Log: Jubilee and Amanda

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

When Saturday 19th March 2005 Time:2:00pm

Who: Jubilation Lee, Amanda Sefton

What Happens: Jubilee is in Madelyn's office waiting for the team to return when Amanda finds her. They wait together.



Jubilee pulled the blanket up over her knees, huddled on the couch in Madelyn's office. She had the laptop open on her knees and flicked the refresh button every so often to follow the conversations on the journal.

She'd kept her promise to Madelyn not to say anything, although she had just fired off an e-mail to Amanda. But then, she was pretty damn positive that Nathan would have told her what was going down.

It was too much to wait alone though, not knowing for sure whether they'd come back safe.

She hated waiting.

For her part, Amanda wasn't checking email or the journals that much, being busy helping Moira set up medlab and making sure the older woman was distracted. But finally everything had been done, and there was nothing to do but wait. Moira was finally napping on the couch in her office, and to make sure
she wasn't disturbed, Amanda had closed theh blinds and her door and was wandering down the hall to see if the new doctor needed anything. Movement caught her eye as she passed by Bartlet's office, where no
movement should be, and she paused, recognising the back of the dark head visible. Jubilee.

"Hey," she said, standing in the doorway. "What're you up to down here? Thought you hated medlab?" There was no malice, only curiosity.

"Waitin'" Jubilee replied, looking up. "Didn't get my e-mail?"

Amanda shook her head, coming in to perch on the arm of the couch. She very rarely came in here, Bartlet being far from her favourite person. "Been busy keeping Moira from worryin'," she said. "With Nate gone, an' who they're up against..." She bit her lip at the slip. "Not that it's any different from any other job," she covered lamely.

Jubilee smiled. "Thought he might have told ya. Mads told me too. After she went off last time an I blew up at her, guess she thought it better ta tell me then have me go all screamy on her again. Not that I would have, but it's nice to not have that to worry about as well as just worryin' cause they're out doin' somethin' that's not exactly safe." Jubilee paused for a second, pushing the laptop down onto the couch. "Did he ever talk about them? Mistra, I mean."

Amanda raised her eyebrows at Jubilee's use of the name. "It was them that came after him at Columbia," she said, curious to now how Jubilee knew. "He'd sort of mentioned 'em before that, but after that... He told me most of it. Couldn't not, considerin' I saw 'em in action. Felt it, too." Of course, thinking about that day was not helping with the worry.

Jubilee nodded, plucking at the blanket uncomfortably. The dream had been close in her mind since the night Madelyn had told her they were going after them. She couldn't get the White room out of her
head, or their voices. She knew they were just phantoms, echoes of the telepaths that had done such horrible things to Nate.

They scared the crap out of her though, even still. The thought that Madelyn and Hank were heading toward others like them...it was all she could do to stem the shivers that were wanting to break out.

"I saw the white room once. When she said they were going to stop it, I couldn't give her crap about
going. Not if it meant no one else would ever have to go through that. I just...I'm so fucking scared
they're all going to die."Jubilee replied, drawing her knees closer to her chest. "An I couldn't even ask ta go. I know I would've been a liability."

"The conditionin' room? You _saw_ it?" Amanda didn't mention Nate hadn't shared that part with her, that she'd pieced the process together from overheard medlab conversations and the nightmare ramblings of Foley and Morgan. "Nate told me where they were goin' this mornin'," she continued, before Jubilee could answer. Maybe she didn't want to know how Jubilee knew when Nate hadn't said. "An' I had exactly the same feelin' - worse, really. We had an argument 'bout me speakin' at the memorial, an' I said they'd beaten him. So when he said he was goin', I was scared that maybe he was doin' it t' prove somethin'."

Jubilee nodded, sighing softly. "Came down here cause it just feels closer to Mads, somehow. Like maybe I'll know if things go okay if I'm here. Sounds stupid, hey?"

Amanda shook her head, face sympathetic. "Not so stupid. Moira don't really need me down here, but this is where I'm stayin'. First place they'll come to when they get back, an' at least 's better than just waitin' around."

Jubilee nodded, gesturing toward the couch. "Mind keepin' me company? S'easier waiting when I'm not alone, an well, least you understand what's goin' on. Couldn't say anythin' to the others."

"Secrets're bastards," Amanda agreed vehemently, sliding off the arm onto the couch beside Jubilee, tucking one foot up unerneath her, heedless of the boot on the fabric. It was a crappy old couch. She thought of Pete, and Alphonso, and sighed. "You get used to it, workin' down here. Patient confidentiality, they call it. Makes sense, with all the panickin' an' fightin' that goes on up there."

"I used to think I liked secrets. Somethin' you knew that others didn't. It was a game, ya know? It was all about usin' things to your advantage. Since I came here, it's not been about the game in a long time. An I couldn't even go with 'em. An I'm not sure if that's a selfish thought or not. Don't even know my own head anymore, what's good or what's not. Only know that people I love are out there dealin' with enemies that'd kill 'em dead soon as look at them an I'm here, an I can't do a damn thing but wait and see."

It was like Jubilee was verbalising the thoughts she was having, and Amanda found herself wanting to reassure the other girl, only she didn't know how. "'S funny," she said at last. "Nate's gone out an' come back hurt so many time, you'd think I'd be used t' it. Only it's always hard, sittin' here an' waitin'. Wantin' t' do somethin'. I think maybe that's why I stayed on with medlab, even when they cut back the healin' - gives me somethin' else t' do but wait." She thought back to Columbia. "Bein' there with 'em doesn't help. Seein' 'em hurt, seein' them fightin'... makes it worse. Never felt so helpless as at Columbia."

Jubilee leaned back, pushing back a wave of hair that seemed to feel the need to fall in front of her face at the oddest of times. Before, she might have felt inclined to leave it there, hiding behind a curtain of hair like armor against the world. But now wasn't one of those times, she was done with hiding. "Scott came and saw me once, after the big fight I had with Mads. I was gonna leave. It was always my M.O, you know? Leave when things got too hard, never stick around to get close. Easier that way. He got me thinkin' about things again, rather then just reactin'. Made me realise maybe I didn't have ta run anymore. You'd never think people could make you stronger. But they do, even when you're scared like crap they're all gonna die. It's the ties that bind, ain't it? Make you care, make you want more then just a place to sleep and a good meal. " Jubilee replied, then laughed as she realised she'd completely gone left field. "Sorry, thoughts are all over the place right now. I'm babbling."

"'S all right," Amanda began with a slight grin - Jubilee hadn't changed so much, really. Still said everything in her head and didn't always pay attention to what the other person said. And that didn't matter, since Amanda didn't really want to go into the Columbia stuff. And what she'd said about ties that bound had struck a chord in her, reminded her of something. "People get attached all right," she began, but then there was Charles' voice in her head, telling her to go to Moira in the exam room, and she bounced up. "Gotta go," she told Jubilee shortly, already at the door. "Moira needs me." And then she was gone in a flurry of movement, sprinting for the exam room.