xp_logs | Meggan, Amanda - two logs from the first night.

Meggan's first night with the Szardos caravan, and it becomes obvious there are definite holes in her knowledge of being a person, rather than a Monster.

The Monster had never had such a strange but nice day. The girl who'd taken her out of her cage… Manda… and the two others …the blue one, Kurt, and the People one, Stefan… had taken her to another part of the Big Camp, the like of which she'd never seen before. It was all clean, with no garbage or droppings lying around anywhere. And while there were a lot of people around, nobody had thrown anything at her or cursed at her even once. Then Manda had taken her into one of the little wooden caravans and she and another Person - an older female - had stood her in a tub and poured warm water over her, clipping her fur the way she'd seen the dogs clipped once or twice. That felt very odd, but the mats that had pulled at her skin in places where she couldn't chew them out were gone, which was good. And she wasn't itchy, and the little biting things were all gone.

Then, as if all that weren't treat enough, she'd been given food too! Fresh, good food, more than she'd been able to eat, although she'd tried hard.

Now, though, she was a little puzzled. Manda had taken her to another one of the caravans and kept pointing to a flat thing against the wall, with a blue thing spread over it and a boxy, puffy thing at one end. What it was for, the Monster couldn't imagine, and she poked it cautiously. It felt kind of nice... soft against her fingers... but she couldn't think what it was for. And she was sleepy, and there wasn't any straw.

Hmm. This was going the way Amanda had intended. The girl was tired to the point of exhaustion, Amanda could see that from the drooping of her eyes and sagging of her shoulders, but she didn't seem inclined to want to go to sleep. They'd managed to clean her up relatively well, using one of Stefan's shirts as sleepwear and she looked so cute, poking at the pillow as if she'd never seen one before...

Amanda made a disgusted noise at herself. "Plonker," she called herself, realising that that was exactly it. "I'm such a dope. Yer've never seen a bed before, have you?" she said, moving to sit down on it and patting the spot next to her, near the pillow. "~Bed,~" she repeated in Rom.

Still puzzled, the Monster went to sit next to Manda, cuddling up to her. It felt so nice when Manda held her... she'd never liked being touched before, it always hurt, and the discovery that it could be nice too was still making her happy. Manda always felt so *nice* inside... kind and concerned and gentle, things the Monster didn't really have words for, but recognized when she sensed them. And the... 'bed'?... felt nice and soft to sit on. "~Bed,~" she repeated, poking the pillow again. Squishy!

"~That's right. Beds are for sleeping in. Much better than moldy old straw...~" How to do this, Amanda wondered. It had become obvious the girl hadn't been taught much in the way of words over the course of the evening, hadn't been taught much of anything, really - less than a trained animal, and that thought had burned red-hot in the pit of her stomach. Still she caught on quickly enough, once she was shown... Pulling back the covers, Amanda lay down, making sure there was plenty of room for the girl, laying her head on the pillow and closing her eyes briefly before opening them again. "~Sleep, yes?~"

Ohhh... it was for sleeping on! It was awfully high off the floor for sleeping, but maybe you learned not to fall out. The Monster nodded, and curled up beside Manda, resting her head on her shoulder. She WAS tired, but she was going to hold on to Manda in case she disappeared, like the things the Monster sometimes saw when she was sleeping that weren't there when she woke up.

The holding on Amanda understood. Very well. She wrapped one arm around the thin shoulders, pulling the covers over the pair of them with the other. She hadn't intended on going to bed _just_ yet, but it wasn't like the girl would sleep on her own, not this first night. Kurt or Stefan would probably check on them later, and understand. And laugh at her mercilessly later. "~Sleep well, love,~" she murmured, stroking the still-rough hair gently. They'd have to think of a name for her, she thought somewhat disjointedly, curling a bit more around the small form. Couldn't keep thinking of her as 'she' and 'her' and 'child'...

"Manda," the Monster murmured, snuggling happily. This was the best day ever... and Manda was going to look after her, she'd come to understand. Keep her safe, and not let People hurt her. "~Manda stay?~" she asked, holding on a little tighter. If Manda went away, the People would take her again...

"~Manda stay,~" the witch agreed, smiling despite the sudden catching of breath. Was this how Rom had felt, on freeing her? Only she hadn't stayed, hadn't kept her... Amanda decided then and there she wouldn't make that same mistake. Not when there was a little girl holding onto her so desperately, afraid this would all turn out to be a wonderful but fleeting dream... "~For always and always, I'll be here for you. I'll keep you safe.~"

The Monster nodded, comforted, and rubbed her cheek gently against Manda's shoulder. "~Manda stay. Monster stay,~" she said happily, feeling warmer and happier than she ever had.

'Monster?' Amanda frowned. Oh, that wouldn't do, that wouldn't do at all. She knew only too well where that had come from. "~Sleep now,~" she murmured, "~It'll all still be here in the morning, I promise.~"

The Monster nodded and yawned, cuddling close and gradually drifting into sleep, slowly because she didn't want to leave the nice feelings too fast. She'd always wanted to go to sleep quickly before, but she was so happy now....

And then she was asleep, still cuddled close against Amanda, her fur rippling as it got softer and warmer in response to the warm feelings.

It was like sleeping with Catseye, Amanda reflected a little wryly, stroking the soft fur on the girl's cheek, noting the change. She still had the streaks of red and blonde in it, stronger now, and the girl smiled to herself. Imitation was the sincerest form of flattery, they said... "We need to find you a name," she whispered to the sleeping child. "Something pretty, like you." The girl shifted slightly, whimpering under her breath, and Amanda cuddled her closer, closing her own eyes.

***

Sleep brings dreams, of the particularly meaningful sort. Symbolism's more than just that when you're a witch.

"This will not be easy."

Amanda jumped, startled out of her reverie as she gazed out at the dreamscape's ocean, as it pounded on the rocky beach where they stood. The speaker saw her realize that this was a dream and turn, scowling, to face the intruder. "Greetings," she said politely, inclining her head slightly to the probably very suspicious witch. She kept her hands folded before her, where Amanda could see them clearly, just in case. Tall, robed in white, with dark hair and long pointed ears, she gazed at Amanda gravely.

"Um, hi.." Amanda eyed the woman cautiously - her instincts were telling her she meant no harm, but her instincts hadn't always served her very well in relation to attractive women appearing in her mind. As this one looked like a Lord of the Rings reject... "What isn't gunna be easy?"

The woman turned, and gestured. Further up the beach, the child lay sleeping... and though the rest of the beach was rocky, the little girl was lying on a drift of soft, pure-white sand. "Her," she said simply. "You have a decision to make."

"I thought I'd already made that decision when I got her out of that cage," Amanda replied, face softening at the sight. In response, the clouds overhead broke slightly, a beam of sunlight falling on the child, keeping her warm. "She's safe now."

The woman nodded. "For now, yes... but are you willing to make a commitment to care for her for the long term? Perhaps forever?" she asked seriously. She touched Amanda's chest lightly, just below the collarbone, and a delicate line of red light appeared, stretching from Amanda's chest out across the dark sea. "That is your tie to your mother," she said gravely. "The tie between mother and child, forged in blood and cemented by love. Yours was weakened by years of pain and separation, but still it holds. They are almost impossible to break." She looked sadly at the child, moving to touch her thin chest lightly. The red light that appeared was no slender thread, this time, but a short cord, lying across her furred chest, its free end frayed. "Almost," the woman repeated. "But not quite impossible. The child's mother repudiated her at birth, denied her motherhood and refused to touch her, and the tie was severed."

Ties, links... Amanda glanced up the beach to the lighthouse obscured in fog, the representation of her link with Manuel. Then she looked again at the child, doubt gnawing at her as she realised what the woman was asking of her. "But... I wouldn't know what t' do, the first thing 'bout bein' a mother," she said quietly, despite the quiet voice inside telling her she hadn't done such a bad job so far.

"You would do well," the woman assured her, smiling. "You already care for her, want to protect her... that is the greatest part of what would be asked of you. But it is a great deal to ask of you, and you must make the choice freely. If you accept, you would truly *be* her mother, as if you had given her birth... it is the oldest of all blood-magics, and the strongest." She touched the furry cheek lightly. "If you do not... you can still care for her. Look out for her. But sooner or later, she will find someone to form a bond to, someone who will be all-important to her, as any parent is to a child, and she will do... and become.... whatever she must to preserve that bond."

As the woman drew her fingers away the child's body shifted and grew, her fur fading into soft pink skin, her ragged hair paling and lengthening to lustrous blonde. A moment later, a young woman with a lushly curved body that would tempt a saint lay asleep on the sand... but her face, lovely though it now was, was still as open and innocent as a child's.

"No." The word came out flatly, even as dull anger burned. Amanda knew full well what sort of person would take advantage of that innocence, and she wouldn't let it happen, not again. And she couldn't explain it, but she'd felt from the moment she'd seen the girl, huddled into herself in that noisome cage, felt a need to protect her, to nurture her, that went beyond mere sympathy for a fellow being. ~Mine,~ a faint voice whispered. ~My blood.~ "An' if I do this, if I take on bein' her mother... will she be happy? Will I... will I be good for her? Better 'n that?" Better than what Rack had made her?

"She will be very happy," the woman agreed, and before them the child dwindled back to her furry, child-sized self. "And she will love you very much. You'll make mistakes... every new mother does... but she will forgive them." She smiled down at the sleeping child. "There is very little that she would not forgive, in one she loves."

"'S a hell of a responsibility, that much forgiveness," Amanda said, crouching down beside the sleeping girl and reaching out to tuck a strand of matted hair behind one downy ear. "It'd be easy t' take advantage of it, of her..." She looked up at the woman, so much taller than she was. "How do you know I'm the right one?"

"That I can't tell you. But you'll find out." The woman smiled at her. "She wants you to be the one... you came and took her out of her cage, held her and made her feel safe for the first time. You know, I think, how much that can mean."

Amanda's back glowed briefly, lines and symbols in dark red visible through the thick shirt and leather jacket, and she nodded. "Someone did the same for me once," she said. "The cages were different - mine I carried with me. But the feelin' was the same. I knew it, as soon as I saw her." She ran the back of her hand over the girl's cheek, and smiled. "Rom didn't keep me, but I'm not Rom. If she wants me t' be her mother... then that's what I'll be." Looking up again, she gaev the woman a brief grin. "Tho' 'm gunna need a name, if she's gunna be mine."

The woman smiled. "Her name is Meggan," she said softly. "She doesn't know it, but that's what it is. You will teach it to her." She knelt beside them, and took one of Amanda's hands gently in hers. "And, since you accept the responsibility..." She drew the edge of her fingernail across Amanda's palm, opening a tiny cut that welled blood...

... and then, with impossible speed, a snowstorm struck them, coming from nowhere, an icy wind flinging snow at them and dragging at their clothes. The little girl whimpered, curling into a tiny, shivering ball, but she didn't wake up.

Amanda didn't even think about it, moving to shield the child with her own body, her own warmth, the magic responding to her wish and casting a warm golden glow around the two of them. Blood. Magic... the night in Berlin came back to her, and she realised what she had to do, to seal this. Dipping her finger in the blood oozing from her palm, she traced a rune onto the back of the girl's left shoulder, and then over the top of that, another, so they intertwined. Daughter. Mother.

"It was snowing the night she was born," the woman kneeling beside her said quietly. "And, since this is again the moment of her birth, in a way... it snows." She smiled as Amanda traced the runes, the blood sinking through fur to skin. "Good, but you're thinking too much. This bond came before signs, before words, before anything but blood itself." She took Amanda's bloody palm, and pressed it to the frayed end of the cord of light that still issued from Meggan's chest. She held the hand steady as the bond snapped into place, Amanda and Meggan both jerking as it pulled at them before steadying.

"Always thinkin' too much... you sure I'm right for this?" Amanda asked, but she didn't mean it. She knew, beyond a doubt, that this was the right thing to do. The light followed her hand as she moved it to press against her own chest, the thin thread of it growing thicker, more steady as it joined with her. Amanda gasped, overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotion, love and joy and pain and hope so strong it brought tears to her eyes. Her arms tightened around Meggan. "Won't let you go, love," she whispered to her. "Never let you go."

Meggan's eyes opened for a moment, and she blinked up at Amanda with a sleepy, wondering expression. Then she sighed, nestling into Amanda's arms, and went back to sleep, the cord pulsing softly for a moment before it faded from view.

"And done," the woman said joyfully, her own eyes bright with tears as she smiled at them both. "How does it feel to be a mother?"

"Strange," Amanda said, almost immediately following it up with: "Good. Scary, but good." Laying her cheek on top of Meggan's head, tears still trickling down her face, she smiled, a warm, contented smile. "Meggan Sefton," she murmured. "My little girl."

The woman nodded and looked up. The snowstorm was fading almost as quickly as it had appeared, the snow melting into rock and sand and disappearing. "Her birthday falls on the winter solstice," she said softly. "Born as the year turns back to light and life." She smiled, touching Amanda's cheek lightly. "You'll be a good mother," she said confidently. "I know you will."

"I'd better be," Amanda replied, looking from Meggan to the woman. "'Cause 's not gunna be me that suffers if I'm not." But it was said with more determination than fatalism, and the gut-wrenching fear was abating. It would be hard, but not impossible, with help. And well worth the effort. "Thank you... whoever you are. 'S good t' know she's got someone like you lookin' out for her."

"She doesn't need me, now. She has you." The woman smiled. "But I'll stop by now and then." She looked out at the sea.... and the fog-enshrouded lighthouse... and then back to Amanda, her eyes bright with silent laughter. "I'm afraid this is going to be a little difficult for you to explain."

Amanda caught the glance, and grimaced. "You aren't kiddin' 'bout that. Still, he'll just have t' cope. They all will. No turnin' back now." She snickered. "Storm off in a huff an' come back a mum. 'S gunna raise more 'n a few eyebrows. Still, they'll help, if I know them."

"They will." She laughed softly, much less solemn now that it was done. There had always been the slim chance that Amanda might refuse... "And they love you, and will love her too. Although I think that a certain someone who is like a father to you will be very surprised that your child has arrived before his."

Amanda laughed out loud at that. "Bloody hell, Nate's a grandad. An' Moira's gunna kill me for makin' her a grandma an' all."

"Indeed. But they will love her, and be proud of you for caring for her," the woman said, smiling warmly. She stood up, as the clouds finally drew away altogether to let the sun shine down on the beach. "As will I." The sun brightened and brightened...

And then the sun was shining on Amanda's face, and her pillow, and a little furry girl was sniffing under her chin. "~Manda?~" she chirped, sitting up and looking at her.

"~Good morning, Meggan,~" Amanda replied with a sleepy smile. "~I suppose you'll be wanting breakfast, won't you? Come on, then, let's see what they've got for us.~"