Amanda, Angelo - Tuesday night
Apr. 19th, 2005 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsAngelo visits Amanda, knowing exactly what was behind the cryptic post in her journal.
It had been a long couple of days, and Amanda was cherishing the first peaceful moment, it seemed, since she had gotten back. Meggan was curled up asleep on the suite's couch, her head on Amanda's lap, having stubbornly refused to go to bed without her Manda. That would change eventually, but it was early days yet, and Amanda knew the little girl still was afraid all this would turn out to be a dream. Stroking the little girl's hair absently, Amanda sipped at the tea Marie-Ange had made for her before going to find Doug, her thoughts taking her back to that day a year ago. It was hard to believe she'd been free for that long, and she couldn't help wonder just how much she had done with that freedom.
Angelo remembered Mexico too, more clearly than he'd have liked. So when he saw Amanda's post, it seemed to him the thing to do was find her so she wouldn't be remembering it alone. He knocked quietly on the suite door, knowing Meggan was likely asleep by now.
"Come in," she called quietly, and, not wanting to disturb Meggan, focussed on the doorknob with the TK spell and opened it. It didn't surprise her who she saw on the other side, and she gave him a small smile. "I had a feelin' it'd be you," she said. "Wanna cuppa? You'll have t' get it yerself..." She gestured at the tousled head in her lap. "She wouldn't go t' bed without me, an' tonight... well, yeah, I doubted I'd sleep much."
He nodded and moved to start making a cup for himself. "'m here for company, if you want it. How's the munchkin settlin' in?"
"Pretty well, considerin' where she comes from - she's a bit scared still, but I think she feels this is a safe place." Amanda shifted a little over so there was room for Angelo on the couch next to her, without even thinking about it - it was like the last couple of weeks hadn't happened. And when he did sit down, she leaned her head briefly on his shoulder. "Did I ever say thank you?" she asked quietly. "For bein' there with me, for not lettin' me go t' him alone?"
He looked down at her, momentarily surprised, then gave her a quick sideways hug, careful not to disturb Meggan. "...You know, I don't remember. I'm pretty sure you did... or I knew you meant it, or somethin'. Not like I'd ever've done anythin' else."
"I know you wouldn't. Not you. But still... thanks." She gave him a wry smile. "Hell of a thing t' walk into."
"I knew what we were doin'"," he reminded her quietly. "What the risks were. An' it was my choice not to let you face 'em on your own."
Amanda was quiet for a long moment, glancing down at Meggan and brushing her hair away from her mouth - the little girl was sucking on her thumb. "I'm glad you did," she said at last. "I don't know why you did, why I was so important to you back then, or now, even, but... I'm glad." She swallowed. "Some things you can't face alone, an' if I was gunna... if Rack was gunna finish me that day, then at least there was someone else there. Selfish of me, I know."
"Someone else to witness it," he agreed, voice still quiet. "Or to go through it with you. 's not selfish t' want that. Just human. An' as for why you're so important, little sis... I don't know. You just are."
"I used t' think sometimes, while he still had me, that one day he'd go too far an' kill me, an' no-one'd every know. I'd be buried in some shitty little backyard somewhere an' no-one'd find me, even know I existed." Amanda's voice was distant, remembering that long-ago time. Shaking her head slightly, she looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "It doesn't seem real, sometimes. That time with him. Everythin's changed so much..."
"You left him behind a long time ago", Angelo answered. "Maybe not completely, not 'til Mexico or 'til you did the unbindin', but... you did. An' now there's no way you'll ever go back to that."
"I think it's finally beginnin' t' sink in." She screwed up her nose a little. "Talk about yer slow learners. But yeah, that's what I realised tonight - 's over, an' it has been for a while. I just needed t' let go of it." Without thinking about it, she snuggled into his side a little, shifting her leg slightly under Meggan's head a bit more comfortably. "I wish Pete was here," she said a little wistfully. "Doesn't seem right, that he isn't."
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders automatically, in a brotherly hug. "He would've been if he could. An' I'm sure he hasn't forgotten. He'll find a way to be in touch, even if it's through Romany or Dom or someone."
"He will, eventually. Dunno when, tho'." Amanda sighed. "An' I send him emails, lettin' him know what's goin' on, that I'm all right." Looking down at Meggan, she smiled. "That there's a new member of the family. I wish he could meet her - I think she'd even charm him. 'Specially now she's toilet trained." Oh, that was a story. And they were still adapting to indoor plumbing.
Angelo laughed. "Oh, Meggan charms everybody. You'll never be short of babysitters, when she's a bit more settled in."
"She needed a home. This was the best one I could think of." There was nothing else to it. Amanda might not have been ready to come back just then, but Meggan needed her to any way.
"An' you an' her are both welcome in it, you know that." He paused for a moment, then added quietly, "I'm sorry I made you swear on your name before you left. I'd never've stopped you goin', but I couldn't just let you take off an' disappear."
"I understand why you did it," Amanda replied, just as quietly. "I'm sorry I got shirty. I was just feeling trapped, y'know? An' you insistin' on that... it made me feel like you didn't trust me, that everythin' we've said an' done wasn't worth anythin'."
"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't've broken the bindin' before you made the second promise. Couldn't've stopped you goin' then if you'd wanted to, with or without the second one. I just... as far as I knew, you were goin' for good, an' you wanted no more to do with this place..."
"The place, maybe, but not the people." Amanda's tone grew intent. "Ange, you saved my bloody life. Do you really think I'd just take off an' never see you again? Or Nate an' Moira or Angie an' Alison? I needed the break, t' get away before I lost it altogether, t' have some space an' time t' pull meself back together, that was all." She looked down, biting her lip. "'M sorry if I gave you the impression I didn't care. I never meant t' do that. I was so sick of fallin' apart, of needin' all the time. All I needed was some time an' space t' prove t' meself that I'm not completely helpless."
"You're a hell of a long way from that", he told her seriously. "You have been as long as I've known you. Forget what Rack did - so he was more powerful than you. Doesn't mean you were powerless." He sighed. "Look, I'm not blamin' you for needin' to get away. The number of times I've almost packed up an' headed out of here t'see the world..."
"I don't mean that..." Amanda began, her tone frustrated, but then she remembered Meggan and softened her voice. "'S not 'bout power, or bein' powerless. 'S 'bout copin', an' I wasn't. I haven't been for a while now. Every time I get a breather, a chance t' gain a little ground, somethin' else happens an' knocks me back further than before. An' these last few times..." She paused, trying to think of a way it wouldn't sound awful. "These last few times, 's been because of the people I care for. I love you all, you know I do, but Pete leavin', an' Manuel an' his Dad, an' then Nate an' the whole Mistra thing... it was too much. More than I could cope with. But I used t' be able t' cope, Ange. I used t' be able t' deal with lots worse, an' now it takes hardly anythin' t' send me runnin'. That couldn't go on, an' the only way I could think of was t' leave. Didn't mean I was gunna vanish."
"An' all I can tell you to that", he answered, deliberately quietly, "is that it felt like you might, at the time. Maybe it was just me bein' paranoid, but I don't know how well I'd've dealt with it myself, if you had."
"Clash of the issues," Amanda said with a wry snort. "You an' yers, me an' mine, an' they ran up against each other head on. Still, I'm back now. An' I kept my word." She didn't add she hadn't had much choice, but she could have gotten away with just messaging him rather than calling and talking to him as she had.
He hadn't specified how often she had to keep in touch, either, other than 'regularly'. He offered her an equally wry smile. "That you did. An' I'm glad of it."
It had been a long couple of days, and Amanda was cherishing the first peaceful moment, it seemed, since she had gotten back. Meggan was curled up asleep on the suite's couch, her head on Amanda's lap, having stubbornly refused to go to bed without her Manda. That would change eventually, but it was early days yet, and Amanda knew the little girl still was afraid all this would turn out to be a dream. Stroking the little girl's hair absently, Amanda sipped at the tea Marie-Ange had made for her before going to find Doug, her thoughts taking her back to that day a year ago. It was hard to believe she'd been free for that long, and she couldn't help wonder just how much she had done with that freedom.
Angelo remembered Mexico too, more clearly than he'd have liked. So when he saw Amanda's post, it seemed to him the thing to do was find her so she wouldn't be remembering it alone. He knocked quietly on the suite door, knowing Meggan was likely asleep by now.
"Come in," she called quietly, and, not wanting to disturb Meggan, focussed on the doorknob with the TK spell and opened it. It didn't surprise her who she saw on the other side, and she gave him a small smile. "I had a feelin' it'd be you," she said. "Wanna cuppa? You'll have t' get it yerself..." She gestured at the tousled head in her lap. "She wouldn't go t' bed without me, an' tonight... well, yeah, I doubted I'd sleep much."
He nodded and moved to start making a cup for himself. "'m here for company, if you want it. How's the munchkin settlin' in?"
"Pretty well, considerin' where she comes from - she's a bit scared still, but I think she feels this is a safe place." Amanda shifted a little over so there was room for Angelo on the couch next to her, without even thinking about it - it was like the last couple of weeks hadn't happened. And when he did sit down, she leaned her head briefly on his shoulder. "Did I ever say thank you?" she asked quietly. "For bein' there with me, for not lettin' me go t' him alone?"
He looked down at her, momentarily surprised, then gave her a quick sideways hug, careful not to disturb Meggan. "...You know, I don't remember. I'm pretty sure you did... or I knew you meant it, or somethin'. Not like I'd ever've done anythin' else."
"I know you wouldn't. Not you. But still... thanks." She gave him a wry smile. "Hell of a thing t' walk into."
"I knew what we were doin'"," he reminded her quietly. "What the risks were. An' it was my choice not to let you face 'em on your own."
Amanda was quiet for a long moment, glancing down at Meggan and brushing her hair away from her mouth - the little girl was sucking on her thumb. "I'm glad you did," she said at last. "I don't know why you did, why I was so important to you back then, or now, even, but... I'm glad." She swallowed. "Some things you can't face alone, an' if I was gunna... if Rack was gunna finish me that day, then at least there was someone else there. Selfish of me, I know."
"Someone else to witness it," he agreed, voice still quiet. "Or to go through it with you. 's not selfish t' want that. Just human. An' as for why you're so important, little sis... I don't know. You just are."
"I used t' think sometimes, while he still had me, that one day he'd go too far an' kill me, an' no-one'd every know. I'd be buried in some shitty little backyard somewhere an' no-one'd find me, even know I existed." Amanda's voice was distant, remembering that long-ago time. Shaking her head slightly, she looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "It doesn't seem real, sometimes. That time with him. Everythin's changed so much..."
"You left him behind a long time ago", Angelo answered. "Maybe not completely, not 'til Mexico or 'til you did the unbindin', but... you did. An' now there's no way you'll ever go back to that."
"I think it's finally beginnin' t' sink in." She screwed up her nose a little. "Talk about yer slow learners. But yeah, that's what I realised tonight - 's over, an' it has been for a while. I just needed t' let go of it." Without thinking about it, she snuggled into his side a little, shifting her leg slightly under Meggan's head a bit more comfortably. "I wish Pete was here," she said a little wistfully. "Doesn't seem right, that he isn't."
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders automatically, in a brotherly hug. "He would've been if he could. An' I'm sure he hasn't forgotten. He'll find a way to be in touch, even if it's through Romany or Dom or someone."
"He will, eventually. Dunno when, tho'." Amanda sighed. "An' I send him emails, lettin' him know what's goin' on, that I'm all right." Looking down at Meggan, she smiled. "That there's a new member of the family. I wish he could meet her - I think she'd even charm him. 'Specially now she's toilet trained." Oh, that was a story. And they were still adapting to indoor plumbing.
Angelo laughed. "Oh, Meggan charms everybody. You'll never be short of babysitters, when she's a bit more settled in."
"She needed a home. This was the best one I could think of." There was nothing else to it. Amanda might not have been ready to come back just then, but Meggan needed her to any way.
"An' you an' her are both welcome in it, you know that." He paused for a moment, then added quietly, "I'm sorry I made you swear on your name before you left. I'd never've stopped you goin', but I couldn't just let you take off an' disappear."
"I understand why you did it," Amanda replied, just as quietly. "I'm sorry I got shirty. I was just feeling trapped, y'know? An' you insistin' on that... it made me feel like you didn't trust me, that everythin' we've said an' done wasn't worth anythin'."
"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't've broken the bindin' before you made the second promise. Couldn't've stopped you goin' then if you'd wanted to, with or without the second one. I just... as far as I knew, you were goin' for good, an' you wanted no more to do with this place..."
"The place, maybe, but not the people." Amanda's tone grew intent. "Ange, you saved my bloody life. Do you really think I'd just take off an' never see you again? Or Nate an' Moira or Angie an' Alison? I needed the break, t' get away before I lost it altogether, t' have some space an' time t' pull meself back together, that was all." She looked down, biting her lip. "'M sorry if I gave you the impression I didn't care. I never meant t' do that. I was so sick of fallin' apart, of needin' all the time. All I needed was some time an' space t' prove t' meself that I'm not completely helpless."
"You're a hell of a long way from that", he told her seriously. "You have been as long as I've known you. Forget what Rack did - so he was more powerful than you. Doesn't mean you were powerless." He sighed. "Look, I'm not blamin' you for needin' to get away. The number of times I've almost packed up an' headed out of here t'see the world..."
"I don't mean that..." Amanda began, her tone frustrated, but then she remembered Meggan and softened her voice. "'S not 'bout power, or bein' powerless. 'S 'bout copin', an' I wasn't. I haven't been for a while now. Every time I get a breather, a chance t' gain a little ground, somethin' else happens an' knocks me back further than before. An' these last few times..." She paused, trying to think of a way it wouldn't sound awful. "These last few times, 's been because of the people I care for. I love you all, you know I do, but Pete leavin', an' Manuel an' his Dad, an' then Nate an' the whole Mistra thing... it was too much. More than I could cope with. But I used t' be able t' cope, Ange. I used t' be able t' deal with lots worse, an' now it takes hardly anythin' t' send me runnin'. That couldn't go on, an' the only way I could think of was t' leave. Didn't mean I was gunna vanish."
"An' all I can tell you to that", he answered, deliberately quietly, "is that it felt like you might, at the time. Maybe it was just me bein' paranoid, but I don't know how well I'd've dealt with it myself, if you had."
"Clash of the issues," Amanda said with a wry snort. "You an' yers, me an' mine, an' they ran up against each other head on. Still, I'm back now. An' I kept my word." She didn't add she hadn't had much choice, but she could have gotten away with just messaging him rather than calling and talking to him as she had.
He hadn't specified how often she had to keep in touch, either, other than 'regularly'. He offered her an equally wry smile. "That you did. An' I'm glad of it."
