Good Bye, I Love You

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After the Paige and Angelo talk, before Jono leaves, Friday.


The packing had gone well until Jono had gotten bored of it and laid back on his bed, earphones tightly tucked in place and music too loud, leaking out. He figured it didn't matter anymore, he couldn't possible get more damaged than he already was. He didn't hear the knock on the door when it came, too busy listening to what James Hetfield's crooning.

The door swung open cautiously with Paige behind it. She had a hand near her face, ready to cover her eyes if need be as she carefully scanned the room. Finding Jono on his bed with a half full suitcase nearby she smiled a little, a warm sort of adoring smile. Knowing that there was going to be no easy way to do this she walked over, gently sitting on the edge of his bed.

Jono's eyes opened a slit when the mattress tilted and he regarded Paige through his lashes. He looked like he wanted to sigh, then just plucked the earphones out. Guitar sounds trailed from them. "You're up and about," he observed.

Taking back her smile Paige suddenly wondered why she was here. She bit her lip and nodded, moving her gaze to the shine on the zipper of his jacket. “Yes. I told Dr. McCoy if he didn’t let me out for a walk I’d have to test which one of my husks is the best for breaking lab windows.”

"Right." The metal pieces on the jacket jingled when Jono suddenly sat up, reaching to pick up something from the floor next to his bed. It was Paige's plushie rabbit. "I didn't forget," he said, handing it over to her.

“You’re just big on delayed reactions is all,” Paige replied, running a hand along the rabbit’s fur as she settled it into her lap.

He shrugged and slowly lay down again, toying with the earphones. He didn't seem too inclined to speak, just watched Paige sit there. "How are you?" he finally asked, oddly formal.

Paige pulled a foot up off the floor, tucking it under her. She had a feeling if she didn’t she’d leave right then. “I’m fine, thank you. And you? Are you all right?”

"I'm," he waved one hand dismissively, "dealing." He watched her for a moment longer, thoughtfully. "Hey, sunshine," he said then, warmer suddenly. "Are you really all right?"

She looked over at him again, a relieved look on her face. “Yes, I really am. Really.” The repetition spoke a little more than she would have liked but she countered it with a gentle run of her fingers along his face. Paige knew she shouldn’t, but was really starting to believe that someone took control of her rational part of brain when she was with him, and left it at that.

He inclined his head a little, to follow the touch, eyes falling half-closed again. "Did you want something?" he wanted to know. "Other than the pleasure of my company," he added, taking great pleasure in the sarcasm.

“Yes,” she answered simply, finding herself somewhat amused by his sarcasm for some reason. It was beginning to become a pattern between them and she found today she didn’t even mind. Ignoring coherency that was telling her she had a thought to finish, she soothingly stroked back the hair at his temple.

With a little stretch Jono held onto the contact as long as he could again, almost like a kitten begging to be petted. He closed his eyes completely, almost as if he would fall asleep. "Why don't you tell me then?" even his voice was a little hazy.

“Because…” Paige continued her gentle touch, watching him in this rare state. She had no urge to ruin it and wished for the thousandth time in the space of minutes that he wasn’t leaving shortly. Bending over him she brushed her lips against his ear, whispering in the lowest of tones. “I love you.”

She could feel Jono tense as soon as the words had left her mouth. He raised his hands to her shoulders and pushed her up. "No, you don't," he said flatly, blank eyes staring at her. Then his hands tightened, bunching her shirt under his fingers. "You shouldn't," he said, a little desperate.

Paige would have helplessly shrugged had she not been so concentrated on him and the fear that was developing. “I do. Am.”

The earphones had fallen aside, spewing tinny music, as Jono sat up, his hands falling from Paige's shoulders. He looked away suddenly. "But you've seen what happens."

“Obviously I don’t care.” She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look back at her. “I don’t care, Jonothan.”

"But I do," he countered, angry now, jerking his head away. She could almost feel him repelling her as he stood up. "I'm not going to risk you again."

Closing her eyes tight she bit her lip, keeping back the stream of words and tears that were threatening. This was not going how she’d hoped and more how she’d expected. “I know. I know you do.” She opened her eyes to raise them at him, unwilling to leave. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

"No, don't be," he commanded, crossing his arms defensively. "You didn't- you were the one that was buried under half the ceiling." The pain of that memory made him twitch.

She was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. Rising from her seat on the bed she crossed to him, arms about his waist before he could step away, crossed arms or no. Her eyes fell shut, cheek pressed to his chest with a low hum as comfort. There was nothing she could say which come compete with this and so remained silent.

At first he leaned away, not actively trying to break away, but not willingly being embraced either. After a while he relaxed and let his arms fall to his sides, then climb up and around her. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't make me tell you to go away."

“Don’t.” She stayed perfectly still, almost afraid to breathe, fingers looped around each other at the base of his spine.

"I don't want to," he confessed, still quietly, tilting his head so he could lean his cheek against the top of her head.

Paige sighed, a gentle, content sigh that spoke more volumes than words could. She’d never planned for this, never planned more words than the ones that she knew had to be said, and now everything sounded so wrong in her head. So, she remained silent and let him choose.

He held her close for a few moments more, then pulled away, looking into her eyes. "I have to finish packing," he said, a bit resigned.

Offering him an understanding smile she nodded. “All right. Should I go? Wouldn’t want to see your underwear this early on or something?” There was a flicker of her mischievous nature back and from the slight piercing of her lips it was obvious she was trying not to grin.

Jono rolled his eyes and would have probably snorted if he could have as he walked back to his bed. "And what exactly could I have you haven't already see on your brothers?" he glanced at her over his shoulder, amusement flickering in his eyes.

“I don’t know. What if you have a satin fetish that I’m not aware of? Or better yet, a leather fetish?” She eyed him carefully, starting at his feet and running up. “That’s the kind of thing people like to keep secret.”

He held up one of the containment shirts, starting to fold it, then giving up almost immediately and just tossing it into the suitcase. "Well, I do like leather," he nodded towards his jacket, managing somehow to sound completely serious.

Rolling her eyes at his helplessness she pulled the shirt from his suitcase and folded it with ease, returning it to its place. “So I see.” She let herself watch him from another angle. “It works for you. Although, I still say you should let me get you in an actual colour one of these days.”

"Colours are overrated," was his reply as he sat on his bed again, picking up the earphones and holding them up to hear what was playing.

“Very subtle of you.” She tilted her head, something she was going to become known for all too soon, and waited a moment. “Is this my cue to leave?”

"Or you can stay to pack my things while I watch," Jono offered, one eyebrow arched higher than the other. He twirled the cord of the earphones around his fingers absently.

She mimicked the look, although not quite to his degree with her features. “That could be a possibility. What do I get out of it?

The bed creaked as he flopped down on it again. "The pleasure of my company," he stated matter-of-factly, reverting back to his half-lidded stare.

There was a snort and quick jab at his thigh. “How did I know that was coming? You’ve become predictable Starsmore.”

"What did you think I would offer? A dance number with James?" he gestured at the pink stuffed horse on the shelf. "I like my dignity where it is, thanks."

“A girl can dream, can’t she?” Paige packed as she spoke, but it’s more of an idle thing and she hardly realized she was doing it.

"Your dreams scare me," he commented mildly, shifting so one of his arms was tucked under his head and the other still playing with the cord.

Humming, Paige threw a pair of rolled up socks at him without missing a beat, going on her merry packing way. “Yes, we’ve discussed this I think.”

He caught the socks and bounced them once before throwing them into the suitcase. "It doesn't mean they've stopped scaring me."

“Personally, I think we’d be much better off if you just admitted that you’re curious, but who knows? Perhaps I’m biased.” She checked her handiwork and, content, closed the suitcase. “Finis.”

"That was quick," he nodded appreciatively. "Thanks." Then he sat up, leaning one hand against the bed. "I'm not curious if your dreams involve a pink stuffed horse. Or anything pink, really."

“Oh, they don’t, I assure you. Pink seems to have been taken over in my dreams lately. Well!” She checked her watch exaggeratedly. “You have to leave shortly so I should probably do the leaving thing.” Stretching, she planted a careful kiss on his cheek. “I’m not sorry I told you, Jonothan, I think you should know. I am sorry that you don’t quite reciprocate the feeling, though.”

She licked her lips and quickly continued. “No, don’t say anything if you’re going to be angry. I don’t want you to leave angry. Just… have a good trip, okay? And write. Lots of writing.”

After a moment he just shrugged noncommittally, not trying to make an issue of what she had said. "I'll try to write," he promised. "If I have the time."

She nodded and swallowed a little hard, trying to smile. “Okay. That’s all I can ask of you. Good… goodbye then.”

"I won't be gone long," Jono said as way of reassuring her, tucking himself into a cross-legged position on the bed. "You won't even notice I'm not here."

“That’s what everyone says and it’s still not true,” she replied, pausing her turn out the door. “I’m going to miss you something awful, really.”

Jono had tucked one earphone into place, the other in hand. "You've got everyone else here," he pointed out, but not unkindly. "And it's just a week, but if you want, you can borrow James."

“Sure you won’t miss him?” she asked as she picked him up, fingering his little mane.

"Oh, I think I'll survive," Jono swung the cord, making the earphone spin. "I'd just probably end up blowing it up or something."

Sticking out her tongue, she clutched James to her chest. “Brat. Don’t think I won’t hug you again. It’s really no skin off my nose.” She leant on the doorframe, slowly pulling herself away.

"You strike terror in the hearts of men," Jono said dryly, then finally tucked the other earphone into place. "I'll see you," he added, nodding at her.

“Or lack of,” she replied cheerfully with a wave and finally exited the room, James in hand.

It was only then that Jono noticed that the plush rabbit was seated on his suitcase.

OOC: Anyone want to read this really carefully and figure out the exact place where Jenny fell asleep and I had to leave the computer every five minutes for costume fittings? :D