Log [Alison, Jay] Footprints...

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

Monday afternoon. Jay goes to meet Alison in her office after asking to speak to her about something music related. The talk covers an angle she was expecting to be approached on sooner or later.

Jay was humming some awfully but catchy pop song he'd heard on the radio as he walked down the hall to Alison's office with his guitar slung over his shoulder. His mood had improved over the past week or so since Forge left for his trip, and he didn't want to see it sink again. And he knew that she'd help out with that. She was cool like that. Getting her to say what he wanted to hear might require dazzling her with a demonstration of his musical prowess, but so be it.

Feet propped on her desk, humming a tune to herself as she eyed the web page she'd been looking at with a small smile, Alison waited. While classes were officially over, a music teacher's job was never actually done - and that meant meeting the smaller portion of her full time, year round students there no matter what time of the year it was, really. At least by appointment. Which one Jay Guthrie had requested, and for which one Alison Blaire had arrived for early. As, from the humming she was hearing seemed to indicate, had the bewinged boy himself.

Jay swore to himself that if he ever had the opportunity misfortune of meeting Kelly Clarkson, he'd smack her for writing such horrible songs. "Hey, Alison?" he called, knocking on the door and opening it but not stepping inside. "Thought Ah was a bit early. Mind if Ah come in?"

"Not one bit." With a last fond look at the computer screen, Alison reached over to flick it off, so as to not have any distractions during their talk. "Come on in and let me know what you wanted to talk about, mmm? I'm curious," she added, a touch deadpan.

Jay closed the door behind him as he entered, and rested his guitar against the chair he took a seat on. "So Ah've been, er, talkin' to some folk lately, and Ah saw that Ah've lost mah way," he said, trying to keep things as vague as possible. It was bad enough that Jean knew about his feelings for Forge. Alison didn't need to know, too. "Ah was wonderin' iffn ya had any advice. 'Bout gettin' back on track in the music biz, that is."

Leaning back in her chair, Alison tilted her head to the side. "Well, we've been over the whole work, work and more work. And hope for that lucky break." Sheer talent alone didn't cut it - there was always more to it than that. "Seems to me the simplest way to go about things would be to pick up where you left off. Auditions in the local area and all. Getting back on the horse, so to say."

Jay frowned, pushing unbidden images of Tommy from his mind. "Is it that easy?" he asked, his voice softening. "After ya go through what Ah did, can ya just get back on the horse? Or has it already just run away and now Ah've gotta go back ta the stables and train a new one?"

"Mmm. Has word that you're a mutant or that you were beaten up gotten around?" Alison said, not unkindly. "Maybe. Does it mean it affected what you did manage to achieve so far, that one gig and the second opportunity? I don't think so, no." Smiling a bit, she leaned forward, taking a slow breath and letting it out in pensive sigh. "Might people not even remember about the beating, or the one gig that happened? Hey, maybe so to that too. Will you remember what happened and wonder if it might again? Always. Whether that stops you or not is the one thing that rests entirely in your hands. It's your choice to make, Jay."

"A. It's pretty dang difficult ta ignore the blatant fact that Ah'm a mutant," Jay said, responding to each of Alison's questions in turn. "B. Ah dunno if everyone knows what happened, but Ah can't imagine that the folks in the club wouldn't remember what happened iffn they saw me again. And C . . . Ah can't forget. Hard ta forget somethin' like that. Even harder ta not wonder how it changed everythin'."

"I know. It takes away some of the magic in it all, whether you want it to or not. And no matter how hard you try, you can't help but wonder if it'll happen again. If the thing that gives you joy is tainted somehow." She traced out a pattern on her desk idly, shaking her head just a bit. "There's only one way to find out, isn't there?"

Jay nodded, not responding. Another moment of silence passed, and then he looked up at Alison. "What did you do?" he asked. "When you were threatened, Ah mean. By the fella that nearly knocked off Doug."

The question wasn't entirely unexpected, really. "I..." Time had colored events in a new shade, giving Alison another outlook on how things had happened. "I was terrified. I just wasn't willing to give up everything I'd worked so hard for. Not until he hurt someone." Anger was still there, in very healthy doses, and it glimmered in Alison's eyes for a moment. "Then I cut and run. No one else was going to get hurt because of him. Because of me. They just couldn't find him and I had no way so stop him myself. Back then."

"Ah know ya know who did It," Jay said softly, eyes darting around the room as if Tommy was hiding behind a chair and Jay was looking for him. "Had ta tell the Prof and Ah know he told ya and Summers and Munroe. But Ah ain't afraid of Him." He uttered the pronoun with an obvious capitalization. "Just the crazies like him. There're so many of 'em, y'know? Can't escape all of 'em. Ah was talkin' ta Forge a few days ago." He still blushed at saying his roommate's name and cursed himself for it. "Told him that Ah could just change and it'd all go away. But he said that ain't possible. Nor should Ah even try ta do it. And Ah know he's right. But still." And that was the only rebuttal he had to that. But still.

"Yeah, I know there are." It was stirring up memories Alison wished she'd left behind better that she apparently had. The sharp ache that had used to be associated to them hadn't dimmed, really. Yet, she told herself. "But you still wonder. What if he tries again, or what if someone else decides that they should pick up where he left off. What if they get it right this time. What if you went far enough away that it all just disappeared and you never had to think about it again..." Sighing softly, Alison shrugged a touch. "I'm not sure what to tell you, Jay. But yes, Forge is right. Nothing will make it go away. You just can't it control or define you. You have a chance to do that, you know. Take back what was yours. The question is, do you want it badly enough."

Jay thought about the question. And then he mentally smacked himself. Why was he even considering it? Of course he wanted it badly enough. It was the only thing he was absolutely sure that he ever wanted. Jay had many passions in his short life, but performing his music for people was by far the strongest one.

"Ah do," he said with conviction. "Ah want it. Ah want ta be the biggest thing that's happened ta rock since the Beatles." High hopes (and likely unrealistic), but stardom is powered by dreams. "Ah want everyone ta know mah name. Ah want for mutants ta see me and feel like they're part of society, that we ain't segregated. Ah want queers ta look at me and feel proud, feel like they can move up and be open 'bout who they are. And Ah want the folk who bashed me ta know that they're the failures, the losers, the trash. Ah want 'em ta see nuthin' but filth every time they look in the mirrors."

Jay couldn't help but smile as he said these words. It felt good to be a romantic sometimes. "That's what Ah want."

Smiling at that, Alison nodded. "Well then. I guess you know what your next step is, huh?" The road was built one flagstone at a time, after all. She'd come out as a mutant for reasons of her own - some of which matched his, and others not. "I'll help you where I can - but it'll always be your dreams that take you wherever you go."

"Ah'd be a fraud iffn Ah asked someone else ta do all mah work," Jay informed Alison. His heart felt much lighter now that he'd had this talk. As much as Forge and Terry and his other friends had helped him through his ordeal, speaking with Alison did the most good, because she had been through pretty much the same thing. And while no two experiences are alike, knowing that Alison had survived through similar circumstances and still came out on top gave Jay hope.

Grinning suddenly, Alison winked. "Well, that and lip synching can only take you so far." She was hardly being a hypocrite, telling Jay to follow his dreams. After all, she'd done just that herself, not long ago. Taken out one she'd set aside and looked it over carefully, before dusting it off and... taking it in a different direction that it had originally been meant to go in. The look on his face drew a small laugh from her - it was all warmth. "It'll be ups and downs, staying on that road. Door's always open to talk about it, if you want."

Jay was well aware that he sounded like one of those chicks who goes to Hollywood sure that she'll make it big. All starry-eyed and hopeful. And he appreciated that Alison wasn't poking and popping his dream bubbles with a pin. "Thanks. Ah was actually working on somethin' new recently, iffn ya'd like ta hear it . . ." Pander to my ego! the look on his face seemed to cry out.

Alison knew the look only too well, having worn it often herself. "Oh, I think I can spare a little bit of time for that, yeah," she drawled out, gesturing towards the couch for Jay to settle upon. The chairs in her office had arms upon them, which made guitar playing something of a challenge.

"Have a seat, young man. Let's hear what you got."