xp_logs | Amanda, Manuel, Madelyn

The Quest for Cute continues. Around about the same time as this thread in Manuel's journal Amanda's withdrawal symptoms get too much for either of them to handle and Manuel takes her down to medlab. After an anti-nausea shot and flight from the Dreaded Medlab, they talk some more, and Manuel gives Amanda a most unexpected gift. And gets to watch her fall asleep again.

This was seriously getting old. Ancient, even. Amanda retched helplessly, nothing coming up this time since her stomach was beyond empty, and sat back from the toilet bowl limply. Back to square one again. At least this time she was dressed, at least nominally - one of Manuel's t-shirts and a pair of his bike shorts, since she hadn't had a chance to get her clothes from her room. A couple of tears squeezed their way out from under her closed eyes. Fuck. Being dead would be preferable to this.

Manuel, sitting at his computer with his headphones on, nevertheless turned to face the bathroom door. "'Manda?" he asked, too-loudly. "Everything all right in there? It doesn't feel all right. Do you want my help?"

Amanda started to answer, but was interrupted by another wave of cramping and she hung over the toilet again. 'I'm so not all right it ain't funny,' she thought bleaky as she heaved. The wave passed, and she leaned her forehead against the cool porcelain. "No," she managed to choke out, all the while sending 'help me!' feelings down the link. "Can't stop... being s..." Another bout of retching seized her and she gagged uselessly.

Manuel removed his headphones and then darted over to the bathroom door. "I'm coming in!" he announced politely (a first for him!) before opening the door. "You're a mess!" he exclaimed. "Do you want to go down to Medical? You just threw up water. I'm not sure I can do anything more for you."

Fuck but she hated medlab, but she knew enough to know she needed help. Magic was no good when she couldn't concentrate long enough to cast the healing spell, and she'd used her anti-nausea potion supplies on Paul. "Think 'm gunna have to," she said weakly. "Yer've been doin' wonders, but 's too bad..." She rested her head on the arm that was still braced against the toilet bowl. "I feel like such a fuckin' idiot, gettin' meself into this state," she half-whimpered, tears mixing with the sweat on her face.

Manuel took some of the toilet paper and dabbed at Amanda's face tenderly. "You fought as hard as you could for as long as you could. Now we go get help, so we can continue the fight." he said, then picked Amanda up off the floor. "Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you?"

Amanda tried taking a step, but her legs were wobbling too much. "Can you carry me?" she asked, hating the helpless tone of her voice - she sounded like a small, sick child. At least she wasn't weighing much at the moment... "Don't think I could walk three steps right now."

"I can do that." he said, easily picking her up and cradling her in his arms. He walked out of his room, and then down to Medical - his eyes glowing so as to avoid anyone seeing her. "OK, here you go. I have Madelyn's attention, she'll be here as quickly as she can." Or as quickly as he wanted her to, but he left that unsaid.

"Great, Doctor Hard Facts t' the rescue," Amanda grumbled a bit, but her relief at the thought of not being sick any more was palpable. And speaking of which... She was retching into a stainless steel bowl Manuel had quickly found for her when Madelyn came in.

"Nice to see you aren't adverse to seeing sense," she told Manuel briskly, but there was a slight tinge of tension in her posture, a skittishness in the way she refused to meet his eyes. "Although next time, use the phone rather than your powers to get my attention?"

"I really didn't have the time to spare." Manuel growled. "Just go do what you need to do so she can hold down water."
"How long has she been like this?" Madelyn asked, laying her hand on Amanda's forehead and noting the clamminess, and the pallour of her skin.

"Last day... or so," Amanda replied, trying not to pull away from the doctor's hands. "An' 'she's' sittin' right here."

"You should have come down sooner," Madelyn told her smoothly, finishing her examination and crossing to the locked cupboard that held their drugs supplies. She selected the appropriate bottle and prepared a syringe. "Just hold still and this will stop the nausea, at least long enough for your system to adjust."

"She didn't want to." he explained, and waited as patiently as he could for Madelyn to be finished with her doctor-stuff. Today was not a good shielding day, and the sooner he was out of Medical, the happier he'd be. "And I can take care of her."

Amanda blanched at the sight of the needle and forced herself to stay still whilst Madelyn rolled up the leg of her borrowed shorts and wiped a patch of skin on her thigh with the sterile swab. "Manny's been doin' all right," she said defensively. "An' Moira's been checkin' on me when she can."

"A book of healing spells doesn't make you an expert on health, kiddo," Madelyn murmured, uncapping the syringe and preparing to inject the drug. "Hold still, this will sting for just a minute."

Manuel grabbed for Amanda's hand, and used his power to reassure both of them - as Amanda's panic was starting to feed the fires of his own, and if he flipped out, everyone was going to be in A Lot Of Trouble. "Once she stabilizes a bit, she can Heal herself." he said, mostly to reassure himself.

"I'm sure she can, but in the meantime, how about we give science a try, hmm?" Madelyn finished injecting the drug and taped a spot of cotton wool over the top of the mark. "That should give you some breathing room, kiddo, but as soon as it wears off, I want you to call Moira or me for another shot, all right? I'll be sending her up to check on you, any way."

Amanda loosened the white-knuckled grip she had on Manuel's hand - needles always freaked her out. "I will," she said, although less-than-convincingly.

"I've had my fill of better living from a needle." Manuel said bitterly. "Come on, Amanda, let's get out of here."

Madelyn shook her head as Manuel helped the still-wobbly girl to her feet. "Once she can, make sure she gets plenty of fluids. Water's good, but something like Gatorade to replace the enzymes she's lost, or fruit juice," she cautioned, struggling to hold off the irritation dealing with Manuel always left in her. Not to mention the slight wiggins she was going to have later as a result of him using his power on her.

Manuel nodded. "Got all of those things already. I raided the fridge." Manuel could sense the irritation, and right now it really, really got on his nerves. What had _HE_ ever done to HER? Nothing! So why was she so irritated at him? He was tempted to just change it - powerfully tempted. But then he looked at the very wobbly wytch at his side, and decided that it could wait. "How long should I wait before trying to get her to drink?" he asked as he picked Amanda up to carry her back upstairs.

"About half an hour should do it. Sooner, if she hasn't been sick for a while." Madelyn set about putting things away. "And I know you don't like coming here, but if she gets worse, please, call one of us?"

Amanda, for her part, was letting the words wash over her as she fought off another wave of dizziness. She was missing food, all right. Manuel was there, though, his arms around her something solid in a world that was getting fuzzy.

"I'll think about it. Will your attitude be better by then?" he snapped, then walked out of the Medlab. God, but Medlab did horrid things to his state of mind! He carried Amanda back up to his room, again using his social-invisibility weave to protect her privacy. "We're back now." he said, tucking her into his bed carefully. "I'll get you a small glass of juice and something to retch into, OK?"

Amanda nodded wearily, glad to be back somewhere safe. And Manuel's room _was_ safe. No-one tended to come and bother her here. "Yer a marvel, love," she said with a weak smile. "Lookin' after me like this."

"It is the least I can do. You would do the same for me, if our positions were reversed." he said, basking in the SAFE feeling he was getting. "I don't have anyone else to lean on, you know. So you need to get better so we can go do something fun."

"'M always here when you need me," she murmured, closing her eyes and then opening them again as that made the dizziness worse. "An' we will. Do somethin' fun. Tho' if it's away from the school, you might have t' wait until 'm not grounded any more. Last thing I want is everyone on me back again."

"We'll think of something. You still owe me from England." he said with an affectionate smirk as he fetched Beverage and Trash Can. "Here, try this." he said, pouring a little bit of the apple juice Amanda normally liked into a cup, but keeping the trash can ready just in case.

"Don't remind me," Amanda said with a roll of her eyes as she pushed herself a little more upright to take the juice. She sipped cautiously, the tiniest of mouthfuls, and waited for the inevitable. Which didn't happen - the juice stayed down, and she followed it up with another sip. "Fuck but that tastes good," she said, smiling.

"Of course it does. I know what you like." he said with a grin. "One of the very small compensations for this ... thing I have. Here, let me top of your glass." he said and expertly poured the juice, stopping just at the right point. "Nice and slow."

She nodded, managing to have another couple of sips before the nausea rose again. "That'll do for now," she said, taking a couple of deeps breaths and willing the sensation to go away. Manuel took the cup from her and put it on the nightstand, and she caught at his hand. "There's lots of compensations," she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "You just have t' see 'em, is all."

"I'm not." he said. "Well, not really. I can figure out what you like and what you don't just by looking. Go me. It's not worth all the pain, though." he said. "Four people in Medlab because I didn't use it. My heart and my friend clawing each other bald because I did. I can't win!"

"Me an' Nate, an' fuck knows how many other people at Columbia not dead 'cause of you," she reminded him quietly, tugging on his hand so he sat on the bed. "You keepin' me sane these past couple of days, when if I'd been on me own, I would've had t' have been tied t' a bed in medlab or drugged t' the eyeballs. Or sent back t' Rom."

Manuel allowed himself to be dragged down onto the bead. "Forty-two fatalities and you abused in Columbia." he added quietly. "I don't regret for a second helping you with your addiction, but I don't need my empathy for that. Or do I? Do I need it to even try to be a decent person?"

"No, you don't, but you can use it t' help me more than anyone else can - you can take away the feelin's for a bit, make 'em manageable... I wouldn't be thinkin' straight if it weren't for that. An' you didn't kill those forty-two people at Columbia. Those fuckers from Mistra did it. You weren't even there, so how is it yer fault?" Amanda sat up a bit higher so she could look him in the face without craning her neck. "An' they would've done a lot worse t' me than you did if they'd decided t' take me with them." She was tired, but this was important. "You don't need the power t' be a decent person, any more than I need mine. But it doesn't mean you can't be a decent person either."

Manuel looked - skeptical. "Maybe. Maybe not. I triggered them remotely, through you. Through you, and then them, I killed." he said quietly. "We don't need to talk about this right now. You're sick, and I am in a really foul mood. I've been trying to take some responsibility for not stopping Shiro, and Nathan seems to think that me letting Shiro blow himself up was A-OK. Did I also mention that he's dropping my lessons entirely?"

"They'd already been killin' before you got involved - if anythin', you stopped 'em killin' more." Stubbornly Amanda kept hold of Manuel's hand, not wanting him to go. "I was there, I saw what they were doin', Manny. Saw the people burnin'..." Her voice caught and she swallowed. "I thought I heard shoutin' earlier. Was that you two?"

Manuel nodded. "Dammit, I tried to tell him to keep it down!" he hissed quietly. "I am sorry for interrupting your sleep. But yes, he's given up on me. Claims that I'm not listening, that he can't force himself to continue our lessons. He made some noises about the Askani and the Astral Plane, but I can't get to the Astral, I'm no telepath. So I am, once again, alone. Except for you, maybe Jubilee and Shinobi - or maybe not. No, I think it's just you and me now."

"'S all right, you didn't really bother me..." Amanda heard the pain in his voice, and felt a stab of anger at Nathan. They were leaving her with the bag again, just when she was least able to carry it. Then she reminded herself Nathan wouldn't do that to her - there would have to be some kind of backup plan, something involving the professor or one of the other telepaths, if the Askani and the astral plane were involved... She'd have to talk to one of them later. "Have you tried talkin' t'... Lee?" she asked, saying the name with only a degree of the irritation she normally felt.

Manuel nodded. "Just briefly. She's got a lot of her own stuff to chew through." he said. "And classes start up soon. I've signed up for a good bit - perhaps foolishly. I am taking Nathan's International Affairs course. It is something I want to learn, and I think he wll be fair to me, even after all of this." He quirked his head as he felt out Amanda's emotions. "You're upset. I've upset. Wait - not me. Nathan? Or the situation between us?"

"A bit of both," Amanda admitted. "I'll be straight with you Manny, I'll always be here for you when you need me, but... well, yer've seen what I get like under pressure. I can't help you alone. So Nate's classes... they made me feel better 'bout it all, 'bout our chances of stoppin' you from bein'..." She paused, then plunged in, knowing he would be upset, possibly angry, but too tired and sick to pussyfoot around. "Stoppin' you from turnin' into the man I saw in yer dreams. The one in the chair."

Manuel slumped, defeated. "I know. I am not an easy person to get along with. I feel everything too deeply and I say what I feel without thinking. But the classes are done now - he will have nothing more to do with them. I don't know what to do now." he said, stifling a few sniffles. "Marie-Ange tells me I think in black-and-white. That I don't see possibilities, alternatives. Her favorite word to describe me is stupid. And she's probably right."

"She's not. 'Least 'bout you bein' stupid. Yer stubborn an' a right git sometimes, but you ain't stupid." Amanda leaned forward, slipping her arms around his shoulders. "There's always alternatives," she told him, rubbing his back gently as she hugged him. "That's what Rom an' Strange're teachin' me. T' see that there's always alternatives, an' t' pick the one that'll do the least harm. Nate won't have left you out t' dry - he's not like that. He'll have made other arrangments." And if he hadn't, she decided, she was going to poke him. A lot.

Manuel leaned into the hug gratefully. "I really don't mean to be so difficult. But I get so angry, and I can't see a way out, so I attack." he admitted. "I don't know - I felt how he felt. Which reminds me - I have something for you." He broke off the hug, climbed out of bed, and walked over to his desk. Opening his top drawer, he pulled out a remote-control with a single button on it. "I want you to have this." he said, tossing the remote control onto the bed. "Do you know what it is?"

Aamnda picked it up, turning it over curiously. "What is it?" she asked, not pushing the button yet in case something went BOOM by accident.

"That's the remote control to my dampener." he said bitterly, sitting back down on the bed. "Nathan gave it to me as a final test. And I want you to have it. You can either shut me down cold or open me up all the way with that thing."

Her hands froze in the act of examining the control. "You... what?" she breathed, surprised and shocked and somehow touched by the gesture. "You sure 'bout this? After Asgard..."

Manuel nodded. "I am sure." he said. "You - I trust you. More than anyone. I don't even trust myself all that much." he said, laying down next to Amanda. "If I am to have a leash, I want you to hold it." he said. "My other choice was Marie-Ange. As she hates my power and everything I've done with it, she would just elect to turn it off and keep it that way."

"I dunno 'bout that - I think she'd surprise you..." Amanda said, looking from the control to the dampener on his wrist, the ring of scar tissue on the other. "An' thank you, love. For trustin' me. I ain't sure I deserve it, but it means a lot." Her voice caught again as she said the words. "Do you want me t' turn it off?" she asked, when she could.

Manuel shook his head. "No, right now that would be a very bad idea. I am not in the best of moods, and I cannot guarantee that I would not leak it to others. And you need to rest and heal, remember?" he said with as close to a real smile as he could muster. "I asked Dr MacTaggert for help with my power. But only the shielding - since it scares people so much when I project or when I make changes, I won't learn how to do any more with that. Just the shielding."

"When you think yer ready, you tell me," she said with a nod, understanding where he was coming from. Then she smiled. "See? Alternatives? Yer learnin'."

"Maybe. But when I say this to, say, Nathan, he goes off on tirades about not fearing myself or fearing my power and accepting who I am and all that sort of thing. I don't know what the HELL people want from me anymore! Am I supposed to use it or not? Am I supposed to learn how to use it, or just learn how not to use it? It would be easier if it were gone - but that would do horrible things to you, and I've done enough horrible things to you already." he whined.

"Nate wants you t' be able t' decide whether t' use it or not, for yerself. Dependin' on the situation." Amanda slid down in the bed until she was flat again, grabbing Manuel's hand again and pulling his arm around her. She was getting sleepy again, and the conversation was wearing her out. "Talk t' Moira 'bout all this - she's good at seein' things clearly, an' she don't have the issues with empathy Nate has."

"I will." he promised her. "And the problem with that is that my judgement is pretty lousy. I get ... emotional." he said with a self-mocking smile. "When people get emotional, they don't think."

"You need t' learn how t' distance yerself, like me with the magic..." Amanda's tone was getting more and more drowsy. "Did Rom show you those meditation drills? She said she would."

"She did. They don't help me much." he said. "I'll have to try harder. Sleep now, love. Sleep." And he waited until her breathing was deep and regular before withdrawing his arm and just ... watching her sleep.