Jean and herself, again

[x-jeangrey.livejournal.com]

Set after Al's "vroom" post.



Jean scowled at the air then shut her computer off. Between the jubilent thoughts, Scott's pleasure down the link, and Alison "Vroom"ing on her journal, it would have been impossible for Jean not to know what was going on, and it frustrated her. She was tired of keeping her feet on the ground, and she missed flying and she missed being a part of the team and... GAH!

Stop it, Jeanie girl, she told herself. Remember what you and Charles talked about. Patience.

She could go down to the gym and burn some of the frustration off, but that would be treating the symptoms, not the problem, so instead she moved away from the computer and settled down into a meditation posture.

Focus. Focus and control. Focus, control and calm.

None of which were terribly easy just now.

Alison might get on your nerves, but she doesn't give a flying fuck about you. At least Betsy hates you properly.

Mutual hatred over a man. How... high school.

'Course, that's where you live.

She breathed in and out, looking for that calm center she remembered, but not finding it anywhere. The link was a source of calm and strength...

But then there's Thomas...

No, there isn't.

Her training with Nathan would give her some control.

Even laid out in traction and hopped up on pain pills he had more control than you.

Surely there was something she could focus on to get past the horrible, angry voice of her own pain.

You wish. It hurts and you can fucking well deal with it. You've had it easy, up till now, Jeanie-girl.

Not giving up without a fight.

You're gonna get one, then.

Determination. Determination was focus, was clarity, was the beginning of control. She ran through the Askani pattern Nate had taught her as she pushed the angry voice away again.