xp_logs | (no subject)

Several people stop by to visit and reassure Hank. They're all welcomed.

Hank had worked his way through several books before finding one he could still read. The Tao of Pooh was harder going than it had been, but the words were simple enough to still be within his vocabulary. Shakespeare was now on the floor, and Chaucer had been thrown so hard against the wall that the cover bent. His temper was still... uncertain. His future was uncertain. His life was uncertain.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to ignore that thought, focusing on the explanation of P'u, the uncarved block. The knock at the door startled him out of those thoughts in turn, and he looked up a little nervously. "Who is it?" he called. There were people he didn't really want to see right now...

Forge sighed deeply. This was going to be difficult. He'd already spent five minutes staring at the door and turning around to leave repeatedly. "It's Forge, sir. Doctor Bartlet told me you were up here getting some rest. Can... can I come in?"

Forge. Not someone he really *wanted* to see, right now, but... well. He ought to. The public announcement, vague as it had been, had to have bothered him. His mind meant so much to him... just like Hank's did to him. "Come in," he said, taking a deep breath. He'd have to at least try to be okay. Couldn't panic and cower in front of the students.

Steeling himself, Forge turned the doorknob and slipped inside. Noticing the books strewn across the floor and the papers haphazardly shoved off of Dr. McCoy's desk, he tried to restrain a gasp. This was indeed serious.

"Doctor Bartlett," he began, stuttering slightly, "she let us know what was going on. And now I feel like a complete dick for the stuff I said the other day. I mean - I'm not saying I was wrong, but I didn't know you were... I mean, none of us knew. I don't... I mean... are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Hank said, years of practice at reassuring fibs making it sound kind of truthful. "It's sort of like being very short of sleep, all the time... it's hard to concentrate." And his vocabulary was definitely diminishing... he found himself speaking slower, planning his words, so he wouldn't make an embarrassing stumble.

"I know that feeling," Forge admitted. "But it's more than that, isn't it? I mean, this isn't just sleep deprivation. Doctor Bartlett says you're going to lose more as time goes by and-" Forge caught himself, realizing that he was probably saying the absolute wrong thing at the moment.

"I'm sorry," he tried to blurt out, "I'm no good at this. To tell you the truth, sir, I'm scared shitless."

"I know." Hank reached out to pat the boy's shoulder gently, trying to be reassuring. "I feel the same way. For people like us..." He'd die before admitting the word 'intellectual' had slipped his mind. "Having something attack the mind... it's worse than anything else. Scarier. It's not catching," he added, in case the boy was worried about that. "It won't affect anyone else. Just me."

"This time," Forge riposted, nervousness showing through. "But if it's something like a virus, or something that could affect any of us - you're right, it's worse than anything I could imagine. And, I mean, there's not a lot I can do to help, really." He absently toyed with a small orrery model on Hank's desk, one of the few items that hadn't been swept onto the floor. "After my accident, people kept saying 'at least you've still got your mind', but it doesn't really help. Kind of the opposite for you now, really. I just - I don't want to see anything happen to you, sir? You're one of the only people here who treats me like an equal," he didn't add the most of the time qualifier that hung back unspoken, "and I don't know what I can do to stop this."

Hank nodded. "What bothers me is that I would have the best chance of fixing this, of all the doctors, if I wasn't the one affected," he said sadly. "It's... frustrating... knowing that you could do something, otherwise. And Maddie thinks it might have been something that happened when we went to do the Mistra... thing. You weren't there, you probably don't need to worry."

Forge shook his head. "That's just it - the irony's almost painful. Doc MacTaggart's flying back, and we're all going to get to the bottom of this. Maybe the Professor, or Mister Dayspring, or someone else can slow it down, stop it for a while - I don't even know how it works, it's goddamn Greek to me!" Forge pounded on the table. "It's like I'm completely helpless, again."

Slowly, he turned to look at Hank, an expression of regret on his face. "I'm sorry, that was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it? I'm not being any help."

"You're helping with Haroun," Hank pointed out. "Something I should be doing, and I can't..." He looked away, taking a deep breath. NOT going to freak out in front of the student. "You're the only other person in the mansion with any experience with cybernetics. I... need you to cover for me, there. I was making mistakes, with that... it's how Maddie realized something was wrong with me."

Forge nodded. "I'll do that. I mean, I can see what's wrong with him. I don't know the biology part of it, or the endocrinology - but Doctor MacTaggart does. We can do it, you don't have to worry." He looked down at his feet awkwardly. "Still wish it was you, I mean, that you could do this. We're going to fix it. I don't know how I can help, but I'm going to. Whatever this thing is, it's not going to win, sir."

"I know." Hank nodded, wanting to reassure him. "And you can help.... with Haroun, with the medlab equipment... all the things I usually do. I can't do them right now, so I need you to cover for me, all right?" Giving him something specific to do might help... he hoped. "And... I'm sort of glad it was me. Who's affected. It would be harder if it were Madelyn, or one of the others..." Especially Maddie, but there was no point in thinking about that now. "It would be worse, seeing it happen to someone else."

"I... I think I understand," Forge stuttered. "I ought to get down to the lab, then. Doctor Bartlett wants to talk to us, see what we can get working on. But, um, if you want me to stop by afterwards, I can. To talk or whatever."

"Of course." Hank nodded. "And... Forge... spending time in the Medlab, you'll probably know more about this... what's happening to me... than the other students. Please, don't tell anyone anything, even if they really want to know. Not knowing will upset them, but knowing will scare them more. Lie, if you have to... the last thing we need right now is for anyone to panic. Okay?"

Closing his eyes, Forge nodded. "Okay. I can do that. I... this sounds stupid, but I understand. Not a word." He turned to head for the door, then paused. "You call if you need anything. Me, the doctors, someone, okay? Promise?"

"I will." Hank nodded. "And... wait. Something you should have." He found a scrap of paper and a pen in the mess he'd created, writing down two sequences of numbers and letters. At least he still remembered these... for now. "The first password unlocks my computer, the second the secure files. Give this to Maddie, and you keep a copy too. You might need some of those files later, and I might not remember how to get to them then." He gave Forge a long look. "There's a lot of sensitive information in there," he said seriously. "I'll trust you not to look into the files that don't concern you."

"I've been given the riot act on confidentiality," Forge said, with mock offendedness. "And I'll only hold onto this until I give it back to you, deal?"

"Sure." Hank nodded. "You go help. And... thank you. For stopping by. Given our argument, I wasn't sure you would."

"It wasn't your fault," Forge explained, "I mean, I know we've got different viewpoints here. Hell, I'm used to that. But we'll talk more on it when you're better."

"Okay." Hank smiled a little. "Take care, Forge."

"Sir," Forge said simply with a nod, closing the door behind him. Letting out a long breath, he leaned against the wall and dropped his head into his hands. They'd fix this. They had to. They had to.

* * *

Kitty stood in front of Hank's room and knocked softly. "Dr. McCoy?" she called out. "It's Kitty. Just coming by to say 'hi' and all that..."

Hank looked up. He'd been trying to write down some things, in case he forgot them... his handwriting had gone all to shit. It had always been good, before, he'd been proud of it... Hiding the paper, he took a deep breath and tried to seem calm. "Come in, Kitty," he called.

Opening the door, Kitty entered slowly. "Heya, bossman," she said, smiling. "Wanted to see if there was anything I could do or get for you? Doug and I are working on your comp sci class together, so no worries, nobody will get too behind while you're laid up."

"Thank you, Kitty. It's good to know that nobody's going to miss out on things, because of me." He smiled at her, hoping it looked convincing. "And I'm fine. Well, not fine, but okay. I feel mostly as if I haven't slept for a couple of days... I'm all fuzzy." He glanced down at himself and smiled ruefully. "Well, you know what I mean. Fuzzy on the *inside* of my head."

"Well, we may not miss out on things, but we will miss you. We can make do in the short term, but you're pretty darn irreplaceable in the long." Kitty smiled brightly, unable to even imagine that Hank wouldn't get better eventually. "And you have been pushing yourself pretty hard, you know. At least some of the mental fuzzy probably is because you haven't slept enough recently. Between getting some rest and Dr. B's work, I'm sure you'll feel better soon."

Hank had slept for nearly eighteen hours in the last two days. "That's probably it," he agreed. "I have been working hard lately. Trying to make up for being away so much before." He smiled at her. "I'm sure you and Doug can handle the class fine, though."

"Well, when you're better you're going to have to stop doing that," Kitty said, mock-severely. "You don't have to make up for anything, you know. And I know Doc B would rather have you doing just your fair share, than working yourself into exhaustion cause you think you owe us something. Oh," she added, starting. "Just remembered... Here." She reached into her backpack and pulled out a box of cookies. "Snagged these for you from the kitchen. Not as good as home made, of course, but better than standard 'hospital' fare."

Hank brightened. Cookies. Mm. "Thank you," he said happily, taking the box and peeking inside. Still full! "I'm still allowed sugar, thank goodness. I feel okay, physically..."

"Glad to hear it," Kitty said, eyebrows drawing together faintly in confusion. Then why...? "It would be a downright crime not to allow you sugar. Hell, might even do you more damage - send your body into shock when your glucose levels dropped."

Hank saw the puzzled look and smiled a rather sad smile. "My concentration and memory are what's mostly affected, so far," he explained gently. "I feel okay, I just.. have trouble thinking. So I can't work."

"Ah," Kitty said slowly, a number of things starting to click in her mind. "That must be..." terrifying "...rough." A disease which attacked the intellect? Kitty would rather be paralyzed than lose her mind, and she couldn't imagine Dr. McCoy without his dizzying intellect and extensive vocabulary. "I wish I could help," she said softly.

Hank nodded. "It is," he said softly. "And just being here does help." He reached over to pat her shoulder gently. "Knowing people care... that helps. And it's only affecting me... it moves fast enough that if anyone else could get it, we'd know."

"Of course we care," Kitty said, smiling at him. "You don't ever have to worry about that." She began to seriously think about the later part of what he'd said. She wasn't terribly worried about contagion - they'd never have let her come visit if there was a chance it was catching. "Actually, that makes it odder and possibly more worrying, in a way. I mean, if it's not born through any of the standard contagions, how did you get exposed to it? Couldn't be air born, obviously, and it would be unlikely to be highly contagious, although I guess it could transfer through fluid contact. You all take enough care in the medlab it's possible no one was exposed that way," she muttered, her brain kicking into drive. Although unfamiliar with real medical study, she had enough bio and basic health care to keep her mind interested in the problem. "Unless it..." she trailed off. Unless it's a genetic thing, she finished in her head. But all mutations were genetic, and under Essex she had gotten a good grounding in genetic theory. Enough to know that you could treat the symptoms of genetic diseases, but not get rid of them. "Well, I don't know. Guess that's why I'm the physicist type, not the doctor type."

"Madelyn will tell you what she thinks you should know," Hank said with a sigh. "I'm... my judgement isn't good right now. And I don't want to make this harder for anyone." He touched her shoulder again, giving her a serious look. "You take care of her, okay?" he said softly. "Because someone has to, and I... can't. Not for this."

Kitty took a deep breath, nodding. "Of course, bossman. No worries on that score. You just let us take care of you, too."

* * *

Hank was watching TV. It wasn't something he did often... usually if he wanted to relax, he preferred to read, or watch his DVDs of movies and shows he did like, rather than relying on whatever the TV decided to hand out. But right now... he didn't want to face the fact that half his books were now beyond his comprehension. The TV, at least, he could still understand. He sighed, slouching down on the massive couch, and unwrapped another twinkie. How long would it be, he thought miserably, before he couldn't even do that?

Alex slowly approached Hank's room, balancing a bowl of soup from Lorna and a pot of hot chocolate on a tray. He somehow managed to get the door open and kicked the door frame in a form of a knock. "Hey there big brother, how ya feeling?"

"Dreadful." Hank smiled ruefully at him. "But I do appreciate the offerings of food." He straightened up a little. "Still, at least nobody can shout at me anymore for being unreasonable. It's not my fault, after all." He took the bowl of soup, sniffing at it. Mmm. Lorna was definitely a wonderful cook. "I haven't really wanted to go down and get anything to eat," he admitted. "This will really hit the spot, thank you.

He grinned widely. "You know Lorna and making sure everyone is properly fed. She's going to be an awesome mom someday." He set the tray down and poured two cups of hot chocolate. "I also come bearing liquid chocolate, or the life's blood of people like us." Alex sat down and curled his legs under him. "So, do they know what happened?"

"Not yet." Hank looked down into his bowl. "It's not contagious, or anything, thank god." He smiled a little, trying to distract himself. "Good mom material, huh? The babies already on the way giving you ideas?" he teased.

His went wide in sudden fright. "What!? No!...geez what is it with people? Over Thanksgiving, Lorna's dad was grilling me about marriage." Alex shook his head. "You all want me married and a dad before I turn twenty!" His fright calmed down a bit to a more joking manner, but he was still a bit creeped out.

Hank laughed. "No, I just wanted to see you make deer-in-the-headlights face," he admitted. "Definitely not suggesting marriage or babies yet. But the look on your face was funny." And a healthy fright or two tended to ensure that the young and reckless were a bit more careful to be careful...

He glared at Hank playfully. "No funny man, so not funny!" Then Alex settled back into the chair again. "Still, while I'd love to spend my life with Lorna, We're...I'm...not ready for that yet. I'm still just a kid!"

"Exactly. And you should enjoy it while it lasts." Hank smiled. "But it WAS funny." He ate a little soup reflectively. "But Moira is going to make me an uncle soon enough, so you're off the hook for a while. In a few years I'll start dropping hints."

"Drops hints for Scott to get a girl first...I'd rather HE becomes a dad first!" Alex couldn't help but laugh at that thought.

"I think he would too." Hank smiled a little sadly. "So would I, actually. But you may have to step up to bat for us, if we... well. Can't."

Alex reached over and patted Hank's shoulder. "Hey, your going to have lots of little fuzzy blue squibs running around before you know it..."

Hank snorted softly. "I doubt it. I havent' even managed a serious relationship since I was in my mid-twenties. I... unnerve women. The teeth, and so on." He patted Alex's hand gently. "Still. Being an uncle will be nice too."

He couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Hey if I can keep a girl after nearly blowing her up, I think you stand a very good chance." Then Alex shurgged. "I'll make sure all my kids are spoiled rotten by their uncles Hank and Scott."

"Damn right. I'll build them snow-catapults to use when they visit." Hank smiled. He wouldn't think about not being around then... he didn't want to consider that this thing, whatever it was, might very well kill him.

Alex caught the fall in his mood and stood up to walk over and sit on the arm of Hank's chair. "Hey man, don't think morbid thoughts now. Your going to be around to play with my grandchildren if Moria and Maddie have anything to say about it."

"I hope so." Hank smiled a little, but it wasn't a very convincing smile. "And tell them hideously embarrassing stories about your wayward youth."

"Exactly." Putting down his cup, Alex wrapped his arms around Hank's shoulders in a hug. "Your going to beat this, you have friends and family behind you."

Hank returned the hug. "I know," he said softly. "And I appreciate it." He'd have to tell his parents... god, that was going to be hard. He was all they had.

Alex moved back again, keeping one arm around his shoulders. "Come on, we need to do something to take your mind off this..." He looked around the room, trying to fins something to use as a distraction.

Hank thought it over. "Well, I'm not really up to anything challenging right now... mentally challenging, I mean. Physically, I feel fine. Maybe when I've eaten, we could do something mindless and physical?"

Alex nodded thoughtfully. "Then yoru talking to the right person. I am the tykes PE instrutor." He grinned before taking his seat again.

"Sounds good to me." Hank sighed. "At least I can still do that.... being all fuzzy-headed is *annoying*. It's like being seriously sleep deprived, all the time."

"Your talking to blonde...and a typical blonde at that. I know the feeling." Alex raised an eyebrow as he smirked.

Hank snorted and batted at him. "Quit fishing for compliments, you," he said affectionately. "I know what you're up to."

"I'm doing nothing of the sort!" Alex couldn't help but laugh. "Usually the blonde comment puts people more at ease...Shiro certainly likes it."

Hank grinned. "You only do it to be charming, I know you do," he said, ruffling Alex's hair up on end. "Youdon't fool me."

"So that's why Lorna loves me...I would never have known, thanks Hank!" He kidded, blushing softly as Hank ruffled his hair, an action Scott was rather fond of also. It just added to his brotherly feeling toward Hank.

Hank laughed. "Let me eat, brat," he said fondly, going back to his soup. "And then we can go run around outside screaming like maniacs, or something."

Grinning, Alex went back to his hot chocolate. "Hurry up then slow poke!"

* * *

Hank was feeling a little better... going out and indulging in some mindless physical activity with Alex had helped. He still wasn't really tired, though... spending all day in his room, apart from the brief outing with Alex, had left him twitchy and restless rather than tired. He was used to more activity than this.

He wandered aimlessly around the room, picking up the books he'd thrown earlier, and turning off the tv. Maybe he could go down to the gym and work out a little. His body was fine, after all, it was just his mind that was affected...

The knock on the door was soft and low, and might have gone unheard even with the TV turned off, had not Hank been in the mood he was. At his call, asking for who it was, a voice answered, pitched loudly enough to just barely be heard. "It's Alison, Hank."

"Come in. Please, come in." He went to the door to meet her, holding out his arms hopefully. "You look as bad as I feel," he said softly. "Think we could both use a hug."

The door was closed hastily and in the next two steps it took to close the distance, Alison launched herself right into his open arms, with a small muffled sound. She held on tightly, grateful of the fact that her face was hidden against him. It was too much, all at once. First the talk she'd had with Madelyn that morning about Haroun, and now this...

"Shhh... oh, Alison, I'm sorry..." Hank whispered, holding her tightly, smoothing her hair with a big hand. "I wish I could help, with Haroun... I've talked to Forge, and I know he and Maddie will do all they can, but I wish I could help...."

A strangled sound answered that - denial of blame, sorrow and a myriad other things at all once, even as his words broke what little control Alison had over her emotions at that moment. "No," she finally said, shaking her head - she was crying, by now, and there would be no hiding it from him. "No sorry. It's not your fault. They'll figure something out. For both of you." How had she not seen, she wondered? Her oldest friend in the mansion, someone she knew so well. How had she not seen? "I'm sorry. So sorry." She'd come to try and keep him company and here she was crying on him already.

"It's okay..." Hank held her protectively, rocking her a tiny bit as she sobbed into his fur. "Shh... go ahead and cry, it'll make you feel better. Oh, Alison..." He sighed, resting his cheek against her hair. "I wish I could help...

It wasn't making her feel better at all, but she didn't argue with him, simply clinging to him and letting the storm pass when and as it would. "I wish I could help too," she managed to murmur at one point, the words roughened by the crying. Instead she had to stand by and watch, as both friend and boyfriend faced issues without any solution in sight. "You'll get better. Both will. They'll find something."

"They will. We haven't had a miracle in... what, a month? We're due." He rubbed her back gently. "This must be so hard for you, Alison, I'm sorry.." He smiled ruefully. "If I could have put my collapse off until Haroun was better, I would have..."

Alison laughed a bit at that, through the tear, though there wasn't much humor in it. "I'm the one who plans everything, 'member?" She paused with a sniffle that had nothing to do with cute and everything to do with having cried a lot already and with probably more to come. Instead of breaking down once more however, she took a deep breath, and pushed back just enough to look up at him. "You're going to have a lot of free time until they do. I talked to Miles, earlier." He'd had the uncensored version - non-negotiable, that. "I think he's planning a minor invasion of your quarters - is that okay with you?"

"I would love that," Hank said, smiling. "You know how much I love seeing him. And I can still play, at least... I can't do a lot of things, right now, but I can do that. And read to him... I can still read. For now." It was getting harder. Another week, and that might be gone too.

She'd hoped he'd answer that. "Okay. I'll talk to him then - he'll be by starting tomorrow." She reached up, patting his cheek gently. "They'll find something, Hank, but until then you're not alone. I'm just a beep away and I'll be dropping by to see you every day," she murmured, patting the beeper that was always clipped to her belt. "The others will be too."

"I've had a great many visitors today," he agreed, smiling a bit mistily. "It's nice to know everyone's so concerned." He leaned over a little to snag a tissue, handing it to her. "And I know you're here for me. You always have been." He kissed her impulsively on the forehead. "And I'll be here for you. All the hugs and tissues you need."

"Sounds like a good deal to me," she answered, the words just a touch hard to say clearly. She knew that she would have to be stronger in the days - and weeks - to come though. For both Hank and Haroun, though in different ways for each. For now she just hugged him once more, not inclined to let go just yet - trying to still the fear within, at the thought of there being no cure for whatever was ailing him.