Introducing Billy
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xp_logsTwo baby-featuring logs. In the first, Maddie stops by and catches Billy's after-lunch bath. They work out when Hank's going back on night shifts, agree that Billy is exceptionally cute, and make tentative plans for a picnic date sometime when they've both had a little more sleep. Warning: extreme schmoop.
Hank really felt sorry for people who had hands smaller than babies,
right now.
Despite his own worries - and all the horror-stories he'd heard about
bathing babies - things had gone very well so far. This was Billy's
second proper bath, and so far it had been quite easy; lay child on
hand, lower hand into water, wash exposed bits, roll child over, and
repeat. With Billy lying on his hand, with only his small feet hanging
off, the baby was easy to keep hold of and seemed to feel quite
secure. No crying yet, anyway.
"And when you're clean," Hank told him, continuing their one-sided
conversation as he chased a small hand with the washcloth, "I shall
pop you back into the sling and we'll go downstairs to do some work in
Daddy's office. So far, I must say, you've been very cooperative, and I
hope that you continue to be so. Of course, should anything serious
happen, I'd have to leave you with your mother for a while, but while
I'm doing my own work and duringregular Medlab shifts, which are
boring and full of paperwork, there's no reason for you not to stay with
me, as long as you continue to behaveas well as you have been."
When Hank hadn't answered her knock, Madelyn had let herself in,
expecting to find him with his hands full. Of course, perhaps not
quite so literally, and she couldn't help the rather silly
smile that appeared as she watched Operation: Bath Time from the
doorway. "Oh for a video camera and surround sound," she said at last,
softly so she wouldn't startle Billy, who was quite happy with things
at the moment. "You two are so sweet you could make Disney bankrupt."
Hank jumped a little, looking around and smiling sheepishly. "Well...
I do my best, and it just comes naturally to him." He gave the baby a
fond look. "So far he hasn't been any trouble at all, at bathtimes.
I'm not getting much sleep, and he really doesn't like being in a
dirty nappy, but bathtimes are good so far." He looked up at her
again, and smiled. "And in case I haven't told you so already... you
are looking particularly lovely today."
"Thank you, kind sir," Madelyn said with a pleased blush, coming in to
kiss his cheek. "And you look tired. Deliriously happy, but tired. I
came up to see if you needed anything since I'm off shift at the
moment." She bent over Billy, who was splashing a little as he waved
his hands. "Have you been keeping your daddy awake, have you,
sweetheart?" she cooed, stroking his cheek gently with a fingertip.
Billy gazed up at her solemnly, and made a tiny 'mrp' noise. Hank
beamed. "He has. But he's always so pleased to see me when I come and
pick him up that I can't be cross. He gets lonely in his crib at
night, I think." Since he happened to have a free hand, he slid his
arm around her waist to facilitate the stealing of a lingering kiss.
"And I fear that between baby and work, I haven't been seeing nearly
enough of you. If it's any consolation, I think of you almost as
constantly as I do of him."
"Alas, I have been usurped by a rival!" Madelyn proclaimed
dramatically when she could catch her breath. Hank's kisses were of
the breath-stealing variety. "It's fine, hon. We knew this would
happen, especially when Billy's small..." And here she touched his
nose very gently with her fingertip, marvelling at the perfection of
his tiny features, the softness of his skin. "We'll work something
out," she continued, looking up at Hank again. "Even if it's dates in
instead of going out."
Hank laughed. "I'm sure we can work something out. If nothing else, I
have a babysitter waiting list.... and he can usually be relied on to
stay asleep for at least a couple of hours before the Night-Time Calls
start. Plenty of time to, say, curl up on the couch and watch a
movie." Carefully, he nudged Billy over onto his stomach, supporting
his head with one broad thumb and running the washcloth along his tiny
back. "And then there are picnics. It's good weather for picnicking,
and he has a capsule he can be taken along in."
"A picnic sounds perfect," Madelyn agreed. "Maybe once things settle
down with Paige and I come off night shifts? I need fresh air and sun
badly at the moment. I seem to have become a creature of the night,"
she joked in a very bad Dracula accent.
Hank snickered. And tried not to think about how Maddie would look in
one of those clingy nightgowns favoured by female creatures of the
night in old movies. "Fresh air and sunlight are definitely a good
idea, before you wither away entirely... and I was thinking perhaps I
could go back onto nights soon? Tomorrow, even? I'm up for a lot of
the night anyway, and I can take him down there with me no trouble at
all." He touched her cheek lightly, then lifted Billy carefully out of
the bath, bundling him gently in a large, soft towel. "You've already
been on for just over two weeks, and while I very much appreciate it,
I can't leave you there indefinitely."
"Jean and Charles seem to think Paige should be out of isolation soon,
which will take some of the pressure off," Madelyn replied, moving
back a little so Hank had room. "But I wouldn't argue if you were sure
you both would be all right. You could always call me or Jean down if
there was an emergency." The fact she was acquiescing so relatively
easily was an indication of just how many nights she'd been working.
Hank gave her a concerned look. "We'd be just fine... and I can always
call Dani to take care of him for a little while, if something came
up." Now that he looked closer, the tiredness was showing... he really
shouldn't have let her take nights for as long as he had. "Don't worry
about a thing. From tonight, you sleep in your own bed." He could take
a nap this afternoon, and given how easily she'd given in, she must be
exhausted. "I'm sorry, my dear, I've been so caught up with Billy that
I've neglected the needs of others."
"As you should be - he needs you more than anyone else does right now,
and you can't afford to overstretch yourself by trying to be in
several places at once," Madelyn told him, gently but firmly. "I'm
fine - tired, but I've dealt with worse. No guilt-tripping yourself,
Hank, especially on my account. If you're sure you can take tonight, I
won't argue, otherwise we can leave it until tomorrow when you've had
time to get some naptime in." She watched him carefully patting Billy
dry and gave him a hopeful smile. "And if you let me hold him for you
while you get his clothes ready, I'll forgive all."
"But without guilt and self-recrimination, how would I keep myself
amused all day? And yes, tonight is fine." Hank smiled, wrapping Billy
in a dry towel and settling him gently into Maddie's arms. "There. All
yours. And if you'd like to dress him too, I certainly wouldn't
object.. it's not easy, with hands as big as mine, to get those little
arms into sleeves." She cuddled Billy, and he turned into putty,
thinking all sorts of premature thoughts. She did look wonderful
holding him...
"You'll have to find a new hobby - that one's getting old," Madelyn
told him, rocking Billy slightly as he squirmed and fretted a little,
away from Hank. "Shh-shh, it's all right, honey. Daddy's here, he's
just getting you something to wear. So you'll be all dressed and the
cutest baby ever, won't you?" She flipped her hair back over her
shoulder with a jerk of her head, not wanting small fingers to get
tangled. "And Daddy's big hands might mean he has trouble with
sleeves, but it also means it makes bath time easy, doesn't it?"
Realising she was babbling even more than Hank had, she looked up and
blushed a bit. "It's been a while. Joe's eldest is in pre-school now,
and her brother's tearing around the house like a one-child wave of
destruction. I missed a lot of the time when they were small, with
work and living away. So now I'm indulging."
"What, no more guilt? No more mental self-flagellation?" Hank pressed
a hand to his heart. "You mean I might actually have to keep myself
amused with only a houseful of teenagers, an obstroperous staff, a
brilliant and exquisitely beautiful girlfriend, and a new baby of my
own? Whatever shall I DO?" Girlfriend. Had he called her that before?
It was such a juvenile term, but... well. They WERE in a school, might
as well go with it. Blushing, he turned hastily to the dresser. "And
it's good to have someone with at least a little prior experience
around. I'm afraid I've had very little, although I've studied the
theory extensively."
"I know it's what all the popular kids are doing, but you'll just have
to go your own way. You could be a rebel, and perhaps even go so far
as the be cheerful and carefree?" she teased, although she was
blushing herself at the term. Girlfriend. She liked the sound of that.
"And I wouldn't mind helping with Billy whenever you need it - or even
when you don't. He's such a sweetie, aren't you?" She let Billy capture
her finger with one of his flailing small hands, and smiled at the way
his tiny fingers wrapped around it. "You're going to be as strong as
your Daddy, I can see that," she told him. "And as handsome. You'll
have pretty girls lined up 'round the block."
"Now, now... he's much handsomer than I've ever been." Hank smiled,
pulling out a cute little blue outfit with lambies on it, and grabbing
a clean diaper. "And quite possibly the handsomest baby who has ever
lived." He slipped an arm around Maddie, holding them both close for a
moment as Billy gurgled softly and blinked thoughtfully up at them.
"And with him and you both in my life... I think happiness may be a
fate I cannot avoid."
"There's worse fates," she told him, tilting her face up to kiss him
softly. Billy let out a mew and kicked his legs, and she chuckled.
"And I think this young man wishes to be dressed. Care to oversee me
in the ancient art of diaper-gami?"
Hank returned the kiss and smiled, releasing her and waving her to the
changing table with a florid bow. "It would be my honour, fair lady,
to observe your undoubtedly skillful performance," he said solemnly.
"Diaper on, I pray you."
* * *
After his talk with Maddie, Hank heads outside to get a little sunshine. He runs into Angelo on the porch, and they talk a little about at least one of the things that has been bothering Angelo. Hank lets him hold the baby, and offers to help in what other ways he can.
It was a warm, sunny afternoon, and if he was going to be going back on night-shifts for a week, Hank figured he and Billy should get some sunshine while they could. He'd tucked the baby into his sling and headed outside, taking along a book to read. "While the potential dangers of sunlight are not to be underestimated," he told Billy seriously, ambling out onto the porch, "nonetheless the healthful benefits of limited exposure to the sun overall outweigh the risks. Vitamin D is very important, for example, as I do not wish you to suffer from rickets, which are..." He paused, and blushed. He'd almost walked directly into Angelo, who had obviously been about to light a cigarette... and was now looking at him funny. No surprise, given what he'd been doing. "Good afternoon, Angelo. How are you?"
Angelo eyed the baby and put his cigarettes away, ruefully. "Not too bad. Think Billy there's a little bit young for the bio lectures..."
"Talking to babies is very important. And since he's too young to actually understand it as yet, I more or less rattle on about whatever comes to mind." Hank smiled at the younger man. He'd been tense and unhappy ever since Paige's return, and Hank had wanted to help, but hadn't been quite sure how. "Would you like to hold him?" he offered. Angelo seemed to like children, and Billy was very nice to hold... he very rarely cried or pooped when confronted with a new face.
Angelo blinked, then smiled tentatively. "Uh... if you don't mind, sure."
"Not at all." Hank lifted Billy carefully out of the sling, and tucked him into Angelo's arms. Angelo knew how to hold a baby, he noticed. Good. Billy had been asleep, and after blinking up at Angelo a couple of times, went straight back to it.
Angelo looked down at him, cradling him carefully. "He's good. Quiet." He glanced up at Hank. "How's Dani doin'? On her feet yet?"
"Cautiously, but she's doing fine." Hank smiled fondly at Billy. "And he's only quiet when he wants to be, believe me. You should hear him when he wants to be picked up. He sounds like an air-raid siren... not that you would ever have heard one of those."
"Ah, they know how to get what they want", Angelo answered with a faint grin. "Even this little."
"Oh, they do." Hank nodded, touching Billy's tiny hand gently with a large fingertip. "You like kids? Not everyone here does... I'm contemplating chasing Jake through the halls with him. I'm sure he'd run."
Angelo laughed, quietly so as not to wake the baby. "I'd pay to see that. An'... yeah, I do." Wistfulness, there.
"You want them, someday?" Hank asked softly, catching the wistfulness. "I know the feeling. I've wanted children for a long time... I was starting to think I'd never have the chance, when this little fellow came along."
"Always have", Angelo answered equally quietly. "It's... not somethin' I ever expected to get before I left LA, though, with the way I was livin'. Now... I don't know."
"Give it time." Hank smiled encouragingly at him. "I managed it, after all... admittedly, it took a while, but I got there." He touched Angelo's shoulder lightly. "You'll get there."
"Maybe. Someday." He paused, then asked quietly, "How's Paige?"
"She's doing a little better.... she's still in isolation, though. Even I'm not allowed to see her, as yet." Hank sighed. "I feel as though I let her down," he said quietly. "I think quite a few of us do."
"Yeah. Count me as one of 'em. I tried, though." His voice was faintly bitter.
Hank nodded. "I'm sure you did... which is more than I managed." He rested his hand on the younger man's shoulder again, not moving it away this time. "It's... hard... but as I keep relearning here, you can't help people if they won't let you," he said a little sadly. "There's no way to make someone talk if they don't want to."
"I feel like I should've known", Angelo muttered, focusing intently on the baby.
Hank nodded, and Billy sighed softly in his sleep as Angelo's arms tightened around him just a little. "I don't think she wanted you... or anyone... to know," he said gently. "Some people are like that. They don't want to admit that something's wrong, even when they should." Like Scott, for example...
"She said some things", Angelo started, then stopped and tried again. "In the letter she left me."
Hank nodded. "Like what?" he asked. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to..."
Angelo sighed, running a hand over the baby's head. "She knows I want... this." He nodded at Billy. "An' she doesn't. Ever."
Billy yawned, wriggling a little before settling down, his eyes never opening. Hank looked down at him and nodded slowly. "I... see. That is a problem," he admitted. "That kind of long-term incompatibility... it can cause a lot of problems." That was why he'd sounded Maddie out on the subject of children well before getting involved with her... as much as he cared for her, it wasn't something he'd have been willing to give up.
Angelo sighed and admitted quietly, "I know. An' I know we're not even nineteen, an' things might change... but I don't think they will."
Hank sighed. This was another problem he couldn't really help with... and it was a real problem, too, one that would leave Angelo unhappy no matter which way he went with it. "I decided, a while ago, that I couldn't be involved long-term with any woman who didn't want children," he said softly, touching Billy's cheek. "Of course, given my sparse dating history until quite recently, it was something of an academic decision at the time. But... it's important enough to me to be a deciding factor. Whether it is for you... that's up to you. But if you want to talk about it, I'll always be willing to listen."
Angelo smiled up at him faintly. "Thanks. I think... it might be. An' I think Paige knows it, like I said. I might've tried to work somethin' out, but... I don't know."
Hank nodded. "You have to do what's right for you... that's about all the advice I can give you right now." Billy started to whimper, and Hank took him back, cuddling him gently. "I think I have... what's right for me, I mean. It's a good feeling."
Angelo grinned crookedly. "I'm not sure it's one I've ever had. Not since I chose to leave LA with Scott, anyway."
Hank grinned suddenly. "and, of course, at such an advanced age of yours, your life's purpose should already be found and settled," he said solemnly. "I don't know what's to be done with you, I really don't."
Angelo couldn't help laughing. "Hey", he protested mildly. "I never thought I'd see 21 before I came here, or not outside a jail at least. I just... I wanna know what I should be doin'. An' I don't."
"I thought you wanted to be a cop?" Hank asked. "That seems like a good, solid ambition. To protect and to serve... it's more or less the same philosophy the teachers here live by. Although with us it's more 'to protect, to serve, and to give detention'."
"That's... yeah. I do. But I just... Nathan was sayin' at the weddin' I should see a bit of the world, an' I... maybe I'll just go, when I get my results. If I don't have to repeat again. Come back to America when I'm done."
Hank nodded. "A little adventure is good, too. The better one gets to know the world, the easier it is to find one's place in it, sometimes." He smiled. "Any thoughts on where you'd go?"
"Never been anywhere 'cept Muir, really." He didn't feel that Mexico counted. "So... not really. Just get the first cheap flight to anywhere, maybe."
Hank nodded. "If there's any way in which I can help, let me know. I have friends in many far-flung locations... at the least, I could line up a few places for you to crash and do some laundry."
Angelo turned to smile up at him gratefully. "That'd help a lot."
Hank smiled back. At least there was one problem here he could help with, albeit a minor one. "Let me know where you want to go, and I'll see who I know in the area. Academics move around a lot, so there's bound to be someone."
"Will do, when I know myself."
Hank nodded. "And now, Billy and I are going to go sit in the sunshine and read an exciting story entitled 'Readings in the History of the Ancient World', by McDermott and Caldwell." He grinned. "As long as I'm talking, he doesn't really mind what I read."
Angelo grinned. "Sounds like fun. Enjoy."
Hank really felt sorry for people who had hands smaller than babies,
right now.
Despite his own worries - and all the horror-stories he'd heard about
bathing babies - things had gone very well so far. This was Billy's
second proper bath, and so far it had been quite easy; lay child on
hand, lower hand into water, wash exposed bits, roll child over, and
repeat. With Billy lying on his hand, with only his small feet hanging
off, the baby was easy to keep hold of and seemed to feel quite
secure. No crying yet, anyway.
"And when you're clean," Hank told him, continuing their one-sided
conversation as he chased a small hand with the washcloth, "I shall
pop you back into the sling and we'll go downstairs to do some work in
Daddy's office. So far, I must say, you've been very cooperative, and I
hope that you continue to be so. Of course, should anything serious
happen, I'd have to leave you with your mother for a while, but while
I'm doing my own work and duringregular Medlab shifts, which are
boring and full of paperwork, there's no reason for you not to stay with
me, as long as you continue to behaveas well as you have been."
When Hank hadn't answered her knock, Madelyn had let herself in,
expecting to find him with his hands full. Of course, perhaps not
quite so literally, and she couldn't help the rather silly
smile that appeared as she watched Operation: Bath Time from the
doorway. "Oh for a video camera and surround sound," she said at last,
softly so she wouldn't startle Billy, who was quite happy with things
at the moment. "You two are so sweet you could make Disney bankrupt."
Hank jumped a little, looking around and smiling sheepishly. "Well...
I do my best, and it just comes naturally to him." He gave the baby a
fond look. "So far he hasn't been any trouble at all, at bathtimes.
I'm not getting much sleep, and he really doesn't like being in a
dirty nappy, but bathtimes are good so far." He looked up at her
again, and smiled. "And in case I haven't told you so already... you
are looking particularly lovely today."
"Thank you, kind sir," Madelyn said with a pleased blush, coming in to
kiss his cheek. "And you look tired. Deliriously happy, but tired. I
came up to see if you needed anything since I'm off shift at the
moment." She bent over Billy, who was splashing a little as he waved
his hands. "Have you been keeping your daddy awake, have you,
sweetheart?" she cooed, stroking his cheek gently with a fingertip.
Billy gazed up at her solemnly, and made a tiny 'mrp' noise. Hank
beamed. "He has. But he's always so pleased to see me when I come and
pick him up that I can't be cross. He gets lonely in his crib at
night, I think." Since he happened to have a free hand, he slid his
arm around her waist to facilitate the stealing of a lingering kiss.
"And I fear that between baby and work, I haven't been seeing nearly
enough of you. If it's any consolation, I think of you almost as
constantly as I do of him."
"Alas, I have been usurped by a rival!" Madelyn proclaimed
dramatically when she could catch her breath. Hank's kisses were of
the breath-stealing variety. "It's fine, hon. We knew this would
happen, especially when Billy's small..." And here she touched his
nose very gently with her fingertip, marvelling at the perfection of
his tiny features, the softness of his skin. "We'll work something
out," she continued, looking up at Hank again. "Even if it's dates in
instead of going out."
Hank laughed. "I'm sure we can work something out. If nothing else, I
have a babysitter waiting list.... and he can usually be relied on to
stay asleep for at least a couple of hours before the Night-Time Calls
start. Plenty of time to, say, curl up on the couch and watch a
movie." Carefully, he nudged Billy over onto his stomach, supporting
his head with one broad thumb and running the washcloth along his tiny
back. "And then there are picnics. It's good weather for picnicking,
and he has a capsule he can be taken along in."
"A picnic sounds perfect," Madelyn agreed. "Maybe once things settle
down with Paige and I come off night shifts? I need fresh air and sun
badly at the moment. I seem to have become a creature of the night,"
she joked in a very bad Dracula accent.
Hank snickered. And tried not to think about how Maddie would look in
one of those clingy nightgowns favoured by female creatures of the
night in old movies. "Fresh air and sunlight are definitely a good
idea, before you wither away entirely... and I was thinking perhaps I
could go back onto nights soon? Tomorrow, even? I'm up for a lot of
the night anyway, and I can take him down there with me no trouble at
all." He touched her cheek lightly, then lifted Billy carefully out of
the bath, bundling him gently in a large, soft towel. "You've already
been on for just over two weeks, and while I very much appreciate it,
I can't leave you there indefinitely."
"Jean and Charles seem to think Paige should be out of isolation soon,
which will take some of the pressure off," Madelyn replied, moving
back a little so Hank had room. "But I wouldn't argue if you were sure
you both would be all right. You could always call me or Jean down if
there was an emergency." The fact she was acquiescing so relatively
easily was an indication of just how many nights she'd been working.
Hank gave her a concerned look. "We'd be just fine... and I can always
call Dani to take care of him for a little while, if something came
up." Now that he looked closer, the tiredness was showing... he really
shouldn't have let her take nights for as long as he had. "Don't worry
about a thing. From tonight, you sleep in your own bed." He could take
a nap this afternoon, and given how easily she'd given in, she must be
exhausted. "I'm sorry, my dear, I've been so caught up with Billy that
I've neglected the needs of others."
"As you should be - he needs you more than anyone else does right now,
and you can't afford to overstretch yourself by trying to be in
several places at once," Madelyn told him, gently but firmly. "I'm
fine - tired, but I've dealt with worse. No guilt-tripping yourself,
Hank, especially on my account. If you're sure you can take tonight, I
won't argue, otherwise we can leave it until tomorrow when you've had
time to get some naptime in." She watched him carefully patting Billy
dry and gave him a hopeful smile. "And if you let me hold him for you
while you get his clothes ready, I'll forgive all."
"But without guilt and self-recrimination, how would I keep myself
amused all day? And yes, tonight is fine." Hank smiled, wrapping Billy
in a dry towel and settling him gently into Maddie's arms. "There. All
yours. And if you'd like to dress him too, I certainly wouldn't
object.. it's not easy, with hands as big as mine, to get those little
arms into sleeves." She cuddled Billy, and he turned into putty,
thinking all sorts of premature thoughts. She did look wonderful
holding him...
"You'll have to find a new hobby - that one's getting old," Madelyn
told him, rocking Billy slightly as he squirmed and fretted a little,
away from Hank. "Shh-shh, it's all right, honey. Daddy's here, he's
just getting you something to wear. So you'll be all dressed and the
cutest baby ever, won't you?" She flipped her hair back over her
shoulder with a jerk of her head, not wanting small fingers to get
tangled. "And Daddy's big hands might mean he has trouble with
sleeves, but it also means it makes bath time easy, doesn't it?"
Realising she was babbling even more than Hank had, she looked up and
blushed a bit. "It's been a while. Joe's eldest is in pre-school now,
and her brother's tearing around the house like a one-child wave of
destruction. I missed a lot of the time when they were small, with
work and living away. So now I'm indulging."
"What, no more guilt? No more mental self-flagellation?" Hank pressed
a hand to his heart. "You mean I might actually have to keep myself
amused with only a houseful of teenagers, an obstroperous staff, a
brilliant and exquisitely beautiful girlfriend, and a new baby of my
own? Whatever shall I DO?" Girlfriend. Had he called her that before?
It was such a juvenile term, but... well. They WERE in a school, might
as well go with it. Blushing, he turned hastily to the dresser. "And
it's good to have someone with at least a little prior experience
around. I'm afraid I've had very little, although I've studied the
theory extensively."
"I know it's what all the popular kids are doing, but you'll just have
to go your own way. You could be a rebel, and perhaps even go so far
as the be cheerful and carefree?" she teased, although she was
blushing herself at the term. Girlfriend. She liked the sound of that.
"And I wouldn't mind helping with Billy whenever you need it - or even
when you don't. He's such a sweetie, aren't you?" She let Billy capture
her finger with one of his flailing small hands, and smiled at the way
his tiny fingers wrapped around it. "You're going to be as strong as
your Daddy, I can see that," she told him. "And as handsome. You'll
have pretty girls lined up 'round the block."
"Now, now... he's much handsomer than I've ever been." Hank smiled,
pulling out a cute little blue outfit with lambies on it, and grabbing
a clean diaper. "And quite possibly the handsomest baby who has ever
lived." He slipped an arm around Maddie, holding them both close for a
moment as Billy gurgled softly and blinked thoughtfully up at them.
"And with him and you both in my life... I think happiness may be a
fate I cannot avoid."
"There's worse fates," she told him, tilting her face up to kiss him
softly. Billy let out a mew and kicked his legs, and she chuckled.
"And I think this young man wishes to be dressed. Care to oversee me
in the ancient art of diaper-gami?"
Hank returned the kiss and smiled, releasing her and waving her to the
changing table with a florid bow. "It would be my honour, fair lady,
to observe your undoubtedly skillful performance," he said solemnly.
"Diaper on, I pray you."
* * *
After his talk with Maddie, Hank heads outside to get a little sunshine. He runs into Angelo on the porch, and they talk a little about at least one of the things that has been bothering Angelo. Hank lets him hold the baby, and offers to help in what other ways he can.
It was a warm, sunny afternoon, and if he was going to be going back on night-shifts for a week, Hank figured he and Billy should get some sunshine while they could. He'd tucked the baby into his sling and headed outside, taking along a book to read. "While the potential dangers of sunlight are not to be underestimated," he told Billy seriously, ambling out onto the porch, "nonetheless the healthful benefits of limited exposure to the sun overall outweigh the risks. Vitamin D is very important, for example, as I do not wish you to suffer from rickets, which are..." He paused, and blushed. He'd almost walked directly into Angelo, who had obviously been about to light a cigarette... and was now looking at him funny. No surprise, given what he'd been doing. "Good afternoon, Angelo. How are you?"
Angelo eyed the baby and put his cigarettes away, ruefully. "Not too bad. Think Billy there's a little bit young for the bio lectures..."
"Talking to babies is very important. And since he's too young to actually understand it as yet, I more or less rattle on about whatever comes to mind." Hank smiled at the younger man. He'd been tense and unhappy ever since Paige's return, and Hank had wanted to help, but hadn't been quite sure how. "Would you like to hold him?" he offered. Angelo seemed to like children, and Billy was very nice to hold... he very rarely cried or pooped when confronted with a new face.
Angelo blinked, then smiled tentatively. "Uh... if you don't mind, sure."
"Not at all." Hank lifted Billy carefully out of the sling, and tucked him into Angelo's arms. Angelo knew how to hold a baby, he noticed. Good. Billy had been asleep, and after blinking up at Angelo a couple of times, went straight back to it.
Angelo looked down at him, cradling him carefully. "He's good. Quiet." He glanced up at Hank. "How's Dani doin'? On her feet yet?"
"Cautiously, but she's doing fine." Hank smiled fondly at Billy. "And he's only quiet when he wants to be, believe me. You should hear him when he wants to be picked up. He sounds like an air-raid siren... not that you would ever have heard one of those."
"Ah, they know how to get what they want", Angelo answered with a faint grin. "Even this little."
"Oh, they do." Hank nodded, touching Billy's tiny hand gently with a large fingertip. "You like kids? Not everyone here does... I'm contemplating chasing Jake through the halls with him. I'm sure he'd run."
Angelo laughed, quietly so as not to wake the baby. "I'd pay to see that. An'... yeah, I do." Wistfulness, there.
"You want them, someday?" Hank asked softly, catching the wistfulness. "I know the feeling. I've wanted children for a long time... I was starting to think I'd never have the chance, when this little fellow came along."
"Always have", Angelo answered equally quietly. "It's... not somethin' I ever expected to get before I left LA, though, with the way I was livin'. Now... I don't know."
"Give it time." Hank smiled encouragingly at him. "I managed it, after all... admittedly, it took a while, but I got there." He touched Angelo's shoulder lightly. "You'll get there."
"Maybe. Someday." He paused, then asked quietly, "How's Paige?"
"She's doing a little better.... she's still in isolation, though. Even I'm not allowed to see her, as yet." Hank sighed. "I feel as though I let her down," he said quietly. "I think quite a few of us do."
"Yeah. Count me as one of 'em. I tried, though." His voice was faintly bitter.
Hank nodded. "I'm sure you did... which is more than I managed." He rested his hand on the younger man's shoulder again, not moving it away this time. "It's... hard... but as I keep relearning here, you can't help people if they won't let you," he said a little sadly. "There's no way to make someone talk if they don't want to."
"I feel like I should've known", Angelo muttered, focusing intently on the baby.
Hank nodded, and Billy sighed softly in his sleep as Angelo's arms tightened around him just a little. "I don't think she wanted you... or anyone... to know," he said gently. "Some people are like that. They don't want to admit that something's wrong, even when they should." Like Scott, for example...
"She said some things", Angelo started, then stopped and tried again. "In the letter she left me."
Hank nodded. "Like what?" he asked. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to..."
Angelo sighed, running a hand over the baby's head. "She knows I want... this." He nodded at Billy. "An' she doesn't. Ever."
Billy yawned, wriggling a little before settling down, his eyes never opening. Hank looked down at him and nodded slowly. "I... see. That is a problem," he admitted. "That kind of long-term incompatibility... it can cause a lot of problems." That was why he'd sounded Maddie out on the subject of children well before getting involved with her... as much as he cared for her, it wasn't something he'd have been willing to give up.
Angelo sighed and admitted quietly, "I know. An' I know we're not even nineteen, an' things might change... but I don't think they will."
Hank sighed. This was another problem he couldn't really help with... and it was a real problem, too, one that would leave Angelo unhappy no matter which way he went with it. "I decided, a while ago, that I couldn't be involved long-term with any woman who didn't want children," he said softly, touching Billy's cheek. "Of course, given my sparse dating history until quite recently, it was something of an academic decision at the time. But... it's important enough to me to be a deciding factor. Whether it is for you... that's up to you. But if you want to talk about it, I'll always be willing to listen."
Angelo smiled up at him faintly. "Thanks. I think... it might be. An' I think Paige knows it, like I said. I might've tried to work somethin' out, but... I don't know."
Hank nodded. "You have to do what's right for you... that's about all the advice I can give you right now." Billy started to whimper, and Hank took him back, cuddling him gently. "I think I have... what's right for me, I mean. It's a good feeling."
Angelo grinned crookedly. "I'm not sure it's one I've ever had. Not since I chose to leave LA with Scott, anyway."
Hank grinned suddenly. "and, of course, at such an advanced age of yours, your life's purpose should already be found and settled," he said solemnly. "I don't know what's to be done with you, I really don't."
Angelo couldn't help laughing. "Hey", he protested mildly. "I never thought I'd see 21 before I came here, or not outside a jail at least. I just... I wanna know what I should be doin'. An' I don't."
"I thought you wanted to be a cop?" Hank asked. "That seems like a good, solid ambition. To protect and to serve... it's more or less the same philosophy the teachers here live by. Although with us it's more 'to protect, to serve, and to give detention'."
"That's... yeah. I do. But I just... Nathan was sayin' at the weddin' I should see a bit of the world, an' I... maybe I'll just go, when I get my results. If I don't have to repeat again. Come back to America when I'm done."
Hank nodded. "A little adventure is good, too. The better one gets to know the world, the easier it is to find one's place in it, sometimes." He smiled. "Any thoughts on where you'd go?"
"Never been anywhere 'cept Muir, really." He didn't feel that Mexico counted. "So... not really. Just get the first cheap flight to anywhere, maybe."
Hank nodded. "If there's any way in which I can help, let me know. I have friends in many far-flung locations... at the least, I could line up a few places for you to crash and do some laundry."
Angelo turned to smile up at him gratefully. "That'd help a lot."
Hank smiled back. At least there was one problem here he could help with, albeit a minor one. "Let me know where you want to go, and I'll see who I know in the area. Academics move around a lot, so there's bound to be someone."
"Will do, when I know myself."
Hank nodded. "And now, Billy and I are going to go sit in the sunshine and read an exciting story entitled 'Readings in the History of the Ancient World', by McDermott and Caldwell." He grinned. "As long as I'm talking, he doesn't really mind what I read."
Angelo grinned. "Sounds like fun. Enjoy."
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