The first meeting of the "too damn much in love with Paige Guthrie for our own good" club

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Doug sat alone on a couch in the rec room, flipping channels and staring in the general direction of the television, but not really seeing it. Every so often he'd sigh quietly as he sat there, deep in thought.

Angelo walked into the rec room, head down. He glanced around to see if anyone was there, and spotted Doug. "Hey", he called over to him.

Doug shook his head as he came back down to earth. "Hey, Angelo," he called softly and waved. Using the other hand, he gestured expressively with the remote. "There is absolutely _nothing_ on."

"No? Oh, well. At least there's someone here to talk to."

Doug hit the power off button and placed the remote on the table. "I'm always here to talk to, wherever here might be for me at that moment. I've become like the informal student counselor for the mansion or something."

Angelo grinned. "Yeah, I got that. Might have something to do with the way you keep offering to listen if people want to talk..."

Doug shrugged. "I guess. I mean, I just...want to be able to help people where I can, y'know? And if that's by sitting here and being an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on..." His face twists for a moment before returning to a neutral expression. "...then that's what I do. This whole 'body language' thing kind of helps, I think, but I just do my best to be there for people and maybe try to help fix things along the way."

"You ever thought about training as a counsellor, when you graduate from here?" Angelo asked. "'Cause with that power, and actually *wanting* to listen, you'd be a natural."

"Sometimes I do," Doug replied. "But I also worry about getting too..." He took a deep breath and sighed. "...emotionally involved."

Angelo looked at him hard. "You OK, man? You sound a bit down..."

Doug flopped his head back on the couch to stare at the ceiling. "I just...no. Not really." He chuckles slightly self-mockingly. "I can listen all day and help other people, but it's like pulling teeth for me to talk about myself."

"Well, maybe you need to", Angelo answered seriously. "I'm willing to listen if you want to talk now."

Doug closed his eyes and sat quietly for a moment. Then he opened them and said one word with a mountain of subtext underneath it. "_Girls_."

Angelo hid a grin, and settled back in his chair, understanding now. "Ahh. I get you. Any girl in particular?"

Doug fidgeted in his seat, feeling a bit on the spot. "There's a couple. It's...complicated."

"Hey, listen, you don't have to go into it if you don't want. But everybody needs to talk sometimes. 'S up to you."

Doug sighed again. "I know that I have a tendency to bottle things up inside, and that's not the greatest thing to do." The next sentence came out slightly more husky and emotional. "It's just so _hard_."

Angelo sighed sympathetically. "Always is, my friend. Want to tell me about it?"

Doug nodded jerkily. "I just don't know where to start. And some of it...I feel really stupid about, wishing for things that may never happen. And I've made an idiot out of myself once or twice."

"Hey, we've all been there. Comes with the territory."

Doug wrung his hands, slightly agitated. "I just...she..." It's like he can't even say her name.

Angelo paused, uncertain if it would be a good idea to ask the next question, then said gently, "It might help if you told me who we're talking about..."

Doug bit his lip and wrapped his arms around himself. "Paige," he whispered oh-so-quietly.

Angelo froze on hearing her name, just for a moment, then, remembering that Doug could read body language, forced himself to relax. "I see...", he said simply.

However, that moment was more than enough for Doug. "I think I see, too," he whispered. Pulling his legs up, he curled into a small ball.

Angelo realised he hadn't been quick enough to disguise his reaction. "Hey. It's not... nothing happened."

Doug swallowed. "I know. But it's just...with you, and Jono..." He trailed off, unable to say what he really thought and knew deep in his heart.

"With Jono, yeah. But she doesn't... we're just friends", Angelo replied, giving away perhaps more than he'd meant to, with the first unfinished sentence.

"Just friends. Jamie told me that 'just friends' isn't second prize. But..." He can't bring himself to tell Angelo that now rather than second, 'just friends' feels like he'll always be a distant third in Paige's heart.

Angelo sat up straighter to look at him. "It isn't. Especially not with Paige. Her friends mean a lot to her, you must know that."

Doug smiles sadly. "I know. I just...can't help wishing for things that will never happen." He rocks slightly, a bit angry with himself. "And I shouldn't."

Angelo returned the smile, equally sadly. "Tell me about it. As I think you've already figured out, we're in the same boat..."

Doug nodded. "Yeah. Let the first meeting of the 'too damn much in love with Paige Guthrie for our own good' club commence."

Angelo hesitated, then figured he owed Doug the whole truth. "I... something almost happened. Yesterday. But... it wasn't right. She loves Jono..."

Doug carefully quashed down his jealousy before responding. "But Jono...he drains her. Sometimes it's too much. And maybe she needs someone a little more...stable." ~And that someone won't be me,~ came the dark internal thought.

Angelo's sad smile returned, at that. "Who ever said love was reasonable? Too much or not, she loves him. Whether someone else would be better for her doesn't come into it..."

Doug continued hugging himself. "And either does whether or not she'll ever love you back..." he whispered.

Angelo put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder, offering sympathy. "I'd rather be her friend than nothing. Even knowing that it'll never be more."

Doug leaned hungrily into the physical contact. "So do I. I know in my heart that I will take whatever she'll give me, and be grateful for it. Because she's...she's her."

"She's her", Angelo agreed. "And that sums it all up, doesn't it."

"Yep." Doug stares off. "But she's not the only one I...have feelings for. And I wonder if that's right."

"We can't control these things", Angelo told him. "You shouldn't beat yourself up about it."

Doug smiles wryly. "I do it anyway, though."

"I've noticed", Angelo said teasingly. "I've heard all about the time you locked yourself in your room, from 'Yana. The little princess is quite a gossip."

Doug grinned. "The little princess is also quite a mercenary."

"Oh, really?" Angelo asked with interest. "That could be worth knowing, for the future."

"Jamie bribes her with sweets. Apparently there's a pay scale and everything."

"...Wow", Angelo answered, impressed. "Did she work it out all by herself? I can see I'm going to have to watch myself, dealing with her."

Doug chuckled. "Jamie said she came up with the pay scale all by herself."

"A future captain of industry, I see."

"More like future mistress of extortion and blackmail."

"Is there a difference?"

Doug ponders for a moment. "I'm not really sure."

Angelo paused, then asked carefully, "When you said you had feelings for someone other than Paige... want to talk about whoever you meant?"

Doug smiles. "I guess I have a thing for girls that are unattainable in some way. The other one is Rogue. I've had a little thing for her for a while, and we went on a little double date with Jamie and Kitty. And I've been thinking about her quite a bit lately. But I kinda doubt she feels that way about me."

"Have you talked to her about it?" Angelo asked. "Or even checked out her body language, if you don't want to make it too obvious?"

"I...she hasn't been very available lately," said Doug. "And I'm not sure what it is, but I think I have a little bit of a blind spot when it comes to other peoples' feelings about me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I automatically assume she's not attracted to me."

"But... why?" Angelo asked, honestly surprised.

Doug makes a gesture at himself. "I'm just...ordinary. And plain. And I'm the guy who the girl is always 'just friends' with."

"Let me put that a different way. You're the steady guy. You're the one who's always there. You think one of the girls won't realise that, someday soon?"

Doug shakes his head. "Not me."

"I don't believe that for a second. Your day will come, and sooner than you think."

Doug sighed and tried to blink back the mist in his eyes. "I hope so."

Angelo squeezed Doug's shoulder, then suddenly thought of something. "Hey... you won't tell anyone what I said about something almost happening, right? I don't want it getting back to Jono - it would just screw things up for no reason..."

Doug smiles. "Nah. I'm good at keeping confidences. I seem to be collecting them."

"Thanks", Angelo says sincerely, smiling back.

"No charge. It's what I do." Doug flipped the TV back on and sat there in companionable silence, feeling a bit better than before.

Comments

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

I, of course, am in love with this.

(wonder why?)

Please try not to kill Jono, though, hey?