Remy, Amanda - Thursday evening
Mar. 3rd, 2005 08:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsBefore this announcement, Amanda brings Remy some food. They talk about Tante Mattie's letter, and the choices magic demands, and then Remy tells her exactly why Pete left. The news isn't what Amanda wants to hear.
Funny. Pete was gone, and here she still was, bringing food trays to his office. Amanda often asked herself why she did that, when seeing Remy in the familiar spot only made Pete's so-far unexplained absence hit home all the harder, but reminded herself that if she didn't do it, not many others would. And Lorna was distracted bigtime by the rebuilding of her kitchen this week. Balancing the tray awkwardly on her hip, she tapped on the door, calling out: "Remy? Food's up."
There was no answer, and she pushed the door open to find LeBeau sprawled on the couch in the corner, sleeping shallowly. Untidy piles of files surrounded him, with tiny notations and question marks on them. At least a couple of people had mentioned seeing the lights on in the room for close to two days straight, his working obvious past the propped open door.
Hmm, decision time. Obviously the man needed sleep, or he wouldn't be passed out on the couch. But he hadn't exactly been eating reguarly either, and if she just left the tray for him, he'd leave it to congeal. Not that it was exactly cuisine to begin with, with the kitchen out, but still. With a small sigh, she put the tray on the desk, deliberately not thinking about the many times she'd done the same for Pete, and crossed to the couch. "Remy," she called reluctantly, making sure she was out of reach - scary spy types tended to get violent if you startled them awake. "Remy, 's me. Got some food for you, if you want it."
Remy cracked open one eye, then squeezed both shut tight for a moment. "Merde." He muttered, opening his eyes as he levered himself up off of the couch. He must have nodded off sometime early in the day. There were just too many leads to run down and information to absorb, and just no time to do it in. "Guess I dozed off." He got up, grimaced and walked over to the desk. "You lose de bet wit' Lorna on food duty?"
"Lorna's busy arguin' with contractors 'bout stoves," Amanda replied with a shrug. "So I figured I'd take up the slack. In the habit any way, so 's not much bother." She turned to leave him to it, but paused, biting her lip. Maybe he'd have something by now. "Any word?"
"Non." Remy didn't get to the rest of the information on Wisdom. There'd be time for that later, and he knew that it would pretty much end the conversation. "We can talk 'bout dat more in a minute. But first--" He pulled out a folded sheet of paper, that had a flash of Tante Mattie's cramped handwriting on it.
Shite. Amanda sighed as she sat opposite him, remembering he'd mentioned hearing from Tante. Another person telling her she'd done the wrong thing, just what she didn't need. Still, might as well get it over and done with. "Tante's letter, right?"
"Dat's right. Dat's woman's penmanship 'bout as crazy as she is." Remy muttered, opening up the letter. "Dere's some bits 'bout you in here, like I figured you guessed. Feel like talking 'bout de spell you did?"
"Not really, but I s'pose I've gotta, right?" she replied, perhaps a little sullenly. "Let me save yer breath. It was stupid, I should've found another way, an' I shouldn't mess around with magic unless I know what all the consequences are. An' if I don't respect it, she'll come up an' take it away from me, right?"
"Non. Dat not it." Remy looked a little confused. "'cept course for de taking de magic away, but she didn't mention dat in de letter. 'manda, did you do something dat extreme?"
She blinked, surprised. No-one had asked her that question, at least not in that way. 'That stupid' or 'that reckless' had been the qualifiers. "I thought..." she began, trying to figure out how to explain without dumping Jay in it. "I thought it was the only way t' help this person. He came t' me, twice, an' _begged_ me t' help him. Told me it was the only way." She began chewing on her fingernails, unsettled. "I hadn't done any magic since that mission in Canada, tryin' t' stick t' what Tante said, an' it seemed like the right thing t' do, at the time. Still does, a little - the person seems better for it, 'least a bit."
"He said it was de only way. What do you think?" Remy's expression was unreadable, his red on black eyes switching to a damningly opaque shield on his thoughts. "Dis is de important thing, 'manda. Do you think it was de only option? No bullshit or excuses."
She wanted to lie. She really did. But she'd never been able to with Remy, now or back when they'd first met. "No," she said in a small voice.
"Merde." Remy put his head in his hand, wincing as he heard her admission. Suddenly the words in Tante's message made a lot more sense, in a very bad way. "Well, dat's a little more information. Remy was hoping de madwoman was just being cryptic."
"How so?" Amanda asked, puzzled and beginning to be a little afraid. Was there something worse still coming down the karmic pipeline for her? She would have thought the damage she'd done would have been enough. "I can't do that spell again, if that's what she's worried about. Moira says I burned out that part of me brain, an' there's no way."
"Ever wonder why Tante Mattie 'greed to take you and Marie-Ange, 'manda?" Remy was suddenly serious. "She's a powerful woman. Hell, can think of two hundred people dat would sell family members to get a day wit' Tante to study. But she took de both of you."
Amanda began to shrug, but the memory of Tante's thwapping hand curtailed the movement. "'Cause you asked her to?" she offered, although she didn't really think that was right. "She needed help with that whole Brood thing an' it was a way t' get you on board."
"Remy already owed her a debt for dat." Remy got up and to Amanda's surprise tugged his shirt off over his head. Her wry comment about a quickie died on her lips as he turned, and she saw the four precise little finger sized scars that graced his shoulders. "But now, dere a few more dat he owe her."
"What, you paid her t' take us? Put yerself in more debt?" Oh, this was just getting better and better - another obligation she had to pay off, another expectation to disappoint, like she'd been doing with everything lately. "I never asked you t' do that," she said, regret overlying the faint trace of resentment. People kept doing this sort of thing. Making sacrifices for her, putting her in a situation she could never hope to even up.
"You didn't have a choice, chere." Remy shrugged back into his shirt. "At first, it was 'bout Marie-Ange. Without Tante, she'd have gone insane 'ventually. But when Mattie looked into Ange she saw things dat involve you. Dere's a decision dat you going to make in de future, dat could mean dat you going to be threat to Tante." Remy omitted the fact that Mattie had mentioned that it included everyone else she'd known too.
"Me?" Amanda looked honestly startled. "No bloody way - I ain't got that sort of power."
"Right now." Remy sat back down. "Guess dat's why dey call it de future, 'manda. Remy don't know dat much 'bout de magic, but I know you powerful. Even Tante said it. Powerful enough dat she was ready to strip de magic right out of you head. So, she settled for me instead. See, if you do make de wrong decision, de first weapon dat Tante has against you is me, and Remy not have any control over dat."
She opened her mouth to deny the possibility, to protest, and then closed it again. Hadn't Strange said her potential was almost frightening? Perhaps they should scratch the 'almost'. "Then I'd best not make the wrong decision then," she said slowly, not sounding very confident of that. She made so many mistakes...
"Remy's prefer dat." He offered her a wan smile. "But Tante said dat you just 'took your first step in de dance'. Maybe dat good, maybe dat bad. She said dat you'd understand."
Amanda frowned, not entirely sure she did. The Baron's dance - Angie had told her about that vision. She supposed the spirit summoning spell would count as that... "Never let it be said I don't learn from me mistakes, eh?" she said, with a brief, wan grin that didn't reach her eyes.
"Hope so." Remy said tiredly. "Dat's why dese things are important, 'manda. It's not 'bout how you using de magic. Hell, Tante uses it all de time. Its 'bout why you using it. De only person dat can make de decision, good or bad, on dat is you. Not de Professor, not dat McCoy, not even Tante."
"I'm tryin'," she said, slumping into the chair a bit. Sometimes it seemed all she did was try. And then fail. "'S just hard, knowin' what's right, what's wrong, when's a good time t' use a spell... Sometimes it seems the healin's all it's good for, an' I can't exactly wait for people t' get hurt so I can use it, can I?"
"Dat I can't help you wit', chere. Guess you have to listen to yourself and make de best choices dat you can." Remy shook his head, trying to offer support but knowing that there was little he could say. Magic was simply too alien, too esoteric to have cut and dried rules. "Don't let others make de decision for you. One thing dat Remy knows is dat most de time, what a person thinks dey need most isn't de real answer. If you going to make mistakes, least make dem for de right reasons; you reasons."
No-one seemed to be able to help, that was the trouble. "I'm tryin'," she repeated, hand moving up towards her mouth again. "I should let you get back t' findin' Pete. I'd offer t' help, only the location spell's not small an' I promised I'd lay off for the magic for a bit longer, give meself time t' heal. Pete..." She took a breath, trying to get the wobble out of her voice. "He wanted me t' look after meself."
"Dat's something else we need to talk 'bout." Remy said.." This was precisely what he didn't want to get into, but there was no choice. She deserved to know the truth, and delaying it any longer was just cruelty on their part.
Amanda's expression stilled, and she sat stiffly, pulling her knees up without realising she was reverting to old, defensive habits. "So, tell me," she said, her tone and face stony.
Remy's eyes flickered to the door to make sure it was closed, and he leaned forward. "Wisdom's not following up a lead. He's not coming back." Remy said, knowing that there was no way to make this any easier.
"How d'you mean, not coming back?" Amanda demanded, his bluntness shocking her out of her fake composure. "What about his job here, his mates? What about..." Try as she might, she couldn't keep the hurt, childish tone out of her voice, and she couldn't say the word, small as it was.
"It's complicated." Remy shook his head and reached for a file. He extracted the DVD she'd given him weeks ago and put it on the desk in front of her. "Remember dis?"
She managed not to flinch at the memories the sight of the DVD evoked, but only barely. "Of course I do," she replied . "But what has that got t' do with Pe..." It struck her then, like a lightning bolt. "It was him," she whispered, lips pale. "It was that fucker who done for Pete's Dad, wasn't it?" It had to be - it was the only reason Pete would have left without telling her.
"Man named Sirov. Tattoo on his hand. I was following up a connection wit' de ricin dat was used to kill Pete's pare. Just happened to notice de tattoo while I was questioning him." Remy said slowly. "Alphonso de la Rocha had de elder Wisdom killed, dat DVD sent to you; it's a message. Dat he can reach you, hurt you and yours at any time."
It never stopped. It never fucking well stopped, and now someone was dead because of it. "An' Pete's gone after him," she said through numb lips, her face icy-cold as the blood drained from it. "Because of me."
"Non. Pete went after him because of Pete." Remy was obviously frustrated, angry at himself, the situation, and the world at large. It was so much easier when it was just something to kill. "Remy been trying to narrow things down, which is why we didn't tell you right away. I'm sorry, chere."
"An' if it hadn't been for me, that fucker de la Rocha wouldn't have even bothered with Pete, or his dad," Amanda said bitterly. "I got in between him an' his precious son, remember? 'S why he's doin' this, all of it - like you said, t' show me he can hurt me any time he likes."
"You realise dat you're blaming yourself for Manuel not being shaped as a monster in human skin." Remy said quietly. "I'm not saying dat he's my favourite person in de world, but not abandoning him isn't a bad decision on your part. De person at fault is Alphonso de la Rocha. Not you, not Wisdom and not Manuel."
"But it still don't matter!" she burst out. "'Cause I didn't let Manuel go, I've got t' lose the people that count as family? What kind of fuckin' result is that? Every time I think we're gunna be able t' move on, maybe have a shot at gettin' our lives together, an' another piece gets taken away!" She'd risen to her feet without realising, heading for the door, out, away. "I hope Pete gets him. I hope that cunt dies - at least then maybe all this'll be over!"
"Non. Den it's just starting. Sit down." Remy's voice hardened, enough to pause her. This wasn't the time for sympathy any more. Now it was business. "Please sit down, 'manda. We not finished yet."
He was using the Voice. The same one Pete and Nate used when they needed her to listen. Amanda wanted more than anything to leave just then, get away from what Remy was going to tell her - it wasn't going to be good, not with that tone. But just as she couldn't lie to him, she couldn't walk out on him. "Fine," she said, coming back and sitting, perched on the very edge of the chair, ready to bolt if she had to. "What else did you want t' tell me?"
"Dis not as easy as Alphonso being dead. If dat was de case, Remy be out wit' Pete right now, helping him make dat happen." LeBeau took a deep breath. "If Wisdom kills Alphonso, dere's a chance dat de rest of de Hellfire Club will use it as an excuse to move on de mansion to 'protect' demselves."
"Then the leather brigade'll stop 'em. Same as they have every other time someone's decided t' have a go." Amanda's tone was uncompromising - she wanted this _over_. "Sure as hell have had enough practice."
"Dese people have to money to hire people like Wisdom and Gambit. Dey own senators. If dey go to war, everyone in dis mansion is going to die, 'manda." Remy said sourly. "So, what are de options? Stop Wisdom killing a man who should die? Or try and protect Alphonso to prevent seeing the Hellfire Club going after everyone else's family?"
She wanted to say she didn't care, that all that mattered was that bastard dying. But she thought of Miles and the little kids, of Marie-Ange and Doug and Moira and the baby... All prey to those bastards. Her head dropped onto her knees, and a small whimper escaped her. "So what happens now?" she asked, not looking up. "You askin' me t' write off the first person who ever called me family? Cheer on the X-Men as they go off t' take him down?" A half-stifled sob. "Let that bastard keep pickin' us off, 'til there's no-one I care about left?"
"Non. What I'm asking is dat you help me try and stop him." Remy said. "If de X-Men get between him and Alphonso, dey won't stop him, but he might kill one of dem. If dat happens, you know dat he can never come back. De only way dat Remy can think of is if we can at least get him to stop and think of a way to do it without letting de club link it to de mansion."
"What makes you think he isn't already doin' that?" Amanda asked, lifting her head, her eyes wet with tears. "He hasn't contacted me at all since he left, or Nate, so far as I know, or you. Maybe 's 'cause he wants t' keep us out of it, keep us clear?"
"Wisdom's associated with de mansion. All dey need is an excuse, 'manda. Pete might be ready to risk dat, but Remy don't know if I can. Besides, de X-Men have already decided to protect de la Rocha." Remy shook his head. "If he's going to contact any one here, it will be you, chere. I need you to help me stop this."
They'd decided? To protect the cause of pretty much every bit of pain and misery she and Manuel had been through in the last year? "You want me t' grass him up? Tell you where he is if he tells me?" she asked distantly, not able to handle this at all. It was too much.
"'manda, are you willing to risk de results if he kills one of de X-Men getting to Alphonso?" Remy said quietly. "Or seeing dem go after everyone else's family afterwords? de la Rocha signed his death warrent months ago, but dis is not de way to get him; by endangering everyone else."
Amanda dropped her head on her knees again, unable to face that unflinching stare. "No." The word came out broken-sounding. This had to be a nightmare, fate couldn't possibly be this cruel. "If I hear from him, I'll tell you. No-one else, not the Professor, not the X-wankers. Just you." Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she raised her head and looked him in the eyes. "But you've gotta promise me, if there's any way t' sort this without Pete gettin' hurt, you'll find it. I'm not lettin' that cunt de la Rocha take anythin' else from me."
"Dat's de reason I'm asking you, 'manda. de la Rocha's life isn't worth Pete's to me. But de rest of the mansion..." Remy met her look unflinching, hiding his own turmoil. "If I can make him listen, den dis doesn't have to go any further. But dere's more."
More? How could there be more? "What?" she asked, tone defeated.
"You can't talk to anyone 'bout dis. If de rest of de idiot brigade here finds out, den... you know what will happen. Hell, Remy sure dat I'm due for a rubber hose beating in de basement when dey find out dat I told you all dis." Remy said, frustrated and exhausted. The endless nights, punctuated solely by grinding missions had etched deep lines under his eyes and around his mouth.
"Don't worry, 'm not about t' tell everyone my uncle's puttin' 'em all in danger of gettin' killed," she said with a hollow laugh. "But I won't sit through Summers or the X geezer tryin' t' tell me what's happened, if it ever occurs t' them t' tell me why Pete left. All right if I tell 'em you've already said? Not what exactly, just that I know?"
"Non, you tell dem dat I told you. You have a right to know, 'manda, and I'm sorry dat I couldn't tell you right away. If de Professor or dat fucker Summer had listened to Remy in de first place, we might not be in dis situation." Remy fought back the rise of anger. The Professor had been clear on his reasons, but it just seemed so needlessly dangerous to LeBeau. "But for de rest, well, I trust you to be smart 'bout dis."
She repressed the snort. If it was down to her being smart, they were all fucked. "Does Nate know?" she asked suddenly, realising there was no way she'd be able to keep the fact she knew from him. "Why Pete left?"
"Not yet. I'm sure dat de Professor will tell him wit' de rest of de staff. I think dat he's already put some of it together." Remy looked down at the piles of paperwork on the desk, the gently cooling plate of food, the cups of cold coffee; anywhere but the tormented eyes across from him. "Remy fill him in soon enough."
That somehow made it easier to bear. Fractionally. At least Nate hadn't been keeping it from her. "Can I... can I go now?" she asked, wanting desperately to be anywhere but where there were people. Anywhere but here, at the school. "If there's nothin' else?" Almost daring him to throw something else at her, just to finish the job.
"I'm sorry, 'manda. I wish dat Remy was good at doing something other den hurting people." Remy said quietly. "But if I can, I will get him back."
"Like you said, there's only one person at fault here, an' there's nothin' can be done 'gainst him." Unfolding herself, moving slightly stiffly from being curled up in such a tight ball for so long, she got up from the chair. "An' if it can be done, gettin' Pete back... well, you've probably got the best chance of doin' it. You or Nate." She crossed to the door, not wanting to draw this out any longer when all she wanted to do was scream. "I'll tell Lorna t' make sure someone's feedin' you for the next couple of days," she said, slipping out the door and closing it behind her without giving him the chance to reply.
Funny. Pete was gone, and here she still was, bringing food trays to his office. Amanda often asked herself why she did that, when seeing Remy in the familiar spot only made Pete's so-far unexplained absence hit home all the harder, but reminded herself that if she didn't do it, not many others would. And Lorna was distracted bigtime by the rebuilding of her kitchen this week. Balancing the tray awkwardly on her hip, she tapped on the door, calling out: "Remy? Food's up."
There was no answer, and she pushed the door open to find LeBeau sprawled on the couch in the corner, sleeping shallowly. Untidy piles of files surrounded him, with tiny notations and question marks on them. At least a couple of people had mentioned seeing the lights on in the room for close to two days straight, his working obvious past the propped open door.
Hmm, decision time. Obviously the man needed sleep, or he wouldn't be passed out on the couch. But he hadn't exactly been eating reguarly either, and if she just left the tray for him, he'd leave it to congeal. Not that it was exactly cuisine to begin with, with the kitchen out, but still. With a small sigh, she put the tray on the desk, deliberately not thinking about the many times she'd done the same for Pete, and crossed to the couch. "Remy," she called reluctantly, making sure she was out of reach - scary spy types tended to get violent if you startled them awake. "Remy, 's me. Got some food for you, if you want it."
Remy cracked open one eye, then squeezed both shut tight for a moment. "Merde." He muttered, opening his eyes as he levered himself up off of the couch. He must have nodded off sometime early in the day. There were just too many leads to run down and information to absorb, and just no time to do it in. "Guess I dozed off." He got up, grimaced and walked over to the desk. "You lose de bet wit' Lorna on food duty?"
"Lorna's busy arguin' with contractors 'bout stoves," Amanda replied with a shrug. "So I figured I'd take up the slack. In the habit any way, so 's not much bother." She turned to leave him to it, but paused, biting her lip. Maybe he'd have something by now. "Any word?"
"Non." Remy didn't get to the rest of the information on Wisdom. There'd be time for that later, and he knew that it would pretty much end the conversation. "We can talk 'bout dat more in a minute. But first--" He pulled out a folded sheet of paper, that had a flash of Tante Mattie's cramped handwriting on it.
Shite. Amanda sighed as she sat opposite him, remembering he'd mentioned hearing from Tante. Another person telling her she'd done the wrong thing, just what she didn't need. Still, might as well get it over and done with. "Tante's letter, right?"
"Dat's right. Dat's woman's penmanship 'bout as crazy as she is." Remy muttered, opening up the letter. "Dere's some bits 'bout you in here, like I figured you guessed. Feel like talking 'bout de spell you did?"
"Not really, but I s'pose I've gotta, right?" she replied, perhaps a little sullenly. "Let me save yer breath. It was stupid, I should've found another way, an' I shouldn't mess around with magic unless I know what all the consequences are. An' if I don't respect it, she'll come up an' take it away from me, right?"
"Non. Dat not it." Remy looked a little confused. "'cept course for de taking de magic away, but she didn't mention dat in de letter. 'manda, did you do something dat extreme?"
She blinked, surprised. No-one had asked her that question, at least not in that way. 'That stupid' or 'that reckless' had been the qualifiers. "I thought..." she began, trying to figure out how to explain without dumping Jay in it. "I thought it was the only way t' help this person. He came t' me, twice, an' _begged_ me t' help him. Told me it was the only way." She began chewing on her fingernails, unsettled. "I hadn't done any magic since that mission in Canada, tryin' t' stick t' what Tante said, an' it seemed like the right thing t' do, at the time. Still does, a little - the person seems better for it, 'least a bit."
"He said it was de only way. What do you think?" Remy's expression was unreadable, his red on black eyes switching to a damningly opaque shield on his thoughts. "Dis is de important thing, 'manda. Do you think it was de only option? No bullshit or excuses."
She wanted to lie. She really did. But she'd never been able to with Remy, now or back when they'd first met. "No," she said in a small voice.
"Merde." Remy put his head in his hand, wincing as he heard her admission. Suddenly the words in Tante's message made a lot more sense, in a very bad way. "Well, dat's a little more information. Remy was hoping de madwoman was just being cryptic."
"How so?" Amanda asked, puzzled and beginning to be a little afraid. Was there something worse still coming down the karmic pipeline for her? She would have thought the damage she'd done would have been enough. "I can't do that spell again, if that's what she's worried about. Moira says I burned out that part of me brain, an' there's no way."
"Ever wonder why Tante Mattie 'greed to take you and Marie-Ange, 'manda?" Remy was suddenly serious. "She's a powerful woman. Hell, can think of two hundred people dat would sell family members to get a day wit' Tante to study. But she took de both of you."
Amanda began to shrug, but the memory of Tante's thwapping hand curtailed the movement. "'Cause you asked her to?" she offered, although she didn't really think that was right. "She needed help with that whole Brood thing an' it was a way t' get you on board."
"Remy already owed her a debt for dat." Remy got up and to Amanda's surprise tugged his shirt off over his head. Her wry comment about a quickie died on her lips as he turned, and she saw the four precise little finger sized scars that graced his shoulders. "But now, dere a few more dat he owe her."
"What, you paid her t' take us? Put yerself in more debt?" Oh, this was just getting better and better - another obligation she had to pay off, another expectation to disappoint, like she'd been doing with everything lately. "I never asked you t' do that," she said, regret overlying the faint trace of resentment. People kept doing this sort of thing. Making sacrifices for her, putting her in a situation she could never hope to even up.
"You didn't have a choice, chere." Remy shrugged back into his shirt. "At first, it was 'bout Marie-Ange. Without Tante, she'd have gone insane 'ventually. But when Mattie looked into Ange she saw things dat involve you. Dere's a decision dat you going to make in de future, dat could mean dat you going to be threat to Tante." Remy omitted the fact that Mattie had mentioned that it included everyone else she'd known too.
"Me?" Amanda looked honestly startled. "No bloody way - I ain't got that sort of power."
"Right now." Remy sat back down. "Guess dat's why dey call it de future, 'manda. Remy don't know dat much 'bout de magic, but I know you powerful. Even Tante said it. Powerful enough dat she was ready to strip de magic right out of you head. So, she settled for me instead. See, if you do make de wrong decision, de first weapon dat Tante has against you is me, and Remy not have any control over dat."
She opened her mouth to deny the possibility, to protest, and then closed it again. Hadn't Strange said her potential was almost frightening? Perhaps they should scratch the 'almost'. "Then I'd best not make the wrong decision then," she said slowly, not sounding very confident of that. She made so many mistakes...
"Remy's prefer dat." He offered her a wan smile. "But Tante said dat you just 'took your first step in de dance'. Maybe dat good, maybe dat bad. She said dat you'd understand."
Amanda frowned, not entirely sure she did. The Baron's dance - Angie had told her about that vision. She supposed the spirit summoning spell would count as that... "Never let it be said I don't learn from me mistakes, eh?" she said, with a brief, wan grin that didn't reach her eyes.
"Hope so." Remy said tiredly. "Dat's why dese things are important, 'manda. It's not 'bout how you using de magic. Hell, Tante uses it all de time. Its 'bout why you using it. De only person dat can make de decision, good or bad, on dat is you. Not de Professor, not dat McCoy, not even Tante."
"I'm tryin'," she said, slumping into the chair a bit. Sometimes it seemed all she did was try. And then fail. "'S just hard, knowin' what's right, what's wrong, when's a good time t' use a spell... Sometimes it seems the healin's all it's good for, an' I can't exactly wait for people t' get hurt so I can use it, can I?"
"Dat I can't help you wit', chere. Guess you have to listen to yourself and make de best choices dat you can." Remy shook his head, trying to offer support but knowing that there was little he could say. Magic was simply too alien, too esoteric to have cut and dried rules. "Don't let others make de decision for you. One thing dat Remy knows is dat most de time, what a person thinks dey need most isn't de real answer. If you going to make mistakes, least make dem for de right reasons; you reasons."
No-one seemed to be able to help, that was the trouble. "I'm tryin'," she repeated, hand moving up towards her mouth again. "I should let you get back t' findin' Pete. I'd offer t' help, only the location spell's not small an' I promised I'd lay off for the magic for a bit longer, give meself time t' heal. Pete..." She took a breath, trying to get the wobble out of her voice. "He wanted me t' look after meself."
"Dat's something else we need to talk 'bout." Remy said.." This was precisely what he didn't want to get into, but there was no choice. She deserved to know the truth, and delaying it any longer was just cruelty on their part.
Amanda's expression stilled, and she sat stiffly, pulling her knees up without realising she was reverting to old, defensive habits. "So, tell me," she said, her tone and face stony.
Remy's eyes flickered to the door to make sure it was closed, and he leaned forward. "Wisdom's not following up a lead. He's not coming back." Remy said, knowing that there was no way to make this any easier.
"How d'you mean, not coming back?" Amanda demanded, his bluntness shocking her out of her fake composure. "What about his job here, his mates? What about..." Try as she might, she couldn't keep the hurt, childish tone out of her voice, and she couldn't say the word, small as it was.
"It's complicated." Remy shook his head and reached for a file. He extracted the DVD she'd given him weeks ago and put it on the desk in front of her. "Remember dis?"
She managed not to flinch at the memories the sight of the DVD evoked, but only barely. "Of course I do," she replied . "But what has that got t' do with Pe..." It struck her then, like a lightning bolt. "It was him," she whispered, lips pale. "It was that fucker who done for Pete's Dad, wasn't it?" It had to be - it was the only reason Pete would have left without telling her.
"Man named Sirov. Tattoo on his hand. I was following up a connection wit' de ricin dat was used to kill Pete's pare. Just happened to notice de tattoo while I was questioning him." Remy said slowly. "Alphonso de la Rocha had de elder Wisdom killed, dat DVD sent to you; it's a message. Dat he can reach you, hurt you and yours at any time."
It never stopped. It never fucking well stopped, and now someone was dead because of it. "An' Pete's gone after him," she said through numb lips, her face icy-cold as the blood drained from it. "Because of me."
"Non. Pete went after him because of Pete." Remy was obviously frustrated, angry at himself, the situation, and the world at large. It was so much easier when it was just something to kill. "Remy been trying to narrow things down, which is why we didn't tell you right away. I'm sorry, chere."
"An' if it hadn't been for me, that fucker de la Rocha wouldn't have even bothered with Pete, or his dad," Amanda said bitterly. "I got in between him an' his precious son, remember? 'S why he's doin' this, all of it - like you said, t' show me he can hurt me any time he likes."
"You realise dat you're blaming yourself for Manuel not being shaped as a monster in human skin." Remy said quietly. "I'm not saying dat he's my favourite person in de world, but not abandoning him isn't a bad decision on your part. De person at fault is Alphonso de la Rocha. Not you, not Wisdom and not Manuel."
"But it still don't matter!" she burst out. "'Cause I didn't let Manuel go, I've got t' lose the people that count as family? What kind of fuckin' result is that? Every time I think we're gunna be able t' move on, maybe have a shot at gettin' our lives together, an' another piece gets taken away!" She'd risen to her feet without realising, heading for the door, out, away. "I hope Pete gets him. I hope that cunt dies - at least then maybe all this'll be over!"
"Non. Den it's just starting. Sit down." Remy's voice hardened, enough to pause her. This wasn't the time for sympathy any more. Now it was business. "Please sit down, 'manda. We not finished yet."
He was using the Voice. The same one Pete and Nate used when they needed her to listen. Amanda wanted more than anything to leave just then, get away from what Remy was going to tell her - it wasn't going to be good, not with that tone. But just as she couldn't lie to him, she couldn't walk out on him. "Fine," she said, coming back and sitting, perched on the very edge of the chair, ready to bolt if she had to. "What else did you want t' tell me?"
"Dis not as easy as Alphonso being dead. If dat was de case, Remy be out wit' Pete right now, helping him make dat happen." LeBeau took a deep breath. "If Wisdom kills Alphonso, dere's a chance dat de rest of de Hellfire Club will use it as an excuse to move on de mansion to 'protect' demselves."
"Then the leather brigade'll stop 'em. Same as they have every other time someone's decided t' have a go." Amanda's tone was uncompromising - she wanted this _over_. "Sure as hell have had enough practice."
"Dese people have to money to hire people like Wisdom and Gambit. Dey own senators. If dey go to war, everyone in dis mansion is going to die, 'manda." Remy said sourly. "So, what are de options? Stop Wisdom killing a man who should die? Or try and protect Alphonso to prevent seeing the Hellfire Club going after everyone else's family?"
She wanted to say she didn't care, that all that mattered was that bastard dying. But she thought of Miles and the little kids, of Marie-Ange and Doug and Moira and the baby... All prey to those bastards. Her head dropped onto her knees, and a small whimper escaped her. "So what happens now?" she asked, not looking up. "You askin' me t' write off the first person who ever called me family? Cheer on the X-Men as they go off t' take him down?" A half-stifled sob. "Let that bastard keep pickin' us off, 'til there's no-one I care about left?"
"Non. What I'm asking is dat you help me try and stop him." Remy said. "If de X-Men get between him and Alphonso, dey won't stop him, but he might kill one of dem. If dat happens, you know dat he can never come back. De only way dat Remy can think of is if we can at least get him to stop and think of a way to do it without letting de club link it to de mansion."
"What makes you think he isn't already doin' that?" Amanda asked, lifting her head, her eyes wet with tears. "He hasn't contacted me at all since he left, or Nate, so far as I know, or you. Maybe 's 'cause he wants t' keep us out of it, keep us clear?"
"Wisdom's associated with de mansion. All dey need is an excuse, 'manda. Pete might be ready to risk dat, but Remy don't know if I can. Besides, de X-Men have already decided to protect de la Rocha." Remy shook his head. "If he's going to contact any one here, it will be you, chere. I need you to help me stop this."
They'd decided? To protect the cause of pretty much every bit of pain and misery she and Manuel had been through in the last year? "You want me t' grass him up? Tell you where he is if he tells me?" she asked distantly, not able to handle this at all. It was too much.
"'manda, are you willing to risk de results if he kills one of de X-Men getting to Alphonso?" Remy said quietly. "Or seeing dem go after everyone else's family afterwords? de la Rocha signed his death warrent months ago, but dis is not de way to get him; by endangering everyone else."
Amanda dropped her head on her knees again, unable to face that unflinching stare. "No." The word came out broken-sounding. This had to be a nightmare, fate couldn't possibly be this cruel. "If I hear from him, I'll tell you. No-one else, not the Professor, not the X-wankers. Just you." Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she raised her head and looked him in the eyes. "But you've gotta promise me, if there's any way t' sort this without Pete gettin' hurt, you'll find it. I'm not lettin' that cunt de la Rocha take anythin' else from me."
"Dat's de reason I'm asking you, 'manda. de la Rocha's life isn't worth Pete's to me. But de rest of the mansion..." Remy met her look unflinching, hiding his own turmoil. "If I can make him listen, den dis doesn't have to go any further. But dere's more."
More? How could there be more? "What?" she asked, tone defeated.
"You can't talk to anyone 'bout dis. If de rest of de idiot brigade here finds out, den... you know what will happen. Hell, Remy sure dat I'm due for a rubber hose beating in de basement when dey find out dat I told you all dis." Remy said, frustrated and exhausted. The endless nights, punctuated solely by grinding missions had etched deep lines under his eyes and around his mouth.
"Don't worry, 'm not about t' tell everyone my uncle's puttin' 'em all in danger of gettin' killed," she said with a hollow laugh. "But I won't sit through Summers or the X geezer tryin' t' tell me what's happened, if it ever occurs t' them t' tell me why Pete left. All right if I tell 'em you've already said? Not what exactly, just that I know?"
"Non, you tell dem dat I told you. You have a right to know, 'manda, and I'm sorry dat I couldn't tell you right away. If de Professor or dat fucker Summer had listened to Remy in de first place, we might not be in dis situation." Remy fought back the rise of anger. The Professor had been clear on his reasons, but it just seemed so needlessly dangerous to LeBeau. "But for de rest, well, I trust you to be smart 'bout dis."
She repressed the snort. If it was down to her being smart, they were all fucked. "Does Nate know?" she asked suddenly, realising there was no way she'd be able to keep the fact she knew from him. "Why Pete left?"
"Not yet. I'm sure dat de Professor will tell him wit' de rest of de staff. I think dat he's already put some of it together." Remy looked down at the piles of paperwork on the desk, the gently cooling plate of food, the cups of cold coffee; anywhere but the tormented eyes across from him. "Remy fill him in soon enough."
That somehow made it easier to bear. Fractionally. At least Nate hadn't been keeping it from her. "Can I... can I go now?" she asked, wanting desperately to be anywhere but where there were people. Anywhere but here, at the school. "If there's nothin' else?" Almost daring him to throw something else at her, just to finish the job.
"I'm sorry, 'manda. I wish dat Remy was good at doing something other den hurting people." Remy said quietly. "But if I can, I will get him back."
"Like you said, there's only one person at fault here, an' there's nothin' can be done 'gainst him." Unfolding herself, moving slightly stiffly from being curled up in such a tight ball for so long, she got up from the chair. "An' if it can be done, gettin' Pete back... well, you've probably got the best chance of doin' it. You or Nate." She crossed to the door, not wanting to draw this out any longer when all she wanted to do was scream. "I'll tell Lorna t' make sure someone's feedin' you for the next couple of days," she said, slipping out the door and closing it behind her without giving him the chance to reply.
