Paige, Samson, first appointment

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

Paige has her first appointment with Samson. Paige would greatly appreciate if it was her last, thanks. Unfortunately for her, Samson won't let her get away with it. In case you missed it, this talk does not go well.

Great big thanks to Rossi, for socking Samson.


Paige fingered the top button on her cardigan for what seemed like the thousandth time since she'd got here, which had only been fifteen minutes ago. Her appointment was for 9:30, so of course she'd be there at quarter after. But then she'd begun to wonder. Was she to knock on the door and announce herself? Or was he busy? Was he going to come out and greet her? Suddenly the comfortable but highly professional outfit she had chosen, chocolate brown, tweed trousers and a rather special vintage cardigan in what she was told was a flattering shade of marine blue, (none of which she had chosen) felt very hot and tight around the neck, even though she'd already undone the top two buttons of her sweater. Working on the third, while checking in the reflection of Samson's brass nameplate to make sure she didn't look like a tramp, Paige reminded herself that she had agreed to do this. Sure, only because she was trying to look like this didn't bother her and to set an example, but she had agreed to it none the less. Now, if only she could figure out a way to get in the door...

That problem was solved by said door opening, and Samson leaning out. He'd been well apprised of Paige's appointment, and knew she'd be fretting. Better to start things off simply - Madelyn had been pretty insistent on the need for some sort of intervention here. And looking at her file, he had to agree. Over-achiever, highly-strung, control freak... He was slightly surprised she wasn't exhibiting some more obvious problems, like anorexia - certainly she fit the profile. Putting all that out of his mind, he gave her his best 'professional but friendly' smile and beckoned to her. "Ms Guthrie, I presume? Won't you come in?"

Well. That answered that question. Practically beaming at him in return, her best 'how do you do, I'm perfect in every way but somehow manage to not be annoying' smile, she entered, casually glancing around the room and informing herself that mentioning the lack of 90 degree angles was probably not the best way to start. "Thank you. And thank you for seeing me. I know I didn't give you much notice; I just wanted to get this out of the way. Not that this isn't important," she assured, sitting down when he gestured to a chair. "I'm just that kind of person. Busy. So! How do we start this?"

"Well, how about you tell me what you're expecting from this session?" he suggested, taking a seat himself and leaning back in his chair. "Oh, I might take notes from time to time, but that's strictly for my benefit. And no-one would actually be able to read my handwriting any way."

Paige's smile faltered, which she just managed to cover with a shy glance down and a comb back of her hair. "All right. I'm not exactly sure, in all honesty. Um. This is part of my trainee evaluations, regulations and what have you, so whatever you can give me still makes me way ahead of what I'm expecting."

"Well, I tend to be a little unstructured," Samson said, knowing this would unsettle Paige more. Usually he tried to put new patients at ease, but Paige he knew would be trying hard to put up the normal front. "So how about we chat, about the team, and the school... whatever comes to mind? That'll give me an idea of what direction to focus on."

There was a forced laugh at that, which wasn't a bad try but also not fooling anyone, and Paige let one of her hands drop to the side of the chair where she held on tight. She'd only been in this room two minutes and she was already trying to figure out if she could survive a jump from that window over there. "That sounds good. Well, I recently made full trainee status, so I'm quite proud. I get leathers and everything. Or I will when I figure out how to make the leathers not rip into tiny little shreds with my mutation activates. They're very nice to look at at least," Paige said in a conversational tone, grinning as she joked. This could be like small talk at that party they'd gone to. The one where she'd worn the red dress and danced with Alison. "And... school is school, really. I'm majoring in Chemistry. Mostly my classes are at the college, but I take a few at the school. Once in a while I drop in on the Dance class to make Kitty and Alison happy. And that's about it. I'm not very interesting I'm afraid."

"Some would beg to disagree - a trainee X-Man could be considered rather exciting. Plus graduating from school a year early." Samson smiled as he said it. "How about the social side of things? Any special friends?"

"As I said. Busy," Paige replied. She was blushing, and shrugged, but her smile was pleased. "Special friends? Well, um. All my friends are special? I room with a pack of girls who are younger than me, but they're fantastic. And I have seniority, so they bring me cake sometimes, it's great." Laughing, Paige shifted her eyes around the room, trying to think how to continue. "But for the most part I get along better with boys. Or fairly... masculine girls. I'm not especially feminine, and I find there's a little less drama, or at least, what drama there is, can generally big solved with a punch to the shoulder and a round of something on the Xbox. I'm simple that way."

Hmm, she kept using those sorts of words to describe herself. 'Uninteresting', 'simple'... And she certainly wasn't as masculine as she thought she was. "Is there drama?" he asked. "With having more conventionally female friends?"

Paige laughed, shrugging again. She seemed to be doing a lot of that. "There's more making little things much bigger than they are. A lot of talking about my feelings, when sometimes all I really want is a sandwich," Paige explained, only noticing now that her hand was going somewhat numb. She flexed out her fingers, loosening her grip and getting some feeling back. "I mean, I get that from Angelo too, and he's certainly a boy, I guess. And it's not like I don't worry about other people, but there's worrying and then there's just looking for trouble. I'm not one of those people who needs to talk out their emotions to make them feel better."

"How do you mean, 'looking for trouble'?" Samson asked, curiously.

"Sometimes there's nothing they can do!" Paige exclaimed before she could stop herself. "Sometimes, it's not even about me. It's about their trying to make themselves feel like they've done something important. That they're good people, at least they tried to help, even if I'm too stubborn to accept it." She stilled, taken aback at what she had just said, eyes going wide. "I mean. I... Sometimes it feels like that, anyway. I'm sure it's not, I just get frustrated. Talking doesn't solve anything for me, it's just a waste of my time."

"Sometimes it can be the case, yes," Samson allowed. "Philosophers would argue there is no truly altruistic act, that everything we do benefits us in some way. So, if talking doesn't help, what does?"

Paige gave him a weak smile in thanks. She knew she deserved a much more inquisitive question after that outburst, something along the lines of, 'and why are you a loon?'. "Well, it depends. If it's something that can be solved, I tend to, well, figure it out," Paige replied, thinking she sounded rather silly. "Research if I have to. I'm rather fond of research. If it's something I can't do anything about, then I just do something else. I find balancing complex Chemistry equations very soothing. Talking things over tends to just make me more aggravated and distract from quality chemical balancing or rain forest saving." She tried to grin at that, a strange imitation but not half bad, accenting her joke.

"A young woman of action," Samson said with another of those answering smiles. "Admirable quality, when it is a situation that can be solved by doing. I must imagine then that when you come across a situation you can't solve through practical means, it must be very frustrating." He paused and added, seemingly unconnected. "Angelo comes down to speak to me sometimes. He's mentioned the situation with Jonathan is personally very frustrating for him." Not exactly giving away client confidentiality there, especially since there was the connection.

Visibly blanching, Paige stared at him a while, not saying anything. When she finally found words, they were slightly halted, and with great concentration. "Frustrating? What part does he find frustrating exactly?" she asked, any comment about herself and her own frustrations forgotten instantly.

Interesting reaction... "The part where someone he considers a friend, or at least a potential friend is in difficult circumstances and he can't help in any way," he replied blandly, not adding the 'obviously' in there. "Angelo is, as you said yourself, like you inclined towards acting on a problem, and the inability to act on this one is understandably difficult. Feelings of helplessness and so on."

"Right," Paige replied, relaxing a little. Of course. Angelo was still fine with her and Jono. Why wouldn't he be, Jono was currently a ball of light. Oh God, that was horrible, shut up Paige, keep talking to the nice man who is pretending you're not insane so far. "Of course. It's been difficult. But we know that the doctors are doing their best, and they are going to find a solution, it's just going to take some time. They're the best, after all."

She sounded almost disassociated, as if she was talking about a movie on television... "What did you think he might have been frustrated about?" he asked mildly. "From your question you seemed to expect me to say something else."

There was a lurch as her heart skipped a beat. She'd said too much. This was not how this was supposed to go. She did not need one more person thinking she was some kind of whore behind her back while putting on a sunny face, she really didn't. Paige took a deep breath and smiled. "Ah, Angelo, Jono and I just have a little bit of history, that's all. And, as I said, I fret. Paranoia on my part, I'm just nervous. It's nothing really."

Samson nodded. "No need to be. Really." He thought for a long moment, and then said, since indirectly hadn't worked: "The situation with Jonothan is a difficult one, and we've touched on how Angelo's reacting to it, but you... you haven't mentioned how you deal with it, given there's limited options for you to actually do something. And given that's your preferred way of dealing with a situation...?" He left the statement hanging.

"You're asking me how I'm doing with Jono having transcended the need for corporal form," Paige said blandly, having finally caught on to his round about way of going at things. He was good, she had to give him that, although, she wasn't sure if she would have caught it or not had she not been so concerned about this love triangle she had going. "And I suppose I owe you the truth, although, I have no idea why." With a defeated sort of sigh, Paige threw herself against the back of the chair, letting her head bang against the padding. "I don't deal with it. I have no coping skills for this situation. And if this costs me my status on the team, I'm going to be very pissed off, whether you're doing your job or not, even if it is not directed at you."

Samson watched her for a long moment, not saying anything. When he did speak, it was in the same gentle tone he'd been using all along. "Does it make a difference, having told me all that?"

Paige dragged her eyes down from where they had been glued to the ceiling to look at Samson through darkened lashes. "I already knew it. I had this very fun moment of dawning two weeks ago. But even knowing that I wasn't dealing with Jono suddenly doesn't give me any brilliant ideas on how to. It's not exactly a normal situation."

"When you have a problem you can't solve, like a physics or chemistry problem, what do you do?" Samson asked, seemingly changing the topic.

"I look it up," Paige answered instantly, even easily. She didn't have to think about this, and wasn't going to look too deep into what he was asking her. If he didn't have the answer, fine. "I have a good number of books on the subject, as the does the library, and if all else fails, the Internet will do. That's the good thing about the Sciences. They have rules. Eventually, they always make sense. There are no metaphors like in Literature, or different sides to one story like in History. Hydrogen is always hydrogen. Gravity is always gravity. Pi is always three point one four whatnot."

"And if the book doesn't have the answer?"

Paige stared at him blankly. Books not having the answer? Why would there be a science question to which books did not have the answer? "I'm sorry, I don't understand the question. How would the book not have the answer? I don't mean to be rude..."

"You're not being rude. But sometimes there are problems that the book hasn't been written for yet - scientific knowledge is ever-evolving, I'm sure you'd agree, yes?"

"Alright," Paige agreed, nodding slowly. She had no idea where he was going with this, but at least she understood the question for the moment. "However, if that was the case, then there would be two options, wouldn't there? Internet publications, which are constantly being updated, or we assume that I created the problem myself, so I would have to come up with a logical solution as well, or at least a path with the given information that I already have." She wasn't trying to be difficult; this was all just so strange and foreign. God, he must hate her right now.

"You've got two scientific geniuses living under the same roof - you wouldn't think to ask their advice?" Samson suggested. Paige's replies were very telling about her view on life in general.

There was a pause as Paige thought about that, staring blindly past Samson to a spot on the wall. "I guess it's never come up before," she said finally, her voice quiet. "I mean, I work with Forge, but that's because we're a team. It's not because I don't know the answer, we both would already have the foundation of one and then would work on making it function as best it can. I don't actually ask him for advice. Not really."

And there was the core of it. "You don't think that's inefficient?" he asked, quietly. "Not making the best use of the resources available, relying solely on your own view of a problem?"

"I told you, it's never come up," Paige replied sharply, thoughts tumbling in her head. Her mind was too fast, it was getting difficult to catch up and sort efficiently. "I've never found a scientific question that I couldn't answer, between books, magazines, what have you. I've never had to rely on just myself. Or maybe I just assumed I was right, if I did. I don't know." The last words obviously pained her to say, stilted and laced with some dark emotion.

"There are always questions we can't answer by ourselves," Samson said. "Problems we can't solve relying entirely on our own resources, or own
perspectives. Like with the team. You have other people around you to back you up." He paused, letting that sink in. "Do you see what I'm getting at here?"

"I see what you're trying to say. Finally, I might add. I just think you're wrong, at least partly," Paige said, keeping her voice solid and trying desperately to keep the glint that was her temper flaring up out of her eyes.

"How so?" he asked her mildly, not bothered by the hint of anger in her voice and body language.

The fact that he was so collected when all she wanted to do was tear everything in the room to shreds, not even well organized, even shreds, did not help her any. She was very thankful she did not have a more destructive mutation at the moment. "There are some questions no one can answer. For the most part, I've found when I can't answer the question, and I'm not talking off the bat here, I'm talking about with research and work and time, then no one can. Things won't just magically change because I decided to speak about them to someone else."

"So you don't think another person's perspective on a problem - whatever that problem might be - can't be useful? No matter what experience or skills that person might have?" Samson could see he'd rattled her, and while he wasn't trying to shatter the girl, she needed to see what an ultimately self-destructive path she was on. "If you can't find the answer through your own means, it doesn't exist? Doesn't that strike you as perhaps a touch arrogant?"

"Why did my boyfriend have to blow himself up? Will he ever get a physical form back? Is Angelo going to realize that he can't be with me, once he moves to New York? Speaking of which, why am I a freak who is in love with two men? Is that relationship ever going to work out? For that matter, are any of my relationships with anyone going to work out? Because every time I get a friend, or a father figure or sister figure, they suddenly decide that things over there, in the direction as far away from me as possible, is much more interesting! Don't even get me started on my family! And can you, or anyone else, answer those questions, along with the thousands of others that are swimming around in my head, with anything more than a guess or a maybe? No! No one can!" Paige found herself almost screaming now, standing up with the back of her knees resting on the cushioned seat of her chair. Her legs were trembling so badly she thought she might fall, and part of her brain was yelling at her to shut-up, that she was saying too much, that she'd been warned about her temper, but Paige just continued on. "So yes, I do think that there are a couple of questions, here and there, that can not be answered! And if that makes me arrogant, well, so be it. I will gladly open that window over there and inform the street bellow you of my recently found out haughtiness."

There was a long moment of silence as Samson merely watched her, broken only by Paige's harsh panting. Then he cleared his throat softly, and went on in the maddeningly calm manner he'd been using throughout the session. "Actually, Paige, many of those questions do have answers. Jonothan's condition does have a cause, and I believe Doctor McCoy was in the middle of addressing that when he was taken ill. As he was addressing returning him to a physical form. As for Angelo... only talking to him will give you an answer to that." Samson leaned back a little, eyes never leaving her face. "As for your apparent inability to form lasting relationships... have you considered that because you rely so very entirely on your own judgement, that perhaps the people around you feel shut out? Even those that love you - you keep them at arm's length, for whatever reason." He paused, letting that sink in, and then added: "The answers may not be as complete and conclusive as you would like, or not what you want to hear, Paige, but you'd be surprised at the wealth of information lies in talking to others."

Paige stared stonily back at him, eyes narrowing down to a half glare. Another one who thought he knew everything. Wonderful. They might know why Jono blew up, but they should have found out long ago that he had the potential; to stop it before it happened. As for his physical form, well. That was just another maybe, wasn't it? As was her supposed answer from Angelo. She'd noticed that he'd had no idea how to answer her problem with Jono and Angelo. He had no idea about her relationships with other people in general, how she'd tried and merely been replaced by someone smarter, prettier, better. He had no idea about anything to do with her, whether he had that robotic voice or not. "If an answer is not complete, it's not an answer," she replied icily, returning to her seat.

"No, you just think it's not an answer," Samson replied. He leaned back in his seat, considering her. "I think it's something we can work on - I'll be recommending regular sessions for a while. I think you'll find them useful, at least in terms of seeing another perspective. And perhaps some stress management techniques." He didn't say her attendance would be a requirement for her staying on the team - he didn't have to.

"Swell," was her answer, in that same, cold tone. The faster Paige was out of here the faster she could go home and come up with several different plans for her next session. It was her own fault for assuming she could wing this one, really. She would do better next time. "Is our time up?"

"I think so, yes." Samson was unperturbed by her tone, or the obvious hostility in her eyes. He'd expected resistance the minute he'd broached the subject of seeking help from others. Paige desperately needed to be in control, and if that meant deciding she was a horrible failed person inside because she couldn't easily fix certain things, then that would be what she did. "I'll email you with your next appointment time, and with a couple of books you ought to read on stress management techniques."

Paige nodded, gathering her things and standing. At least the man knew that she liked books; that was a good, redeeming quality. Or at least, it would if she didn't want to break things. Paige should have been born a redhead. "Thank you. I'll be sure to study up on them before our next meeting." She could see it now. Picture yourself in a green meadow, the book would say. A delightful babbling brook is speaking to you nearby, a cute little bunny rabbit hops along... Oh, she needed out of here. This place obviously made her crazy. "Thank you for your time," she said hastily, and let herself out.

Comments

[x-juggernaut.livejournal.com]

Note: Order extra magazine racks for all the issues floating around the mansion...

Great log, BTW. :)

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

*grins!*

Thank you, sir.

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Fantastic log, yes.

Rather alarming, mind you... ;)

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

Well, that's exactly what we were going for! Fantastically alarming. ;D

Thanks.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Oh, *good* log. Poor Paige. *hearts her*

Though I think we'll need more than magazine racks for the issues. Maybe an archive... organised alphabetically.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a job for Shan, then. ;)

I agree with everyone else--good log.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

Oh, lookit me! A plot within a plot. I'm such a giver. ;)

Thank you very much.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

"A... abandonment, aisle four, angst, aisle four, ailments - mutant-based, aisle five, ailments - general, aisle six, and for the love of God, please do not reshelve"? *grins*

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry, Professor, you're going to have to buy a bigger house. We just don't have enough room. The Danger Room's floor to ceiling shelves already and I'm still in the first half of the alphabet!"

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

Aww... thank you. *hugs, hearts you!*

(psst. Love the new 'Yana face. Her nose is AWESOME. So Russian it hurts.)

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

*hugs!* You write such good Paige stuff. And though I never comment on logs anymore, you are awesome, and it bore mentioning. :D

(Yee, thank you! :D She looks much more like a teenager than Katherine Heigl, and way more my mental image of 'Yana anyway. And... well, this actress has blue eyes, which means I don't have to photoshop them in anymore. *sheepish*)

(and also psst. Have been loving Emilie de Ravin as Paige! So very very cute, plus I'm a huge Roswell fan so I could actually identify who was in the picture. *g* And suddenly I am the queen of long and off-topic comments, so. Yes.)

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Plenty of icon stock should Angelo and/or Jono ever knock poor Paige up and strand her on a mysterious jungle island, too. :)

And second on the new-'Yana-face wootage. Toured the icons the other day and they're very cool.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

You just caused Paige to hide under her bed. Have I mentioned she's afraid of babies? That got left out of this log so they'd have SOMETHING to talk about in the future. ;D

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

*blushes a lot, yep* Thank you. And thanks for reminding me. It is so good to see 'Yana back.

(Oh, I understand now. It's all because you're a lazy bum. *teases* But she's perfect. I adore her. So much adoration! Pretty and slightly arrogant. You know what I mean.)

(Yee! I love that you noticed! I was a liiiittle worried about the Roswell fans, as from the few episodes that I watched, Tess was not so much with the well loved. But you're okay with it, so clearly it's okay and hurrah! Besides, I love her as Claire on 'Lost'. Really quite adorable, with the hat. ha! We're rocking as the off-topic comment queens.)

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

*hee!* You should be reminded. Lots. *nods*

(Oh yes, that's my reason. *grins* And YES, ever-so-slightly like "I am just too good for this camera but I'll let you snap my photo anyway you lucky thing". The icon I'm using here convinced me to switch. I was all, okay, yes, this is it right here.)

(I liked Tess. *grins* She was fun. But then I am not a standard Roswell fan - but as most of them are off weeping that the show was cancelled, I doubt you'll run into any of the crazy ones anyway.

And I must watch this Lost show sometime. I had no idea she was on it! Perhaps on DVD...)

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Or sooner, if you have *cough* plenty of hard drive space, a fast connection, loose morals about downloadable media, and, say, a friend with every single episode to date. *whistles innocently*

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

It's not copyright violation if you don't get caught.

[x-psylocke.livejournal.com]

Fabulous, darlings. Truly.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

No anorexia. That issue has been taken. Paige will have to shop from the rest of the catalog. I hear hypergymnasia is all the rage.

[x-kitten.livejournal.com]

While I agree that no anorexia is the rule, you must learn to share, Lorna. Currently Paige and I have to share both the abandonment issues and the fealings of inadequacy.

Excellent log, guys. Although I ended up getting derailed when Kitty started jumping up and down and screaming "Two scientific geniuses living under the same roof? TWO!!!" But like I said, she's got a time share on Paige's inadequacy issues.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Lorna says that she's going to be selfish with her issues though she is willing to consider a timeshare on the insecurity because she figures that one is too popular to keep to herself.

[x-kitten.livejournal.com]

Kitty's whole not feeling special thing totally includes feeling like she's not original enough with her issues, and she would like to know what sort of rates Lorna is giving on the insecurity.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Lorna offers a two for one deal actually. Get insecurity and identity uncertainty for the low, low price of one horrible manifestation of issues. Now in your choice of breakdown, eating disorder or chronic depression.

[x-kitten.livejournal.com]

Well, Kit has no real need of the identity uncertainty these days, but I'll take it for -cough-cough- and split the break down between them.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Hey, for *coughcough* Lorna will even throw in a few extra bits of rage. Always good for a laugh.

[xp_daytripper]

Heh. No wonder Samson's so busy. Man must be making a fortune...

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

And can you imagine when he writes his memoirs? My Life at Crazy Camp.

[x-kitten.livejournal.com]

Rage is good. -cough-cough- is going to have pleanty of rage at times, so having spare in case I run dry is excellent.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Lorna's got plenty to spare so anytime you're running low just pop on over for a nice cup of rage. It's low-cal

[x-forge.livejournal.com]

Angst - It's What's For Dinner.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

And Pain: The Other White Meat.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Delicious and nutrious, tastes just like chicken.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

*pets the Kitty* I think he was talking about the adults, sweetheart. Deep breaths.

And thank you. I'm sure this rang rather true for Kitten as well, hrm? :)

[x-kitten.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. She's not got so much on the control issues, but otherwise...

-logs angsty fluff with Jamie-

[xp_daytripper]

As the socker of Samson, I have to say, the reaction to this one's giving me a happy. :) And our errant shrinker of teenage mutant brains is a stubborn sort, so Paige's days of hiding from her issues are numbered... *eg*

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

You're awesome. So veryvery awesome. Yes you are. *keeps*