xp_logs | Thermopylae - In all the empty places (part 2)

The Blackbird and the taskforce planes arrive in Galicia, where MacInnis, Morgan, Foley, and Anika are waiting for them. Final preparations are made, and a few members of the team enjoy a last moment of calm before the storm.

~*~

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
-Epicurus

~*~

"Here they come."

It was Anika who spoke first, her much sharper eyes picking out the dots in the distance. "Three planes," she went on. "The Blackbird, I'm assuming, and the two C-130s." She looked back at MacInnis almost challengingly. "As expected."

MacInnis grunted, not rising to the bait. He hadn't slept in two days, hadn't had more than a couple of hours of sleep per night for the preceding five, and he wasn't in the mood for this argument. "Our people ready yet?"

"Almost," Mick said quietly from beside her. "By the time we're done with the briefings, they will be."

MacInnis nodded. "Good," he said gruffly, and turned away. "You two can greet them. I have some things to check on." Lose himself in some of the necessary preparations. That was the ticket. The last thing he wanted was to be taking out his nerves on someone who didn't deserve it, and have Timothy growling at him for it. Wouldn't be a good start to the day.

"I think he's nervous," he heard Anika murmur to Mick as he walked away.

"Shh."

"I didn't think he could be nervous."

Surprise, sweetheart. I'm human after all, MacInnis thought with a inward sigh, heading in the direction of the hangar.

~*~

He was grateful for the stop in Galicia; as much as he hadn't particularly enjoyed his week here, a break in the flight and some nice, peaceful scenery were very helpful things at the moment. Leaning on his psimitar, Nathan stared out at the rugged landscape, peripherally aware of the government teams unloading their helicopters from the cargo plane, reorganizing for the hop to Youra.

MacInnis was around here somewhere, surely. He had no particular desire to seek him out. And Tim or Mick or Ani would find him again, once they were ready.

Haroun walked up to sit down next to Nathan. "Nice new stick you've got there." he said, nudging his psimitar with his foot. "Hadn't figured you for a long-pole type, with all the work you put in with knives."

"It's not a stick," Nathan said with a faint smile. "It's a psimitar. Forge built it for me."

"So what's it do, besides support your worthless frame when you sprain your brain again?" he teased with a grin. "I'm guessing that it's some sort of focused totality of your telekinetic might or something like that?"

Nathan gazed down at him for a moment, then leveled the psimitar at a nearby rock. It disintegrated into dust with a muffled explosion. No one came running, thankfully.

"No spillover," he said, patterns spinning through his mind, then fading back into the 'real' world around him. "Better focus of more power than I can manage on my own. It's the primary weapon of the Askani psis, Haroun."

Haroun grinned. "Figured it might be something like that. It's very pretty." he said, admiring the weapon for a second. "Must be nice," he said, with a moment of envy leaking through to his voice.

Nathan gave her a level look. "Let's not start that, okay? What you do is going to be just as necessary on that island. Maybe more so. Mistra's got entirely too many flyers. We can't let them have the sky."

Haroun grinned. "Trust me - they won't have the sky. We've got me, Sam, Warren, even Kurt can help scour the skies. Don't worry yourself overmuch - Allah will provide." he said with a pious gesture - just because he knew it would irritate Nathan some.

Nathan rolled his eyes - couldn't disappoint, after all. His tone was more serious as he went on. "To be honest, Haroun... I'd be more than happy to see my atheism proved wrong today."

"You must be worried." he said with a laugh. "I, for one, have no fears on that score. Allah will provide, and the day will be ours. Mine is a warrior faith, you know. No rules against violence like the Christians and the Jews. To strike down a foe for the Lord is no sin."

"I'm not worried," Nathan said, not entirely convincingly. "I'm just..." He paused, trying to find the right words. "I don't see tomorrow, Haroun."

"Welcome to how we all live life." he said, thumping Nathan across the shoulders in a friendly way. "Where each day is a surprise, where each day brings a new surprise from God. I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe it is because we are at the center of momentous things, where the world revolves around the acts we perform under God's watchful eye."

Nathan made a skeptical noise, well aware that he was letting his nerves come out and play. But he could trust Haroun not to react badly to that, he knew. Oh, he might get a kick in the ass if Haroun deemed it necessary, but there'd be no pointing and indignant declarations about knowing that he wouldn't be able to handle this.

"How do you win the battle if you have no conception of the morning after?" Nathan asked, frustrated. "I've always fought to get through, to the other side, and I can't see it, Haroun. I can't wrap my mind around it."

Haroun shrugged. "No man can truly know God's Will. And you need to open your eyes, Nathan. You have plenty waiting for you on the other side. She's about that tall, red hair, starting to show just a little? You know, her? If she's not enough for you to make it through to tomorrow, maybe you can take heart in pulling the lever and watching Mistra hang."

"I know, I just..." Nathan trailed off, closing his eyes. "Don't know what's wrong with me," he muttered, breathing in the fresh, clean air, tracing a meditative pattern in his mind. "Pre-action nerves are so not me."

"Apparently they are, when the stakes are high enough." he said. "I will confess to not sleeping well last night - and not for pleasant reasons." he said with a waggle of his eyebrows. "I would say it's a good sign. You're just as human as any of us. We get nervous, we contemplate our place in the Divine Plan, we know how much is riding on what we do and we fear. It's perfectly normal - I know it won't paralyze you when the hammer finally does fall."

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "So what you're saying," he said dryly, "is that you have faith in me?"

Haroun nodded. "Of course. As I would hope that you had some in me, in the team, in what we're doing here. Does this surprise you?" he asked, honestly curious and not shy about sharing it.

"I... it's just the way some of the others are thinking," Nathan said a bit restlessly. "Wondering if I can handle this. And I'm not with MacInnis' ex-operatives because I don't think, deep down, that they could trust me the way they can trust Tim and Mick. Tim and Mick never betrayed them. I just feel like I'm not quite in any one place, here."

"Are you looking for validation?" Haroun laughed. "You know damned well it's not going to happen. Are you doing the right thing, for the right reasons? Can you stand up and honestly say that you are? If so, then everything else will take care of itself."

He supposed he was, in some ways. Wanting someone to tell him, once this was all said and done, that he'd done everything that he could, that he'd... redeemed myself? Fuck. Nathan closed his eyes again. "Ask me tomorrow morning?" he asked quietly, his eyes still closed.

"I'll hold you to that." he said quietly, then leaned back and looked out over the scenery. "Weather is supposed to be good tomorrow, even without Storm's meddling." he commented lightly.

"I've always liked the Aegean," Nathan said. "I should ask Moira if she wants to go back to Santorini this summer." Now the conversation was feeling a little surreal. "Would be nice to visit the island when I'm not hobbling around on crutches."

Haroun looked south for a moment and his lips twisted into a smile. "I'm the closest I've ever been to home in months." he said. "A shame I can't stop by on the way home."

"GW told me that last package you sent your parents was delivered safe and sound," Nathan said after a moment. "Mentioned that in the email on Wednesday... slipped my mind with everything that was going on."

"Oh good." he said with a grin. "That's always a relief. Hopefully I'll get another missive from home soon." he said as he basked in the sunshine. "Things are going well for them, or so I hear."

"GW will keep getting your letters and packages through," Nathan said almost absently. "Whatever happens. That was one of the things I asked him."

Haroun frowned at Nathan. "Now is not the time for negative thinking." he warned with a waggle of his finger. "You know that."

"Prepare for the worst, hope for the best," Nathan retorted. "Don't tell me you've never done the same."

"But always keep your mind on the positive. You of all people should know the power of positive thinking. Leave the pessimism for those of us whose job it is to anticipate contingencies." Haroun said. "Command's been running itself ragged trying to plan this thing out."

"I'm saving it for when we're on the ground," Nathan murmured. "For the inevitable duel between our collective willpower and the shitty tactical situation..."

"No kidding. We've got the will - and we've got it to spare. But the situation is truly shitty, so personally, I'm leaving it up to God." he said with a grin and a gesture skywards.

Nathan shook his head, unable to help a slight smile. "Like a compass swinging back to north," he said, and it wasn't the gentle jab he'd intended to be. In fact, it came out more envious-sounding than anything else, which left him feeling rather taken aback.

"God helps those who help themselves." he said with a grin. "He's not going to give it to you just because you want it really badly. We have a plan, we've got the people, and we're doing the Right Thing for the Right Reasons."

"Is he always this confident?" The voice was Anika's, as she came up the hill behind them, moving soundlessly even on the uneven ground. In black body armor, her pale blonde hair braided tightly to her skull, she grinned widely at the two of them. "You," she said to Haroun, "are cordially invited to get your very cute ass back down there and supervise refueling that pretty, pretty jet of yours, by the way."

Haroun hopped down and kissed his fingertips, then touched his forehead and raised that hand to the sky - a fairly standard Muslim benediction, truth be told. "From your mouth to God's ear, I go." he said with a laugh, and just for her worked in a little extra hip-wiggle as he walked off.

"Flirt," Nathan called out after him accusingly, but couldn't help a grin. It faded a little, but just a little, as he looked back down at Ani. "The others are ready?"

She nodded, the smile still playing on her lips. "Waiting for you. Very Round-Tableish feel to the whole thing," she said, quietly but firmly. Nathan's eyes widened a little, and she laughed softly, reaching out and taking his arm. "You do realize that Tim is just Lancelot," she said as they headed back down the hill. "And perfectly happy to be."

"Ani, this isn't going to be one of those terribly labored metaphors of yours, is it?"

"Zip it, Art."

"Ani..."

~*~

"If that helicopter's not loaded in five minutes I'm coming back and doing it myself," Tim snapped irritably at the two total strangers who were noticeably lagging at getting the aircraft ready to go. MacInnis had surprised him with what appeared to be a fully staffed private airfield, not fifty kilometers from the Galicia safehouse, and Tim really didn't like surprises. Stomping away, he headed back in the direction of the hangar, checking his watch. Just about time for that briefing.

"You stomp even without the exoskeleton," a voice called out, just loudly enough to be overheard by him over the sound of preparations and people rushing by, shouting orders and generally trying to get things sorted out as quickly as possible. Standing nearby, apparently unbothered by the weather though the front of her leathers weren't done up entirely in tribute to the weather, Alison offered Tim a faint smile, before starting to pick her way towards him through all the gear and boxes between them.

Tim opened his mouth to growl at her - then stopped, took a deep breath, and offered a more grudgingly moderate response than the one that had almost slipped out there. "I don't like incompetence. Or surprises. And incompetent surprises make me very pissy." He took a deep breath, shrugging his shoulders a little in an attempt to banish the tension. "And I do not usually get this tense before an operation. But, big day."

"Yes, it is," she agreed easily, remembering the earlier conversation with Nathan. "Walk with me a bit?" The question was asked politely, but Alison walked ahead calmly, pausing only once to look over her shoulder when he lagged behind. "We have a bit of time now - there won't be any later though, what with the busy and all."

Tim opened his mouth, then closed it again, grumbling to himself as he followed her. He could use a few minutes to clear his head, really. If Mick caught him stomping around he'd start giving him that annoying sideways look. And Ani would poke him. "I checked on the refueling of the Blackbird. Looks like everything's under control over there."

"That would be because Scott is hovering over them and Haroun is stomping around looking as though he'll feed them the pumps if they so much as scratch Betty," Alison replied serenely, using her nickname for the Blackbird just because she could. And she didn't at all give Tim an amused look, as she slowly led him towards the quieter areas of the airfield, where one might perhaps get a glimpse of the more natural vistas of the area.

"Slow-ass air crews aside, everything's pretty much ready," Tim said, following her. "And I made sure my people know the deployment plan inside and out. In fact I had them reciting it at breakfast this morning."

Alison blinked, then laughed at that, shaking her head - only Haroun had managed to draw that from her thus far this morning, through various methods both fair and vastly outrageous, when no one was looking. "Somehow, I can see you doing that too," she said, voice rife with amusement.

"My approach has always been a little more authoritarian than Nate's ever was," Tim said, then shook his head. Still making the comparisons, even now. "I like to think of it as being more fair," he said, trying to make it a joke. "Nate was far too fond of letting us go our own way unless we went too far. At which point he'd drop a mountain on your head."

"Gee, I never would have guessed Tim." Alison winked at him to take the sting out of the comment, and then suddenly stopped, eyes widening just a touch. "Well. Mountains, huh? That explains those little stick figure drawings he was doing, complete with mountain falling on the head of stick figure me."

"Oh, you got threatening doodles, did you?" Tim snickered, shaking his head again. "He used to do that in briefings. I remember one time one of the directors went ghost-white and ran right out of the room when she caught Nathan drawing a cartoon her with half a dozen little knives sticking out of her back and the rest of us standing around pointing and laughing."

"I kept 'em," Alison informed him cheerfully. "Currently framed in my office and he has no clue yet, but any of the students who walk in and ask about it get told it was done by him. The think the little 'grr' scribbles next to his stick figure are pretty funny, really." Getting him to actually snicker was probably worth a few points, she decided. And he was relaxing now, his walk a bit longer and less about the stomping around.

"Framed." Tim bit his lip to suppress the laughter. "A Dayspring original... I'm all envious now." A sudden thought hit him and he stopped, waving a hand at Alison when she paused, turning back towards him. "No, stay right there. Just going to try something." He switched on his exoskeleton, feeling a distinct release of tension as he levitated smoothly upwards into the heart of it. It rippled and flashed, excess energy resettling itself, and he breathed out on a sigh of relief. "Better. Much better."

"Nervous energy being a pain, huh?" It made sense. Her own power was influenced by her emotions as well, though less so these days - except for certain special occasions, and thankfully she didn't glow like a silly thing at the thought, though perhaps it was the knowledge of what they were about to do, and all that might happen in the doing.

"Just a little." He switched the exoskeleton back off, sinking gently to the ground. "You'll note I put myself outside, through most of the deployment plan. The damned thing's awkward in close quarters and I'd prefer not to be taking out buildings by accident if at all possible."

Alison winced just a bit at that, remembering a mall pretty much razed to the ground. "Yeah. Not by accident would be good. We've got a fair amount of elbow room outside at least, with the way they seem to have laid out their facilities on the island."

"Yeah," Tim said speculatively, his eyes fixed on the scenery. "Not easily defended, either, apart from the core buildings. I really think we can pull this off."

Eyeing him contemplatively, Alison tilted her head to the side. "Have you thought of what you'll do after?" He'd gone from de-conditioned to focused on doing this, what they were about to attempt, with no pause in between, after all. He'd have to ask himself this once it was all done and said.

"After?" He looked at her blankly for a moment. "Uh, no," he finally said, realizing that yes, she was indeed waiting for an answer. "Been a little busy, with all of this... plus it's kind of hard to see beyond it at the moment even when I do try." He offered a faint, embarassed grin. "Nate's offered to find me a girlfriend. Apparently it's incumbent upon the happily engaged to matchmake for their friends."

She snickered softly at that, shoulders shaking a bit with silent laughter. "He was positively insufferable on Tuesday." At his questioning look, she clarified, eyes softening slightly as she spoke. "Mm. Haroun moved into my - our - rooms the night before. "You could always make that your next move. Trump Nathan and find a girlfriend all on your own like a big boy, mm?"

"I wouldn't have the foggiest idea where to start," Tim said a bit woefully, the strangeness of having this discussion, now, not even hitting him. "Haven't precisely had a lot of an experience. The closest thing I ever had to a relationship was with Hope..." He noticed Alison's questioning look and shrugged. "One of the members of Nate's old team, the ones that died in China."

"Aaah." She nodded in understanding, but kept the tone light nonetheless. "Makes you ripe for the plucking, that," Alison teased him gently, resuming their walk - still not heading back to the airstrip. "Seriously though. It's not like you won't have the time to ease into things and all." The realities of what they were about to attempt nonetheless, it was fun to tease Tim this way, she discovered.

"I suppose. Part of me just wants to go somewhere quiet for a while," Tim said, surprised by the fact that the words were actually coming out of his mouth. "Just to rest," he muttered a bit reluctantly. "If that makes any sense."

"Aaah. A vacation." Mundane, every day world wants and needs. "Of course it makes sense. Pick a location and just head off, nothing to worry about or plan for or prepare against." She smiled a bit, as they rounded off the perimeter walk and angled back towards the airstrip. "Take time for yourself."

"And I don't have to worry about--" Tim cut himself off, giving her a thoughtful look. "Did Nathan ever tell you that when he left Mistra he, uh, 'liberated' one of their slush funds?" He smiled a little wryly. "One of the things he did before we left for Galicia last month was set up a separate account for me and deposit a pretty sizeable chunk of it. More than enough money to live for the rest of my life on, quite honestly, given that none of us are used to much of a standard of living." He fell silent, thoughtful. "Apparently he did the same for Ani and Mick, too, when they both first got out. He told me that he wanted us to be able to decide to take off and lose ourselves, or find ourselves, without having to worry about supporting ourselves."

"I'd heard something about that, though not all of it." It made sense that Nathan would do that for them, though, and hardly anything to be surprised at. "Some people never even think to stop to actually try and find themselves." The comment was out of the blue, surprising even herself and Alison shrugged a bit at him - and continued. "Sometimes, in some circumstances, the safest thing for you to do is to know yourself. It gives one steady piece of ground you just can't be shaken from, no matter what else happens, you know? Even when you find out more, it's more about adding to what you already have, instead of turning everything inside out."

"Your boyfriend said something very similar to me," Tim said a bit dryly. "Not on Thursday, but the last time I was there... that I needed to find out who I was beyond the, what was his phrase, 'big-brained stone-cold killer' or some such thing." He sighed. "He did have a point. Couched as it was in other comments that made me want to put him through a wall." He blinked and gave her a sudden, apologetic look. "Not that I would have done that, really. I swear."

"He doesn't understand the pack social structure - not emotionally," Alison said, simply. The rest was all Haroun and she wasn't surprised at what he said, really. "He earns his way through a wall sometimes, though it's not from malice. And sometimes he says things that make me wonder how anyone could be so wise. He's very much about extremes, in some ways. I wonder how we found each other like we did, sometimes. There's so many differences, so much that could have-" she stopped, and smiled a bit mistily. "Well, that'd be unfair to him. He's the one who took a chance on me. And didn't let go."

Tim gazed down at her for a moment, envious. "Must be hard," he said more quietly. "Going into something like this side-by-side. Hard and yet not-hard, at the same time... Ani was trying to explain that to me." He shrugged a bit ruefully. "Wasn't really getting it."

"That's what Haroun told me, at the start - but I only understood it last night, I think, for the first time." She stopped walking, looking down. It felt as though there was too much to feel, for a moment and focusing on just breathing wasn't a bad idea at all. "He'll be there, close by. No matter what happens. We're both heading into the same thing and wanting to see the other through safe - but knowing he's close by is reassuring, too. It's just," she finally shook her head, eyes filled with tears that were neither grief of happiness, but simply the result of too much emotion at the same time, "the way it is. I'm sorry. I don't think I can explain it rightly either."

"It's all right." Tim smiled a little. "I'll understand at some point. I'm testy, not slow." They were heading back into the noise, into the hustle, and he felt his mental armor slowly reassembling itself. "I wish I'd had more time at the school," he said quietly. "In retrospect. Seems like... just a dream now, really."

"Come back and visit us, after all of this is said and done." It was simple, really. Alison smiled at him, noticing the slight shifts in his posture, not commenting on them in the least. "You'll always be welcome there."

"Maybe I'll make that one of the stops on my world tour," Tim said, something of his usual sardonic manner creeping through again, although his eyes glowed briefly with gratitude for the offer. "Istanbul, Paris, Westchester, Hong Kong... I'd make a good traveling dilettante, don't you think?"

Alison nodded wisely at that, even as they neared the first group of people busily packing crates of supplies, a touch more neatly as soon as they noticed Tim coming into view. "Yep. And everyone knows the best way to travel is always to having a place to call home to go back to every now and then."

~*~

Okay, what the hell was he doing? He didn't give speeches. He'd never given speeches. Speeches were very much not him, and the fact that Tim had insisted upon assembling all of MacInnis' ex-second-gens here so that he could "just say something encouraging, Nathan, don't make that face at me" was pushing him into something very close to an out-and-out screaming anxiety attack.

"So. Here we are." They looked a lot calmer than he felt. But as he thinned out his shields a little, scanning tentatively, he realized that looks were indeed deceiving. Most of the twelve men and women surrounding him were at the very least nervous, and a few of them were downright terrified. Controlling it well, though. Tim was a solid presence behind him, Mick only slightly less so over by the door. Ani felt a little less steady, but it was more excitement with her than anything else. Typical feral-about-to-go-into-combat.

Nathan took a deep breath, forcing his hands to unclench and spreading them out on the table as he leaned forward a little. "I won't try and blow sunshine up your ass about how this is going to going to be a walk in the park. We all know that it won't be, even if we get the best possible scenario."

Not so encouraging. Yet oddly, they seemed to relax at his bluntness, as if that was what they needed, to hear someone say it aloud. Part of Nathan understood that, all too well. They hadn't been taught optimism, at Mistra, none of them had. There was the mission, and what needed to be done to accomplish the mission. That was the only optimum.

Only that wasn't true anymore. Nathan swallowed. "I don't know that I have the right," he said a bit hoarsely, "but I'm proud as hell of all of you."

That had a more noticeable impact. And the ripple of reaction wasn't a negative thing, wasn't denial or rejection, but acceptance. Even a certain subdued pleasure at his words.

Another gift, Nathan thought, and smiled.

"Going back isn't easy for any of us," he said more strongly. "I know that. I remember how terrified I was, when I went in after Ani two years ago. It was like I was deliberately choosing to walk back into a nightmare, and it took every bit of willpower I had to make myself do it." Anika was smiling at him, from where she stood beside Mick, and he smiled back. "But it was worth it," he said, turning his attention back to the others. "And every time since has been worth it, too, because it's been one more step out from underneath. This..." He paused, then shook his head slowly. "This can be the last step. For all of us."

There was no reaction aloud, but he could sense them mulling over the idea in their heads, trying to wrap their minds around it. It wouldn't be a swift process, he knew. He was still having trouble with it himself, still fighting to conceive of tomorrow, of a world without Mistra.

But maybe it didn't need to be a swift process. Maybe they just needed to make a start.

"We're outnumbered," he said softly. "When it comes right down to us and the X-Men versus the field operatives, because we all know that's what it will be... we're badly outnumbered." The government troops would have their hands full with Mistra's own security forces, and they weren't really equipped to fight alpha-level mutant soldiers, in any case. The X-Men and MacInnis' teams would take the brunt of the powers-on-powers fighting, and that was how it should be.

"There's a story from the battle of Thermopylae, about one of the Spartans," he said slowly, knowing that everyone in this room knew it. They'd certainly all been spoon-fed the same history, the same collective mythology. "Dienekes... remember that one? When he was told that the Persian archers were so numerous that their arrows blotted out the sun, he said 'So much the better - we'll fight in the shade.'"

There was a mumur this time, of amusement, of appreciation, and Nathan's grin was sudden and fierce.

"We are Spartans," he said, reveling in the sudden sense of rightness. "Let's take what they made of us and make something remarkable out of it."

~*~

Sam paused for a moment as he sat down in the copilot's chair. He ran a hand gently over the console in front of him before starting into the preflight check, knowing that Cyclops would probably be up soon to do the same. At least when he was helping fly the 'Bird, things made sense. He tried not to think about the way Alison and Haroun had their heads together in the main compartment, probably going over last-minute strategy for X-Men Black. He shook himself out of that line of thought and continued his checks.

The sound of footsteps echoed faintly on the metallic floor, Alison leaning through the doorway to the cockpit to look within. Scott wasn't there yet is seemed - but Sam was, bent over the consoles with an intent expression as his hands skimmed over the controls in familiar gestures. "Hey there," she murmured, leaning on the side of the doorway. "How're things going?" They would be going well, of course, inasmuch as the place was concerned - of that at least she had no doubt.

Looking up from the console to see Alison, all the words in Sam's head flew out. She looked... ready. In control. Competent. And heart-breakingly beautiful. Sam kicked himself mentally as the silence stretched out for long seconds. "Just fine," he managed finally, tearing his eyes away from her and back to the console. "Everything checks out so far."

"I thought it would." Ever since she'd seen the comment he'd made in a post she no longer remembered the reason for, Alison had wondered when they would talk. Or even if they should at all. But things kept wavering, from friendly to oddly distant between them, and it wasn't hard anymore to guess why. And one could argue that now wasn't the time to do this - or that there would never be a better time at all. "Sam. Look at me," she asked, softly.

Now that she'd started, Alison found she couldn't stop. "Oh Sam. I didn't know." She would have reached out to take his hand, but she couldn't dare it, not just yet. "When we broke up, everything was so final. I never imagined it wasn't anything but over..." And she'd moved on, after mourning and slowly healing. Only to find out not so long ago that he hadn't.

He shouldn't have said so much on the journal system. That was the bottom line for Sam. There were so many things he wanted to say to Alison, especially considering the uncertainty of everyone coming back in one piece, but it all seemed to stop short of coming out. Besides, he wasn't sure what he could say to make things better between them anymore. So he simply watched her, and tried not to flinch at her abortive move to take his hand.

His reaction was noticed and Alison could not leave things as they were - not with where they were going, or what they were about to do. Reaching out, carefully and slowly, she took one of his hands in hers - blinking at the coolness of it, heating it between her own by reflex. And if there weren't any words to make things right for him, at least she could let him see what was plainly said in her eyes. Worry for him, concern and care, wishing she could make everything all right even as she knew she wasn't the one to do that anymore. Acceptance.

They stood silently like that for a few long seconds, before finally it was too much for Sam, and he jerked his hand loose and turned back to the console, hoping he had turned in time for Alison to miss seeing the few shimmering tears at the corners of his eyes. "You'd best strap in," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Cyclops'll be on soon, and we'll be liftin' off after that."

A small nod answered him, Alison rising to her feet, watching for a moment as he went over procedures that had already been done, before turning to step out of the cockpit.

It was time to go.

~*~

"They'll have gone by now. Won't they?"

Malcolm smiled a bit thinly at Carey's hushed words. Inwardly he was chafing at being left behind, at the damned twist of luck that had landed him with two broken legs after the helicopter crash in Canada. "I'm surprised Neil talked Tim into adding him to the team," Malcolm said to the woman in the bed. Carey gave him the limp half-smile that was all she'd seemingly been able to manage since she'd tangled with Jackie Valeri in Canada and wound up on the wrong end of Valeri's microwave-blasts. "That arm of his still hasn't really healed."

"Yeah," Carey murmured. "But it's not getting in the way of him throwing Darkforce around. Suppose that's all that matters." She gave him that faint, crooked smile again. She was healing from the burns, but the pain had been wearing on her badly, Malcolm knew.

He hesitated, then angled his wheelchair a little closer to the bed. The safehouse was alarmingly quiet around them, nearly deserted. "Wish we could be there, with them?" It wasn't quite a question.

"More than anything." After a moment, she reached out for his hand. "But we did our part, Mal. We have to trust them to do the rest."

Squeezing her hand back, he smiled a bit unsteadily. "You bet your ass we did. And I do. I just..."

"I know."

~*~

May gods stand between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk.
--'Shadow Dancing', Babylon 5