Nathan and Alison, Tuesday morning
Feb. 22nd, 2005 07:52 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsNathan stops by Alison's office to give her his report on what happened in Spain. They wind up talking about Haroun and Hank, and Alison gets a shoulder to lean on. Then this email from Madelyn arrives, and the conversation lightens, then shifts to the subject of the kids and their reaction to the incident on the journals with Hank.
The promised twelve hours of sleep had worked wonders. Showered, shaven, and relatively close to complete lucidity, Nathan knocked on Alison's office door with one hand, turning the little USB drive over and over in the other hand. It really wasn't a nervous mannerism, he told himself.
There was a far longer silence than usual before her voice called out, the words a bit muffled through the door but still audible enough to be understood as a simple 'Come in'. The door opened to reveal Alison at her desk, staring down at a stack of papers the seemed to have been shuffled somewhat, a pen in hand. Finally though she looked up, summoning something like a smile for Nathan, though the effects of lack of sleep were somewhat visible, despite the make-up concealing the more obvious signs.
Nathan took a deep breath, shaking his head a little. "You look like crap," he said, stepping in and closing the door behind him. "You sure you want to do this now? You're not going to like most of what I have to tell you."
"Nothing's going to change to make me look less like crap in the foreseeable future," she said tiredly, giving up the pretense and dropping the pen on her desk, pushing the chair back enough to lean back in it with a sigh. "Now's good. I'll go over the report later, but I'd rather get the facts from you first." That there would be a report to keep her busy later was good, too. Very good.
"Succinctly, then," Nathan said, sitting down in the chair opposite the desk. He reached out and set the USB drive on the desktop. "I struck a deal with MacInnis. He gave Tim joint operational command in his organization. In return, I let his telepaths refine and juice up the Trojan Horse."
Alison's thoughts nicely went to a standstill, the words ringing in her ears. Particularly the last sentence. "Oh." She swallowed, once, electing to stay in that nice mental place where thought didn't matter, and instead reached forward to pluck the USB drive, leaning back to stare at it a bit numbly. "Right."
"Askani supervised. Well. Several Askani supervised. They transferred themselves to the minds of Mac's telepaths." Nathan took a deep breath. "They also didn't have to sedate me. Given that I wasn't fighting them this time. I was conscious the whole time."
A small nod answered that - absorbing the information, determining that things going well there was good. The voice mockingly telling her she'd worried and screamed at him for nothing was summarily dismissed. She was tired and wishing he hadn't gone, still - but he'd gambled and won. "Good." He'd not have done it if he didn't want to, after all. "I figured the Trojan Horse had stayed because you wanted it to."
"Askani's going to keep working on it, and we're going to see Charles a little later this afternoon. It's a conscious thing, now... she's fairly sure I could take down a single operative's conditioning with no adverse effects for either the target or me. She's not sure about multiple targets just yet. Too much feedback."
Another small nod, and Alison set the drive down on her desk, bringing her legs up on the chair and hugging her knees to herself. "Okay. I'll get the details about the rest in your report." She wasn't asking him if MacInnis had been a manipulative bastard - of course he'd been. "You've heard about Hank by now. Moira probably knew before you left Muir anyway," she added, in belated realization, voice numb. "Did you hear about Haroun as well?"
Nathan frowned. "No," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "What happened?"
She swallowed heavily. "I don't think he'd mind me telling you." And his comments in the post about Hank hadn't been about hiding anything anyway. "Madelyn... called me down to the medlab to talk to me, Sunday morning. Apparently his testosterone implant is working at a capacity that's too high for his system to maintain." She paused, looking increasingly miserable through the numbness. "Because we're dating. Implant can't handle it."
Oh, crap. Nathan opened his mouth, then closed it again, flustered. "I... I knew something was wrong," he said unhappily. "He told you about me going into his mind?"
Shaking her head in response, Alison managed to give him an interrogative look. Talking was good. Keeping the talking going meant she'd not give in to the impulse to just hide under her desk and pretend everything wasn't going to pieces around her. That everyone had seen things going wrong before she did, about people she cared for. Miles was all right, she reminded herself - one thing so precious to her left untouched, for now.
"It was..." Nathan sighed. "After your date? The one with the fire? I came upon him in the gym, venting... I could see something was wrong. He let me take a look at his mindscape." He made a frustrated noise. "I told him there was something wrong with the implant. Too much red in the patterns. He didn't believe me... but I suppose he must have asked Maddie or Hank about it anyway."
She gave him an utterly lost look at that - more confirmation about how she was affecting Haroun, how she might have precipitated the situation somehow. The voice of reason which had managed to keep her from blaming herself entirely was gone after two nights of little to no sleep, and the talk she'd had with Haroun the previous evening. She tried to say something but her voice deserted her, and instead she finally leaned her forehead on her knees, shoulders slumping.
"Ali..." Nathan sighed, getting up and coming around the desk. He crouched down by her chair. "Look at me," he said firmly. "This isn't your fault."
"I know." The words were shaky however, and there was a noted lack of belief in them. She didn't look up just yet, tightening her arms around her knees further, taking in a slow, shuddery breath. "Can't even touch him anymore." Alison knew the whisper sounded pathetic and didn't care. "Was told not to push him. It might be normal for his implant to do that," she finally looked up as she said that, the tears having won the battle a moment ago. "What happens if it's normal?"
"There's no such thing as a norm that can't be changed," Nathan said simply. "Especially when it's a technological problem. Especially around here."
Unsteady laughter greeted that. "Was planning a raid on the Shaw Enterprises laboratories if they told me it was normal and couldn't be changed. " She took a quick breath, swiping at her face with the back of her hand. "Have to wait. Hank's on priority." God. Both of them, a man she'd dated and now counted as one of her dearest friends, and the man she was in love with now... "Have to be there for both of them. Can't even touch Haroun but have to be there."
Nathan reached out and laid his hand over hers. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I know..." He stopped, biting his lip. "I know how hard it is to not be able to do anything, at least."
"Oh, Nathan." Alison leaned to the side, unable to stop hugging herself but edging closer as best she could, tears still sliding down her cheeks. "I just-" she stopped, leaving the rest unsaid, feeling far more tired than she had any right to. "I just have to be there for him. And Hank. Both of them."
"Of course you do. Goes without saying." He smiled faintly. "But, you know... when it comes to Hank, at least, my brilliant fiancee is back and on the case."
She forced a smile at that, nodded firmly and took another swipe at her face, trying to erase the tears away, wincing internally as she realized that would mean another go with the concealer to hide the shadows under her eyes. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't going away though - too much, all at once. "Be fine." She took a steadying breath, then another. Normally she'd be pretty much clinging to Haroun for comfort right now - would have if this were only about Hank. "I'll be fine." Even if she had to go through more of what last night's talk with Haroun had been like, she knew she just had to hang in there somehow.
Nathan rose, shaking his head, and then bent over, wrapping his arms around her. "Eventually," he told her quietly. "Not just yet, though."
With a small sigh she let the façade slip, not trying to hold on to the little self-control she had left, and just leaned, perfectly content with hiding away from the world for a little while, as it was allowed. And if she cried some more it didn't matter, because just then it was all right and there was someone else to be strong, for a while.
"I have got to go easy on these unexpected trips," he murmured, holding onto her. "Stuff happens in hordes as soon as I turn my back, I see..."
Alison would have laughed at that, if she weren't in the middle of crying. As it was her shoulders shook briefly, though she wasn't at all inclined to move or let go. She didn't say the first comment that came to mind, thankfully. It wasn't his fault, after all - and going to MacInnis had produced results. "Back now." It was one thing to point out, and she managed to say the words without too much of a hitch, with all the crying going on.
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "And not going anywhere again anytime soon. You all need very careful watching, you know..." His arms tightened around her, just a little.
"Okay." She wasn't about to argue with that, just now. Not one bit. And she didn't have anywhere to be for a little while at least and staying here that much longer suited her just fine.
Nathan waited until he could sense her trying to pull herself back together before he let go. "It is going to be okay, you know," he said firmly.
She offered him a smile, somewhat transparent but at least there. "It will be." Partly belief, partly wanting to believe. With that Alison started to say something else, but whatever it was got lost with the light ping of her computer, reminding her of the email she'd deferred reading earlier. "Is it possible to be email phobic?" she asked idly, eyeing the computer with a slightly resigned smile.
"Oh, entirely." Nathan took a step back, giving her a thoughtful look. "Want me to go?"
She shook her head, and reached forward to bring the email program up from the task bar. "Not if you don't mind staying," she added, taking a deep breath as Madelyn's email popped up on screen, first thing. "Well, the subject line isn't too dire..." Double clicking on the email, she leaned forward a bit, starting to read it.
Nathan, being a speedreader of the scary sort, laughed aloud, in delight, as his eyes automatically skimmed down the screen, taking in Maddie's good news. "What did I say?" he asked happily, giving her a poke in the shoulder.
She moved with the poke just a bit, almost not daring to hope - but a far less strained smile was tugging at her lips now and her eyes were shining. "Maybe. She said it might help." Not that it would resolve the situation. But as Alison took a deep breath, she straightened a bit, nodding to the screen. "It's something." She kept the new warmth inside of her close by, treasuring it. "Scott and I have already been keeping an eye on Paige." She chewed on her lower lip - this she could do something about. Trying to get Paige to go openly would not go well - she'd fight them every step of the way. And Haroun might be better soon.
Nathan smiled, but then frowned a bit as he processed the bit about Paige. "I'm going to forget I saw the second half of that email," he said, leaning back. "There's nothing I can do for Paige, in any case." The words came out a bit more flatly than he'd intended, and he smiled somewhat faintly. "My form of 'help' only works with people who want it. And don't consider their judgement better than mine."
A slow swivel of the head, and Alison peeked over her shoulder up at him. "Some of the kids do that, yeah. Wears you out, doesn't it?" she murmured, with a knowing look. She smiled, just a bit. Worn out she still was, herself. "With Paige, you just have to find a way to make her think it was her idea. I keep that one for the really important stuff, though, so she doesn't catch on to me."
"Hrmph," was Nathan's comment on that. He shook his head. "I'm glad I missed all that crap this week," he said candidly. "I have less patience that I used to for it, and that's saying a lot. These kids have it too good here, crises aside. The whining is petty and stupid." He stopped, taking a deep breath. "And I am clearly having some difficulty switching gears here. But there's part of me that can't see this kind of... pointless resentment as selfish and dangerous."
"Not switching gears," she replied softly, even as a possible way of getting things to work in terms of getting Paige to see Dr. Samson started to take root. "No one likes to feel like they might get attacked from within and it hurts all the more coming from those we like to think we're trying to protect." Alison paused, then shook her head. "I'm burned on this though, Nathan," she admitted with self-deprecating tone to her voice.
He gazed down at her. "I can see that," he said quietly. "I'm not burned, I'm just... I don't have the patience for it. Maybe I never did. It's too petty, when you put it up against so many of the other things we deal with."
She nodded quietly at that, eyes returning to the email still on her screen. 'It'll take a little time, but I think it'll work.' "Here is as safe a place as they'll allow it to be. Either they'll figure it out one day or they won't. Can't make it happen for them." She moved the chair closer to her desk, and started typing out a reply to Madelyn. "Some have. And some want to trust." She thought of Dani's post and smiled a little. "You take what you can get and hope the rest won't burn anyone else after the chips fall."
Once the email was sent, she nodded to herself, and glanced at the time. "Hrm. You up for a short spar?" Doing something to keep busy rather than moping sounded like a very good idea. "We missed out on several of last week's sessions."
Nathan smiled. "A short spar, I suppose," he said. "I promised Forge I'd be in my office this morning, but we're still pretty early, here..."
"Short spar's probably all I have the time for," she agreed, rising to her feet - she'd taken to leaving a clean set of workout clothing in her locker at the gym, of late. She eyed the desk, calculated leapingness over it for kicks then the door. "Last one there is a rotten egg? No powers," was the afterthought.
"You're on."
The promised twelve hours of sleep had worked wonders. Showered, shaven, and relatively close to complete lucidity, Nathan knocked on Alison's office door with one hand, turning the little USB drive over and over in the other hand. It really wasn't a nervous mannerism, he told himself.
There was a far longer silence than usual before her voice called out, the words a bit muffled through the door but still audible enough to be understood as a simple 'Come in'. The door opened to reveal Alison at her desk, staring down at a stack of papers the seemed to have been shuffled somewhat, a pen in hand. Finally though she looked up, summoning something like a smile for Nathan, though the effects of lack of sleep were somewhat visible, despite the make-up concealing the more obvious signs.
Nathan took a deep breath, shaking his head a little. "You look like crap," he said, stepping in and closing the door behind him. "You sure you want to do this now? You're not going to like most of what I have to tell you."
"Nothing's going to change to make me look less like crap in the foreseeable future," she said tiredly, giving up the pretense and dropping the pen on her desk, pushing the chair back enough to lean back in it with a sigh. "Now's good. I'll go over the report later, but I'd rather get the facts from you first." That there would be a report to keep her busy later was good, too. Very good.
"Succinctly, then," Nathan said, sitting down in the chair opposite the desk. He reached out and set the USB drive on the desktop. "I struck a deal with MacInnis. He gave Tim joint operational command in his organization. In return, I let his telepaths refine and juice up the Trojan Horse."
Alison's thoughts nicely went to a standstill, the words ringing in her ears. Particularly the last sentence. "Oh." She swallowed, once, electing to stay in that nice mental place where thought didn't matter, and instead reached forward to pluck the USB drive, leaning back to stare at it a bit numbly. "Right."
"Askani supervised. Well. Several Askani supervised. They transferred themselves to the minds of Mac's telepaths." Nathan took a deep breath. "They also didn't have to sedate me. Given that I wasn't fighting them this time. I was conscious the whole time."
A small nod answered that - absorbing the information, determining that things going well there was good. The voice mockingly telling her she'd worried and screamed at him for nothing was summarily dismissed. She was tired and wishing he hadn't gone, still - but he'd gambled and won. "Good." He'd not have done it if he didn't want to, after all. "I figured the Trojan Horse had stayed because you wanted it to."
"Askani's going to keep working on it, and we're going to see Charles a little later this afternoon. It's a conscious thing, now... she's fairly sure I could take down a single operative's conditioning with no adverse effects for either the target or me. She's not sure about multiple targets just yet. Too much feedback."
Another small nod, and Alison set the drive down on her desk, bringing her legs up on the chair and hugging her knees to herself. "Okay. I'll get the details about the rest in your report." She wasn't asking him if MacInnis had been a manipulative bastard - of course he'd been. "You've heard about Hank by now. Moira probably knew before you left Muir anyway," she added, in belated realization, voice numb. "Did you hear about Haroun as well?"
Nathan frowned. "No," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "What happened?"
She swallowed heavily. "I don't think he'd mind me telling you." And his comments in the post about Hank hadn't been about hiding anything anyway. "Madelyn... called me down to the medlab to talk to me, Sunday morning. Apparently his testosterone implant is working at a capacity that's too high for his system to maintain." She paused, looking increasingly miserable through the numbness. "Because we're dating. Implant can't handle it."
Oh, crap. Nathan opened his mouth, then closed it again, flustered. "I... I knew something was wrong," he said unhappily. "He told you about me going into his mind?"
Shaking her head in response, Alison managed to give him an interrogative look. Talking was good. Keeping the talking going meant she'd not give in to the impulse to just hide under her desk and pretend everything wasn't going to pieces around her. That everyone had seen things going wrong before she did, about people she cared for. Miles was all right, she reminded herself - one thing so precious to her left untouched, for now.
"It was..." Nathan sighed. "After your date? The one with the fire? I came upon him in the gym, venting... I could see something was wrong. He let me take a look at his mindscape." He made a frustrated noise. "I told him there was something wrong with the implant. Too much red in the patterns. He didn't believe me... but I suppose he must have asked Maddie or Hank about it anyway."
She gave him an utterly lost look at that - more confirmation about how she was affecting Haroun, how she might have precipitated the situation somehow. The voice of reason which had managed to keep her from blaming herself entirely was gone after two nights of little to no sleep, and the talk she'd had with Haroun the previous evening. She tried to say something but her voice deserted her, and instead she finally leaned her forehead on her knees, shoulders slumping.
"Ali..." Nathan sighed, getting up and coming around the desk. He crouched down by her chair. "Look at me," he said firmly. "This isn't your fault."
"I know." The words were shaky however, and there was a noted lack of belief in them. She didn't look up just yet, tightening her arms around her knees further, taking in a slow, shuddery breath. "Can't even touch him anymore." Alison knew the whisper sounded pathetic and didn't care. "Was told not to push him. It might be normal for his implant to do that," she finally looked up as she said that, the tears having won the battle a moment ago. "What happens if it's normal?"
"There's no such thing as a norm that can't be changed," Nathan said simply. "Especially when it's a technological problem. Especially around here."
Unsteady laughter greeted that. "Was planning a raid on the Shaw Enterprises laboratories if they told me it was normal and couldn't be changed. " She took a quick breath, swiping at her face with the back of her hand. "Have to wait. Hank's on priority." God. Both of them, a man she'd dated and now counted as one of her dearest friends, and the man she was in love with now... "Have to be there for both of them. Can't even touch Haroun but have to be there."
Nathan reached out and laid his hand over hers. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I know..." He stopped, biting his lip. "I know how hard it is to not be able to do anything, at least."
"Oh, Nathan." Alison leaned to the side, unable to stop hugging herself but edging closer as best she could, tears still sliding down her cheeks. "I just-" she stopped, leaving the rest unsaid, feeling far more tired than she had any right to. "I just have to be there for him. And Hank. Both of them."
"Of course you do. Goes without saying." He smiled faintly. "But, you know... when it comes to Hank, at least, my brilliant fiancee is back and on the case."
She forced a smile at that, nodded firmly and took another swipe at her face, trying to erase the tears away, wincing internally as she realized that would mean another go with the concealer to hide the shadows under her eyes. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't going away though - too much, all at once. "Be fine." She took a steadying breath, then another. Normally she'd be pretty much clinging to Haroun for comfort right now - would have if this were only about Hank. "I'll be fine." Even if she had to go through more of what last night's talk with Haroun had been like, she knew she just had to hang in there somehow.
Nathan rose, shaking his head, and then bent over, wrapping his arms around her. "Eventually," he told her quietly. "Not just yet, though."
With a small sigh she let the façade slip, not trying to hold on to the little self-control she had left, and just leaned, perfectly content with hiding away from the world for a little while, as it was allowed. And if she cried some more it didn't matter, because just then it was all right and there was someone else to be strong, for a while.
"I have got to go easy on these unexpected trips," he murmured, holding onto her. "Stuff happens in hordes as soon as I turn my back, I see..."
Alison would have laughed at that, if she weren't in the middle of crying. As it was her shoulders shook briefly, though she wasn't at all inclined to move or let go. She didn't say the first comment that came to mind, thankfully. It wasn't his fault, after all - and going to MacInnis had produced results. "Back now." It was one thing to point out, and she managed to say the words without too much of a hitch, with all the crying going on.
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "And not going anywhere again anytime soon. You all need very careful watching, you know..." His arms tightened around her, just a little.
"Okay." She wasn't about to argue with that, just now. Not one bit. And she didn't have anywhere to be for a little while at least and staying here that much longer suited her just fine.
Nathan waited until he could sense her trying to pull herself back together before he let go. "It is going to be okay, you know," he said firmly.
She offered him a smile, somewhat transparent but at least there. "It will be." Partly belief, partly wanting to believe. With that Alison started to say something else, but whatever it was got lost with the light ping of her computer, reminding her of the email she'd deferred reading earlier. "Is it possible to be email phobic?" she asked idly, eyeing the computer with a slightly resigned smile.
"Oh, entirely." Nathan took a step back, giving her a thoughtful look. "Want me to go?"
She shook her head, and reached forward to bring the email program up from the task bar. "Not if you don't mind staying," she added, taking a deep breath as Madelyn's email popped up on screen, first thing. "Well, the subject line isn't too dire..." Double clicking on the email, she leaned forward a bit, starting to read it.
Nathan, being a speedreader of the scary sort, laughed aloud, in delight, as his eyes automatically skimmed down the screen, taking in Maddie's good news. "What did I say?" he asked happily, giving her a poke in the shoulder.
She moved with the poke just a bit, almost not daring to hope - but a far less strained smile was tugging at her lips now and her eyes were shining. "Maybe. She said it might help." Not that it would resolve the situation. But as Alison took a deep breath, she straightened a bit, nodding to the screen. "It's something." She kept the new warmth inside of her close by, treasuring it. "Scott and I have already been keeping an eye on Paige." She chewed on her lower lip - this she could do something about. Trying to get Paige to go openly would not go well - she'd fight them every step of the way. And Haroun might be better soon.
Nathan smiled, but then frowned a bit as he processed the bit about Paige. "I'm going to forget I saw the second half of that email," he said, leaning back. "There's nothing I can do for Paige, in any case." The words came out a bit more flatly than he'd intended, and he smiled somewhat faintly. "My form of 'help' only works with people who want it. And don't consider their judgement better than mine."
A slow swivel of the head, and Alison peeked over her shoulder up at him. "Some of the kids do that, yeah. Wears you out, doesn't it?" she murmured, with a knowing look. She smiled, just a bit. Worn out she still was, herself. "With Paige, you just have to find a way to make her think it was her idea. I keep that one for the really important stuff, though, so she doesn't catch on to me."
"Hrmph," was Nathan's comment on that. He shook his head. "I'm glad I missed all that crap this week," he said candidly. "I have less patience that I used to for it, and that's saying a lot. These kids have it too good here, crises aside. The whining is petty and stupid." He stopped, taking a deep breath. "And I am clearly having some difficulty switching gears here. But there's part of me that can't see this kind of... pointless resentment as selfish and dangerous."
"Not switching gears," she replied softly, even as a possible way of getting things to work in terms of getting Paige to see Dr. Samson started to take root. "No one likes to feel like they might get attacked from within and it hurts all the more coming from those we like to think we're trying to protect." Alison paused, then shook her head. "I'm burned on this though, Nathan," she admitted with self-deprecating tone to her voice.
He gazed down at her. "I can see that," he said quietly. "I'm not burned, I'm just... I don't have the patience for it. Maybe I never did. It's too petty, when you put it up against so many of the other things we deal with."
She nodded quietly at that, eyes returning to the email still on her screen. 'It'll take a little time, but I think it'll work.' "Here is as safe a place as they'll allow it to be. Either they'll figure it out one day or they won't. Can't make it happen for them." She moved the chair closer to her desk, and started typing out a reply to Madelyn. "Some have. And some want to trust." She thought of Dani's post and smiled a little. "You take what you can get and hope the rest won't burn anyone else after the chips fall."
Once the email was sent, she nodded to herself, and glanced at the time. "Hrm. You up for a short spar?" Doing something to keep busy rather than moping sounded like a very good idea. "We missed out on several of last week's sessions."
Nathan smiled. "A short spar, I suppose," he said. "I promised Forge I'd be in my office this morning, but we're still pretty early, here..."
"Short spar's probably all I have the time for," she agreed, rising to her feet - she'd taken to leaving a clean set of workout clothing in her locker at the gym, of late. She eyed the desk, calculated leapingness over it for kicks then the door. "Last one there is a rotten egg? No powers," was the afterthought.
"You're on."
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