That pause had been one of the longest collections of seconds in her life. "Thank you," she said simply, folding up her now somewhat damp tissue into a neat little square.

"Just tell your other boyfriend ta go easy on me, 'kay?" he teased lightly. "Ah know he's friends with Amanda and all, and probably ain't none too happy 'bout last night."

"Don't you worry, chickpea," Paige offered lightly. "I might be dating two boys but I'm still the man in the relationship. And if all else fails, I can just deny him sex."

"Alright, and now we crossed into the land of stuff Ah don't wanna know about," Jay said with a mock-shudder. "You're an odd one, sis."

"But you love me anyway!" Paige giggled, before deciding that this sort of thing could only be solved with a tickle fight. If nothing else, he would at least forget the image of her in very odd sexual positions. That was always a plus.