xp_logs | Dec. 16th, 2018

Dec. 16th, 2018

Garrison, Everett the the Science!Bros get down to upgrading the Danger Room with new tech on a quiet Sunday afternoon. It doesn't go as expected.

( Well. Nothing seems to have exploded. )

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Having worked out the extent of the disaster, plans are made to fix things.

( Put 'quantum' in front of anything and you can logic magic into reality. )

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A group of newly de-aged mansionites - Angelo, Alex, Hope, Marie-Ange, Jean-Phillipe and Stephen - find themselves a little… wrapped up.

( ”So...yeah...I )

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Laurie, Xavin, and Felicia have been dropped into an unknown location in what appears to be the middle of winter and will have to determine what's going on and who else is there. In another spot nearby, Jean, Rahne, and Natasha are going through the same thing.

( Do you think this is Limbo? )

( What the hell is going on this time? )

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Welcome to Night Vale. It’s…. Not that welcoming.

( Breaking News )

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Kyle and Terry arrive in a strange place that appears to be made of the color orange and cubes.

Incidentally they are also made of cubes.

( Um... shite. What've you been turned into? )

Darcy and Bobby are also in a world of cubes, although theirs is more floral and forested. Bobby identifies the world as Minecraft.

( BOBBY?! WHY ARE WE LEGO PEOPLE??? )

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A long time ago in a galaxy far away… Kevin, Bobbi, Wanda, Sooraya, Maya and Amanda are a group of Rebels infiltrating an Empire prison planet, with no idea of their true identities or that this is all a fiction.

( They've got no reason to think a team of rebels, much less a dusty old Jedi librarian is after decades old information. )

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Meggan, Sharon, Ty, Kurt, Clea, and Logan have been dropped into the middle of the Greek camp and have to quickly take stock of the situation without being discovered.

( Ancient Greece was a pretty long time ago and pretty big. If that is where we are, what the hell we’ve gotten ourselves into! )

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No matter where you go, there’s always a troll.

( Oh jeez, did I kill it? Wait, does it matter? Are trolls even real? )

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The group now seeks shelter, clues to what has happened to the world, and where exactly they are. Another question that looms large is why Natasha has a note indicating they need to go to Baltimore.

( It was like trying to read the mind of an animal. )

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The local library serves as a good place to hide. Minus the librarians.

( A Word From Our Sponsors )

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Terry and Kyle explore, offer commentary on the weirdness of their environment, and accidentally discover they can make things.

( Our intrepid adventurers wander through the <s>desert</s>biomes… )

Our group discovers that they can not only talk to people nearby, but to each other - which is a surprise since they're scattered all over what seems to be an infinity large world.

( TESTING, TESTING… is this thing on?? )

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After their ‘crash landing’, the group follows former-slave-convict-now-thief Aola’Toor into the prison.

( This place is making me itch. )

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After questioning a hapless soldier who stumbled out of his tent, the group now knows they've somehow ended up on the beaches below the city of Troy during the Trojan War. The question now becomes how do they get back to their own reality?

( Or dark and shadowy, as the case may be )

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Say hello to the a-maze-ing flying Angelo!

( We get to try to find the secret places to press so Angelo does not fall to his death )

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Food must be found, no matter how unpleasant the job is.

( Next door had dead people. Not zombies. )

After narrowly escaping the zombie ambush, the group established camp in an abandoned house and have split up to find transportation and supplies.

( She couldn't believe she was actually using that word for what was obviously diseased individuals. )

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The group’s various issues, along with an Angel tagalong, help them get through town and find Cecil’s boyfriend.

( Traffic )

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Bobby has set the others to making things, and nobody but him likes it. Clarice is especially displeased.

( Clarice is not Washington, and that’s not a cherry tree. )

Darcy discovers that when you die, you lose your stuff - but not your life - and that she might be able to hack Minecraft with her powers. Maybe. If Bobby could just remember any of the in game cheat commands. Video games are weird.

( How do you escape from a zom-bomb skeleton archer? Don’t ask Darcy. )

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So far, so good - the group manage to get to the strong room and retrieve their prize, before things go horribly wrong.

( Give me a reason I shouldn't just shoot you in the head, Griggs. )

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After coming up with their plan of action, the group splits into two smaller groups with Sharon and Logan off to cause the biggest distraction they can while the others work on getting to the walls of Troy.

( While it was strangely tempting to stick around and watch the legendary Trojan Horse being built, Meggan knew it was out of the question. )

( The guard turned around sharply at the sound, moving among the racks of swords )

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Death is only temporary. Uuuuuuuuuuuh right?

( Is this why they had to kill me? )

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After a restless night in the abandoned house, the group leaves in the large SUV they've managed to start up and provision. The faster the progress they make to Baltimore the better.

( Rahne’s internal Kyle immediately said ‘oh HELL NO’ but then again, Kyle had never been bitten by a zombie )

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Cecil has been taken by a Librarian! Our heroes go in to save him.

( Hey there, Cecil! )

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Bobby is the only one who knows anything about this game, but he has a theory about how they might get to go home.

( It's the ENDER DRAGON! ba da DAH duh, ba da da da duh )

It turns out Bobby's plan involves more of the same - digging, farming, building.

( Why is so much of a video game where we fight a dragon more like a video game where we're farmers? )

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The traitor is double-crossed, the former Sith is dead and the rest of the group are in a cell - has the mission completely failed?

( Why throw away a useful weapon when you can hide it away and use it in secret. )

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Meggan and Clea have split off from Kurt and Ty to face off against Aetenor and Dolon, respectively.

( With the way he gave chase, the situation could have been humorous if it weren’t so dire )

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As it gets toward sundown, the group decides to seek shelter again for the night. They don't know the hunting patterns of the zombies and they need to look for more supplies for Rahne and for themselves.

( It would appear that there are no zombies within hearing distance. )

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Seriously, for a game that has so many monsters, you spend a lot more time doing everything except fighting them. Kyle and Terry and Darcy make food - and Darcy reports that she can't cheat them home by command-killing the dragon.

( Po-tay-toes. But all you can do is bake ‘em. )

Poor Clarice - she's gotten all the teleporting of a Minecraft Enderman and all the downsides too, like not wanting to be looked at. Terry and Clarice make armor and conversation.

( Who’s getting the diamond armor? )

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Meanwhile, Tara’s body is hauled away to be transported back to her Inquisitor father.

( You really want to ask a lot of questions about a dead rebel Force user killed during a break-in )

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In the open plains below the city of Troy, Sharon and Logan dressed in the battle gear they had stumbled upon earlier cause a ruckus and face off against Hector and Aeneas, heroes of legend.

( A high undulating sound filled the air, soon joined by the clopping of hooves over the plain as Sharon galloped forward. )

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They've been on the road for several days now since hightailing it out of the warehouse where they'd encountered some human survivors. Rachel had joined their group amidst their escape. They've been taking shifts driving and sleeping and scavenging for gas. The consensus had been to get this place in Baltimore as fast as possible to save Rahne, who's stuck in an between state of werewolf and not, and avoid any more close calls.

( You would kill her )

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Bobby explains enchanting weapons to Kyle, and Kyle does not turn himself into a parrot.

( Freaking seriously? Video games are dumb. )

It turns out some of their powers do work in this weird Minecraft world, they just have to be clever about it.

( Alright, here we go. )

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The great escape! Meeting up near the hangers, the Rebels fight their way out to a shuttle, and off the planet.
( Guess so. You still got the holocron? )

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Kurt and Ty breach the walls of Troy in whatever shape or form they can then go back for the others.

( There's enough to keep us from becoming the next big thing in pin cushions. )

The walls of Troy have been breached and in the ensuing chaos everyone has to find each other again because their chance of survival is better in larger numbers. And in the off chance this is a Danger Room scenario gone wrong like they hope, no one wants to get accidentally left behind.

( Meggan successfully dodged a few people that were running blindly in their terror )

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The final showdown. Spoiler alert: Marie-Ange gets to stab someone.

( But yes, I would like to not be here anymore. )

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The Science!Bros managed to haul back the group from the Illiad, but it's not the gentlest ride. Harrison and Ev come up with a solution.

( OK, plan B. Remote activated transition is way too violent. )

Mission accomplished, the Rebels are on their way back to base… and two strangers turn up in the shuttle while they’re in hyperspace.

( Man, we could have had lightsabers. )

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Having found what they need, the group is sent down to dig obsidian and build a portal.

( Then we can build us a portal and get down to business. )

The team goes through their portal - and finds the way home.

( I literally have no idea what the hell is going on, but I'm already irrationally angry about everything here. )

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While the group debates what to do for Rahne, a solution arrives from an unexpected place.

( How'd you get past the survivors staged all over this place? Or the zombies? )

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Everyone retrieved, Team!Science gets down to shutting things down for good.

( I mean, you hear quantum and you're thinking an explosion of blue energy or something. )