Madelyn, Hank - Monday evening

[x-madelyn.livejournal.com]

Infectia. Following Hank's increasingly out of character behaviour and the mistake with Haroun's test results, Madelyn has spent the day running a full diagnostic on him. The results are worse than either of them feared.



Hank was trying not to think. Except that not thinking was kind of the problem right now. He had no idea what was wrong, but he couldn't hide any more from the fact that something was wrong. And worst of all... it was wrong with his mind. He'd have happily given up anything else, including both hands, but his mind...

He tried not to think about it, playing with the slinky he'd left in the medlab a while back. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Maddie could fix it...

Going over the test results again wasn't making them any different. Madelyn's chest felt tight - giving patients bad news was difficult enough, but when it was one of her friends? Sometimes the whole living in your workplace situation was harder than she could bear. But there wasn't any more putting it off... Clipboard held almost protectively to her chest, she returned to the exam room where Hank was waiting. "Hank?" she began, and then the rest of the words jammed in her throat.

Hank looked up, and gave her a small, unhappy smile. "Bad news, I take it," he said quietly, putting the slinky down. "I... suspected. Please tell me how bad?" She looked so unhappy... he wished she didn't have to go through this too. It was bad enough that he had to.

"It's... very bad," Madelyn managed, approaching Hank where he was sitting. "Whatever this is... it's attacking you at a genetic level, re-writing your DNA. What that means is you're losing access to various parts of your brain - the neural pathways are being blocked." Taking a deep breath, Madelyn made herself go on. "It's affecting your higher functions first, as you've probably noticed. Your intellect, your ability to process information, even your vocabulary. If it goes on the way it is, it'll start affecting the mid-range functions. Speech, memory, some perception, emotional responses..." She trailed off, unable to finish. Because the next step after that were the essential functions. The things that kept him alive.

Hank nodded slowly. "And it's moving fast," he said softly. "I... how long do I have, before I lose speech?" He didn't want to think about how much worse than that it might get. Not being able to talk would be bad enough....

"If it goes unchecked... less than a month. Possibly faster than that." Madelyn's knuckles were white where she was clutching the clipboard to herself - she hadn't needed to refer to it, knew all this off by heart now. "But that's if we don't find something to stop it, reverse the effects. Once we pin down the cause, the next step will be a cure. All this started after the mission in Canada, when you were bit by that neural shockwave. We'll get Nathan to contact MacInnis and his people, see if this is something that could do..." The smile she dragged out was pained and patently fake, but she had to try and reassure him. "We'll beat this, Hank. Whatever it is, we'll fix it."

"I hope so. I wish I could help." He took a deep breath. "I... we need Moira. She'll help. And I have some friends... names I can give you... who might be able to help too. It's not... catching, is it?" He gave her a worried look. "It won't hurt anyone else?"

Madelyn shook her head. "It doesn't seem to be, no. And if it was, I'd be expecting to see symptoms in the people you've been closest to by now, given how fast it seems to act." And she was included in that - it had been with a mixture of guilt and relief that she'd discounted the possibility of infection. "I'll call Moira now, get her back here as soon as we can. And that list of people to call would help a lot..." Finally letting go of the double handed grip she had on the clipboard, she reached out to touch his shoulder, not sure of what to say next, but feeling his pain, his fear. It was the worst nightmare for all three of the doctors. "I'm here for you, Hank," she said at last, the words feeling inadequate and trite.

"I know. It means a lot." His hands were shaking, as he held them clasped in his lap. "I... am very glad you're here." He swallowed hard. This was... so horrible. Like a nightmare. Only it was real, and it wasn't going away. "I didn't want to admit that something was wrong," he whispered. "I... I could have faced almost anything else, but this..."

"I know," Madelyn said simply, putting the clipboard down in favour of freeing up both hands and placing the other on his, feeling the tremble. "But at least now we know what's wrong, and can act on it. We'll find out what's behind it, Hank, and we'll stop it. I promise." Her words were filled with a kind of passionate intensity, as if by sheer willpower alone she could halt the deterioration.

"Don't promise," he said quietly. "I know you'll do everything you can, but.. if it doesn't work, I don't want you to feel that you broke your word." And then he couldn't quite stay calm any more and he buried his face in his hands, shaking. How could this happen? It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair...

"Oh, Hank..." Faced with his despair, Madelyn wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding onto him. There weren't any words she could find to make this right, so she settled for the gesture.

He slid his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder and holding onto her tightly. It helped, a little, a very little... knowing she was there, that she'd help... "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just can't... be brave about it yet. I would've given up anything else, anything, but not THIS...."

"I know, Hank, believe me, I know..." Madelyn murmured rubbing his back soothingly. It was what they all feared, more than physical injury. Something that effected their ability to think. "You don't have to be brave, not just now, not with me."

He gulped, trying not to break down in tears... damnit, he hadn't lost that much of his control yet! "If... it was the Mistra thing..." he whispered, holding on just a little tighter. "She came after both of us. Glad it wasn't you..." He'd been risking death and things worth than death for a long time. It was a choice he'd made a long time ago. But Maddie... seeing Maddie suffer like this would be worse. She hadn't made the choices he had, and he was glad she wouldn't have to face their consequences anyway.

Tears stung her own eyes - so typically Hank, to care about his friends even in the face of something like this. She didn't say she wished it _had_ been her, that Hank would have stood a better chance of solving this... "If it was the Mistra thing, MacInnis will have the information we need, even if we need to get the Professor to prise it out of him."

Hank nodded. "I hope so," he whispered. "I... we'll have to tell the students, won't we? It'll frighten them. Should try to make it sound not so bad..." His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard. "Wish they didn't have to see me like this..."

"Yes, we will, at least so they don't panic." Madelyn didn't let go, still stroking his back. "We'll break it as gently as we can. And I know it'll be hard, but they won't think any the less of you, Hank. They'll probably want to help, in any way they can."

"I know." He swallowed hard. He should let them help, he supposed, as humiliating as it was going to be. "Not... if it gets bad, though. Don't want them to see me if it gets really bad. It'll just scare them, and they won't be able to help..."

It won't get that bad was what Madelyn wanted to say, but she couldn't, remembering what he'd said about false promises. "If it gets bad, we'll make sure they aren't involved."

"Thank you." He swallowed again, trying to steady his voice. "I... please make sure someone talks to the students. Especially the ones whose intellect is important to them... Forge, Doug, and Paige and Kitty... This will upset them even more than the others."

She couldn't help smiling at that, and pulled away slightly from the hug to look him in the face. "You are a singular sort of man, you realise that?" she said gently. "In the middle of all this, you're still worried about the rest of us, thinking of others."

He smiled a little. "I try..." he whispered. "It means so much to me... being able to take care of the kids, help them. I want to make sure they're okay, while I still can." He touched her cheek gently. "Wish I could make this easier for you too."

She dropped her eyes, not wanting him to see the tears rise again. "We'll be fine," she managed at last, looking up with a suspiciously bright gleam in her eyes. "Both of us."

He hugged her again, a few tears of his own streaking his furry cheeks as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Well, we've only had a couple of crises this year, and it's February already. We're due another of those regular miracles we get, don't you think?"

Madelyn returned the hug, taking as much comfort from the contact as she was giving. "Damn straight," she replied, her voice strangled. "Definitely due."