LOG: Manuel and Amanda - Conversation Amidst The Move

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

Manuel helps Amanda with the tag end of her mood, and brings her fast food. They talk about some of the issues surrounding them, and manage to both clear the air and obscure it a little further. And so the dance continues... Backdated to last Friday (4/29/2005)



Manuel stuck his head in the door of Amanda and Marie-Ange's new suite, bearing a bag from a nearby fast-food establishment. "Amanda?" he called out loud, not willing to just ping her down the link like he usually did. She might be with Meggan, after all, and knowing that little monster, she'd probably go berserk. "I thought you might be hungry..." he said, waving the fast-food bag in her presumed general direction.

There was a muffled thump, and a string of curse words in one of those dead languages she was so fluent in. After a moment, Amanda appeared, looking tired and a little frazzled. Moving location had been so much easier when she was homeless and carried her worldly goods on her person. "Hey," she said, the smile genuine despite the weariness. "Sorry, was just tryin' t' sort stuff out - one of me boxes of magic stuff made it up here, an' I was gunna lug it down t' me study in the library. Can't leave any of that stuff 'round where little hands might get hold of it." Then she caught sight (and smell) of the bag. "Food? I could kiss you." As soon as she said the words, she blushed and stammered a bit. "Um, that's t' say, if you wanted... ah, doesn't matter. Thank you. You wanna come in? Everythin's a mess still, but there's space t' sit on the floor, at least."

Manuel smiled at her - to be honest, a kiss would be very nice. Premature, but very nice. "Sure." he said, picking one of the least-dusty places to park himself on the floor. "Take a break for a few, share a meal?" he asked, opening the bag and setting out a truly scary amount of food - burgers and fries and bottles of water. "Not exactly high dining, but it was the best I could do." he said modestly. "I was on a tight schedule."

Dusting her hands on the back of the denim overalls she was wearing, Amanda closed the door and joined him. A break sounded _great_, considering moving boxes into the new room was only half the job. There was still unpacking to go, and it wasn't. Going that was. "I forgot t' have lunch, I think," she said, reaching for one of the bottles of water first to clear the dust from her throat. "Sort of lost track of time with all the hauling stuff. I still can't believe I've got this much shite." Stealing a French fry, she grinned at him. "It was nice of you t' think of this."

Rather than making a production out of his largesse, he merely smiled and shrugged. "I couldn't really give you a hand - I didn't want to risk setting Meggan off - so this was about the only way I could really help you." he said. "And you wouldn't _believe_ the line at the Thai place. So - burgers."

"Right now I could eat a horse. Raw," she said, before taking a large bite of the burger she'd snagged for herself. After a moment of chewing, she managed to swallow and went on. "Meggan's been with Kurt an' Dani today, mostly - didn't want t' risk droppin' somethin' on her, or trippin' over her, or accidentally turnin' her into a frog..." She chuckled at the thread in her journal. "'S handy havin' a clairvoyant roomie - Angie suggested havin' Meg out of the way would be a good idea. But still, was thoughtful of you t' think of it - I've been tryin' t' explain us to her, but she's a kid. They get set in their idea, y'know?"

Manuel nodded. "They do indeed." he agreed pleasantly, then set to his own, much smaller, part of the fast-food meal. "I ... should apologize for the kitchen." he said softly. "I don't know what happened - I never meant her any ill-will or bad feeling, but when she bit me, that's what jumped out at me. I have to learn to shield better from other empaths - I don't have this problem with Danielle, but her talent isn't true empathy, but something narrower, something more specialized."

"It wasn't just that... Nate an' Lusanya talked t' her, t' get the whole story..." Amanda lay down her food, fiddling with a napkin. She knew Lusanya was about the only true friend and confidant Manuel had, and she didn't want to spoil that. "She felt what you felt... towards me. An' what I felt. She thought you were hurtin' me, makin' me feel bad on purpose, an' then when you projected nice at her, she thought you were tryin' t' make her like you t' get between her an' me. Or at least, that's as far as we can work out. The language issue's still a problem." So much for eating - she'd lost her appetite, hopefully briefly, talking about this. Stress always made her stomach hurt.

Manuel laughed bitterly. "I think this can only be classified as karmic justice, don't you think?" he said, holding his sides. "After all these times getting the inside story by looking at the feelings and not the words, I now get it done to me. By a toddler." he laughed. "And it's not a good feeling."

"Well, she's actually somewhere between 12 an' 15, accordin' t' the docs," Amanda said with a wry grin. "If that makes you feel any better." At least he was seeing her point, she thought, relieved. Perhaps her gift had been worth the effort. She nibbled at another French fry, appetite slowly returning. "I don't think she'll like you any time soon - she's set on hatin' you, like I said - but she won't be bitin' again. I made that _really_ clear, an' she knows she's not t' do that."

Manuel shrugged. "I don't expect to be tolerated." he said honestly, and then took a deep drink from his bottle of water. "If you don't mind me saying so, you feel better over the last few days. Calmer, more relaxed. Less bent out of shape. That's good." he said encouragingly.

"Comin' back meant havin' t' face up t' a lot of things," she replied, equally honestly. Truth for truth. She dropped her eyes to the floor, picking nervously at the napkin. "What I have t' do if I'm gunna be any good for Meggan. Sortin' out me life proper, thinkin' 'bout the future. Tryin' t' be straight with people." Now she looked up at him. "You, most of all. I owed you an explanation, an' that crystal... that was the best shot I could give it." A hint of amusement filtered down the link. "You know me an' the big gestures. Never do things by halves."

Manuel grinned. "One of the things I like about you." he said with a small laugh. "Your explanation worked quite well. I wish I could do the same for you." he said. "Truth for truth."

She'd half-expected him to ask that - Manuel was nothing if reciprocal. "I don't think I can," she said slowly. "Doin' it for me... it took everythin' I had without puttin' meself into a coma - took me three days t' make it. An' that was usin' me own memories. Doin' it for someone else'd take more energy, an' I can't risk it. Not without hurtin' meself."

Manuel hrmmed. "Then we use my strength. If you want." he said. "We bonded once by overlapping - think we could do it again? Only controlled this time - I trust you to separate yourself from me when the time comes." he said. "There are things you should see, things you should know."

She considered it, taking into account the risks. She had trained more with Strange since then, and she was more familiar with the mental sphere. And it would be important - as important to him as it had been to her. "We could try," she said at last. "My end of the link's always been more 'n just emotions, so it'd just be a matter of openin' it up from my end, I think." Her stomach abruptly growled, reminding her of her neglect, and she stuffed a few French fries in her mouth. "But later?" she asked. "I couldn't magic me way out of a paper bag at the moment."

"Of course not now!" he said with a relieved look, glad that this wasn't going to turn into another Spanish Civil War. "I should warn you, though. It's not a nice place in there. I've got my own demons, my own problems. Sure as you have yours." As soon as the words escaped his lips he knew that his phrasing was poor, but he couldn't take them back now if he wanted to.

He hadn't meant it to hurt, she reminded herself, feeling the regret down the link. How she'd missed having the link to draw cues from. But she wasn't going to just take it, either. He had to learn that careless words hurt. "Yeah, well, my demons were a bit more literal than yers, but I never said I held the patent on crappy personal histories," she told him, tone quiet but firm. "It was never meant t' be 'bout some sort of competition. I just wanted you t' know where I was comin' from. Who I am, since there's things I never got the chance t' tell you, or didn't want t' tell you. I just wanted t' show you I wasn't keepin' any more secrets."

Manuel nodded firmly. "I am not trying to take anything away from your experiences, from your life. My ... choice of words was poor." he admitted. "Not my first language, remember?" he said, trying to inject some levity into things. "And I know that neither of us holds that monopoly. All I was trying to do was to give you some notice that it's not all roses and good times up here." he said, tapping his head. "That's all."

She snorted softly. "I know it ain't, Manny," she said, for the first time in an age using the old nickname, not even realizing she had. "I've been bonded t' you for a long time, an' while I don't know or understand everythin', I know you've got some horrific stuff in there." She didn't mention the asylum. "I can take it."

Manuel nodded slowly. "It would be remiss to not warn, though. Our experiences - they are the same in some ways, but very different in others. I'm not proud of much that I have done." he said. "As you are not proud of some of what you have done. I dreamed of you last night, did you know that? Of your life, your experiences." he said. "It was very enlightening. In some ways, you are a far stronger person than I am."

"Thanks then, for the warnin'." It was a bit more than she'd given him, but if she had told him what the crystal was, chances were he wouldn't have touched it. "You'll have those dreams for a while, as you process stuff. Shouldn't take too long." She shrugged a little. "I'm not that strong. Not really. Tend t' fold at the least little thing, these days."

Manuel looked at Amanda, and reached out to cup her chin with his hands. "You are stronger than you think." he said, his eyes staying absolutely clear and nothing being pushed down the link, but his intent was clear. "People like you - like me - we have experienced too much, done and had done to us too much, to react like them. The safe, middle-class deadheads. You're still here, clean, sober, and trying. By any reckoning, that puts you ahead of the game. Failures of will notwithstanding."

She closed her eyes, turning her face towards his hand and letting her lips brush his palm softly, knowing with the touch he'd be able to feel everything she was. He believed in her - she knew he loved her, but she hadn't known that, not really. "I'm not the only strong one, then," she said softly, opening her eyes again and meeting his. "I know you don't think so, but you've a long way, love. No matter how people tried t' break you, you're still here." 'With me.' She didn't add the last, it was too soon, but she wanted to. She'd missed him, so very much.

"In a manner of speaking." he said, but left it at that. She felt delicious in the palm of his hand, and he wanted nothing quite so badly as he wanted her. But it was too soon, too quick, and she's react badly if he lay her down on the dusty cold ground and made her scream. "You'll understand more about what I mean by that later." he added.

Amanda frowned briefly, but left it at that. If he wanted her to see, then she'd look, as carefully as she could, but not yet. She needed to be at full strength for something like that. "Later, then," she said, the two words loaded with meaning. All sorts of thing for later.

Manuel smiled with as much feeling as he could muster into it. "Later." he agreed, then let his hand fall to pick up some fast food. "I realize it's not very good, but it's even worse cold. If you still want some of this, I suggest you take it soon." he said, and then the possible double meaning of what he'd said struck him. He grinned, for no apparent reason, and stretched himself out along the floor. It felt better than just sitting, and he was a little stiff.

Wrinkling her nose, Amanda nodded and picked up the half-eaten burger again. Cold fast food was _awful_ - she knew that from her scrounging days. She couldn't help the admiring glance at Manuel's lithe form, stretched along her floor, though. It _had_ been a long time. "How was that thing with Kit?" she asked, deliberately changing the topic.

Manuel grinned. "Went surprisingly well. I stayed out of everyone's way, and I definitely needed the good cheer." he said. "Came out of it feeling much better, and nobody got bent out of shape. This is probably because nobody but my waitress and Katherine knew I was there, but that's how it is sometimes."

Her mouth full, Amanda nodded, waiting until she'd swallowed before speaking. "I'm glad you went," she said at last. "Even if no-one much could see you, at least you weren't stuck in that room of yers." She looked somewhat guilty about that - he'd been hiding from her.

"Sometimes, I stuck myself in the Music Room." he protested with a grin. "And what's wrong with my room, hrm? I happen to have some _very_ pleasant memories of my room! And, ya know, solitude is good for people like me. I spent a lot of time working on shielding, or playing music, or even recording some."

"I know, 's just..." Amanda shrugged a little, reaching for some more fries. "'S hard for people t' understand how you feel when they don't see that much of you, I s'pose," she said at last. "Like that Shiro - he don't talk t' anyone else much, an' so some of the stuff he says, he sounds like a right plonker. But I'm bettin' there's somethin' else t' him, besides the likin' t' hit things an' play hero."

Manuel shrugged. "They often don't want to, and I have a hard time still relating to a lot of the people here. There's not much common ground besides an accident of genetics." he said. "Having said that, I am trying to slowly expand my sphere of ... well, to expand the number of people that I talk to."

"Some'd say we don't have a lot in common, an' we get on all right. Well, when we aren't fightin'." She gave him a wry, apologetic smile. "But expandin's good - one of the things I'm learnin' is that leanin' on people ain't weak. Takes a different sort of strength t' ask for help."

"I have no intention on leaning on these people when I am weak." he said. "Their brains couldn't handle it. It's not healthy, to keep to myself as much as I do. A certain amount is fine, but not this much. On the plus side, I should be able to get my driver's license soon. That will help - I can go get my own damned coffee, and not have to rely on a ride from Marie-Ange all the time."

"Or you could take her for coffee, instead of the other way 'round," Amanda suggested, washing down the last of the burger with some water. The change in diet since she came to the school was doing things to her taste buds - the greasy food wasn't half as good as she remembered it being. Quite the betrayal of her nation's eating habits... "I need t' get me permit an' learn," she continued. "I can't keep askin' for lifts all the time, 'specially with Meggan now. I can drive - well, sort of. If you count goin' forward really fast as drivin'."

"Oh, we usually split the bill when we go out." he said. "But she has to drive all the time. It will be nice to be able to drive her, or just meet her there." he said. "Since I can't afford to charter something, and there's no public transportation. Now, people are usually pretty good about giving us a ride if we want or need one, but still..."

"It's the havin' t' ask," Amanda finished. "Like Strange's class. Now P... now me usual lift's gone, I have t' find someone willin' t' get up early on a Saturday an' take me. Gettin' me licence would mean I wouldn't have t' rely on anyone else." She shot him an anxious glance, not sure how he was going to take the reminder of Pete Wisdom, and why he wasn't there any more. Had they told him, she wondered. Surely he had as much right as she did to know where Pete was now, given the connection.

Manuel kept his good cheer, but he had to hang onto it by his fingernails. "Yes, I can see how that might be inconvenient. Maybe you could ask Nathan - no, he's laid up with his injury. I'm fairly certain Professor Xavier won't let you do without - he'll arrange something." he said reassuringly. He curled up from his reclining position into a sitting one, folding his legs absently into a yoga-type full lotus.

"I'll find someone," she said quietly, with a note of stubbornness. It was true she had to accept more help from the Professor than she wanted to, for Meggan's benefit, but for the small stuff? She'd keep the obligation as small as possible. "I'll sign up for the drivin' class, an' ask 'round for a lift until I can do for meself." Maybe Remy, she thought. He'd already talked about her not going places on her own too much. And that thought lead to another, the last secret. It had been too recent to include in the crystal.  "Manuel... I don't want t' upset things, not when they're goin' so well... but did the Professor explain that post? The one 'bout Pete not bein' allowed back?"

Manuel nodded. "He did. Sort of hard not to, when I went screaming back into the Box lest I infect everyone in the greater New York area." he said ruefully. "He wheeled himself into the Box with me, and we talked it out. When I left, he gave me a light link, so that if things got intolerable I could lean on him for support."

Of course they would have done something like that. She found herself oddly glad that Manuel had someone to rely on in this matter. Because she certainly wasn't, reliable, that was. Not with this. "Good," she said at last. "That you know. If you didn't, I was gunna tell you, even if it meant you hatin' me again..." she trailed off, not really sure what it was she was trying to say. That she wouldn't lie to him again, perhaps. "I s'pose the last laugh's on me, then," she found herself saying. "For all that I was sayin' Pete did the right thing, an' he goes around an' does this..." She shook her head, not wanting to drag this up again, even if perhaps they needed to get it out in the open. "I owe you another apology, I s'pose."

Manuel shrugged. "As much as it would theoretically please me to accept it as my due, I'm afraid that I can't." he said. "No apology is required. He betrayed your expectations." He exhaled deeply, and then looked at Amanda. "Topic change, please?" he said, just a bit shakily.

Nodding as she cast her mind about for a change of topic, Amanda pulled one knee up, wrapping her arms around it and resting her chin on her knee. "Um, how's that project of yers goin'?" she asked at last. He wouldn't tell her details, but he enjoyed talking about it, she remembered.

Manuel smiled in gratitude at the topic shift. "We've hit some delays, but nothing we can't work around." he said. "My part is all done, I'm just waiting on some other things before we finally go live with the whole thing." he said. "Irritating, but the project will be the stronger for it in the end."

"The good stuff takes longer, or at least that's what Strange keeps tryin' t' tell me when I get impatient." Amanda reached for more fries - the edge was gone from the Bottomless Pit, but she'd been working physically hard today. "Do I get any warnin' when you go live?" she asked, with a trace of her old impish grin. "I'd hate t' miss it, after all, since it's been such a big mystery."

Manuel smirked. "That would be telling." he said with a small laugh. "You'll know, I think, when it goes live." he teased. "I'm fairly confident of that. And you'll like it. That I can pretty much guarantee."

She poked her tongue out at him playfully. "Bugger, thought I'd get you on that one. You're too sneaky for me. Well, if it looks like I'm missin' it, do I get a hint? Since I'm always the last one t' know 'bout the usual media stuff."

"If you do happen to miss it, I'll make sure that you get a copy." he said with amusement. "Not quite the same as it would be live, but it's better than nothing." he said. "And that's more than I should have said."

"Tease," she told him, but with good humour, before looking around the room, piled with boxes. "I don't s'pose you want t' help me unpack some of this?" she asked, with her best 'puppy dog eyes of doom' look. The one Marie-Ange could never refuse.

Manuel wasn't Marie-Ange, but he had entirely different reasons to acquiesce to the Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom. "I suppose I can help you out a bit." he said, gathering up the debris from the fast food and standing up.

"Thanks, love." The endearment slipped out without her realizing, and she covered her momentary confusion by climbing to her feet and finding her trash can for him to drop the wrappers in. "Um, maybe start on the books? There's not that many that aren't magic - all the spellbooks're downstairs. Unless you wanted t' hang up me clothes? Could be yer best chance t' hide the stuff you hate," she teased, nodding at the box labeled in Marie-Ange's considerably neater handwriting.

"You tempt me!" he said with a laugh, not letting himself react to her slip of the tongue. He dropped the debris into the trash can, and walked over to her closet. "I should give into temptation more often, especially when it's harmless. I'll take the closet here, you can start on the books." He then started to go through the various piles of her clothing, sorting them into rough piles, and then more finer-grained piles.

"Angie already had her turn at gettin' rid of the worst stuff. 'S only fair t' let you have a go too," she said, good-naturedly. "Seein' how I'm havin' t' be all responsible an' grown-up an' all. No more drinkin', least not on the grounds, no more drugs... even cuttin' back on the smokin'. Less 'brat' these days." There was a small note of regret - she was doing this for Meggan, to make sure she was safe and happy, but she couldn't help feel she was abandoning a part of herself. At least now she knew how Manuel felt.

Manuel couldn't help but feel that, and had to work _hard_ at hiding his own grin of triumph. "Sucks, doesn't it? To have to give up a part of yourself to please someone else, to fit someone else's expectations?" he commented as he began to hang up her clothes. The most passable for everyday wear went up front, with her party wear and her formalwear and her special-occasion stuff (including the well-remembered little black scrap of nothing much that he had bought her very early on that she wore once because he insisted and then never wore again) went into the back.

"Never said it wasn't," Amanda replied mildly, stacking her meager collection of non-magical books on the shelf provided. The lower-down ones she'd leave for Meggan, she decided - and they really needed to go shopping soon. When she was better with people and crowds. "An' if it's the stuff that's bad for me, then 's for the best, hard as it might be sometimes." She wasn't aiming her words specifically at him - let him take them how he wanted.

Manuel busied himself rearranging the items in each category by color and mood, not responding right away. "I suppose so." he said after some very long moments. "Assuming you know what's best in the first place."

"If I don't, I ask people - one thing 'bout havin' Meg with me, everyone's linin' up t' give me their two cents." Amanda glanced over her shoulder at him, raising her eyebrow at the way he was sorting her stuff, but seeing it made sense, given the way he saw colour. "There's those I pay more attention to, of course. But since Meg's got t' come first, that makes it easier t' decide what t' do." She looked down at the book in her hands, a Terry Pratchett she'd been given by... someone. She'd forgotten who now. "'S not good enough, I know - I should be doin' this for meself, not 'cause of Meg. But after so long of not thinkin' I'm worth it, 's the best I can manage, for now. Maybe it'll change - Samson seems t' think I'm not a hopeless case just yet."

"I think I am driving Samson to drink." he said with amusement. "It must be rough on him, having a patient who sees emotions, can see sincerity or, more importantly, its lack. As for the worthlessness of his cause, I vacillate on that one almost daily. Some days yes, some days no. I can be a real monster."

"An' sometimes you can be a pretty decent human bein'," she pointed out, with a small shrug. "Up t' you which one you want it t' be, now."

Manuel shook his head. "It is _never_ that simple. Another thing, I suppose, that I'll show you when you have your strength back." he said mildly. "Closet's organized. Do you want me to explain it to you, or do you think you can get it on your own?"

Amanda thought he was making things complicated, but wasn't going to argue the point without all the facts. Slotting the last book in place, she came over to the closet, unconsciously brushing against him - she'd missed touching him so much, that now with the link back, she was seeking it out without even meaning to. "Explain it to me? Since it's clothes an' all." She grinned at him wryly. "You know me an' clothes."

Manuel nodded. "OK, first and most obvious - everyday stuff up front, less-worn stuff in the back. Your Asgard dress, your attempt at formalwear, all of that is in the back there. Jeans, T-shirts, that sort of thing are up front." he said, flipping through her things to demonstrate where things were. "Now then, among the stuff up front - stuff you like the most is first, followed by stuff you don't like as much. Figured it'd be easier on you to keep all your favorites within easy reach. Since I know how you are with clothes."

"Hey, some of that's not just attempts at formal stuff - you bought half of that for me, remember?" she pointed out, but not with any offence. "Thanks for that, tho'. Does make it easier, 'specially when I have t' roll out of bed at the crack of dawn 'cause someone doesn't sleep in." Giving his upper arm a brief squeeze as a gesture of thanks, she looked around the rest of the room. A couple more boxes of personal effects - CDs and the like - and the box that should have made it downstairs to her study. It wasn't as heavy as the books had been, but it wasn't small. "One last favour?" she asked. "Help me run this last box down t' the library? No magic stuff in me room where little paws can get hold of it."

Manuel looked, and Looked, at the pile of magic books that Amanda had indicated. "I'm not touching that." he said, and swallowed heavily. "It feels _wrong_. I'm sorry, but you can carry those. Even in the box, I can still feel them."

She frowned. There wasn't anything in there particularly Dark, she'd thought. A couple of books, a bunch of components, the box Nathan had given her to keep her medical herbs in... A check with her mutant power agreed with that - she could sense the power within every object in the box, and nothing set off any particular alarms. "All right then," she said with a shrug. "I'll take it down later." Her manner had gone slightly closed-off - apparently the magic was going to be an issue for him. Perhaps the same as it was for Alex. "Um, yeah, thanks for yer help. I'll let you know when I'm up for that other thing, yeah?"

Manuel sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just being oversensitive. God knows I've been a little stressed lately." he said by way of an apology. "And oversensitivity, or insensitivity, is an occupational disease for people like me."

"It's fine," she said, with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "The magic's been... hard lately. Me concentration's been shite, an' I don't get half the amount of time I need t' work on it. Maybe that's what you're readin', since fuck knows there's nothin' in that box that'd do anyone any harm." Well, except if she chose to use it that way. "Thanks for the help, an' the food - it was nice of you. I can handle the rest of it from here - I need t' go get Meg soon any way." It was clearly a dismissal, even couched in reasonable terms. After Alex's reaction, she wasn't in the mood to argue with anyone about their perceptions of her magic. She'd done what she'd had to do, and that was it.

The moment was gone, the idyll ended. A pity. Manuel smiled up at Amanda and nodded to her. "Sure." he said, stepping back a few paces towards the door. "Get some sleep tonight, OK? You feel better than you did, but you're still tired."

"I will," she promised. "Part of all this clean livin' - early t' bed, early t' rise, all that bollocks." She bent over one of the other boxes, opening it and beginning to unpack its contents. "We'll talk later, yeah? Take care of yerself."

Mmm. When she bent over like that, it brought memories back into Manuel's mind. Very pleasant ones. Grinning, Manuel retreated back through her doorway. "Door'll be open if you want to come and visit." he said, by way of an offer. "And yeah, we should talk more. Not talking ... " and he let it die at that, not willing to reopen that particular wound. "Anyway. Come see me sometime."

She looked up, flipping one of the braids she'd tied her hair in over her shoulder. "Count on it," she said, and then grinned wickedly. "I'll be sure t' knock first. I'd hate t' interrupt anythin'."

"Not that there's much _to_ interrupt..." he grumbled playfully. "I'll keep a brain out for you." he promised, and then departed entirely.